A/N: So I know everyone's like jumping down my throat so I'm sorry about the last chapter! This chapter is also a lot more sappy then anything else and I wrote it very sped up so it's sort of an overview of the next giant piece of time instead of over a couple days or weeks. This chapter is a lot shorter then the rest too, because it just doesn't have to be that long so I'll be posting another chapter super soon. The next few chapters will get back to some more angsty material and some M-rated action so bear with me. Hope everyone's enjoying the story anyways and feel free to comment and follow I love it!
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It had been a week since the accident when Emma showed up on his door step. She had tried to run away but she knew she couldn't run from this. She couldn't leave him alone during this. All it took was three knocks on the door before bright blue eyes met hers. Bandages covered his arm, his hair was a mess, and his eyes red and swollen. It took her three seconds to fling herself into his arm and no time at all for him to return the favor.
"I thought you would have been gone by now," Killian had said as he held her in his arms, holding her with his good hand. Her hair was a mess around her waist and a suitcase lay behind her looking overstuffed and messy.
"Me too," Emma had admitted. They stood there, looking at each other, until Emma felt the tears coming down her face and Killian's arms around her waist. Neither one was able to speak. There was so much to say, but they both knew every response without needing to ask. Instead Emma looked up into the eyes of the stuffed seagull now sitting on Killian's side table.
"You kept that dumb thing?" Emma pointed at it. He turned to look at it, a small grin on his face.
"That's my prized possession right there," Killian smiled at her and Emma laughed a little, "Some girl gave it to me before leaving me behind." Emma's face faltered a little but Killian kept smiling at her. "It's okay Emma. It's just a joke," He said calmly.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Emma asked softly and Killian nodded, letting her through the door without a second thought.
/
"Emma you didn't have to come back for me. I can take care of myself," Killian had yelled at her after Emma had made herself at home in Killian's apartment. Over the past few weeks Emma had dedicated her days out of work to taking care of him and Killian was beyond sick of it.
"That doesn't mean you should have to," Emma replied pleasantly, continuing to help Killian each his lunch, get dressed, drive, etc. Every time she tried to help him, Killian's jaw would clench, he would scream at her for babying him, and then try and do his tasks on his own which took five times longer and never ended as well as when Emma helped him.
"Cmon just let me help. Stop being annoying!" Emma yelled at him.
"Back off Swan," He growled at her, swinging his nub of a hand at her like a baseball bat, "I may be crippled but I could still take you down."
"Yeah sure you can Captain Hook," Emma joked with him and he glared at her until Emma kissed his arm above his wound and he couldn't help but feel his heart beat a little faster.
"At least let me make my own sandwich!" He screamed, pushing her out of the kitchen.
"You have one hand!" Emma yelled back, pushing him back.
"NO WAY I DIDN'T REALIZE!"
Emma huffed but moved back to the couch, where a blanket and pillow lay for her every night. A little indent had formed in the cushions where she had been sleeping. She couldn't bring herself to leave.
/
It took two months for Killian to start to figure things out on his own, he put all his energy into using one hand instead of thinking about Liam. He could now do daily activities with his own hand, a nub, and a little fake hand Emma had tried to make for him that was more of a paperclip on a handcuff then anything actually useful.
It took two more weeks until Emma decided to try to move back into her old apartment. The door had opened easily, feelings of that day flooding into her system. She had broken down in tears the minute she entered and Killian had hauled her back to his apartment without a second thought, closing the door and not looking back.
"You're staying with me," He had said sternly and Emma hadn't fought it. Instead she whispered a thank you and let him help her close the door to her lonely home.
The minute he saw her on his couch, laying so helpless and alone he knew she didn't need him to love her she needed him to be her friend. It broke his heart but he needed her too, and Liam's memory seemed to loom over them both and sink into their hearts in ways neither of them had expected.
Every Friday became "Drink in Honor Night" as Killian called it, where him and Emma drank themselves into oblivion and toasted every shot to Liam, feeling numb with each new drink. It wasn't the best plan, but it was the best they could do.
"Liam would be pissed right now if he saw us," Killian laughed one Friday night.
"To Liam being pissed at us!" Emma cheered and they clinked their glasses, downing some rum and flopping back on the couch where they could laugh with each other and smile for the first time all week.
/
It took 6 months for Emma to start sleeping again. She slept on Killian's couch until they decided to move a bed into Killian's "office" space that Emma never saw a point to anyways.
"Just move in with me," Killian had begged her.
"I don't want to crowd you," Emma had argued.
"You live on my couch! There are no women coming into this apartment!" Killian argued back, forcing her to move anything of value into her new room.
"You can bring girl's back here don't let me stop you!" Emma had argued back but Killian had to hold back a laugh.
"Take your damn stuff into your room," He said, helping her move her open suitcase out of the living room.
Even still she found herself waking up at night in terror with her eyes bloodshot from tears. She'd scream for Killian and hope he'd come to her. He was always awake too, memories haunting his dreams.
Sometimes they'd hold each other until they both fell asleep in one of their beds. Other times they'd stay up and watch a movie together, letting the bad dreams and memories fade a little into the night.
"I'm sorry I ran," Emma cried one night, holding Killian close.
"I'm just glad you came back for me," Killian smiled at her.
"I came back because I can't even take care of myself," Emma spat, looking away from him.
"We take care of each other," He had responded, pulling her closer and letting her doze off in his arms.
It was only in the dark, when Emma had fallen asleep again, her face finally falling into a peaceful slumber that Killian felt that pang of his heart beating for her still, and he'd kiss her forehead, hoping she felt the same.
"Goodnight, Swan," He whispered, falling asleep into her mattress, the only time he found himself at peace.
/
"I loved your brother!" Emma yelled one morning, screaming at Killian when he had made a drunken comment to her.
"You loved the IDEA of him! He's so responsible and caring and oh what a fucking peach. Tell me how you really feel Emma!" Killian had screamed back, wanting to throw his bottle at the wall, "He knew it! I knew it! You're the only thing stopping yourself from being happy because you're letting Liam hold you back!... How could you think that he would want that?"
"He was everything good in this world! And I let that go...For... What? A womanizer and a drunk?" Emma screamed it, watching Killian's face drop.
"He wanted you to be happy, Emma. I thought you would have seen that. But I guess it's just the fucking womanizer in me that holds you at night and let's you scream for another guy that isn't coming back," Killian actually did throw the bottle this time, letting the glass smash against his wall and walking out his door letting it slam behind him.
"Killian stop!" Emma yelled, slamming her fist against the wall.
/
Emma passed Killian a shot. He had walked out that Tuesday but it was Friday now. Emma didn't know where he had gone and she knew better then to ask. They were roommates, best friends, they were all each other had and they knew they wouldn't abandon each other. Especially not now.
"A shot? Really?" Killian smirked at her, "Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me, Swan?"
"You're already drunk. But it is "Drink in Honor Night," Emma giggled and they cheered, both letting the alcohol burn their throats.
"Remember when this was bad movie night?" Killian asked her quietly. It had been almost a year since Liam's death and still they felt the pain like a fresh open wound.
"Yeah… I remember," Emma said softly. Killian pulled the bottle of alcohol from Emma's hands and slipped it back under the counter. In it's place he pulled out a horror movie called, "Piranha 3DD" with a picture of a girl's boobs covering the cover.
"I was wondering if we could bring that back," He laughed and Emma smiled. It was a good idea after all. That was the night that he kissed her lips again. She had curled herself into a ball under his arm and looked at him with longing and trust and everything he wanted her to feel for him. It was a bad idea but he couldn't stop himself when she raised her chin to him and he lowered his lips to hers every so softly. For the first time in a year he had kissed her and Emma held on to him with every fiber of his being. He pushed into her and she let him. He wanted her so badly but not like this.
"I'm not Liam," Killian pulled away from her, "I'll never be him."
"I don't want you to be him. I never should have said those things," Emma said, looking at the floor. Killian nodded but he returned to his room that night and when Emma woke up with terrors she didn't call for him, for she knew she needed to face this on her own. Instead Emma had moved out into the living room and turned on the food network, sitting quietly. It took Killian exactly a half hour to come join her, slipping his good hand around her shoulders and letting her lean into his arms.
"Couldn't sleep?" Emma asked quietly. Killian shook his head. "No... But it seems to get better when I stay with you," Killian admitted. Emma nodded knowingly and pulled him to her bed with her. They lay there in silence and Emma whispered one last "I'm sorry" before Killian had pressed a finger to her lips and pulled her in tighter, letting her fall asleep peacefully in his arms.
"We're going to get through this Emma," He whispered into her hair, taking a deep breath and inhaling all the lovely aromas that always seemed to surround her.
"I know we will," She whispered back, pulling him closer to her, "stay with me tonight."
"Of course," Killian nodded, letting his own eyes fall dazedly asleep and dream of an accident he couldn't control, and a heart that would never properly mend.
/
Killian had woken again in a panic, his heart racing as memories flooded his mind. Emma's arms were already around him.
"Sh, it's okay," She whispered, letting him cry into her shoulder.
"You have no idea how much I need you Emma… You have no idea," Killian let out a tear as he breathed in a panic and a fluster and Emma lifted his chin down to hers and gave him a kiss on the cheek and running her hands through his hair. "I'm here Killian," She whispered and Killian nodded, giving her a little smile.
And then, as Killian's eyes faded closed again and his heart slowed down, Emma felt it. The pang in her chest that made her suck in her breath and let go of him in an instant. The pang she had felt when she looked into his eyes for the very first time, when your heart skips a beat when you look into the eyes of the man you love.
"No," Emma whispered to herself, pulling away from him and into her own little world. She wasn't ready but that wasn't how fate worked. "Fuck you, Jones," Emma whispered through the dark, knowing he wouldn't answer.
"You wish Swan," He whispered back and Emma couldn't help but laugh. "Always ready with a back up line, even in your goddamn sleep," She muttered, feeling his arms come back around her and holding her tight. If only her heart would stop beating so fast and if only his heart knew the feelings going through her body at that very moment.
"Liam was lucky to have you as a brother," Emma said.
"Liam was lucky to have you as a girlfriend," Killian said into the dark. Emma felt a tear run down her own cheek and felt Killian's fingers brushing it away. "Don't cry," He said, "I'm not worth it."
But you are, She thought letting the memories of another day float through her mind.