Chapter 11 - "what it must have felt like"
Nick was too weak to get up...
He was doing it again, just like always Judy needed him and he wasn't there. He was here, fooling around with her sister. Dispicable...
Almost an hour went by on the floor. He went over every mistake he'd ever made in his life and tried to figure out where he went wrong at every turn, how he could have done it differently.
The longer he sat there, his misery slowely receeded and was gradually replaced by resentment.
Why does he have to take care of everybody?
Why does his life have to be so miserable for the sake of everyone else? When is it Nick's turn to be happy?
When is it someone else's turn to take care of Nick?
Over and over in his head it churned like a storm of anger making landfall. Hurt by, and resentful of everyone in his life... he even momentarily blamed his mother...
At what couldn't have been a worse moment his phone vibrated... it was a call from an unknown number...
"..."
He answered it, but didn't say anything...
"...Nick?"
"..."
It was Judy...
"What do you want?"
He was being short with her, and what little confidence she'd scrapped up was slowly fading.
"I um... I just wanted to hear your voice."
"..."
"School's going good... how-... how are you?"
This couldn't have been an easy call for Judy to make. She was terrified, and she was noticably shaky when she spoke.
Nick was not in his best state of mind. The timing of her heartfelt phone call was a cruel twist of fate.
"I've been a whole lot better..."
"...Oh... what's wrong?"
He heard a beep on the line and pulled the phone away to look. He was getting another call.
"Hold on... I'm getting another call."
"Ok... I'll wait."
"..."
"Nicky what're you doin'?"
"Sophie?"
"Yea can I come over? I'm bored."
"It's not a good time."
"Don't be such a baby, I'll see you in a minute."
"Wait-"
The call ended abruptly, he was back on with Judy.
"Nick?"
"..."
"Uh... hey how's your mom doing? Have you gone to see her?"
"Yea she's fine."
"Could you tell her I said hi next time you see her?"
"Yea whatever, look I gotta go."
"Oh... um ok..."
She was noticably discouraged. It sounded like she was struggling to say something difficult.
"I uh... I mean..."
"..."
"... I miss you."
If only she had tried to reach out to him before Gideon had rattled his cage, they might've been able to reconcile, and get things back to the way they were... but sometimes fate can be cruel.
Nick was going to regret this moment for a very long time...
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"
"..."
"YOU TOLD ME TO DISSAPPEAR!"
"Nick... please!"
"NO, NO MORE. LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He slammed his phone against the floor and curled himself into a ball.
He'd made up his mind, but not at a good time to be making decisions... He wanted to be with Judy's sister, and as soon as she got there he was going to tell her that.
...
He sat there on the couch waiting for her to show up. More than an hour went by, he started to think that maybe she changed her mind.
Then she came busting through the door, apparently she'd been drinking...
"Heeey Nicky baby... how are ya'!?"
"..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Can we talk when you're like this?"
"Suuuure!"
She hobbled over and flopped down over his lap. She was giggling with drunken glee, but Nick wasn't in the mood for this...
"Come on!"
He struggled to lift her off of his lap and into a decent position next to him.
"Listen, I really need you to get it together."
"Booooo..."
Nick waited a few minutes without saying anything in an attempt to calm her down. She reached for the remote and turned on then T.V.
Nick heaved an annoyed sigh, and decided he would wait a bit for her to sober up.
For a little over an hour she nuzzled into his armpit and dozed off. Nick took the oportunity to prepare what he was going to say in his head.
'Sophie I think we should... no.'
'We haven't made this official yet, how about now?... no.'
For an entire hour he racked his brain, trying to come up with the perfect way to tell her how he felt... but he came up empty.
She began to stir, and groaned as she lifted herself up.
"Ooooh god... Nicky do you have any coffee?"
"It's ten at night..."
She groaned again and flopped back into his lap, but Nick was ready to say what he needed to say...
"Come on, get up. I wanna ask you something."
"... What?"
She was obviously hung over, and not in the mood for a difficult conversation, but Nick wouldn't wait. He needed to say this now...
"I really like you and I think we should be together. Can we make this thing official?"
He just belted it out, if he hesitated he might never have had the willpower to say it. She looked up at him with an uncommonly serious expression.
"Look Nicky..."
She sat up slowly, looked him in the eyes, and prepared to deliver a merciless blow...
"You're... sweet... and everything... but..."
She scratched her head and groaned, as if she was annoyed.
"God... this is hard..."
He wasn't prepared for this.
"I only really "date" foxes to piss my mom off... I mean you had'to've known it was mostly a joke... right?"
"..."
"Look if it makes you feel any better I do kinda like you... I guess you could say that of all the foxes I've pretended to date you were my favorite."
In essence... the part of Nick's brain that handled his emotions blew a fuse. He snapped internally, instead of externally and retreated into his head...
"Just leave..."
It was the only thing he could manage to say...
"God, you suck!"
She grabbed her coat and took off in a huff, slamming the screen door as she disappeared into the street.
They were both right. His mother and Gideon warned him... they told him to be careful, and that she was going to break him down but he didn't listen.
Just when he needed her the most she was gone...
He wondered if maybe, this is how Judy felt when he left her...
With no warning he completely broke down. Not thinking about the neighbors, or his good reputation, he wept louder than he thought he even could. The arm he was supporting himself with gave out and he fell on his side. He curled up and squeezed his phone until he cracked the screen...
Who knows how long he stayed like that...
...
He didn't know what to do.
There was nothing left for him to look forward to here. He could scrape by in his miserable old life, but it would be hard.
He'd had burned his bridges with Judy, but ultimately his mother couldn't pay her own medical expenses, and he could try to avoid her.
There were two weeks until spring break was over. His loan for school was valid for two more weeks...