11

Black and Blue Christmas

What had happened in Hogsmeade was the only thing anyone seemed interested in discussing for days.

I spent half the time we were in our dormitory talking to Marlene and Alice about it at length, in hushed voices. As the only Purebloods in our dorm, they knew the most about the situation. Everyone in their family had either been approached by Death Eaters for joining, or were so vehemently outspoken about them that they knew all the secret underground resistance gossip. I tried to do this mostly when Lily and Mary weren't around. Neither of them liked discussing it very much, and I understood why. As muggleborns witches, they were the targets of this new mindset. They were in more danger than anyone else.

Lily was a little better about talking about it then Mary was. If anyone even mentioned it in front of Mary, she would immediately get up and walk to another room.

Only the Slytherins seemed to be in good spirits anymore. Most of them didn't acknowledge the article or what had happened in Hogsmeade, but skipped around in a much better mood than the rest of us. Some of the more vile, outspoken Slytherins, like Narcissa and Elizabeth, or Mulciber and Rabastan would strut around the castle telling anyone who would listen about how this was the wave of the future and how they couldn't wait for a new world without mudbloods. It was enough to horrify any reasonable person.

The Professors refused to discuss it with us any further than telling us that Hogsmeade visits had been canceled for the foreseeable future, and not even Hagrid would tell me or Lily anything else, no matter how much we pestered him about it.

"You ought not to be knowin about things like that," he had told he us, gruffly.

The morning prophet hadn't been much more enlightening than that. All it said was that Beetie Roundbottom, a muggleborn gardener living in Hogsmeade had been murdered late Saturday morning, and that You-Know-Who's dark mark had been found hovering above the house. If they knew more, they weren't telling.

A fear had pierced the castle after the article had come out. After receiving an influx of owls from nervous parents, over half the students who had elected to stay at the castle for the holidays redacted their names and started packing their trunks. I knew why. Their parents didn't think Hogwarts was safe anymore, now that an attack had happened so close to the school. They would rather have them at home. That's what Rylie Fawcett told me, when I came into the dorm the day before the train was set to leave and found her furiously packing her trunk to head home. Caradoc Dearborn had done the same that morning.

In all the times, I had stayed at the castle for the holidays, it was always full of people. It was only fear keeping them home now.

The day before break officially began, I was sitting in the dormitory with Lily snacking on some leftover peppermint, when Mary burst through the door shaking with anger. She clutched a thick letter in her hands and her face was turned down in frustration.

"Mary, Are you okay? What's wrong?" I asked, patting the spot next to me on the bed.

Mary crossed her arms, clearly frustrated and tossed the letter down beside her on the blanket.

"My parents just wrote me," she said breathlessly. "They're demanding I come home for Christmas."

I felt some of the excitement I had been holding onto in anticipation of the holiday slip from me, and did my best to hide it for her sake.

She handed me the letter, her bottom lip quivering. One quick scan of it told me all I needed to know. Just like the hordes of other parents, Mary's parents weren't comfortable with her spending the holidays at Hogwarts knowing an attack had happened so close by. I couldn't blame them, even if I was slightly disappointed. I passed it to Lily so she could read it too.

"How did they find out?" I asked, doing my best to hide how crestfallen I was.

Mary sighed. "That's the worst part. Julie told them. I don't think she meant to be a right little git about it, but that doesn't matter now does it? I have to go home, and it's her fault."

She let out a loud sigh. "I am so sorry, Doe."

I shook my head. "Don't be, Mary. It wasn't your fault, and anyway I've already told you guys I don't mind being alone. It's not that big of a deal." Mary scoffed.

"Doe," Lily said giving me a strangely parental look. "Are you sure you don't want to come home with me? It could be really fun, and I know my parents wouldn't mind at all. I hate the thought of you sitting here all alone."

"With the Slytherins," Mary added, wrinkling her nose.

"You guys are looking at this all wrong," I told them. "It's not a punishment to stay here. I don't have to go back to the orphanage and as far as I'm concerned that's the best present I could ask for. I won't be alone or stuck with Slytherins. I can spend some time with Hagrid, and catch up on reading. I'll even get my choice of couch in the Common Room."

My friends stared back at me, still thoroughly unconvinced.

"Are you absolutely sure that's what you want?" Lily asked, desperately hoping I changed my mind.

"Absolutely."

It was only half a lie. I loved the castle at Christmas, and anything was better than the orphanage. Not to mention, I had already promised myself that I wouldn't ever let my situation burden my friends. I wanted them to enjoy their holidays with their families without any intrusion from me. It wasn't their fault that I had no family.

Over the next twenty-four hours, my friends asked me no less than fifty times if I was sure about my decision, each one of them offering to take me home with them at every opportunity. I had to admire their dedication and selflessness, even if I wouldn't take them up on it.

It wasn't until they were all at the gates to the grounds preparing to be led to the Hogsmeade Platform by Filch that they lightened up.

"And you're sure?" Marlene asked, struggling with her trunk and owl cage, "like sure-sure?"

Both Mary and Lily looked ready to wait for me if I told them I'd go and pack. It was sweet at the very least.

"Yes, I promise," I groaned. "Now go before you lot miss your train."

Lily and Marlene sighed. Mary threw me a guilty look.

"Write if you need to talk!" Lily told me as they walked away, looking a little sad.

"It's only two weeks!"

Each of my friends threw me one more fleeting look as they waved and headed down to the station. I waited at the gate until I couldn't see their shapes anymore. It was sad to see them leave without me, but I knew I had made the right decision. To take them up on their offers would have been selfish.

I thought about all the fun they would no doubt have as I made my way back through the grounds and back up to the castle. On my entire walk, I only passed two other students, Albert Runcorn, a sixth year Ravenclaw and Amy Bentworth, Sirius' Hufflepuff fourth year stalker.

McGonagall had told me only twelve students were staying, and to expect to have the castle mostly to ourselves. She had said it a little solemnly, but to me that wasn't a punishment.

Four Slytherins had stayed this year and I was pleased to find out that none of them were Narcissa, Elizabeth, Rabastan or Mulciber. If Rabastan wasn't here, I wouldn't have to be constantly looking over my shoulder. I could focus on enjoying the holiday.

It was still frigidly cold outside even if some of the snow had started to melt slightly. I decided to bundle up and brave the cold to make a trip to Hagrid's hut, with his wrapped Christmas present. He was outside tending to thick hissing vines outside of his house when I approached.

"Hi Hagrid!" I boasted proudly. "How are you?"

"Good as ever," Hagrid said as he beat back one of the vines with his thick hand. "Glad ter see ya down here. Braved the cold, did ya?"

I clutched my coat tighter around me as I nodded. "I wanted to come and see you. I brought you your Christmas present too, but you have to swear you'll wait until Christmas to open in," I told him with a smile.

Hagrid gave a hearty nod. "A course. Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise now would ya?" he joked.

He opened the door to his house. "Come on in. I got a fire goin and we can ha' some coco."

I followed in behind happily. The air inside his house was warm, and toasty. I took my coat off and curled up on one of the chairs at his table, while his puppy fang nestled happily in my lap.

"So been a tough time around the castle, huh?" Hagrid said passing me what looked like a bowl of hot cocoa as he sat across from me. "How've you been doin with everything?"

"Do you mean my parents, Hagrid?" I asked him softly., "You can just ask me, you know."

Hagrid gave me a sorrowful look. "I didn't want ter be rude."

I shook my head. "It's okay. You weren't," I sighed. "I always miss them. Sometimes, like around the holidays it's especially difficult, but I'm doing okay with it, I think." I brought the cup of cocoa back to my lips. It warmed them instantly and my chest as the hot liquid slid down my throat.

Hagrid took a hearty gulp of cocoa and shook his head. "It's a ruddy tragedy it is," he said sadly, "I knew yer mum too. Nice lady. Nicest Slytherin I ever knew. Yer dad too, always nice to the animals and such. Didn't deserve what they got."

He gave another shake of his head, "Anyway. How are yer classes? Fifth year as hard as they make it sound?"

I nodded. "Worse actually. It's break and I already have a mountain of homework waiting for me when it's over."

"They're working ya too hard up there," Hagrid said pointing a large finger back in the direction of the castle.

I chuckled and then turned back to him, getting an idea. "Any chance you can tell me anymore of what happened at Hogsmeade?"

Hagrid sighed. "I don't know why ya want to talk about that of all things," he said shaking his head. "An anyway I don't know ter much about it anyway."

I got the sense that Hagrid knew more than he was telling me but I didn't push him on it. I stayed at Hagrid's house for a few hours, finishing off a raisin cake he had made while we organized some of the unicorn tail hairs he had collected into a fine braid and then while we cleaned up all of the things Fang had destroyed while we weren't watching him. I liked spending time with Hagrid. It was like being with family. It didn't matter what we were doing, we would just talk about anything, like the animals he was taking care of in the forest. When I told him about the encounter I had had with the centaurs in the forbidden forest he became enraged.

"They tried to shoot yer!?" he demanded. "I'm gonna have a talk with Bane next time in there. Could have bloody killed ya couldn't he?"

"They were not the friendliest creature I've ever come across," I admitted, shuddering at the memory of the half-horses and their weapons.

Hagrid shook his head. "Ruddy stargazers."

When the sun started to set, I headed back to the castle, with an armful of leftover cake from Hagrid. The castle was quiet when I came back in. I only passed one tiny first-year Gryffindor on his way to dinner, who looked downright terrified of me. I wondered if it would be just me and him in Gryffindor tower.

"Draculus Lillies," I told the Fat Lady when I got to the portrait hole, repeating the password I heard Lily tell a second year this morning.

"Nasty flowers, aren't they?" the Fat Lady asked politely, as she swung open. "I avoid them as much as possible."

"Me too," I told her happily, surprised at how pleasant a mood she was in today. I guess without all the constant foot traffic of the other Gryffindors, she was in better spirits. Swinging open and closed a hundred times a day must have been pretty tiring for her.

I headed for my dormitory planning on changing into something warmer and dryer for dinner when I stopped dead in my tracks. There was someone I recognized sitting comfortable in one of the armchairs by the fire, lazily flipping through a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Sirius?" I called out in surprise.

He looked up immediately, shock crossing his face. He clearly hadn't been expecting anyone else to be here. He blinked at me.

"Meadowes?" he asked, slightly confused. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here? Don't you know the train left this morning?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, has it?" I asked sarcastically, "Well in that case, I guess I'm stuck here."

Sirius didn't look amused, he still seemed genuinely confused. "You stayed?" he asked quietly, "Even with everything going on in Hogsmeade?"

That surprised me. Sirius didn't seem like the type to worry about things like that. He brazenly charged into the Forbidden Forrest and told off centaurs.

I shrugged. "Come on, you and I both know there's nowhere safer than Hogwarts. I'd like to see a death eater try and get through Dumbledore."

Sirius blinked. "Still? Didn't your family want you to come home? What about that aunt you live with?"

I shuffled uncomfortably, feeling the same residual guilt I always felt when confronted with the lie I had told so many times. It felt like a thick black vine in my chest, wrapping tightly around my lungs and heart every time I repeated the fabrication.

"She's traveling," I told him quickly, and before he could ask any more questions about my fictional aunt, I added. "What about you? Didn't your family want you home?"

Sirius snorted, looking like I had told the most hilarious joke he'd ever heard. "Actually, I think they'd much prefer it if I don't come home. They have their perfect little Regulus." He chucked the daily prophet onto the coffee table beside him. "And anyway, it's more of a holiday for me if they aren't around."

I had to admire the way Sirius aired his dirty laundry with his family so casually, like he was just telling me what he had for breakfast. I could never do that. I still struggled with even talking to my friends about it.

"So, which one of your dorm mates stayed with you?" Sirius asked. "Merlin, I hope it's Marlene. I hear enough about Lily from James already."

His gaze drifted over to the girl's dormitory, clearly waiting for one of my friends to skip down the staircase.

I shook my head. "None of them, actually. It's just me."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Then it looks like it's just you and me. Well you me and that tiny little first year I saw earlier, but really who counts first years anyway?"

"James didn't stay?" I asked him curiously. I could hardly imagine a world where Sirius stayed at Hogwarts by himself without any of the other Marauders. If he did, he must really not want to be around his family.

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. Like the rest of our dormitory, Prongs is one of those lucky gits whose family actually loves and misses him, so I let him go on without me."

I blinked, that was rather selfless of him. I realized it was what I had done too. Sirius and I were more alike than I thought.

Suddenly I was faced with the realization that it would be two weeks of just Sirius and I in the castle, along with whatever other poor souls had remained behind. It was strange, but I found the idea oddly comforting.

"I'm starving," Sirius said throwing his legs over the chair so he could stand, "come on, Meadowes. Let's go get something to eat."

I left my things on the coffee table in front of the couch and followed Sirius back out of the Common Room.

The castle was quieter than I had ever heard it before, except for at night. I walked alongside Sirius towards the Great Hall, letting my eyes roam over the beautiful decorations that adorned the castle walls. It was decorated like a postcard, with holly and mistletoe in every corner. Yards of garland stretched across every wall, with hanging baubles and ornaments sparkling past the windows. I didn't think I'd ever see anything more beautiful that Christmas at Hogwarts.

"Weird," Sirius said shaking his head as we stopped in the entrance hall. The house tables were still set for dinner but it looked strange with so few people scattered among them. The Ravenclaw table had two six years, Cessa Urquart and Albert Runcorn both of who were sitting alone and reading. At the Hufflepuff table, sixth year Tydie Fuller was making casual conversation with Amy Bentworth, until Amy noticed Sirius and a smile crossed her face as she watched him over Tydie's shoulder. The tiny first year Gryffindor, Fillmore was sitting at the Hufflepuff table, talking to a wide eyed Hufflepuff 1st year I didn't know.

"Ew," Sirius wrinkled his nose, "Snivellus is here."

He was looking at the Slytherin table, where Severus sat beside Silas Travers and Thomas Nott, looking very displeased for with the company. A third year Slytherin girl sat with them too, but even she looked happier than Severus.

"Lily says he always stays," I told Sirius, watching Severus stare at his plate miserably.

"Somehow, I don't find it shocking that nobody wants him home for the holidays," Sirius said with a considerable amount of disgust.

I didn't like Severus much either, but I felt an upsurge of pity for him in that moment. I didn't have anyone who wanted me home either. And as terrible as he was, Sirius was looking at Severus like he was something he had found on the bottom of his shoe.

Severus looked up at Sirius and I then, and sneered. He was way too far away to have heard a word of what we said, but it didn't matter. His look was cold and murderous. It was clear how much he despised the both of us, whether I was friends with Lily or not.

"No other fifth years stayed. With no witnesses, it'll be easier to get the better of him," Sirius said darkly, "I'm thinking we sneak into their dorms while he's sleeping and conjure his bed to the Black lake."

"We?" I asked him, with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, we. James isn't here so I'll need to make you an honorary Marauder for the time being, so you can help with the calculated mischief."

I almost snorted. I had learned my lesson when it came to doing things with the Marauders. Somehow I knew the punishment for almost drowning Severus had to be more than two weeks of detention.

I shook my head. "Not going to happen," I told Sirius taking a seat down at the Gryffindor table. Sirius followed.

I scooped a helping of potatoes on my plate. All of the food smelled exceptionally delicious tonight, and I wondered if it was because they had so few students to cook for.

"Even if I beg?" Sirius asked.

"Especially not if you beg," I told him.

Sirius grinned mischievously. "I doubt that's true. I've yet to meet a woman who can resist me when I'm on my knees."

I almost choked on my pumpkin juice at his words. Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. His face fell when he looked past my shoulder.

"What?" I asked.

Sirius shook his head. "That barmy bird Amy Bentworth is staring at me again. At first, I found it flattering. At this point, I'm convinced she's going to slip me a love potion."

"I wouldn't discount it. She's mad."

Sirius sighed. "Tell me about it. Doesn't matter how many girls I sleep with, she doesn't get the hint."

He actually looked a bit frightened when he looked at her. It was a humbling expression to see on his face.

"Poor girl," I said shaking my head and taking a bite of food. "Imagine waking up every morning and thinking about you."

"You're so very cruel to me," Sirius said holding his hand over his heart. He pretended to fall lifeless onto the table, looking displeased when it didn't yield a laugh.

"I wish Peter were here," he said wistfully. "he would have wet himself over that one."

I rolled my eyes. "I am surprised you haven't shagged her yet," I told him honestly, bringing the conversation back to Amy. "You're not exactly one for turning people down."

"Are you calling me a slag, Meadowes?"

"You said it, not me."

Sirius and I finished the meal talking about some of the more ridiculous things Amy Bentworth had done or said during the years, and it surprisingly had me laughing the entire time. It was a lot like our tutoring sessions, just without the homework. We seemed to be the only people in the Great Hall, other than the professors, who actually enjoyed their meal. The rest of the students talked quietly or kept to themselves, they didn't have any friends left in their houses.

When dinner was over, we headed back to the Common Room and sat on the couch, talking for another few hours. It was strange how easily Sirius and I got on. I knew we had been becoming closer the last few months, but this was different. This felt like talking to a friend, and it was odd. I listened carefully as Sirius told a very animated story about the first time they had visited Peter's moms house in a muggle neighborhood.

"And muggles," Sirius said excitedly, "They have these things, that are amazing. They're motorized bikes and they get you from place to place, granted they're way slower than apparating but they're bloody brilliant. I want to get one."

"I've seen a motorbike, Sirius," I said chuckling at how enthusiastic he was about it. "I see them out the window, a hundred times a day in the summer."

Sirius blinked at me, "You do? How?"

My mouth fell open slightly and I closed it before Sirius could notice. "At my Aunt's house," I added quickly.

I wanted to chide myself. I'd only spent half a day with Sirius so far and twice had to lie about my home. I hoped to Merlin this wasn't becoming a pattern.

Sirius sighed. "You're so lucky. I love them. Remus got me a magazine full of them for Christmas last year. They had posters too. I put them on my wall at home with a permanent sticking charm. Made my mother scream for days, but she couldn't get them off no matter how hard she tried."

"Bet that made her like you even more," I teased.

Sirius grinned. "Well, they already think I'm the biggest blood traitor in Black History, so I figured what's the harm? Actually, they think Andromeda is, but I'm a close second."

Andromeda Black. I vaguely remembered her from when we were younger. Narcissa's older sister. I remembered what happened with her.

"Your cousin Andromeda," I started, "That's the one who- "

Sirius nodded before I even finished my thought. "Ran away with a muggleborn Hufflepuff? Yup. That's the one. It was weird too, because Andromeda was always the quiet, well-behaved one. They expected me to do something like that. Not her." Sirius chuckled. "She's pretty great actually. By far my favorite cousin."

"I liked her," I remembered. "She was nice to Gryffindors. Nothing like Bellatrix."

Sirius nodded. "They may have looked alike but they couldn't be any more different. For starters, Bellatrix is a tyrannical bitch."

"She makes Rabastan look like Reggie Cattermole," I agreed.

Something flashed across Sirius' eyes. "You know, I think I had it wrong last time you told me about him," he said angrily. "What we saw the other day in Hogsmeade. That wasn't him trying to get under the skin of Don't'kiss Meadnos or a romp in the four poster."

I scowled. "Thanks for reminding me about that charming nickname," I said slightly annoyed.

Sirius ignored me. "That was something different, Meadowes. It goes deeper than that. It's like he really wants to scare you."

I knew Rabastan's motivations had always been a little more sinister than teasing, but I didn't know exactly how deep or dangerous they were. I hoped it was nothing more than an arrogant Slytherin using all of his influence to intimidate someone who bothered him, because if it was anything else, I didn't even know how to begin to handle it. There were some things so dark even a stinging jinx wouldn't help.

"I try not to let Rabastan bother me," I told Sirius, leaning against the armrest of the couch. "He's not worth the time."

Sirius scowled. "All those Slytherins they're all the same. Brought up in families where they're taught that they're royalty and everyone else is scum. And then they wonder why they grow up to be Death Eaters?"

He wasn't wrong. My mum's family was exactly like Rabastan's. My mum hadn't told me much about her family growing up. She always I was too young to understand why we didn't see my grandparents or my uncles. I knew later, after she died that it was because of her and my father. She had rebelled. Married who she wanted. She spent her whole lifetime raging against their principles, kind of like Sirius, come to think of it.

I could feel the usual cold, pit of grief creeping into my stomach as I pictured my parents faces, and then faces of the Greengrass family. The one's I only barely remembered from photos. I knew I should go upstairs to the dormitory before I started to cry. The watch on Sirius' wrist said it was well past midnight anyway.

I faked a yawn and stretched my arms above my head. "I think I'm going to turn in, I'm exhausted."

Sirius shook his head, "Lightweight."

"Goodnight, Sirius."

I took the stairs four at a time and barely closed the door to the dormitory before I felt the tears rise in my eyes. The dormitory looked sad and empty without my friends. I curled up on my bed and reached for my trunk, unearthing something I had avoided touching for half a year.

Buried underneath a set of robes I had outgrown and The Standard Book of Spells Grade 4, was a sterling silver frame. Inside was a photo of both of my parents on their wedding day.

It had been ages since I looked at it. I thought it would hurt too much to have it around, but now I knew how ridiculous that was. I cleared a spot on my nightstand, and nestled the frame between my wand and my scarf.

If I kept the photo hidden, Aubleus won. I would keep it out, a reminder of what ignorance and bigotry had stolen from me.

I woke up early the next morning. I wasn't sure I was going too without Lily's helpful prodding that usually accompanied me in the morning. The window panes were already frosted from the cold, so I dressed in my warmest jeans and sweater.

By the time I got down to the Great Hall only half the students who stayed were there. I didn't see Severus or Sirius anywhere, and Amy Bentworth was missing too. The tiny first year Gryffindor was eating a bowl of porridge and staring at me with wide eyes as I slowly ate the eggs in front of me.

By the time I made it back to the Common Room, I was thinking today might be the day I started making study schedules for O. . The exams were approaching faster than I had realized and if I wanted to do well, and I had to do well, then I really needed to get organized about it. I had just convinced myself to go upstairs and fetch my Defense Against the Dark Arts book when Sirius almost barreled into me in front of the girl's staircase.

"Hey, Meadowes," Sirius said excitedly. He was hiding something behind his back with both hands, and had a casual excitement written across his face. "What are you doing today?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Sirius sighed, "Must you always be so cautious? Would it kill you to just once be spontaneous?"

"Last time I was spontaneous with you a centaur almost killed you."

"Must you always harp on that? It was fun before that."

Sirius pulled what he was hiding out from behind his back. It was his broomstick. My jaw almost dropped when I saw it up-close. It was a 75' Meteoroid, brand new. I had spent half my Diagon Alley trip last year with my nose pressed up against the window of Quality Quidditch Supplies looking at that exact broomstick. It took everything in me not to drop a sack of galleons on it.

"Merlin, that's beautiful," I said reaching out to stroke the handle. "How long have you had it?"

Sirius grinned, knowing he had found my weakness. "I got it over the summer. Present from my Uncle Alphard."

"No wonder you flew so fast in the last game," I said shaking my head, "You kept up with a whole team of them."

"Noticed the most recent Black donation to Slytherin House, did you?" Sirius asked rolling his eyes. "The second dear old Mum and Dad heard I got one, they bought little Reg's team a whole set."

"Figures. Doubt they would be able to hold a candle to our team without them," I said shaking my head.

Sirius leaned against the wall. "So, if you're really that fascinated by my broom, I was thinking about going out to practice for a little while on the pitch, and I need someone to throw the quaffle around and pretend it's a bludger."

Only now did I see the beaters bat slung on Sirius' hip. He leaned the broomstick against the wall and gathered his hair into a low bun.

"Why not use real bludgers?"

Sirius sighed softly. "Because last time I did, a stray got away and broke an entire window in the astronomy tower and McGonagall threatened my life." I chuckled before I could stop myself and Sirius frowned.

"So, do you want to come out and practice?" Sirius asked, twirling the broom back and forth in his hands.

I wanted too. I hadn't flown on a broom since first year. There wasn't a lot of opportunity when I spent all of my time with muggles or at Lily's house. The idea was appealing.

"I don't have a broom," I told him honestly.

Sirius waved me off. "I have keys to the team closet. You can borrow one of the school brooms."

I could feel the excitement bubbling up inside of me, as I nodded and told Sirius I had to go and change into something warmer. I switched out my sneakers for leather boots and added a sweatshirt. As I skipped back down the stairs, I tossed my hair into a high ponytail.

Sirius and I didn't see any other students as we headed down to the pitch, ignoring the cold that kept biting at my cheeks.

I helped Sirius dig the Quidditch balls out onto the pitch, and picked out one of the school brooms to fly on the ground.

Sirius only took out the Quaffle. The bludgers racked back and forth, shaking the entire trunk as Sirius and I mounted our brooms. Sirius rose into the sky immediately, clutching his bat in one hand and the quaffle in the other.

I took my time rising into the air. The second I had sat down on the broom I felt the familiar stirring of happiness inside of my chest. I rose hundreds of feet in the air and flew around the pitch starting slow and then testing the broom to see how fast it would go.

After a minute, I could hear Sirius chuckling below me and I blushed, dropping down to where his broom was waiting.

"Having fun?" he asked, tossing the quaffle into the air and catching it effortlessly.

I nodded excitedly. "I haven't been on a broom in ages."

I reached for the quaffle and Sirius tossed it to me quickly. It had a tricky spin on it and it flew five feet to the right of me. I dove for it, leaning down on the broom to speed forward.

I barely caught it, my fingertips gripped it and yanked it towards me, while I spun the broom back towards Sirius, who stared back at me a little impressed.

"That was a pretty decent catch, Meadowes," he said evenly. "Have you been flying in your free time?"

I shook my head. "No, I wish. I haven't ridden since first year."

Sirius looked shocked for a moment and I tossed him back the quaffle.

We went back and forth like that for a while. I would toss the quaffle at Sirius, and wait for him to hit it full force with his beater bat. Every time he did, I would go chasing after it on the broom and do my best to catch it. To my delight, I managed to catch it almost every time. Each time I did, Sirius would stare at me dumbfounded.

We stayed like that for hours. Flying was exhilarating, even despite the frigid air. After a while we noticed the two tiny first years, one Gryffindor and one Hufflepuff sitting in the stands watching us, with wide eyes and smiles. We could have been out there until dinner. Sirius was a fantastic beater. It didn't matter how difficult the throw was, he would always hit the quaffle. It made me wonder if he ever practiced with Regulus in the summer, because they both seemed to be incredibly fast fliers.

I tossed the quaffle at Sirius again and he hit it with the bat so hard a deafening crack echoed through the pitch. The two first years clapped loudly and I tore off after the quaffle at full speed. It didn't make nervous going that fast. It was more exhilarating than anything else. I managed to catch the quaffle at the last second, tucking it under my arm and speeding towards one of the goalposts. Out of curiosity I aimed for the middle post and sent the quaffle soaring. I grinned as it effortlessly made it through the loop. I dropped down to catch it again before it hit the ground.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius said flying towards me, looking absolutely floored. "What did you do summon the quaffle?"

I beamed as I tossed the quaffle from hand to hand. It had been a pretty good catch, but most of it had just been luck.

"It was a lucky catch," I told him, shaking my head. My hair was flying around my face, full pieces hanging out my ponytail. It was still some of the most fun I had ever had, but I didn't want Sirius attributing it anything more.

He wouldn't let it go. "If you could do that, why haven't you ever tried out for the house team?" he pressed. "You're a natural chaser."

I felt my cheeks turn a little pink, something that had nothing to do with the chilly wind in the air.

I had loved to fly in first year, and my love of Quidditch had probably developed in the womb, but I never pursued the team out of fear. Fear of having too much attention placed on me after my parent's death. Fear of sucking and never being able to practice because of where I lived in the summer. I had never even allowed myself to consider the idea.

"I appreciate the compliments but I've never even played a real game before," I told him.

Sirius shook his head, and tossed the quaffle at me full force. I caught in my right hand and managed to stay on the broom while it spun. When I righted myself, Sirius gave me a knowing look, as if it had proved his point.

"You need to try out next year," Sirius said firmly, grasping his broom handle with one hand and tossing the beaters bat with the other. "We need better chasers. James is excellent but the other two are leaving next year."

As appealing as the idea did sound, I knew there was no way I would ever go for it. Out of practice wasn't even the right word to describe me. I had never had the practice to begin with. I could barely imagine the idea of James Potter and Landon McKinnon laughing me off the pitch if I showed up to tryouts.

"I don't know Sirius," I said unsure, "I think I'd prefer just watching Quidditch."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "You're bloody mad, Meadowes. You know that?"

We stayed out on the pitch for another two hours, where Sirius played keeper and I, chaser. Every time I got the quaffle past him, he went on a long-winded rant about how chasers help win the game until I eventually threatened to leave the pitch. After a while we abandoned the practice altogether, and just rode the brooms around the pitch. Sirius let me try out his broom, which made the school broom feel like a pile of twigs caught in the wind. We stayed out there until the cold bit our noses and our stomachs groaned in protest.

Pink-cheeked, sweaty and hair askew, I followed Sirius back to the castle with a wide smile across my face. Being out on the pitch had been some of the most fun I had had in weeks, and I was still exhilarated from it.

"I'm just saying anyone who enjoys the pitch that much should be out on the field during matches," Sirius said cheekily as strutted down the corridor towards the Great Hall for lunch.

I shook my head, laughing as we walked. "You're unbelievable."

Sirius grinned. "I think you'll find that when I want something, Meadowes. I usually get it."

We rounded the corner quickly and almost bumped straight into two Slytherins. Thomas Nott's upper lip curled over his teeth as he stared at us, "Ugh. Gryffindors."

My hand flew to the wand in my boot without thinking. I always had been a draw my wand before thinking kind of person. Especially when it came to Slytherins. Sirius didn't look nearly as nervous as I did. Instead he looked entertained, as if this was a solution to some kind of boredom he had been feeling.

Silas Travers sneered at our mud and dirt covered clothes, an unpleasant smile forming on his overly round teeth.

"Had to take a girl out to the pitch with you even on break?" Silas snorted at Sirius, flashing his set of yellowed uneven teeth. "You lot must really be ashamed about that embarrassing loss you suffered."

Sirius pursed his full lips, his eyes remaining hard and steely. "Hardly. Gryffindors don't have to resort to attacking a girl to win a match. Have you seen Hestia's nose lately? Even bruised it's still better looking than yours."

I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from snorting. Silas's nose was rather large and uneven. Leave it to Sirius to be the only person ballsy enough to make a joke out of it.

Silas's eyes narrowed. "Haven't you dug yourself a large enough hole in Slytherin, Black?" he asked. "From what Regulus tells me, even mummy and daddy have made enemies of you. And still you make more."

I saw a tiny bit of anger flash across Sirius' eyes as his wand hand slipped into his pocket, and closed around the wand, ready in case of the situation escalating. His eyes were locked on Travers', his mouth turning into a snarl. Travers looked thrilled.

I knew it was my turn to end the situation before it got worse. I wrapped my hand around Sirius' forearm and pulled him away towards the Great Hall.

"This isn't the battle to choose, Sirius," I reminded him, trying to drag him away from the two Slytherins.

Sirius cast one dirtier look at the Travers and then stomped off towards the Great Hall, with me at his heels. As I caught up with him, I had a sinking feeling that this wouldn't be the last interaction we had with the Slytherins during the holiday.

The holiday passed by very quickly. Sirius and I spent almost every day until Christmas together. Spending most days outside on the Quidditch pitch, and only coming inside when we got too hungry or too cold.

It was mystifying how well Sirius and I seemed to be getting along. We had spent almost every second we weren't sleeping, together. Talking in the Common Room, flying on the pitch, or at meal times, it didn't matter. We were enjoying each other's company. We talked about everything, like it was Lily or Marlene sitting across from me.

Shocking as it seemed, Sirius Black had become something I never thought even remotely possible. Something that if I had been told on the Hogwarts Express, I would have laughed at.

Sirius Black had become my friend, a thought that was both horrifying and exciting all at the same time.

By the time Christmas Morning came around, I was in such a fantastic mood from the last few days I had hardly had time to think about how much I missed parents. That is, until I woke up to the pile of presents at the end of my bed. It was hard to ignore it then as ten happy Christmases with my parents flashed through my head.

Being completely alone in the dormitory, didn't seem like a very festive way to spend the holiday, so I wrapped myself in my dressing gown and scooped my presents into my arms. I'd rather open them in front of the Christmas tree in the Common Room, beside the warm glow of the fireplace. That just felt more christmassey to me.

There was nobody else in the Common Room when I plopped down in front of the Christmas Tree, so I spread all of my presents out and opened them slowly. Mary and Lily had chimed together and bought me a beautiful set of leather-bound charms books that were so interesting it took every ounce of self-control I had not to flip through them right then and there.

I opened the present from Marlene and found a beautiful scarlet knit sweater that was so soft I I wanted to rub it all across my face.

I was just about to open the present from Hagrid when I heard the sound of heavy leather boots slamming down the boy's staircase, as Sirius appeared in the doorway, also carrying an armload of unopened packages. He was dressed in a sweater and jeans and flashed me a cocky smile.

"Nice pajamas, Meadowes" he winked, plopping down on the carpet beside me. "Are those hippogriffs on your pants?" He reached out to grab the bottom of the pajama pants and I smacked his hand away while he snickered.

"If I had known we were dressing this casual, I wouldn't have put on pants," he told me cheekily, a mischievous grin stretching across his face. "Such a waste."

"I didn't know you were going to be here," I told him, shaking my head in annoyance.

"Oh, I don't doubt it. I'd hope if you were going to seduce me with your night clothes they wouldn't be patterned with magical creatures."

I rolled my eyes. "I was looking forward to the presents, Sirius. I wasn't too concerned with whether or not my pajama pants would please you."

"Well rest-assured, they do."

I cracked a smile and reached for my present from Hagrid, slowly unwrapping a miniature leather backpack that only opened when I placed my wand directly on the lock.

"Handy," I said as I examined it carefully. No matter what I tried to do only my wand would open it, and I couldn't help but think about helpful that would be, especially during the summer.

"Who's that from?" Sirius asked, stuffing a chocolate from a box he just unwrapped into his mouth.

"Hagrid," I told him, mentally reminding myself to send him a thank-you note later. "Cool, isn't it?"

I kept playing with the backpack, fascinated by it, while Sirius watched an unwrapped another box of Hogsmeade treats, and a Quidditch book.

"I didn't know you and Hagrid were close," Sirius said through a mouthful of chocolate frog.

I felt my cheeks burn again. How was it that Sirius always asked the exact questions that filled my chest with icy dread?

I gave a gentle nod. "We are. We have tea a lot."

Sirius shrugged and turned back to his presents, otherwise unconcerned, and I took a deep breath.

"Bloody hell," Sirius swore holding up an unwrapped present. It was a sweater, large and yellow, with a floppy collar, decorated with black stripes. "Who hates me this much?"

A note had to fallen to the ground beside it. I gingerly picked it up and read it carefully.

With love, Amy Bentworth

Sirius scowled as I handed it to him. "This bird is crazy."

"I think you should wear it to Christmas dinner," I told him, giggling. "It would make her year." Sirius ignored me and turned back to his presents, muttering something about love potions and obsession.

Sirius picked up his smallest, poorly wrapped brown package and frowned at it dramatically. It was tiny enough to fit in the palm of his hand, and looked like it had been wrapped by an infant.

"Who's that from?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

Sirius looked at the tag and then raised his eyebrows, as his face filled with sudden understanding. "Ah, it's from my parents."

Sirius shook the present. "It's tiny. It must be their hopes for my future."

I laughed so hard that I snorted, and Sirius flashed me a wide smile. He carefully unwrapped the present and pulled out a folded pamphlet called The Dangers of Marrying Mudbloods, Half-Bloods and Squibs.

"Wonderful," Sirius said dropping the pamphlet with an eye roll.

I could hardly believe what I was seeing and picked the pamphlet up with a sick pit in my stomach. The pamphlet was full of testimonials of Purebloods who had 'ruined' their lives by choosing partners with different blood status. It was disgusting.

"Your parents gave you this as a Christmas present?" I asked in disbelief. "What did they give you last year?"

Sirius looked me directly in the eye and answered, "A lecture."

That time, I laughed so hard I through my head back in laughter. Sirius had a fantastic way of making even the most depressing statement sound hilarious.

After we finished opening our presents, I went upstairs to put on real clothing, and we spent the rest of the afternoon out on the grounds. It was cold but no longer snowing and it was fun to sit on the hill and watch the Giant Squid shiver.

By the time dinner rolled around, we were starving and I made sure to brush my hair and change into my new sweater. I was glad I did when we walked into the Great Hall and found a much fancier scene than we were expecting.

Someone, presumably Hagrid, had filled the Great Hall with twelve gargantuan Christmas trees decorated with tinsel, garland and ornaments. Ice sculptures of the four founders stood in every corner watching over the entire scene.

Snowflakes were suspended from the ceiling sparkling brightly and throwing sharp crystalline images onto the wall. Tiny golden fairies floated past the ghosts, all of whom were in attendance, and sang.

The most noticeable and surprising part of the entire thing was that the house tables had been removed and replaced with a large circular table, surrounded by twenty-four ornate chairs.

The entire staff, including Hagrid and Filch, were seated at the table, and the other students were sitting there too. Each of the professors were dressed nicely in fancy dress robes and matching hats or pins. The table was covered with a feast, complete with goose and a ham.

Sirius and I exchanged a look as we entered the hall and took the two remaining seats. Everyone else seemed thrilled or a little nervous with the seating arrangement. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were happily chatting away with Professors Flitwick and Tellweather, and most of the Slytherins were talking too. The two first years were loving the setup, whispering to one another with wide smiles. Except Severus, he looked miserable again, and even more miserable when he spotted us.

"I thought since there were only a few of us here, we may as well have a nice informal Christmas feast together," Dumbledore said joyously. "Gives us all a chance to chat together, happily"

He seemed to be right about the happy part. Each of the Professors seemed to be in excellent spirits. It looked as if Professor Sprout and Sinistra had already started on their wine, and Professor Flitwick was laughing so hard at something he slammed his tiny hand down on the table.

Hagrid gave me a wide smile across the table and I returned it happily. The table was covered with a delicious assortment of food, and as soon as Dumbledore reached for a sliver of cake, everyone began to serve themselves. It was a joyful meal, where everyone ate and talked, and for a while it was easy to forget why there were so few of us here and simply enjoy the holiday.

"Mr. Runcorn, you simply must try the treacle tart, it's wonderful," Dumbledore urged Albert. The sixth year looked so delighted at the Headmasters words, he served himself two pieces.

As soon as food was served, the conversation began and everyone joined in.

Dumbledore spent half the meal enjoying only the sweets and offering as many as he could to whichever one of his students didn't have a mouthful of food at the time, while Professor Flitwick told every joke he could think of.

I spent most of the meal talking to Professor McGonagall and Hagrid about O.W.L.'s over the pudding, while Sirius argued lightheartedly with Slughorn over the merits of Slytherin vs. Gryffindor.

"Honestly Professor, no disrespect but a snake? Could you have a more distrustful animal? How could anyone be expected to trust you?"

Slughorn chuckled at Sirius, patting his robust stomach while he did. "You are so unlike your brother. Quite the silver-tongue on you boy."

McGonagall flashed a disapproving look at the Potions Master and then turned back to me.

"You've always had strong wand work, Ms. Meadowes," she continued. "Always fantastic marks in Transfiguration, Charms and Defense. The real tough questions of the exams always occur in History of Magic and Potions. Those have the most information to remember-"

A large crack echoed through the Great Hall, and the tiny Hufflepuff first year looked stunned as a wizard cracker lay open in her hands, with a Gobstones game in its place.

"Excellent!" Silas said reaching for one of the wizard crackers from the pile in the middle of the table.

Everyone followed suit and soon the room echoed with cracks as everyone cracked open their wizard crackers and admired the presents they got.

I ended up with a broom servicing kit that I traded to Sirius for a periwinkle, sparkling witches hat. When I placed it on top of my head, Professor Sprout leaned across the table and drunkenly told me it looked absolutely lovely.

"You look absolutely mad," Sirius chuckled under his breath. "Sprout is just trying to butter you up."

"A risk I'm willing to take," I told him, having another bit of the apple cake Dumbledore offered me.

By the time we finished the food, everyone was so stuffed no one knew what to do with themselves. We just sat happily at the table until Dumbledore raised his glass.

"I'd like to wish each and every one of you a Happy Christmas," Dumbledore said quietly. "Thank you for the wonderful meal and conversation. I hope each and every one of you finish off your Christmas with happy memories. I will let you go and find your warm beds. Good night everyone."

With his blessing, every one of the remaining students got up from the chairs and wished their Professors a good night.

Sirius and I walked slowly back to the Common Room. I didn't know where the tiny first year was but he certainly wasn't around us.

"Odd sitting so close to the Professors huh?" I asked as we approached Gryffindor Tower.

Sirius gave an exasperated nod. "I was about to ready to strangle Slughorn, but Dumbledore was a laugh. Man's off his rocker, and still manages to be the most interesting person in the room."

The Fat Lady was getting drunk with her friend Violet when we got to her portrait and it took several rounds of prodding before she let us back into the Common Room.

The Fireplace was lit and warm when we got back and I dropped down on the plush couch in front of it. Sirius joined me, watching the fire crackle in even, comforting strokes. I kicked my boots off and buried my feet under my legs for warmth.

I was overwhelmed with how nice Christmas dinner had been. I hadn't had a Christmas that nice since my family was alive.

Sirius let his head drop backward on the back of the couch and kicked his feet onto the coffee table.

"You know, I'm really glad I decided to stay here this year," Sirius said softly, "This has been a hell of a lot more fun than Christmas at the Black home."

I turned back to face him, resting my head on my forearm. Sirius' face was more blank and even than I had ever seen it. Thoughtful, almost with a trace of sadness that looked familiar to me.

"Is it really that bad there?" I asked him quietly. I didn't want to pry, but Sirius never seemed to have a problem discussing anything personal. But for fun-loving, care-free Sirius to be affected by something, I knew it had to be dark and sinister.

Sirius snorted. "It makes double potions with the Slytherins, look like a vacation in Majorca."

He sighed quietly. "It would be one thing if they were just cruel but that combined with their blood-purity, all-magic dragon dung? They're absolutely heinous," he said softly.

I watched as the anger crossed his face for a moment. The color and excitement that was there a moment ago disappeared.

Sirius shook his head, growing angrier by the second. "I'm proud I'm not like them. You should hear the things they say about me, and Gryffindor and the rest of us blood-traitors. Each one worse than the last. With the things they say about me, I'm surprised they haven't kicked me out yet. I know they want too, so they can just have perfect little Regulus. You know my own mum disinvited me from Christmas dinner? It wouldn't matter whether I wanted to go or not, Walburga Black decided I wasn't worthy of being part of the family this year."

Sirius looked angry and stared forward at the wall, his fists balling at his sides as he stared forward.

I could see how conflicted he was; between the disgust he felt toward his family and the shame of the fact that they didn't want him home. I'd never seen him like this before. He looked blank, almost empty.

"Sirius," I started but he raised a lazy hand.

"You don't have to pity me, Meadowes," Sirius said. "I'd hate to shatter the image of bravery and attractiveness you've got in your head for me." He only managed to smile at the corners of his mouth, like it was still painful.

I felt an upsurge of emotion for him then. He may still have parents, but his situation was no different than mine. Unwanted by the very people who should want him most. He reminded me of my mum. Born into a pureblood family and doing everything they could do challenge what they believed in. I knew what I had to tell him.

"Pity you?" I asked in disbelief, my voice cracking. "I don't pity you, Sirius. How can I, when I'm in the same position?"

Sirius eyed me strangely. "What do you mean?"

I turned to him, so that I could look him directly in the eyes. Every ounce of me screamed in protest as I opened my mouth to say what I needed too.

"No one in my family wanted me either. When my parents died, every single one of their family was so repulsed by my dirty blood, that they let me go straight to a muggle orphanage instead. I understand what it's like to not be wanted by family."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "What do you mean, an orphanage?" he asked quickly. "What about the Aunt you live with?"

I shook my head softly. "She doesn't exist. It was the lie that Dumbledore and I came up with to spare the harassment from the Slytherins."

Sirius stared at me dumbfounded, his mouth hung open, while he slowly blinked. It took him almost a full minute of that before he spoke again.

"So, every summer?" he said quietly. "You go off and live in a muggle orphanage?"

I nodded and turned forward to watch the fire so I didn't have to the look on his face. The sad, pitiful look that the professors gave me every time my unfortunate situation came up.

"Hell, Meadowes," Sirius said shaking his head "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

I didn't have to see his face to know what it looked like. I could hear it in his voice.

"Nobody does besides the Professors and my friends," I told him firmly, "and I'd appreciate it stay that way."

Sirius frowned at me and nodded his head eagerly. "I can't believe I never knew that," He said shaking his head. "I mean I knew your mum and dad were dead, and I knew they thought it was your uncle, but an orphanage? They really sent you there? What about your grandparents?"

I gave him a knowing look. "You mean the people who raised my parent's killer?" I asked him, shaking my head. "They could care less about their blood-traitor daughter's, half-blood abomination. I ruined the Greengrass name."

Sirius shook his head. "Merlin, I thought I had it bad, but I still have Uncle Alphard and Andromeda."

"I thought we said no pity," I warned, making sure I raised one of my eyebrows at him.

."Touché, Meadowes," Sirius said, the smile on his face widening as he looked at me. "You know I think I may actually like you more now that I know you have a fucked-up family too."

I cracked a tiny smile. "Dumbledore told me it builds character."

"Builds character?" Sirius laughed. "That's a nice spin on it, isn't it?"

He stretched his arms behind the couch and turned to look at me. "You know I should have known there was something else going on with you, Meadowes. You're too complicated not to have some sort of gritty back story."

"Isn't the murder of my parents enough of a gritty back story?"

Sirius shook his head confidently "Almost. But I think it's that touch of rebellion and familial hatred that makes you the way you are, like me."
"Like you?" I asked him, resting my head on my hand.

Sirius nodded, "You know? Tragically fascinating, Pureblood good-looks with the blood traitor spirit," he corrected.

I smiled, stifling a laugh. "Just so you know, I technically am not a pureblood or a blood-traitor," I corrected.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're something else, Meadowes. I call you fit and spunky and you correct me?"

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't."

"And then where would we be?"

Sirius cracked a smile, his eye brows raised suggestively as he leaned towards me slightly. For a second I thought I imagined it, but then I saw his head lean back towards me again, moving closer. Only a few inches from my face. I didn't have time to feel anything other than the racing of my heart in my chest.

Click!

The portrait hole swung open and the tiny first year stumbled into the Common Room, still smiling from whatever he had been doing before, distracting Sirius and I as our heads swiveled towards him.

The first year noticed us watching him and quickly scrambled back up to his dormitory without another word. When he was gone Sirius turned back to me, now a normal distance away.

"Up for a game of wizard's chess?" Sirius asked quickly, as If nothing had almost happened a second ago.

I must have imagined it. Probably because I was emotional and shared too much with him tonight. That's definitely what it had to have been.

I flashed Sirius a smile. "You're on, Black."

We played three rounds of wizards chess and then I went to bed.