Hellboy: Destiny & Heartstrings
Chapter 11: Inner Demons
A.N: I don't own Hellboy. He is owned by Darkhorse and Mike Mignola. Sorry it's so short, but I'm facing some seriouswriter'sblock and it's all I could muster. And as always Love it, Share it, Follow it, Fave it andReviewit! I'm serious guys,I need a little moreinputthan just 'update soon.' It's great to know you love my fic, but constructive criticism helps.
Hellboy was again away on a mission. Jane missed him, alone in her room with Tubby asleep by her side and Fluffy playing with Maggie on the floor. She had been trying to apply polish to her nails, but her hands were unskilled. She'd never had a maternal figure to teach her, nor any real reason to try, which was the main cause of the current mess of her toe nails.
With a sudden chill, Jane saw each of the cats go rigid in alert to danger, their fur and whiskers stiffly raised, eyes fully round with alarm. She had never seen their ears flattened back so tightly, or heard such defensive spitting sounds of warning. The tales she'd heard...were they true? if some unnatural evil should come near, an animal would sense it first.
"Why do you bother with ssssuch trivial matterssss?" The familiar voice of Lilith rasped through the air. "Your mate will not care, and your ssslaves will not have the luxury of admiring your feet!"
Jane froze in place, red polish dripping onto her bed covers. Her eyes widened in horror, the brush falling from her grip. How'd she get back? Why now? Of all times why now?!
"Get out!" Jane spat, unaware of how demonic she herself sounded. Fluffy hid under the bed while the other cats hissed repeatedly at the cloaked figure emerging from the shadows. "You are not welcome here, Lilith. Now get away from me!"
The demon cackled, her acid-like leer burning holes into Jane. "You think you have any sssay?"
"I know I do," Jane snarled, her own eyes flashing into fiery white. She raised her hands, ready to fight, and her glowing orbs narrowed as she commanded, "Now, one last time: Get. Out."
"Pathetic child, you dare-!" Lilith's croak strangled as she was bent in half. Her arms clutched around her midsection, blood spilling in a crimson river from her mouth. She was then hurled against a wall where she crumpled down, more like a rag doll than the first demon upon this Earth. Jane balled her hands into fists, causing Lilith to gag harder. It wasn't until she opened her hands, did the pain coursing through Lilith cease.
"Leave now, Lilith. And if you ever come back, I won't be so kind."
Lilith chuckled coldly under her breath, then peered up at her grandchild from under her hood.
"See what you've become, child. You are no better than I." And with that, Lilith faded back into the shadows, leaving Jane alone.
'How could she say that?!' A low growl emitted from the back of Jane's throat. 'How dare that pathetic, lowly, miserable worm-'
Jane gasped, stopping her dark train of thought. It was so unlike her…that surge of malice and hatred, so disturbing and strange within herself. She pressed her lips together nervously, glancing down at her hands only to be struck with shock.
Her skin was now a cold blue, with fingertips turned clawed and bony. Jane rushed to her mirrored dresser to check her reflection, and could barely recognize herself. She looked through eyes of bright bloody red, at two horns which erupted at her hairline but curved into her hair. A choked scream escaped her lips as her hands tried to conceal her head.
"No…no, no, no!" She hit at her temples repeatedly with her fists, willing it all to have been a bad dream. But when she reopened her eyes, her appearance had not changed. "Turn back! Damn it, turn back!" In severe distress, she focused her biokinetic abilities on herself once more. When she dared again to open her eyes, she found with huge relief that she had returned to normal. Jane stayed before her mirror another few minutes, anxiously examining to be sure that nothing of her demonic features had remained behind. Finally convinced, she looked back at the spilled nail polish on her bed, a bad reminder of the blood colours of this night.
Once she had put that out of sight, she coaxed Fluffy out from under the bed and hugged her close to her chest for comfort...holding to the hope that the small connection the kitten had to Hellboy, would keep Jane from losing herself.
Jane envied her soundly sleeping cats as she restlessly paced her bedroom through the night hours. Hellboy had gone on a mission in Peru, and two weeks after receiving Lilith's surprise visit, the biokinetic was still badly shaken. Pushed to the back of her consciousness was the one other positive in her life – her responsibilities as a newly appointed BPRD medic. No peace in her heart, no comfort, no escape was possible since the demonic beast inside her had broken free, leaving her continually haunted that she would...turn back into that...thing, if she so much as breathed.
Her bare feet padded softly over the tile floor as she chanted repeatedly, "Control it! Don't let it control you!"
Two souls warred within her body, cluttering and fogging her mind. One was the original Jane, the sweet, lonely and awkward orphan – and the other, a cold demonic spirit ready to burst from a shallow human husk.
'Why do you fight it?' A voice sounding too much like her own, rang within her ears. 'You must be weary of holding it all in for so long. Just let go.'
The quiet slap of her soles suddenly transformed into an animal's 'clip clop'. Her jade eyes shot to her feet and she gasped in horror. Hooves! She had hooves! Her jaw froze open in a silent scream as her fingers raked through her ebony locks.
"No...no, no, no ,no no!"
She strenuously commanded the cells of her body to realign back into her normal form and ran to stare into her mirror. But grinning back at her was the thing, the blue demonic thing, its twisted features making Lilith's usual malicious smile seem kind and inviting. Jane needed to get out of this cell...this prison of her room, and she had to get out, now.
She pulled on a pair of flip flops and ran out her door and into the hall. She needed help, and she remembered what Hellboy had told her about the library, that it was filled with information about monsters and things that went bump in the night. Maybe she could…find and borrow some relevant research…to learn how to keep herself in check…and what she was up against.
Hurrying feverishly through the empty metallic halls, she arrived at the library's tall golden doors, which she quickly pulled open and entered. Her eyes searched around for a sign of anyone there, but was met with nothing. She stepped inside shyly, walking up to the first wall of book shelves.
She studied the titles on many book spines, to see if any could help her. She lost track of time as she searched for an answer to her current dilemma. She had chosen several books, most on the subjects of biokinesis and communication with dead spirits, and how to help with control and suppression. In fact she was ready to leave, when a volume mysteriously fell from a shelf. She walked back and picked up the thick, solid black leather book with strange forms of script on the cover. But oddly enough, she understood the occult symbols, and her subconscious translated them as: The Beginnings. As she flipped it open, a piece of paper drifted to the floor. She bent down to pick up the scrap and saw the design of Hellboy's right hand.
Somehow, Jane knew it was important, her sixth sense practically screaming it at her from within her mind. With a casual shrug to herself, she placed the book at the bottom of her already high stack of reading material and turned to leave when she accidentally bumped into someone, the books spilling from her hold.
She yelped and quickly knelt to pick up the fallen books, all but the black one that had remained in her grip.
"I'm so sorry! I thought no one else-" She glanced up and mentally cursed when her eyes unexpectedly met with Liz Sherman's amused grin.
"Need any help?" asked the pyrokinetic agent.
"Not now, thanks," Jane answered, more anxious than ever to get away.
"Why are you so sweaty?" Liz rather kindly pushed aside Jane's hair, leaning down to get a closer look at her face.
"Don't," Jane protested, her shoulders slumping. Anybody's questions were just too much to cope with right now. That one scrap of paper had escaped its book again, and she knew as she crouched on the floor that her hand wasn't quite covering it. Liz tugged at the edge.
"Oh, come on," she urged, pulling it free. Under the concealment of her hair, Jane withered inside as she heard, "Hmm, are you studying up on our HB?"
"Give it back...please." Jane had no energy and little resistance, but she forced herself to calmly hold out her hand until the sketch was returned. If she were to lose control of her temper, would the blue demon spirit return? It just couldn't happen in front of Liz!
"Look – whatever's wrong," Liz offered, "Let's have a seat here, just us girls. You might feel better if you talk about it?"
As Liz began to help her up, Jane quickly slipped the paper into a pocket, then let herself be guided to a couch. Liz sat beside her, and actually took her hand.
"Why do you always look so sad?" Liz asked.
"I don't mean to. I'm not, really. I have a place to live. I have work..." Jane trailed off.
"But here you are, in the middle of the night, hunting for paranormal reading material."
"You aren't sleeping, either."
"If Abraham wasn't away, I'd be in there with him," she said, pointing past his vacant tank to the alternate small quarters they often shared. "And you're without your – uh, special guy, too."
Jane would only look down at her lap.
"I had another life before Abe, and things could have turned out so differently. Sometimes, I still think about that." Liz stopped speaking for a brief moment, then continued, "Have you had any children?"
"No." Jane felt that the shortest of answers would have to do. She just didn't have the strength to get all engaged in what sounded like a long story to come.
"I almost did. I took good care of myself as soon as I knew, but I lost them – we lost them, after just three months."
Jane felt a natural pang of sympathy for Liz, and gave a small nod to show she'd been listening. But she hid a squirm, trying to stay quite still.
"You know I was very close with Red, so it's no surprise, is it? Well, it was a surprise to us, and we were happy at first that we had twins on the way. But I don't think anyone else except Abe, felt the same. People I believed were on our side, made thoughtless remarks to me. I shouldn't have repeated any of them to HB, because then he would defend me, and we'd lose more friends. I must have been too weak, or scared. Nobody seemed to believe in us."
Jane knew that Liz was checking her for response or reaction, so she nodded again, appropriately sad-faced.
"How could any doctor, or Abe, ever tell us for sure if my genes combined with Red's, could result in healthy children? In spite of everything I did to see it through, I lost them so soon. We fell apart, pretty much on our own – I didn't say we could have more babies, and he didn't, either. While we mourned, we realized there wasn't enough love left to keep us together." Liz took a long, quiet breath. "That was nearly two years ago, almost old history. I don't mean to sound like I take it lightly. I don't. But I needed someone to help me through it at the time. I left Red with nobody – and worse than that, I looked for comfort with Abe. Still do."
Whatever Jane had come here with, was now overshadowed by the sadness of the story she had never asked to hear. Liz and Abe would probably stay together at the Bureau for some time to come. Jane remembered the books in a jumble by her side and began to stack them for carrying.
"I'm very sorry for your loss," she said to Liz, standing up. "Truly. But you must be tired, though. I know I am. Um...I uh...Good night."
"Jane…" Liz called out making the other woman freeze.
"…Yes?"
"Do you love him?" Liz asked softly and Jane bit her bottom lip, taking some time to decide her response.
"Liz…I could tell you his favorite color…name each one of his cats…the exact shade of his eyes…But if you ask me if I love him…I'd lie." And she walked out, leaving Liz alone with a knowing smile on her lips.
As she walked back to her room from the library, hugging her books, Jane played over all she had heard, and bit her lip. Red...Hellboy. He was still living with so much hurt in his recent past. She knew it. And he couldn't escape the reminders of Liz and Abe. She swore a promise that she would be the one. The one to be as understanding and kind as Hellboy needed her to be.
00000000
As much as she wanted sleep, Jane couldn't rest. Trying to shake Liz Sherman's revelations from weaving through her mind, she forced her thoughts to return to her own pressing matter, and the fresh distraction of her books. With a mixture of curiosity, dread and hope, she arranged the volumes across her small table and opened one, intent on searching out all that might teach her to defeat her secret torment.
Jane wondered if the strain of her concentration was playing head tricks when she heard sudden bursts of excited voices and running steps along the corridor outside her room. Leaving her studies, she ventured out to investigate. The reason for the erupting chaos became very real as she saw bleeding bodies on stretchers being wheeled at speed by medical staff. Instructions, questions and orders were urgently shouted above the groans and weakening cries of the injured, and she saw that Abe was one of them. She stared in shock, wondering what on Earth could've done this damage.
Jane hung back out of their way, until grim-faced Hellboy arrived striding at an agitated pace, his chest a bloody mess under his shredded coat. And keeping up alongside, Liz was hovering, panicking and demanding answers from him. The demon's patience clearly wearing thin, he began heatedly arguing with his former lover. Jane stood in her doorway, frozen and completely silent. But her green eyes grew wide with dismay as she was suddenly discovered by the quarrelling duo.
"Jane, I -" Hellboy started, but Jane immediately ran past him, unaware of her own actions, to follow the casualties to the medical bay.
Stopping her rush just inside the swinging doors of the emergency facility, Jane stood at the edge of the flurry, the medics' furious bustling about their work, and identified six wounded agents. Her instincts led her straight to the one most in danger. Without a word of explanation, Jane pushed through the white coats to the bed of the still patient, and laid her hand on his forehead. It took only a second for the man to sit straight up, gasping for air like a reviving fish.
Again, instinct commanded her actions as she moved among the beds, halting bleeding, healing the most horrific injuries with her touch. Moans and labored breathing went silent as pain was vanished. Depths of torn flesh were magically rejoined and restored before their eyes. Liz and Hellboy stared in amazement as the wounded agents stirred to awareness that their bodies had been completely healed, as if their injuries had never happened.
Abe had been the least injured with the near loss of a hand, and after receiving Jane's attention to reconstruct the shattered bone, vital nerves and tendons, he sprang totally whole from his bed, testing his wrist's range of motion. A gratefully relieved Liz went immediately to his side.
It was time for Jane to stand back as the medics closed in to examine the fitness and recovery of the patients. Exhausted by her concentrated efforts, Jane again cleaned her hands against cross-contamination with a new disinfectant infused towel. She could only watch dazed, as nurses bustled to gather up the agents' discarded bloodied clothing from the floor. But there was one more. Hellboy had quietly stepped up to her side.
"Incredible job there, Kid," he praised, for her ears only. Then as she took his arm, he let Jane lead him a little way off from the others.
"Take off your coat," she requested. After he'd obeyed, she walked around him, inspecting. Facing him again, she carefully evaluated the wounds over his chest and ribs. She pressed both hands to the areas of dried and dripping blood, healing him instantly, but ducking her eyes from his warm smile. Her faced flush from touching his muscled and burning skin.
"Incredible again," he repeated.
"I'm sorry I got to you last...but the others needed to be saved."
"Don't sweat it," he said, meaning it.
Jane looked away awkwardly, unable to dismiss her fear that the creature within her would spring out in front of him.
"Well...I'd better go...get some rest after all that…" Jane gave her uneasy excuse, and then hurriedly made away out the doors.
Liz walked out to the corridor with Red, watching after Jane's exit. He turned to the pyrokinetic and gestured at the back of his fleeing friend.
"Is there something wrong with her?" he asked.
Liz hid away a secretive gleam. "Nope," she lied.