I forgot to celebrate the fact that I hit double digits in chapters! Yay! Thanks for reading- K.F

Beth's POV;

I watch Evie and Ryan fight. Ryan punches out, again and again. Evie falls hard, I wince, she's out cold. I try to not blame Ryan, this is Dauntless, this is normal. Only it doesn't feel it, beating people up doesn't feel normal, it feels wrong. So I try not to blame Ryan but I end up doing it anyway. I wish Evie would have fought more, or had more of a chance to fight. I know I'm up next and I will not go down like that. For the first time since I've been at Dauntless I really want to win, to prove myself. Evie gets up with some help from Tris, behind me Zara laughs audibly. I turn around and glare at her, Jenson is laughing along with her. Oh you are going down, Jenson, just you wait. I think I'm getting Dauntless more now, I think about the rush of exhilaration when I jumped first and the pride when I heard those words "Beth, first jumper." I will feel that pride again when I beat Jenson.

"Next up, Jenson and Beth" Eric announces. I walk up to the ring, remembering what we learnt yesterday, what Tris said. Keep your centre of balance low, it's just like climbing. I look at Jenson, I can already see by the way he's holding himself that his left side is stronger than his right, I look at his face, he's just as focused as I am only less calm. I can use that, he's going to attack first, I know it.

"Begin" Tris says and just as I suspected, Jenson lunges first. His immediacy surprises me; I've never had someone want to hurt me like this. He rushes at me aiming to punch me in my jaw, I dodge to the left and hit out with my elbow at his ribs. I remember to go back to my original stance and keep strong. Jenson swivels round and almost loses his balance, I can see he's mad he's lost his focus. He runs at me again, this time I wait longer before I move out the way. When he's about a half a metre away from me, I dodge to the right this time and kick him in the back. There's something I don't like about attacking someone from behind, it's the reason I didn't hit him when he was off balance before and I don't want to do it again. He falls down and lands on his nose before he is able to stop the blow with his hands. He turns over on to his back, there is blood spewing from his face. I flinch back; my natural instinct is to help him. His hands fly up to his face, the blow knocked all the breath out of him, his chest is rising and falling at an irregular pace. I drop my fists, Jenson isn't going to get up. I look around at Tris, Tobias and Eric. Tris steps forward to go and help Jenson, I feel a pang of guilt, but Eric blocks her with his arm.

"It's not done yet"

"What?" I say frustrated "He's out, down, I mean look" I gesture with my hand. I don't like Jenson but the blood is still pouring, staining the floor red. I really wish someone would help him

"He's not out cold" Eric says shrugging

"So?" I say. Eric's faces contorts, anger filling it

"So, knock him out!" he orders.

"Why?" I say before I can stop myself. I fold my arms, defiant "You said the fight can end when one of us can't fight. Well, he's not going to get up and fight, he's certainly not going to win. What's the point?" Tobias is shaking his head at me, he told me to keep my head down, but I'm right, Eric's going back on his own word, his own rules. Eric glares at Tobias and then back at me

"The point? The point is that you will knock him out, unless you're a coward" I look back at him, is he serious? This is not a fight you're going to win Beth. Pick your battles, I feel some of the defiance drain out of me. I walk over to Jenson and lean in close and talk so only he can hear.

"Play dead." I say, I hope he catches on quick. I swing my leg round but slow down before I hit his face. He pretends as if I did hit him and slumps to the ground, eyes closed. I place my foot back down, Jenson's quite a good actor. I walk out the ring, I shrug at Eric and stop myself from saying... "Happy now" well I almost stop myself from saying that but it just kind of flowed out of me. I regret it as soon as I do say it. Tobias hangs his head, saying that was a bad idea. I look down at my feet and not at Eric, why did you say that Beth, stupid! Eric walks past me to Jenson and I let out a sigh of relief unaware that I was even holding my breath. I look at Tobias and mouth "sorry" at him but he just shakes his head like I'm a small child that just knocked something of value over. Tobias walks over to Jenson and picks him up

"I'm taking him to the infirmary" he says to Eric, Jenson is still pretending to be out cold. I know I couldn't have really knocked him out, could I? Surely at some point I'll have to knock someone out or hurt them. But you have already. I have already hurt someone; even if I didn't knock out Jenson I still could of broken his nose. I'm not sure how to feel about that, the Dauntless in me feels pride that I won, that I picked up how to fight so quickly however the Amity in me feels ashamed. I imagine what my Amity parents would say if they saw me doing that, nothing good. Then again what would my real parents say? Would Evlyn scold me or praise me? Would I care if she did either? Marcus, I wonder what he would feel about me and Tobias doing this sort of thing. Then I think, is Tobias proud of me for beating Jenson, surely he would have had to done the same, I don't know whether I want him to be proud of me or not. I walk back to where Ava is standing and say nothing, I feel guilty for hurting Jenson and for not keeping my head down for Tobias. I sneak a look at Ava

"Well done" she whispers

"Really?" I ask still unsure

"Yeah you were like, amazing. So badass, the way you where like 'Happy now?' and how you knocked him out like that" Ava animatedly describe, she seems more excited then me but she stops at the look on my face, "Your Amity is showing" she tells me. I raise my eyebrows "You're going to have to hurt people in Dauntless, you know that, Jenson's going to be fine, though I don't understand why you care" I can see the Candor showing through Ava, but I think I need the frankness.

"Ava and Zara, you're up" Tris announces

"Good luck" I say to Ava as she walks to the ring. Ryan stands next to me

"You just can't help it, can you?" he smiles at me "You just can't follow orders" I know he's joking but it feels like he's laughing at me. His smile falters "I'm joking Beth, you did great"

"No I didn't" I whisper. Ava and Zara are ready to fight, they look evenly matched. "I didn't do great, I broke someone's nose most likely, Jenson could be really hurt" And Tobias is probably mad with me though I don't tell Ryan that part.

"Beth, it's fine, don't worry about it" Ryan doesn't seem to realise that I don't like hurting people. Now that some of the pride and determination has diminished all that's left is guilt. Ryan doesn't say anything else and moves back to talk with Zac. I wish he would have tried harder to understand but I suppose it's hard to do that in front of the rest of the initiates and trainers but that doesn't stop me from feeling resentment towards him. I watch Zara and Ava fight, kicking and punching at each other, eventually Ava looses but not by much. Zara stands up triumphant and smug. I glare at her, Ava should of won. I hated seeing her get hurt. Ava is clutching her chest from where Zara kicked her. Tris goes over to see whether she's alright but eventually she stands up and returns back to me looking bitter. Zara walks past her smiling

"I really wanted to beat her" Ava says through gritted teeth

"I'll beat her for you" I say, and I will beat Zara. I'll feel conflicted about it but I will beat her. I need to learn that this is just another part of Dauntless, I know myself well enough to do what's necessary to win but not become cruel, at least I hope I know myself well enough for that. Ava laughs and thanks me and together we watch Finn fight Zac. Zac is a good fighter; he's strong so when he punches Finn almost falls out the ring. Finn is beaten badly; I can see bruises on his face already starting to form. Zac swaggers back to Ryan, Ryan claps him on the back and they rave together about the fight and how well Zac did. Zac points out the bruises on Finn's face

"Look, you can see where I elbowed him there" Zac laughs and so does Ryan. I look at him, why is he laughing? Am I just being over sensitive, but I don't feel like laughing at pain being inflicted is a good thing. All Finn has ever done is keep his head down. Is this a part of Dauntless I don't like or a part of Ryan? I was so preoccupied with the fights I didn't notice Tobias had returned and Eric is glaring at him. Once again I've disobeyed Eric and embarrassed him, Ryan was right, it's becoming a habit.

"That's it for today, tomorrow you will face a new opponent" Tris says dismissing us. We all file out the room. For some reason I keep going over these set of words in my head 'necessary to win but not cruel' 'necessary to prove yourself but not cruel' over and over. 'necessary but not cruel' maybe I'm too Amity for Dauntless.

Thanks for reading, please do tell me what you think and any suggestions you might have, I would be really grateful. Review, favourite and follow- K.F