Doctor O

Chapter 11

6 months later

"You've made excellent progress, Mr. Oxenstierna," Dr. Kirkland rose to his feet to shake Berwald's hand, smiling.

"Thank you, doctor, it means a lot to hear from you." he wasn't sure about 'excellent progress', but a lot had changed in their professional relationship in the last six months, and today marked their last regularly scheduled appointment. He had gone from completely against meeting with Dr. Kirkland to welcoming each visit. By the end of their time working together, Berwald welcomed his appointments with the psychiatrist; it was a chance for him to open up without any negative consequences and work through his muddled emotions. He had always struggled at expressing himself, and he supposed in that regard, he had come a long way. Even Tino mentioned lightly one afternoon that he was getting better at voicing his feelings.

"I don't have to rely on your eyes so much," he had said, "I love your eyes, but it's nice to hear your voice, even if it isn't always pleasant." Which was true, it hadn't always been pleasant words to spill from his tired lips. Living with a young boy and grown man and both of them going through their own trauma was not easy. And as such, there were good days and bad. As Dr. Kirkland had told Berwald, "don't shoulder everything just because you feel guilty. You are just as important, even though you have all your limbs." He had to learn to say "no", which was never easy.

For example, refusing to make a leg for Tino. This decision came as a shock to everyone except Dr. Kirkland. It was too much though, too emotional. He struggled with his job at the best of times, despite loving it. Hearing the stories of those who needed his help broke his heart, and having to turn around and do it for the man he loved would have broken him; especially so soon after Peter... Not everyone understood, even Tino was taken aback by Berwald's refusal. Not to mention, Tino had never heard Berwald put his foot down for anything regarding him, Tino always got his way and he had wanted Berwald to make that new part of him.

"I can't, T'no, I will put too much of myself into it and then there will be nothing left... I will be a shell." Tino had refused to speak to Berwald for several days, giving him the cold shoulder in the mornings while they both helped Peter get ready for the day, eating breakfast as a family unit to give the illusion that nothing was amiss, and then shutting himself away in the bedroom any other time. Tino came around eventually, of course, once Berwald referred him to another, capable prosthetist. He wasn't happy, but once Berwald could communicate in words (thanks to help from Dr. Kirkland) how upset he would be if he had to build a leg for Tino, his iciness melted and he hugged Berwald, apologizing for being so selfish and soothing him until Berwald no longer felt so entirely guilty for saying no in the first place.

Peter got a firm "no" from Berwald when he asked if he could be home schooled. Peter had made remarkable progress with Dr. Kirkland himself, he had gone from a defiant boy eager to lash out and break rules (a very difficult few months, and thank God it was only a few months) back to his cheery self. He still had breakdowns, but Berwald and him would then go to see Dr. Kirkland together, and with the doctor's help, they were able to talk through their differences and settle things. Like school.

Dr. Kirkland had given Peter the okay to return to school, but Peter still refused. For the first few weeks Berwald had let it slide, sure that it was only because he didn't feel ready. The day Berwald announced to Peter he was returning to school on Monday, both the boy and Tino had risen up in a screaming match at the dinner table. Peter kept insisting life was unfair and he was going to be teased, Tino insisting he was just a boy and that was too much pressure, and "Goddammit, Berwald, if he says he's not ready, let him be!" But, someone had to be the parent, someone had to recognize that Peter was handling himself at home much better than when he had first arrived, happily reading books and watching cartoons during the day and would even help out with housework on weekends (after much prompting from Tino). Someone had to be the bad guy, and that someone was Berwald, since Tino was too much of a bleeding heart.

Of course, by Wednesday, Peter had already made new friends and had a play-date organized for that weekend. Tino had crept up to Berwald as he lay on the couch, half asleep, knelt beside him and, "I'm sorry I quarrelled with you about Peter and school. You were right, it was what he needed. Sometimes I forget that I can trust your judgment." They had kissed then, briefly, before Tino backed away to go to bed.

That was the one thing that had not changed.

Berwald still slept on the couch. He didn't mind, he was more concerned for Tino's comfort, and in the grand scheme of things, their relationship was still so new. But, oh, Berwald longed to sleep in his own bed. On a rare Sunday afternoon (when Tino wasn't mad at him and locking himself away in the room), Berwald would nap in his own bed, catch up on the sleep he wasn't getting on the couch; it was always when he slept the best and when he awoke the happiest - especially if it was Tino waking him by running his hands through Berwald's hair, softly announcing that dinner would be ready soon.

Work was slowly returning to normal. It wouldn't be normal until Tino returned, but Emil did his best. Most of the regular clientele didn't like him at first, but they grew to understand his dry sense of humour and no-nonsense attitude. He completely overhauled how the office ran (much to Berwald's annoyance, but Eduard and Ravis' delight). He had an excellent sense of how the office should run and processed most new referrals himself. He created a new patient sheet to be filled out, which ended up cutting consult times in half, avoiding all the trivial questions that Berwald would normally have to ask, the patients themselves filling in their medical history. Emil would demand all pertinent records be sent to their office before a consult date and would cancel appointments outright if he didn't receive that information. A bit harsh, Berwald thought, but it kept their office running efficiently.

Emil refused to bring coffee to Berwald. Berwald ended up buying a fancy coffee machine for the lunch room to compensate. Raivis named it "Shirley" and would throw a fit if she was dirty when he came in to make himself a cup of coffee in the late mornings.

"Berwald?" Dr. Kirkland called him back to the present, clapping a hand on his shoulder, "was there anything else?"

"No, sorry doctor," he tried to smile pleasantly, the emotion still felt unfamiliar stretching across his face, "thank you very much."

"Anytime. Feel free to call me if you need anything. Give my regards to Tino." Berwald thanked him once more and exited the office, holding his hand out for Peter who was colouring on the floor in the waiting room.

"Let's get you back to school, Pet'r,"

"Do I have to go back? It's just gym and stupid math class left today."

"Yes," Berwald said, using his 'no nonsense tone' that he had pulled up from some well of paternal instincts. Warmth spread in his chest as Peter offered no more complaint and stood, sliding his small hand into Peter's.

His social worker had briefly suggested moving him to a new household during a particularly rough patch during Peter's healing. He had gone several weeks refusing to speak to anyone, including Tino, and kicked and screamed if Berwald tried to take him to see Dr. Kirkland. Only Mrs. Perrin had been able to calm him down, arriving at their small apartment at Berwald's request. He didn't know what to do, Peter had broken all of the cups in the kitchen and was moving on to plates when he called the social worker. She took Peter to his room and shut the door, talking to him in hushed tones while Berwald swept up the floor and Tino cried in the bedroom.

He was grieving, he was upset, and he was always at his lowest when he came home from visiting his birth mother. She had slipped further into her depression and was admitted to a treatment facility for her addictions. Peter didn't understand that there were things wrong with her, and he didn't understand why her boyfriend was not allowed to see Peter without supervision, even though he didn't like the man, it was confusing to his young mind. Peter had exploded out of his room that evening, Mrs. Perrin hot on his tail, and he threw his arms around Berwald's waist, sobbing into his shirt. "I'm sorry, I don't wanna leave, don't let her take me away. This is home and I love you and mama!" Berwald looked imploringly to Mrs. Perrin. Once Peter was soothed and quietly in bed, she had questioned him on his ability to handle Peter.

"It's not easy every day and it's nothing like how I thought it was going to be," he had admitted around a steaming cup of tea, "but I wouldn't give him up willingly. He's only been living here a few months, but he is my son."

"Foster son," the woman corrected and Berwald shook his head and insisted, "son." And nobody was going to tell him otherwise. Tino had snuck out of the bedroom right at that moment and moved to stand beside Berwald, dropping a shaking hand to his shoulder in support. Mrs. Perrin said nothing else about transferring Peter to another home's care, but she did courier forms for permanent guardianship and a note for Berwald to consider adoption. Berwald filled out those forms immediately.

Berwald dropped Peter off at school, with minor grumbling, but he left the car with a bounce in his step with the promise of ice cream for dessert.

The drive to the office was short; the bells jingled as he opened the door, and his breath caught in his chest when those violet-blue eyes looked up and smiled at him.

"Good afternoon, Dr. O, welcome back!"

Tino was back where he belonged.

.

Peter always slept well in his bed.

He slowly started to differentiate between his life with his birth mother and her boyfriend, the Samworts, and his current family. They were all different experiences, but only one of them left him feeling safe at night. He wasn't always the nicest to Berwald and Tino as he should be, he knew when he was being difficult, but he couldn't help it. There was so much anger in him that demanded to be released, and he didn't know how.

Dr. Kirkland tried to teach him different ways or suggest what he could do, but nothing worked except lashing out. Some days Tino would hug him tight and let him cry, and that helped a lot, but he tried to keep it inside when Berwald was home. He so desperately didn't want to disappoint him by being a cry-baby.

He's not exactly sure when he started calling Tino 'mama'. It just sort of slipped out and nobody ever bothered to correct him.

When Peter would have a bad dream at night and Tino would soothe him back to sleep, he reminded Peter of his birth mother before his father disappeared. Cool hands on his forehead, a warm presence nearby and ready to protect him if anything scary came out of the closet or up from under the bed. Tino would give him a glass of water or sing him slow songs in a funny language until he fell asleep again. Tino knew what to do when he was scared in the dark, Berwald tried, but Tino was the one Peter knew he could call for if he needed help.

He had been frightened at first about talking about his family at school. Would the other kids make fun of him for having two dads? But, there was one boy in his class (who had a brother a year older) that also had two dads! He didn't call one of them 'mama' like Peter called Tino, though, he called one 'dad' and the other 'papa'.

His new friend did not think his arm was strange at all; most days Peter forgot he had a prosthetic arm.

Peter's favourite time of day was when the bell rang at three. Most kids enjoyed the fact that school was finished and they were free to go home and do normal kid things; Peter enjoyed this too, but what he liked best of all was the fact that he could race out the front doors and Berwald's car would be waiting for him. The door would be unlocked, Peter would slide into the passenger seat and Berwald would immediately ask, "how was your day? Did you learn anything?" It was simple to delight in this, perhaps, but it was routine. Having someone waiting for him to take him home, to feed him an afternoon snack, then quietly remind him to do his homework. Tino (mama) would be in the kitchen peeling potatoes for dinner, stirring something delicious-smelling on the stove, something he could eat and he didn't have to make it himself. Tino would tell Peter to wash up and set the table while Berwald helped him with difficult math problems.

Tino was the soft, loving character in their home, and Berwald was the strong protector. He understood that they were both men and that they were not married, but he looked to them like he would a mother and father. He knew that they were in a relationship (despite not sleeping in the same room like his birth mother and her boyfriend had) and that they loved each other and him, and all together they were family.

.

Tino's hands were trembling as he held the key in the lock to the office door.

How long had it been since he'd been to work? How many days and weeks and months had crawled by since he had been back int he world that was familiar to him, that was normal? His breaths were shaky and his palms were sweaty, but his mouth was stretched into a wide smile. He unlocked the door and the bells chimed as he opened it.

Home. The office. He was back.

He took in all of the sights and smells of the familiar space; everything looked exactly as he remembered it and he felt himself relax the further he wandered into the office. He flicked on all the lights, went around his desk and turned on his computer, then he wandered to the kitchen.

The morning passed like they always used to before his accident with only a handful of minor hiccups from the changes Emil had made around the office. He still insisting in working at Dr. O's clinic part time, cutting Tino's hours in half until he was fully "back on his feet" so to speak. Tino didn't mind working less, he was just excited to have an opportunity to get out of the house and feel properly useful again.

Raivis and Eduard had come in at the same time, both excitedly greeting Tino with warm hugs. "We missed you so much," Raivis had said, "you better come out for drinks with me tonight to celebrate!" Eduard cried with a look in his eye that told Tino there was nothing he could say to get out of it.

Seeing Berwald at work again was like the last pieces of his puzzle-of-a-life snapping back into place. He froze in the doorway and looked started, despite knowing that Tino would be here.

He crossed the room and grabbed Tino, hugging him tight, burying his face in Tino's hair (which had, thankfully, mostly grown back to its original state).

"I missed you so much," Berwald murmured before releasing him. They smiled happily at each other before Berwald cleared his throat and excused himself to his office to work on paperwork.

Mr. Daniels stopped in briefly to give Tino a 'Welcome Home' card and shook his hand warmly, "glad to see you back where you belong, Tino."

At the end of the day Eduard grabbed Tino by the arm before he could duck out of the office with Berwald and shoved him into his car.

"I'll get him home in one piece, Ber!" Eduard called leaving Berwald standing open-mouthed in the parking lot.

The table they always sat at was just as sticky as it always, the lighting was dim to hide the grime, and while the song was different than the last time he was here, it was still too loud. Tino smiled as he and Eduard slid into their seats and waved down a pretty waitress. Eduard ordered their usual beers and just before she left to get them, Tino called her back to the table.

"I'll get a shot of vodka, tequila, and cream as well," the waitress raised an eyebrow and nodded, Eduard choked out a laugh.

"What do you want that for?"

"To cheers to being back here," Tino said, laughing nervously.

They discussed work, Eduard filled him in on the latest hospital gossip.

"Doctors Bondevik and Kohler are super close," he said into his glass, "it spread like wildfire through the hospital that they are in an official relationship. I thought I heard something from Emil that they are engaged, but nothing else has come up about that, yet. But some of the nurses caught them going at it in a supply closet last week." Tino threw back his shot and laughed openly.

"They are engaged! They were over the other night and announced it to Berwald and I, but I'm not sure they want that to be public – in a supply closet?! One of the big ones or...?" Eduard shook his head.

"I wish I had seen it myself, just to see how they could have been doing that in such a small space. Dr. Bondevik looks like he's pretty flexible though, so..." Tino felt his face heat up discussing the sexual life of his kind-of-son's adoptive uncle, mentally telling himself not to visualize... He cleared his throat and switched subjects.

"How is Laura doing?"

By the end of the evening Tino was pleasantly tingly.

He stumbled through the front door, not used to the sensation of walking while inebriated with an artificial leg; he grumbled to himself, catching his balance on the door frame.

"Alright'?" Berwald's voice drifted through the kitchen from the living room, where Tino found him reading a book in his chair, glasses slid down his nose.

"Mm, yes. That was a fun evening! Is Peter asleep?" Berwald hummed in response, turning the page of his book. He wasn't looking Tino, this bothered him. He stood and watched his boyfriend read quietly while he was standing in the living room, pleasantly drunk. He should be doing something about the situation. He should be taking advantage of Tino in his delicate state of mind. He should be smothering him in passionate kisses and Tino would mutter about how handsome and strong Berwald was and they would spend the evening tangled up in each other. And Berwald was just reading.

Tino crossed the room and threw himself into Berwald's lap, earning a startled grunt.

"Pay attention to me," Tino pouted. Berwald blinked at him for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing. That was not the reaction Tino had been looking for. He was looking for sloppy, drunken kisses.

"Go have a shower, T'no, then get ready for bed. It's late, and you're going to wake up Pet'r." Tino glared, but did as he was told, Berwald still chuckling behind him, returning to his book. He threw one last haughty pout over his shoulder before disappearing into the bedroom.

...

"Berwald," Tino hesitated by the bedroom door, rubbing a towel on his damp hair and watching as Berwald tucked the sheets into the couch cushions, his night shirt still unbuttoned from when he had thrown it on before brushing his teeth. Berwald paused and turned to look at him, his face passive but his eyes questioning, 'yes? Is everything okay?' "Everything is fine," Tino assured, "I just... think that..." he wasn't exactly sure what words he was looking for, or even if he could say them if he found them. Berwald's eyes flashed in confusion, trying to decipher what Tino was trying to say, trying to help him while he floundered for his words.

He gave up looking for those words and instead marched across the living room and grabbed the sheets that Berwald had just tucked in and ripped them off the couch. Berwald made a sound of astonishment from the back of his throat, Tino firmly grabbed his hand and turned to face him. He still said nothing, the words would have died before they even got past his throat.

It was time.

Berwald had slept on the couch for long enough - too long. Tino could no longer refuse to let him sleep in his own room. And it's not that he didn't want to share a bed with him, his boss, his boyfriend, but he felt so... nervous. Even if nothing sexual was going to happen, sleeping was such an intimate task to him now. Before his accident, he would have jumped at the chance to share a bed with the man he had a crush on, but now... now he was utterly exposed when he was in bed. He could no longer fake being whole, that under his pajamas it would be clear that a piece of him was missing. Even though he consciously knew Berwald was fully aware of this, he still didn't want him to see. And now, after six months of sharing a living space and being together, but not together, it all seemed rather silly.

He pulled Berwald towards the bedroom door, but when he only just crossed the threshold, Berwald tugged back and forced him to stop.

"T'no," his voice choked and Tino turned to face him, his heart racing erratically in his chest; his hands were shaking he was so nervous - which was silly! He shouldn't be nervous. This was Berwald. They loved each other, and dammit, he wanted the man he loved to have a decent night's sleep for once. Tino was being selfish, he should tried harder to insist that he sleep on the couch, but Berwald always resisted. "...Are you sure you want me... with you?"

"Berwald," yes! He wanted to scream that yes, he had wanted Berwald with him for years. He wanted to lay down and fall asleep with the image of Berwald's face plastered on the backs of his eyelids and in the morning when he opened his eyes, he wanted to see Berwald laying there next to him. But his voice failed him and his nerves kept him frozen, unable to nod his head. He stood there, shaking, and Berwald's eyes very clearly translated this silence to, 'no' and Tino saw the heartbreak there, the uncertainty behind the love. Berwald started to pull away even more, sliding his hand out of Tino's and turning to leave, quietly muttering that Tino didn't have to do anything, he was fine on the couch, they didn't have to share a room, their relationship was too young for such a large step, even if nothing were to happen.

Tino lurched forward before Berwald could make his escape and threw his arms around his middle, burying his face in Berwald's back.

"Stay," his voice finally found him, "I need you. I need you next to me. I'm ready to have you next to me, but you should know that I'm- I'm not-" Berwald turned in his arms and returned the embrace, leaning down and covering Tino's mouth with his own.

"You are so beautiful," Berwald said quietly, "so handsome, and so perfect to me." Tino knew, then, that he was still whole in Berwald's eyes, and nothing would ever change that.

...

The realization that Tino was in love with Berwald was not unexpected. It came to him in slow, comforting waves throughout the day, some quietly washing over him, some crashing.

Tino traced his hand down the side of Berwald's face and leaned in to kiss him gently. Berwald stirred in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open and blearily focusing on Tino as he smiled down at him.

"Mm, mornin' T'no," Berwald's lips curved into one of those rare, genuine, soft smiles that were reserved only for Tino, his heart danced and he kissed his lover again.

"Good morning," he said, "I love you." He repeated those three words and dropped kisses onto Berwald's forehead and nose and each of his cheeks and his lips again.

Berwald wrapped his arms around Tino's waist and pulled him closer until they could both feel the other's heart beating steadily in their chests. "I love you too," Berwald sighed happily; Tino's Dr. O.

-The End-

AN: I will write an epilogue for this eventually. So, yanno, keep your eyes out for that.

There will likely be a sequel to Paging Doctors by the way, and maybe for this one too! I love this medical universe I've created, so I think I will revisit it for a few more stories in the future!

Listen, all y'all who reviewed, once, twice, or with every chapter, THANK YOU SO MUCH. You all kept me motivated to keep going. All my regular reviewers, you know who you are, I adore you and I love you and I thank you so much for encouraging me every chapter.