Author's Note:
Boo! Hello there! Fanfiction is being weird with the viewing of reviews, so even though I really want to thank you all personally, I don't want to accidently leave anybody out. So, in general THANK YOU! And all of those followers, favouriters (Is that a word?) and Readers, thank you! :D
Natasha looked through her clothes and frowned; not only did she have to work out what gift to buy a seven-year-old, but she had to work out what to wear to a birthday party. Sure, she had dressed casually when she'd met the kids before, but that was supposed to be casual. Apart from casual and tactical, she didn't really have much clothing.
She refused to ask for Clint's help, especially after throwing the fact that they could do solo missions and all of the independent crap she keeps throwing back at him. She'd look weak. However, Clint wasn't the only person she could go to for advice.
It didn't take her long to find the scientist in one of the labs with his best friend. "Fitz, do you have a moment?" She asked when the whole lab looked up when she entered.
"Me? Sure!" He quickly spluttered, clearly taken by surprise, but that didn't stop him from exiting the room in a hurried and flustered fashion. "Welcome back! What do you need? I mean, can I help you? I have some new toys I've been working on; there's a smaller taser which you can throw at people and electrocute somebody instead of-"
Natasha interrupted him, although she would come back to the small portable tasers in a moment. "We're friends, right?"
Now he looked even more shocked and flustered before nodding rapidly and leaning against the wall. "Yeah! Definitely! We're friends." He confirmed, standing up straight when he somehow almost slid off the wall at a weird angle.
"I have to go to a seven-year-old's birthday party. Two things: what am I expected to wear, and what do I buy the kid?"
"Oh… Uh…" Fitz stumbled over his words for a second. "A children's party? Nothing too nice; kids are messy and you'll ruin your outfit." He paused. "And what does the kid like?"
Natasha stared at him for a long moment, not expecting there to be more than one answer for both questions- she just presumed she didn't know them. "What does he like?" She repeated before answering, "Birds and video games."
Fitz nodded thoughtfully for a moment before making a sound of excitement. "There's a new interactive science game where you can do experiments on the screen to see the possible outcomes before you accidentally melt… anything."
"A science game? Seven-year-olds are interested in science?" Natasha questioned.
Fitz nodded quickly. "Yes, I loved science at that age! All of the didn't aspects of it…"
Natasha nodded, ignoring his ramblings. "Thank you." She said, interrupting him mid-word as she walked off. She had some shopping to do.
Clint pulled into the driveway and put the car in park before circling around to the trunk and grabbing the large present from inside. Natasha had, true to her word, helped him find the perfect present only an hour earlier, and while it wasn't wrapped- he hadn't the time, skill or patience to do so- it was in a large gift bag. Hefting the monstrous bag over his shoulder, he shut the trunk and hiked to the front door, which was yanked open the minute he neared.
"Daddy! Is that for me?" Cooper asked in awe as both he and Lila walked circles around their father, trying to better see what the present could be.
"Sure is! Happy birthday, Coop." Clint said fondly, ruffling the boy's hair and placing the present on the dinner table. He'd already gotten the balloons the day before, and had tasked Cooper, Lila, and Patty to inflate them, meaning that a rainbow of balloons was now decorating almost every room. "Great job on the decorating." He commented.
After almost an hour of setting up, Clint was pleased with the progress and the way it looked- not even close to Laura's elegant decorations and cakes, but it was pretty impressive, if he was being honest. The first kid to arrive, Jeffery, was a newer friend of Cooper's, and almost twice as hyper- almost immediately after he got there, the two were off to play in the backyard while Lila continued to 'help' set up. Clint hung up streamers and smiled as he taped the 'Happe berthday Coper' sign Lila had made (with a little help from Patty, of course). As Clint was setting the cake on the table- lumpy and misshapen, sure, but made lovingly- he noticed that suddenly there was someone else in the room. "When'd you get here, Nat?" He asked curiously, noting the gift she held.
"Just now." Natasha answered, placing her gift on the table.
Clint nodded. "Well, you're right on time, as usual." He said. Lila, just having come down the stairs, gasped and sprinted to Natasha, latching onto her legs.
"Natatha! You'we here!" She cried ecstatically.
"Hello, Lila." Natasha replied, bending down and hugging the young girl. "Have you been good?"
Lila nodded and gave a huge smile. "Uh-huh! You wewe gone for a long time!" She giggled and clung tighter. Clint held back a chuckle at the sight.
Natasha nodded. "I was gone for a long time." She confirmed. "But I'm here now. Want to run and tell the birthday boy?"
"Uh-huh!" Lila cried, racing out to the backyard.
Clint went over to Natasha, wiping his hands on his apron and smudging flour on it. "Thanks for coming, Nat. It'll mean a lot to him." He said genuinely, excited to see his son's reaction.
She rolled her eyes. "You don't even know if he'll be excited." She replied simply, looking around the house. "It's very… colourful."
"Well yeah, it's a kid's birthday party." Clint replied with a chuckle. "And I do know that he'll be excited." He added matter-of-factly. Cooper loved Natasha, and seeing her for the first time in months was bound to be a joyful occasion.
"Hey, Clint." Bobbi greeted, placing her gift beside Natasha's on the table before nodding her head to Natasha. "Agent Romanoff."
Natasha's eyes flickered over the other woman. "Agent Morse."
Clint felt like there was something odd going on there, but didn't give it much thought. "Stop being so formal! It's a birthday party!" At that moment, Cooper, wide-eyed, came barreling inside, skidding to a stop in front of Natasha.
"You are back!" He cried excitedly. "This is awesome!" Unlike Lila, Cooper was a bit more mindful of personal space and boundaries, so he didn't immediately tackle Natasha like Clint knew he wanted to.
"Hey, I heard it was your birthday- couldn't miss it!" Natasha replied, ruffling his hair. "Oh, come and give me a big birthday boy hug."
Lila sprinted past them. "AUNTIE BOBBI!" She exclaimed, jumping on the other agent as if she hadn't just seen her the day before.
"Whoa there, little spider monkey." Clint lightly chastised his daughter, who had no sense of personal space. She snickered and relinquished Bobbi.
Cooper, meanwhile, was eagerly giving Natasha a huge hug. "Thank you, Natasha!" He said into her shoulder. "Best. Birthday. Ever!"
Bobbi picked up Lila and walked off, muttering something in her ear, whilst Natasha picked Cooper up for a few seconds before putting him down.
Clint chuckled as Cooper began bouncing eagerly, dragging Natasha by the wrist all over to show her the various decorations, Lila running over to join them as Bobbi made her way back over to him. "What'd you get him?" He asked conspiratorially.
"You'll have to wait and see." Bobbi teased with a smile, looking around. "I'm surprised you actually agreed to have Cooper invite some of his friends. Any of the fellow 6-7-year-olds have criminal records to be wary about?" She continued teasing.
"Well, Mackenzie over there has a record of breaking chalk when she thinks no one's looking." Clint replied with as much seriousness as he could muster before breaking into a laughing fit, with which Bobbi joined in.
"I'll keep a watchful eye on her- there will be no chalk murders happening on my watch!"
Clint laughed harder. "I don't want to know what it's like being a normal parent." He commented gleefully. "Like, how boring must it be to have a non-agent dad?"
Bobbi chuckled. "They're lucky to have you." The doorbell rang- he had almost expected everybody to just walk in like both Nat and Bobbi did- and before he hand chance to go and answer it, Bobbi stopped him. "I'll be on door duty. You're on 'best birthday' duty." She informed him before answering the door.
Clint nodded, sending a grateful smile in her direction before walking out into the backyard.
"Thanks for coming!" Clint called at the retreating backs of the Sorensons, their son Billy skipping between them and happily waving back to Clint. Once they had driven away, he let out a sigh of relief. All of the lesser-known guests were officially gone, meaning this was now a close friends party.
When he returned to the living room, he smiled when he saw that little Lila, stuffed with cake and totally pooped, was passed out on Bobbi on the couch, her sparkly party hat drooping over her forehead. He turned to Cooper, who was eagerly building a new creation with the Lego set one of his friends had given him. "Was that an awesome party or what?" He asked with a grin. Cooper returned the smile cheerfully.
"It was awesome!" He exclaimed before diving into his pile of unwrapped gifts to find something new to play with. Clint continued on to the kitchen, where Natasha was leaning against the counter languidly.
"Man, I am all partied out." He groaned, though his smile didn't fade. He began gathering empty plastic cups from the counters and the table and throwing them away.
Natasha stepped to the side and started clearing a different counter. "It's a good thing it's over, then."
Clint raised a brow at her. "Did you enjoy any of it at all? I know screaming children isn't your forte, but please tell me you weren't suffering the whole time."
"It was interesting." Natasha replied cryptically, barely answering the question as she picked up a cloth to wipe down the counters.
He snorted. "Which is basically Natasha-Speak for 'it sucked ass and you're a terrible host.'" As he spoke, he peeked out into the living room to make sure everything was still smooth sailing- Cooper was still neck-deep in toys and Bobbi was still being used as a pillow.
"You had seven children running around, hyper, making a mess, and all of the parents were complaining about everything. Do you know how much control it took for me to not cut all of their tongues out for how rude they were?" Natasha questioned rhetorically.
Still, Clint answered anyway. "I'd say about seventy-nine percent of all of the control in your body was put to the task, which is astronomically higher than the usual forty-three percent." He said in a nasally voice. He noticed Bobbi picking Lila up and walking from the room, presumably to put the youngster into her bed.
"I should probably head back to the base." Natasha informed him as he turned back to face them.
"You're not going to stay for post-party drinks? They'll be alcoholic." Clint tempted, opening the previously locked cupboard to reveal a selection of alcoholic beverages. When Natasha leant over to take a look, he stepped from the room. "Grab what you want, I'm going to see if I can coax Cooper into going to bed." He said, heading over to where his son was tearing open yet another packaged toy. "Time for bed, Coop." He said. It took lots of negotiating- "yes, you can take your toys," "no, you can't sleep with your action figures- they'll poke you all night, that's why!"- and lots of patience to finally get Cooper in bed for the night.
Natasha sat opposite Bobbi as she returned from putting Lila down. She looked to the stairs, waiting for Clint to return. "Could you tell him that I had to go?" She asked.
"No." Bobbi replied, making her slightly confused. "Can you do me a favour?"
"No."
"Clint needs friends around, and if I didn't have a mission in a few minutes, I would stay. He was absolutely wrecked after Lila's birthday, the first one without Laura. And it's obvious to me that the only reason he's holding himself together right now is because he doesn't want you to see him as a mess." Bobbi informed her. "So, as a favour for Clint, even though he'd never ask, can you hang around for a while?"
Natasha sighed and didn't have time to officially respond when Clint returned. "Save any for me?"
Bobbi sipped her drink. "Of course- we're not that cruel to leave you empty-handed."
"Well, she's not." Natasha added the snide comment.
Clint smirked. "Well, the kindness of one of you is enough for me." He accepted the proffered drink and took a large sip of it.
Bobbi's phone beeped. "Ah, that's my ride. See you both in a week or two." She said, quickly finishing her drink and standing up.
Clint stood as well and gave her a quick hug. "Thanks again for coming, Bob." He said, chin on her shoulder.
"Anytime, Clint." She replied, returning the hug warmly before waving to Nat. "Nice meeting you."
"You too." Natasha replied as Bobbi walked out of the room.
Clint finished his drink and seemed to notice that Natasha's glass was almost empty. He poured her some more before doing the same to his own glass. "Thank you again for coming today."
Natasha bobbed her head slightly. "You're welcome. It was nice to see your children again." She replied, not sure how to play this. She wasn't sure what she and Clint were anymore; for a long time they were just partners- he was her Supervising Officer, but now, things were more complicated. She didn't like complicated. But Bobbi was right- he shouldn't have to deal with this alone. "Oh, you never told me- what did you all think of the little gifts I got you before I left?"
He smiled. "Well, Lila loves her stuffed hummingbird, Cooper played with his toy car for a week straight, and I haven't tasted mine yet." He reached up and pulled a small bottle of clear liquid from the cabinet. "No time like the present, though, right?" He took the cap off the bottle and tipped it into his mouth, swallowing all of its contents at lightning speed and then shuddering. "Oh, wow, that was bitter." He coughed. "And painful." He added hoarsely.
Natasha stared at him, open-mouthed, for a few seconds, unable to believe he'd actually just done that. "Did you not read the label? That was Absinthe 179 Proof- it's literally 74% concentrate."
The look on his face was priceless. "...What?"
Clint swallowed another mouthful of his drink. "What did all the other… you know… parents say? Anything in'eresting?" He asked suggestively, his words slurring slightly.
She pondered this question for a few moments as she sipped her drink. "Julia and Albert are going through a divorce, which they aren't telling their children about yet- apparently he caught her cheating with Polly and is overreacting." She replied with a shrug.
He offered a melodramatic sympathetic wince. "You know… You know what I heard? I heard that Mark and Theresa are going to… Uh… Cannannada… Canada. Canada in a month and leaving their son with… someone…" He took another gulp of his drink, carelessly spilling a few drops down his chin. He groaned indignantly. "I got the boring gossip."
"Did you at least notice that Grace is pregnant? Although she's not telling anybody yet- but it's so obvious." Natasha replied with a cheeky smile, finding a drunk Clint hilarious.
Clint laughed, a little too hard for the conversation. "D'you know that Katie is bugging her husband to let her get breasts… uh... bigger!? Apparently he finds that something to complain about."
Natasha let out a scoff. "Her boobs are small. I thought all guys liked big boobs?" She asked.
Clint laughed, corny smile pasted seemingly permanently on his face. "All guys like big boobs! But we can't say that… because… obje...ct… we gotta be like… gennnalman… or gentle or something. You know?" He blinked slowly. "Did you know you got big boobs? They're huuuge." He slurred.
She let out a half-sigh, half-chuckle. "Men have mentioned that a few times in my life."
He scratched absently at his cheek, his mouth pulled into a weird grin. "They're, like, works of… of… uh…" He frowned. "They're… circles."
Natasha glanced down at her own chest. "Yeah, I suppose they are." She smirked as she looked back up at him. "What do you like most about the… circles?" She could already imagine how much fun it would be to tease him about this later.
"They're… they're… num- uh… numbers. Uh… sex-sexual numbers…" He blinked repeatedly. "Oh, uh, no, uh, shapes. Shapes. Shaaapes…"
"Boobs are shapes, yes- yes they are." Natasha replied. "How about we get you to bed?" She suggested. It was getting late and she didn't think his children would be sympathetic to their dad having a hangover.
Clint attempted a smirk- or something of that nature. "Are you… uh… oh, uh, yes please." He finally settled on, leaning in a little too close. "Yours or… me- mine?"
Natasha rolled her eyes; he was the worst drunk-flirt she had met in a while. He wasn't the worst ever, but still pretty bad. She slung one arm around his waist. "Yours." She answered. She wasn't going to sleep with him, but making him believe that was probably the easiest way to get him to cooperate going up the stairs.
He giggled- giggled. "Okaay." He slurred, standing abruptly from his seat and knocking it over in the process. "Fix it, Na- Nat- uh, Na-Naru...to? Naruto…" He pointed to the seat, but already his attention had flitted elsewhere. "Your… uh, shirt… 's blue."
"Actually, it's green- but close." Natasha complimented. "Come on, let's get upstairs." She encouraged, guiding him as quickly and quietly as she could.
He stumbled the entire way, and when she led him to the bed, he tried unsuccessfully to take his shirt off, only managing to wrinkle his sleeve, by which point he promptly gave up and flopped onto the mattress. "Fuzzy…"
Natasha contemplated just pushing him and leaving, but she knew the risks about leaving a drunk individual alone. She pulled him back up into a seated position. "Come on, lift your arms." She ordered and proceeded to pull his top off and throw it carelessly to one side before pushing him back down. She then proceeded to remove his shoes, jeans and socks.
Once again she wanted to leave, but if anything happened with his children, he was literally useless right now- she decided to stay and make sure nothing bad happened. Otherwise she'd never be able to forgive herself.
Thank you for reading! ThisVioletofMine and I had a lot of fun writing this scene! Although, as she has never been drunk, I did have to ease her down :P