Cal couldn't sleep. He usually slept like a log after scotch. But tonight he couldn't. He supposed it was only natural after the few days he'd had. He couldn't imagine it getting easier though. He tossed and turned in the bed in the spare room for a while before sitting up and shaking his head. It was no good. He stepped out of the bed and made his way to the door, grabbing his t-shirt as he passed the chair and pulling it on.

He padded down the stairs in his bar feet as quietly as possible and made his way to the kitchen. He flicked the switch on the kettle and proceeded to take a mug and a tea bag from where he knew they were kept. He sat down, his head in his hands, and yawned. It was just after three o'clock in the morning. He should definitely be asleep right now. He wondered if Gillian had any sleeping pills. He stood up as the kettle boiled and poured the water into his cup. Then he moved to the cupboard that he knew Gillian kept her first aid kit in. Maybe she kept pills and stuff in it as well. He was sifting through the contents when he heard her voice behind him.

"Cal? What are you looking for?" He grimaced and closed the door over, turning to face her.

"I can't sleep," he said simply. She nodded.

"I don't have any sleeping pills. I don't use them. Sorry." He nodded his head.

"It's alright love. Probably wouldn't have helped anyway." He turned and picked up his cup, signalling to her to ask if she wanted one but she shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. She'd come down just in her pyjamas but the evenings had gotten chilly now so she was feeling the cold without her dressing gown. He noticed.

"You should go back to bed love. I'm fine." She stepped into the kitchen and sat down next to him, shaking her head.

"I can't really sleep either,," she said quickly. He chuckled.

"We're a pair, aren't we?" He sipped his tea, savouring the warmth of it, coursing through him. The heat was nice. The pair sat in silence for a long time but it wasn't uncomfortable. Eventually Gillian spoke as she stood up, reaching her hand down to him.

"Come to bed." Cal looked at her hand, then at her, then back to the hand again. He looked at her again.

"Eh?" She smirked and grabbed his arm, pulling him from the chair.

"Come on."

OXOXOXO

Cal knew he'd flited earlier on. He knew they both had teased a bit but now that he was being lead to Gillian Foster's bedroom, he really didn't know what to think anymore. He soon relaxed though when Gillian walked across and climbed into the bed, pulling the covers over her, clearly freezing. He swallowed hard before walking to the other side and climbing under the covers. She turned to face him.

"Do you want to know something crazy?" she asked softly, crunching her toes up into the balls of her feet. They were cold and she hated having cold feet. Cal simply looked at her, encouraging her to continue through the smirk that ghosted across his face and the crinkle in his eyes. Gillian understood him.

"You're worried about how Emily will recover from this. I'm more worried about how you will. Or if you will," she added softly, not wanting him to think she was ganging up on him or suggesting he was weak. He swallowed hard.

"What do I have to recover from?" He grimaced the minute he said it. It sounded so stupid. And cold. He closed his eyes. Gillian continued.

"She's your baby girl Cal. You, for want of a better phrase, have attachment issues. You've always had trouble letting her go. Now I'm worried that you'll never be able to. That you'll always blame yourself for this and that, in time, will drive a wedge between the two of you." Cal's eyes shot open. He looked at her for a moment before sitting up and rubbing his face.

"Jesus Christ Gill, that's a bit much at this hour isn't it? Couldn't you have saved attacking me until the morning?" She could hear the annoyance in his voice. Her truth had hit him where it hurt.

"I'm not attacking you Cal, I'm just being honest. I'm worried about you…"

"My daughter was raped Gill. Yesterday. What do you think, that I should be singing happy songs and have forgotten all about it by now?" His tone had risen substantially. Gillian sat up next to him.

"No Cal, I'm not saying that…"

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I know you Cal. I know the way your mind works. I know that this is going to eat away at you for as long as you let it. And I know that while it does, you can't function. That's why I'm worried. As dramatic as this may sound, I'm worried that this is going to kill you, Cal. I've never seen you like this. I've never seen you so broken. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be. It just scares me, that's all." Cal sighed deeply and pushed himself back so that he was leaning against the headboard of her bed. She turned to look at him. His face was a picture of discomfort, fear and sadness. He looked at her, opening his mouth to speak then shutting it again. Finally he spoke.

"You don't know me as well as you think you do Gill. I've gotten over some pretty fucked up stuff in my time. Granted this may just about top them all. But I've still been here before. And got through it…" Gillian winced and moved to speak.

"Cal…"

"No Gill. I know what you're saying. I know you're worried. I know you think the time's right for me to crack. Maybe it is and maybe I will, who knows? But I've always got through these things before. I don't see any reason why I won't now. If she can do it I can do it. We can be each other's crutch." He smiled sadly and shrugged. Gillian nodded her head slowly before looking up at him again.

"You know you've always got a spare crutch right?" She caught his eye as he looked up and he smiled at her.

"Yeah love, I know that. But sometimes I can't bear the weight I put on it…" She heard the remorse in her voice and moved her hand to rest on his knee where his arms were draped. He looked at her and saw the support in hre face. She smiled briefly and he nodded before she slid back down under the covers. Sighing lightly, Cal followed suit.

He lay awake for a long while, until he heard her breathing even out. Then, without hesitation, he turned and draped a long protective arm across her, nestling his face into the back of her hair. The smell of her shampoo sent him to sleep.

OXOXOXO

Ok so this chapter took a while to come about. Dr Callian, I'm sorry you're finding this such tough reading! Thanks to all who are reviewing, they make me happy. Mostly.