Chapter 11: Living or Dying

It's been a few days since I gave my second speech to the Hufflepuffs and word has already gotten around to all of the members of the yellow and black house. The full moon has been and gone, and my headache has finally faded. It's also Christmas Eve and there's a Hogsmeade weekend starting the next day because of Christmas. Anyway, I was currently walking down to breakfast. Steve had gone early to meet up with Jess and do relationship things so I was alone. I didn't really mind though, it gave me time to think without Steve constantly asking me about how I was going to tell the rest of the school Hufflepuff's secret. I still need to figure that out myself honestly.

I'd gotten a letter from Teddy a few days ago, telling me that he was safe. It was nice to know that the Hunters hadn't been able to get him on the full moon. Actually the Hunters had been unusually quite lately. It put me on edge. They must be planning something truly awful if they didn't even use the full moon to their advantage a few days ago.

I gasped as I was abruptly grabbed by the arm and pulled into an empty classroom. I quickly turned around to see none other than Fred Weasley. First James, then Louis, and now Weasley! I'm started to see a pattern here. "Seriously," I sighed, "What is with your family and pulling people into places? Is it so hard to walk up to me and say hello like a regular person? Is this normal behaviour for you lot or do you all just enjoy giving me a good scare?"

"Uhh…" he raised his eyebrows at me in surprise and said, "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have grabbed you like that."

"Sadly I'm starting to get used to it," I admitted with a small smile.

"Yeah James told me about that," he said with a nod, "So did Louis." Oh. So James did tell his family what was up with him. That's good. Although, I am a bit surprised that he told them about me as well. And why would Louis tell Weasley about our conversation?

"Was there something you needed?" I questioned. The Potter-Weasleys always seemed to forget that they pulled me into wherever for a purpose.

"Of course," he grinned. "I just wanted to let you know I approve."

"Huh?" I blurted and he laughed.

"Well you heard what he said," he told me, "It's only a matter of time."

"Oh," I sighed as I remembered the beginning of the conversation I overheard between him and James, "I thought you set that up. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I actually left as soon as I realised it was a private conversation."

"What?" he exclaimed, surprised, "You really are a massive Hufflepuff!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked a little defensively.

"Nothing, nothing," he said smoothly, "It's just a little annoying is all. Now I'm going to have to explain it to you."

"Explain what?" I asked cautiously.

"Well it has come to my attention that my cousin, James Sirius Potter, fancies you very, very, much," he informed me. James likes me? "He told me so himself. You were supposed to hear it."

"Why?" I asked.

"James has never liked a girl as much as he likes you before," Weasley began, "Sure he chased after that redhead, Simons, but, as his best cousin, I can tell when his feelings are genuine. He talks about you a lot and I asked Louis about you. They both seem to think you're pretty great, so I'm willing to take their word for it. But I knew he needed my help, the guy is clueless."

"No he isn't," I argued automatically.

"I love him but he is," he replied simply, "I figured if you knew he liked you it would make things a bit easier for him. Now the question is: do you like him back?"

"Yeah," I admitted with a heavy blush.

"Brilliant," he grinned.

"But you can't tell him that!" I exclaimed in embarrassment.

"Why not?" he wined, "He likes you back and if he knows you like him then he might actually get around to asking you out. Then he can stop moping around like a love sick puppy. He stares at you all the time and honestly if I wasn't his cousin I'd think it was a little creepy."

"He really does that?" I giggled.

"Would I lie to you?" he asked cheekily. I shrugged but smiled. Actually, I had already been smiling. I have been smiling ever since Weasley told me James liked me and I hadn't even noticed until now. "Anyway, Hufflepuff," he said as he left, "I'm glad we had this talk."

"Me too," I said before following after him and finishing my journey to breakfast.

"What's got you so happy?" Steve asked with a grin as I sat down at the Hufflepuff table.

"Nothing," I said quickly, but I could feel the heat rushing to my face.

"You're blush says otherwise," Millie teased, which of course just made me go redder, "Spill!"

"It's nothing," I insisted with a small laugh. Luckily I was saved from further questioning when the mail arrived. It was a letter from my dad. Probably because it's going to be Christmas tomorrow.

I quickly ripped it open. It's been ages since I heard from my dad and I couldn't help but smile in anticipation. Then I read the letter. That smile didn't even make it through the first sentence.

Danielle,

There was an attack on the house. I'm sorry I can't be there for you in person but I barely have time to write this letter as it is. I managed to call in a favour and get them to wait until tomorrow to report it. I didn't want you finding out what happened from the paper. Your mother was home alone. The entire house has been destroyed, blown up. She's dead. I cannot express in words how sorry I am to have to tell you this. It's probably pretty clear to you who did it so now more than ever it is important that you do not leave Hogwarts.

Stay safe,

Dad.

"Is everything alright?" Jess asked. I don't know what my face was doing right now but it must have been bad because all my friends looked incredibly worried. I felt…scared. Shocked. Empty. I stood up rigidly and tucked the letter into my robe.

"Everything is fine," the words came out of my mouth but I didn't even recognise my own voice. It was so emotionless. So hard. So cold. "I'll be in the library." And then I left.

I soon realised someone was following me. Assuming it was Jess, Steve, or Millie, I turned around to get them to leave me alone but instead found Raven. "Hey Dani," she exclaimed.

"Hi," I replied in the stranger's voice. She seemed completely taken aback by something.

"I-If this is a b-bad time I can talk to you l-later," she stuttered.

"No, what is it?"

"Um well," she spoke quietly as she pulled a small plastic bag out of her backpack, "Mr Longbottom gave me some leaves from that plant you were talking about. You wanted some, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah. Thank you." I put my hand forward and she gave me the bag.

"Dani," she began cautiously, "Are you sure you're okay because y—"

"I'm fine."

"O-Okay then," she said reluctantly. "Bye."

"Bye." I then quickly continued walking. It was only then that I finally realised it. I was crying.

~o0o~

I didn't end up going to the library. I just wandered for a while before walking into some empty classroom and curling up into a ball. For some reason I tend to wander around the halls a lot when I'm upset. I don't know how long I'd been here in the classroom. I've just been crying. I can hardly remember the last time I cried. I hadn't felt the need to in so long. Sure things have been bad but I've always known that crying about something is pointless. That everything has a silver lining and time is better spent finding that lining. I was wrong. Not about the crying but about the sliver linings part. But despite how useless crying is in any situation, I still couldn't seem to stop. Don't people run out of tears eventually? I still haven't.

"Dani!" Jess exclaimed as she entered the room. I looked up, but couldn't even be bothered to wipe my eyes. Steve, Millie, James, and Louis were there too.

"Where the heck have you been?" Millie demanded. "You've been gone the entire day and you sure as hell weren't in the library."

"Sorry," I said tonelessly.

"Dani, what's the matter?" Steve asked. "You know you can tell us. Whatever it is?"

"I'm fine."

"You're fine?" Jess asked disbelievingly. "Is that the best excuse you can come up with? I've been friends with you for years, Dani, and not once have I ever seen you come close to crying."

"I'm fi—"

"Why do you keep saying that?!" Millie cut in. "It's not like you're actually fooling anyone!"

"I'm fine."

"No, Dani," James sighed as he kneeled down in front of me. "No, you are quite clearly the furthest thing from fine." I turned away from him and he sat down beside me.

"Just tell us what's bothering you," Louis said comfortingly.

"Nothing is bothering me. I'm f—"

"Damn it, Dani!" Millie yelled. "If you say you're fine one more time I am going to scream!"

"We all know you're not fine, Dani," Jess told me gently.

"She's not trying to convince us," Millie said slowly, as if realising something. "She's trying to convince herself. I may not have been friends with you guys long but I tend to get people and I get you, Dani. You bottle up your emotions deep inside yourself. When something is wrong you deal with it by trying to find someone else and making them distract you with their troubles. It's like you think you're responsible for everyone else's emotions, and you're always feeling guilty and apologising for no reason because of it. You are a hypocrite! You think everyone else's problems are your business but you won't even tell us your own! You give people advice when you can't even sort out your feelings!"

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine!" she yelled, "Something is wrong, Dani. I noticed it from the moment I met you. I don't know why you're so upset and I don't know what your problems are, but it's clear to me that something has been bothering you for a while now. But you still won't tell us what's wrong. You're a coward! You avoid your problems by hiding behind other people's! You can't even admit when you're upset! Do you thing refusing to talk about them will make them less real? Because it doesn't!" I want to be angry at her for yelling at me but I'm not. Because I know she's only doing it because she cares. I blinked slowly. I think I kind of needed that.

"You're right," I said in a voice that almost sounded like me again. "But you're also wrong, Millie. Believe me when I say that I am already very aware of how real my problems are. And that's why I know telling you will change absolutely nothing."

"Now you're wrong," Jess countered. "Talking to a friend will always make you feel better. At least, that's what you always told me when I was upset."

"Alright," I said slowly, "You want to hear my problems so badly you can hear them. Some of you already know parts of it anyway." They all moved to join me and James, sitting on the floor. "Well Steve already knows that at the start of this year I accidentally started an entire rebellion in Hufflepuff house. Now every Hufflepuff is looking at me to finish something I didn't even mean to start and I don't think I can."

"Jess and James already know that my mother is a werewolf and I am a half werewolf. Around every full moon my head feels like it's going to split in two and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it, despite what Jess may think. But only James knows that all those murders that have been happening are because a group of people are targeting werewolves and their children. People I know, people I was close to, have been killed. So many innocent lives snuffed out just for being what they are. On Halloween I was attacked during the Hogsmeade visit and was almost murdered, which would be why I ditched you, Millie. James got there only just in time to save my life.

"And finally, what none of you know is that this morning I got a letter from my dad telling me that there has been another attack. An attack on my mother. Our house was completely destroyed and my mum is dead. I had to read about my mum's murder in a letter! Though, I suppose that's still better than the poor twins having to read about their sister dying in the newspaper. And everyone will know about it by tomorrow morning. So are you happy now? Does knowing my problems make you all feel better?! Do you think you can help me with any of that?!"

None of them said a word. They just sat there. Absolutely shocked. "I didn't think so," I finished before storming out of the room and running off to the Hufflepuff Common Room. I couldn't face any of them right now. They probably think I'm a total freak. And I deserve it.

Millie was so right! I am a hypocrite. And even worse, I've been lying to myself about it. About everything. I didn't go to Hogsmeade on Halloween because Louis needed my help. We could have staged that argument anywhere. It didn't have to be done during a Hogsmeade trip, I just wanted to give myself an excuse to go so I wouldn't have to feel guilty. I went because I was secretly hoping to run into the Hunters. I wanted to see them because I was curious and stupid.

And what happened in the Library after I almost eavesdropped on Weasley and James' conversation. I didn't go back because I forgot my books. I was just using that as an excuse to myself so that I might 'accidentally' hear more. I constantly lie to myself to justify things that I shouldn't be doing so that I don't have to feel guilty. I am a terrible person.

I finally got to my dorm room and collapsed on my bed. So what do I do now. I am in a hole, wishing for a ladder when what I have is a shovel. All I can do is dig myself deeper. But that's fine. I'm not ready to climb out yet. First I need to end those stupid Hunters and I don't care if I have to die to do it. I am not going to let them kill anyone else. I am going to take them down.

~o0o~