Penname: Rochelle Allison
Derivative Fiction
Rating/Warning(s): M

Notes: Part of the "Alabaster" series (or, as one reader so sweetly put it, "Cheatward". ha!)

Disclaimer: All copyrighted, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without their express written authorization.

Edward walked slowly to the window, gazing out at the falling snow. The glass was smooth and cold on his fingertips, and he stayed close to it for a while, watching his breath fog it up in patches.

It had been six months since Bella had left him, and while Emmett had reassured him it would get easier, that didn't seem to be the case. Every day felt like the first day; the same sense of hopelessness…of a broken heart. He was even worse off than she was, because while she'd been wronged, he been the one to do the wronging. He had guilt and loss going for him.

Their friends and family had all ripped him a new one when news of his infidelity leaked out that first week. Lately though, Edward was no longer so much of a social pariah. He went to dinner at Em and Rose's place several times a week, and Jasper and Alice usually included him in their never ending barrage of outside activities: hiking, camping, ski trips further north.

Em and Jasper were his brothers; they didn't understand what had possessed him to cheat on the love of his life – and that's how they referred to her still – but they loved him. It had taken Rose much, much longer to forgive him, and even then she did so begrudgingly. The fact that Edward was miserable and lonely seemed to assuage her rancor toward him.

Then there was Alice, the eternal optimist. She'd spent the most time with Bella after the break up, and had even encouraged her to leave at the end of the summer, to go somewhere fresh and new so she could clear her mind. She was the most confident that Bella would return, not just to Forks, but to Edward. She'd never been angry with him, really, just deeply disappointed… and because of that it was her reaction had affected Edward the most.

There had been plenty of discussions after the night Bella left to spend the night with Rose and Emmett. Nothing Edward said seemed to make a difference, though. Even when the initial pain and anger had faded, there was still so much hurt and mistrust. Their conversations went in circles, leaving them both frustrated. Days turned into weeks, and Bella found an apartment on the other side of town. Because they'd been together for so long, all of their possessions were shared – and that included friends and hang out spots. They ran into each other often enough, even though neither of them went out alone as much as they had together.

Weeks turned to months, and Bella told Emmett (who immediately told Edward) that she'd begun to consider a life outside of Forks. Everywhere she looked, she saw evidence of Edward, of their lives, their memories, and it instead of helping her heal, it was breaking her down.

Edward could understand that, because he felt the same way. He saw and felt Bella everywhere.

Everywhere except his office.

He no longer enjoyed the huge windows overlooking the bright and vivid greens of the forest just beyond building. The neutral earth tones of the walls and carpet, and feng-shui that Alice had so thoughtfully used to decorate the furniture when he'd first settled in now mocked him. There was nothing neutral about his life, nothing soothing, and nothing orderly.

He felt out of sync and misplaced, a boat without a rudder.

More often than not Carlisle found him sitting at his desk, staring blankly out the window, and he knew.

Edward had made one of the biggest mistakes of his young life.

He'd asked his son once, why? What had he been thinking?

And Edward didn't have a good enough reason. Not that there was ever a good reason to be unfaithful, but in his case it was really nebulous. He'd had never been so naïve as to think that just because he was in love with one person, he couldn't be attracted to another. But other women, no matter how sexy or beautiful, had always been passing fancies. None held a candle to the girl he was going to marry.

Tanya Denali was one of the most attractive females he'd ever seen, and she seemed to sense he saw her as such. Once she sets her sights on Edward, the game was on. She was dogged in her attempts to capture his attention, and twice he'd politely turned down her advances.

Until that day…

She'd marched right into his office, under the pretense of delivering paperwork from her husband. As soon as the door was closed, she marched over to Edward, perching her perfect little ass on his desk, her skirt riding up, her knees just inches away from his chest. He'd never been so tempted in all of his life. One voice was screaming at him to just go for it, when would anyone ever know? The other voice was quieter, more serious, asking him how he could even consider doing such a thing? Not just to Bella, but to his own sense of integrity?

A strong wind rattled the shutters, bringing Edward back to the present. Thinking about how close he'd come to screwing that women made him sick. It had cost him almost everything he cared about.

He licked his lips, wincing. Like every winter, they were dry and chapped, red and sore. Bella had always kept little tubes and pots of lip balm all over the house, knowing this about him. He looked around the room, knowing there wasn't any around. He'd have to go to the store and pick some up soon, or his lips would actually start cracking.

Two cups of coffee later, Edward bundled up and got in to his car. He let the engine warm up for a few seconds before shifting into first and carefully navigating out to the main road. It wasn't icy yet, but he knew it would be soon. This was the first major snowfall of winter, and he didn't have any salt for the driveway yet.

On route to the supermarket, he passed by the construction site of the beautiful three story home Cullen & Associates had created blue prints for a few months before. Things had been coming along accordingly and by the looks of things, they were ahead of schedule. Edward smiled a little – and then stopped because it his lips were too chapped – because t was just the sort of house Bella would have liked.

He wondered where she was now, and if she was happy. He wondered if she was dating again; any attempts he made to pump Alice for information were unfruitful, and Rose sure as hell wasn't offering anything.

He pulled into the parking lot and jumped out, bracing himself against the snow and wind. As he hurried pass the cash registers in the front of the store, a magazine caught his eye.

He froze, noticing that his fingers were actually trembling a little as he reached for it.

If Edward had any hope, even the slimmest, of getting Bella back, it might be right here.