Title: So It Goes
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Hank Voight and his family try to cope with their struggles at home and work — and the dynamics those conflicting circumstances creat for their blended family in a time of transition. The series focuses on Voight, his sick and disabled son — and what's left of his family and their strained relationships, particularly that with Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead as they work at establishing their own lives as a young couple.
This is a collection of one-shots/scenes using the characters as represented in the AU established in Interesting Dynamics. The chapters currently represent scenes happening in approximately S04 of the series or early 2017.
As I continue to update, they'll just provide one-shot snap shots into the characters' lives and likely some recasts of scenes from the show.
This is not a linear narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's just scenes. It is generally set so it begins around the mid-point of Season 4 (or about January/February 2017) and may occasionally draw reference to (and have SPOILERS) from the series.
A notification is provided at the beginning of each chapter about where it happens in relation to the other chapters, if they are out of sequence. Chapters will be re-ordered semi-regularly (i.e. if you're reading this weeks or months after the chapter was originally posted, it's likely now in the right place, so just ignore the notification).
SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes and Aftermath. This series also contains SPOILERS related to the finale of Season 3 of Chicago PD and will have occasionally spoilers from Season 4 of the show.
"I want to go here," Eth declared, garnering Erin's attention. She technically had the Florida guidebook open and was technically kind of looking at it passively. But really, she was gazing at her phone – it hidden between the pages – and texting with Jay while she pretended she was into the Florida planning as Ethan was that night.
"Go where?" she asked – gazing down her legs at him.
He was partially flopped against them in a way that really couldn't be comfortable. The weight of him was barely comfortable for her. But he had to be even more uncomfortable seeing as his own legs were draped up over the back of the couch, his back against her shins and his neck strained at a weird angle to keep it from dangling off the cushions' edge as he gazed at the iPad he'd had propped against his chest for the past thirty minutes. He'd seemed absorbed.
He'd discovered the list of Star Wars attractions and upcoming events at one of the Disney parks and had become lost in supposedly trying to read that – which likely would've been a challenge for Ethan even if he was upright. Reading it at his upside down angle was likely pretty much impossible but it'd sounded like he'd been watching a lot of YouTube videos – which all sounded the same to her. And tacky. And were pretty much killing her interest in having to endure Star Wars on her vacation before she even had to endure Star Wars on her vacation.
He dangled the iPad at her and then fumbled it in his trembling hands, near dropping it into his face. So she crunched and grabbed it – before it made impact, bruising him again or crushing his glasses. She raised her eyebrow at him. He could be such a klutz. But he only shrugged, slightly apologetically.
She looked at the screen, letting her phone and the travel guide rest against her own chest for a moment. She peeked over top of the iPad and found her little brother's eyes again.
"Ethan, seriously?" she put to him with mild annoyance.
"It looks awesome," he argued at her.
She cocked her eyebrow. "It looks like the Rainforest Café," she put back to him.
"It's T-Rex Café," he said defensively of the restaurant website and menu he'd handed over for her examination.
"Do you remember how much shit you gave Olive about wanting to take Henry to the Rainforest Café last year?" she nodded at him.
He spun his feet around and glared at her, snatching the iPad back. "Because the Rainforest Café is complete lame. This is awesome."
"Ethan," she put to him flatly. "It's the same thing."
"It's dinosaurs," he muttered at her, going back to looking at the screen. "That's fundamentally like a billion times better."
She sighed giving her head shake. She had no doubt in her mind that aspects of this supposed vacation were going to be absolute torture. Actually, the more they looked into it and tried to plan – and the more Ethan decided he really wanted to get involved with the planning – the more torturous it seemed.
When she'd first come up with this idea, she'd sort of envisioned that they'd spend a day or two at the theme parks in Orlando. That they'd do Harry Potter one day and she'd just accepted that after Ethan realized there was some kind of Star Wars land at one of the parks that she was likely going to have to endure that. But she'd thought she'd likely get the rest of the week in a timeshare at the beach. It'd intermingled with memories that she had of going to Myrtle Beach with the Voights. And even though she knew Ethan would be with them and he'd likely be hyped up and she might have to endure some sort of fishing charter one day – she'd mostly seen it as getting a week of sand, sun and water. That she'd get some quiet. She'd get to read. That maybe they'd get in a few decent meals and some over-priced alcoholic beverages. Some time with Jay – some walks and drinks and sunsets on the beach. That she'd sleep in. And maybe do some sort of water-sport type activity with Ethan a day or two. That it'd be completely survivable. Way more vacation like than anything she'd done with her furlough … ever. And definitely better than spending a week up at Jay's cabin.
But, it was becoming readily apparent that was not the kind of holiday they were going to have. And that planning anything was pretty much impossible. And that it wasn't going to be anywhere near a budget holiday.
Jay had actually still been trying to find a way to make it a budget holiday – because he could be cheap like that. But the timeshares in Orlando he was finding were like thirty or forty minutes away from the theme parks and they looked like shit. They did not look like her idea of a holiday at all. The budget hotels clocking it at like $40 a night that he was pulling up various websites looked even more disgusting – and she knew disgusting. She wasn't willing to pay – on holiday – to live in disgusting, no matter how little Jay argued they'd be in the rooms.
That was the thing – she thought they might be in the room or at the condo or timeshare more than he expected. And that was the other crapshoot with all of this that was making it hard. It was impossible to predict how Ethan would be feeling on a particular day or particular week. It was entirely possible that the heat and the humidity and the travel would cause him to flare. There wasn't any real way to know.
And then there were so many other unknowns – that they had to balance with their knowns about him and his energy levels and his health. But they knew that he wouldn't likely be able to manage a whole day at the theme parks – so the original plan of just being in them for a day or two was hard to gauge. Because they really had no concept of how much they could get done before Ethan burned out and needed a break. They didn't know what the crowds and the lines and the wait times and the temperatures would be like or how Ethan would handle any of that after he actually got in. They weren't even sure if he'd actually like the theme parks after they got to them. Or if he'd decide they were too kiddie or too tacky or he was too scared of trying any of the rides with however he was feeling on a particular day. So maybe they really would only need one day at the parks.
But they'd be starting to feel like they should plan for the possibility that they'd need – or he'd want – more. But then they were giving up some of what her and Jay had wanted to do or how they had envisioned their vacation. And Ethan wasn't quite grasping that he couldn't list of wanting to do Harry Potter and Star Wars and see alligators and go to the Space Center and Daytona Speedway and go fishing and look for shark teeth fossils and visit a pirate town and swim with the manatees … and now go to the T-Rex Café and get to realistically do it all.
Her and Jay had been coming to the slow realization that there really wasn't much point in planning. That a lot of it was going to be a see how it goes type thing and then just react to the situation and how Eth was feeling and how he was doing on a particular day. But to do that, they were also starting to accept that they were likely going to have to base themselves in Orlando for the entirety of their visit. And then maybe they might get to drive out to the coast and the beach a day or two on the trip. But even that was also likely going to be pushing it because even though her and Jay didn't have an qualms about making that drive – to either side of the state – it did mean they'd have the extra expense of renting a car. And it also meant that on the day – or days – they tried to do that, they'd be risking Ethan being exhausted before they even got to whatever activity they were attempting. And that if he needed to stop and rest wherever they were – they were either going to have to let him cool down at some restaurant, putting him back in the car and head back to the city, or rent a motel room wherever they were even for a few hours so he could get some air conditioning and sleep.
They'd already upped their trip expenses by coming to the realization that having Ethan in the car for an 18-hour cross-country trek wasn't going to work, if they wanted him functional – and enjoyable, or at least tolerable – for the vacation. So they'd just accepted – again – they were going to have to fly. Because hopefully Eth would manage a two and half hour flight better than the drive. But, again, who fucking knew since he'd never been in an airplane before and what that altitude and air pressure and recycled air and cramped spaces might do to him.
Now they were looking at increasing the cost of their trip even more by exploring using an on-site hotel at either Disney or Universal – because they hoped that would mean they'd be able to build in real, substantial breaks for Ethan. That they'd be able to get him back to the room quickly and easily if he wasn't coping. That there'd be a decent pool. But then beyond the fucking cost, there was the whole what to feed him thing. So then they were swinging back to looking at condos and house rentals and time-shares that had a kitchen so they could just deal with meals that way. Not that that sounded like much of a vacation either. But it wasn't like they were going to have a lot of leeway to afford to eat at places like the T-Rex Café maybe more than once or twice on the trip with how the budget was stacking up.
Jay had looked into some military discounts he could get. She'd looked into law enforcement and first responder discounts they could get. They'd even looked into some Triple-A deals. Reality was that Jay and his time in the Rangers meant he could get them some pretty reasonable rates. But he seemed super reluctant to take advantage of those promotions. It was an entitlement thing. Like he didn't think he felt he was entitled to them. And he didn't want to look or act like he was. And she heard him. And she was used to Hank not ever taking the cop discount at various attractions around the city. And, she could almost appreciate that. They could afford to support the museums around their city by paying full admission the couple times a year they ended up at any of them. But basically affording a once-in-a-life-time holiday to Orlando was kind of different. And she wasn't sure she felt bad about taking an offered up discount from a billion-dollar corporation. One that she did feel Jay deserved.
So she didn't know what they were going to decide or how they were going to work it or what their holiday was going to look like. But she did know she'd definitely been naive when she presented the idea to Ethan. And that the holiday she'd imagined at the time was definitely not the one they would be taking come the summer.
"Is that at the Star Wars park?" she asked passively as Eth kept looking around the site. Because she didn't want him to catch on to how much she kind of regretted they'd decided to do this trip – because he was actually starting to get pretty excited. And he needed that. He deserved that too.
"No," Ethan mumbled, getting back into his absorption mode. "It's at Disney Springs."
"I thought you wanted to go to the Star Wars park?" Erin put to him.
He gave her a glance. "It's not a park. It's like … a food court or mall or something. It's free. It has a Lego Store. And a Star Wars store."
"Oh boy …," she said, making sure he registered her sarcastic enthusiasm.
He sighed at her and tucked his feet under himself a little as he gazed at her – enough that she let the book and phone fall back down to her chest.
"Are we really only going to go to one park?" he asked.
"Ethan, the theme park tickets are really expensive," she said. She'd leave out that if Jay did decide he was willing to use his military discount they'd likely be able to get four-day park tickets at both Universal and Disney for the price of two days. But, even if that way true – it was still ridiculously expensive when buying for three people. And it was likely a hell of a lot more theme park than she wanted. But maybe it would be the only realistic number of days to get at the rate and pace they were likely going to have to go with Ethan – assuming he even liked the parks after they got there. It was so fucking hard to know. As Hank kept reminding them all. Over and fucking over.
"I could pay for one of the parks," he suggested.
"I thought you were saving up for a bike," she said.
He gave her a little shrug. "Maybe a bike isn't such a good idea when I'm going to be in high school …"
She pushed himself up a bit on the couch, leaning against the arm and lining her toes up with his. "With how close we are to Iggy's and then getting to District and to some of the parks … I think it's a good idea."
He gave a little sigh. "Evan says people will definitely make fun of me if I'm riding a bike to high school – especially when it's a private school He says I should keep saving up so I can buy a car or pay for gas and insurance and stuff when I'm sixteen so Dad lets me borrow the keys."
Erin gave a little snort of amusement at that. "You're not going to have enough money saved to buy a car for a very long time, Eth. And don't count on your dad lending you the car until you're a Senior. If you're lucky."
Eth bit on his lip at that. "Maybe you and Jay would lend me one of your cars?"
"I don't think so," she said flatly.
"Maybe me and Dad will have finished fixing up the bike," he suggested.
She raised her eyebrow at him. "Maybe – but you're dreaming in Technicolor if you think your dad will let you ride it. And remember what happened when Justin took it out without asking …"
E sighed. "So maybe I should just use my allowance money to pay for us to go to an extra park," he suggested.
She let out a slow breath, pulling her knees a bit closer to her chest and looking at him. "Eth, we're going to do the Harry Potter world stuff over at Universal. Those tickets will let us get into both of the parks. So you'll see two there—"
"One of them has Jurassic Park, though," he said. "So we will—"
"Ethan," she said to him firmly, "we know that going to Jurassic Park is a priority. We will spend time in Dinosaur Land. And we'll go spend at day at Star Wars land too."
"But there's other parks," Ethan put to her. "Lots."
"I know. But we aren't going to have time for all of them," Erin pressed.
"But there's two Universal and four Disney. So that's six. And a week is seven days," he argued.
"And we'll need two of the days for travel," she nodded at him – even though, again, they'd already come to the conclusion that they were more likely to be spending ten days on this trip, maybe a bit more if they flew down a Friday night and stayed until the following Sunday night. But they weren't telling Eth that yet – because it'd only mean he'd start to unrealistically try to cram even more into their schedule.
"Well, you said that we get into both parks at Universal with those tickets – so it's only one day," he tried.
"Ethan," she caught his eyes. "You aren't going to be able to handle full days back-to-back at parks. You probably aren't going to be able to handle going to two parks in a day. So, we'll do one day at Wizarding World, one day doing the rest of the rides at Universal – including Jurassic Park, and then one day over at the park with the Star Wars stuff. Then you've got a whole list of other things you want to see and do—"
"Like the other parks," he tried.
She shook her head. "Like the beach and fishing and hunting for shark teeth and boogie boarding and the Kennedy Space Center and Daytona."
Ethan gave a little sigh and pulled his knees up to his chest, mirroring her position – but gazing at her a little defeated. Erin let out a little sigh of her own.
"What other park is it that you think you want to do?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Animal Kingdom as a bunch of dinosaur stuff too."
"Ethan," she sighed at him. "It's likely going to seem pretty little kiddie and tacky after you see Jurassic Park at Universal."
"Well, Epcot has a space ride and a race car test track ride," he said. "And a restaurant that's inside this giant aquarium. … Justin was going to take us to a restaurant like that in Nashville," he said quietly. "And mom likely would've really liked it too. And you know … we have to see and do stuff for them so they can see and do it too … now."
She let out a little sigh at him and gave him a sad look, cocking her eyebrow at him. But she didn't know what to say to that part of it, so she responded to the first part of his statement. "There's space rides and simulators at the Kennedy Space Center – which Jay would love to go to with you. And you'd get to see real racecars at Daytona. So maybe those should be things we do with our other couple days. And maybe you should save you allowance to go on a test drive at the speedway. I know me and Jay would both really like to do that with you."
He sighed. "Well, what about Magic Kingdom?" Ethan tried.
"You want to go and get your picture taken with Mickey?" she teased, keeping her eyebrow raised.
He fidgeted, squinting at her. "No," he protested. "But it has Space Mountain and Evan says that's the best ride at all of Disney. And it also has Pirates of the Caribbean."
She leaned forward and tapped on his knee. "We aren't going to have time to do everything," she said. "You're going to have to keep working on our itinerary and being realistic, Eth. You're going to have to decide what the most important things are – what you really, really want to do. And you're going to have to remember that it's all of our vacations. So me and Jay get to make some decisions too. And I'm not sure either of us really wants to spend a day at Magic Kingdom. And you're also going to need to remember, that there needs to be downtime – and likely at least a down day in there. A beach day or a pool day – where we're just … re-energizing."
He gave a little nod, but scrunched up on himself more. "I feel kinda bad going when Evan's dad is taking him this summer too, but Eva's never been and she seems pretty excited and sorta jealous about us getting to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter."
Erin let out a little sigh. "Well, Eth, she's going to be at Iggy's in the fall. She's going to have to get used to people talking about all sorts of things that she hasn't gotten to do and probably won't get to do or have."
"I know," Ethan allowed. "I told her."
Erin gave a little nod and leaned back against the armrest again. "Her dad and grandma try to do lots of nice things for her and her brothers," she offered. "Things that you haven't gotten to do. Wisconsin Dells, Great Wolf Lodge. She went to a Bulls game. They go to Six Flags in the summer."
"I know," Ethan acknowledged again. "I just feel kinda bad. But … maybe I'll get her something there. But I don't want it to be like bragging."
Erin shook her head. "I don't think she'd think of it as bragging. I think she'd appreciate it."
Eth gave her a shy little smile at that and rubbed his finger against the material on the couch, watching the little patterns the movement created in the ridges on the fabric.
"I've sorta been thinking that I don't know if I really want to go in August too," he said quietly.
Erin gazed at him. "Well … Eth … your dad didn't think us going in June with you starting summer school right when we get back would be too smart."
"What about Easter break?" he suggested, giving her these hopeful eyes.
She shook her head at him. "The trip's a graduation present," she put to him firmly. "You won't be done the books and you won't be done Grade Eight."
"I'd still finish the books," he argued back. "I promise."
She sighed at him. "Eth, that's getting to be really soon. We haven't booked anything. It might be all booked up and really busy with lots of people on Spring Break. And you'd be completely exhausted by the end of it and having to head right back to school."
"But lots of schools have the week before Easter off," he tried. "And Iggy's is the week after."
"Ethan, schools all over the country have their Spring Breaks at different times. Just because public schools in Chicago aren't off doesn't mean that … I don't know, all of Iowa won't be on vacation."
He squinted at her. "But we have from Holy Thursday off," he pressed. "So we've got extra days. So even if we just stayed a week, I'd still have some time to rest when we got home."
She cocked her eyebrow. "And aren't you supposed to be doing Easter stuff this year."
He huffed at that. "I don't want to do the basket auction thing again and RIC's party is an egg hunt in the pool. It sounds kind of retarded. And we don't really do anything at home. Eat eggs. I can't have chocolate. Dad could still cook for Olive and H or whatever."
"I meant at school," she said. "With your Confirmation stuff?"
He let out a more annoyed noise. "Dad says I just have to participate in the stuff at school and the retreat and church for the day we get confirmed. And I've done lots of volunteer hours at RIC and at Field already. More than I even need to!"
"What about Robotics?" she asked. "Wasn't there some big tournament on Easter last year?"
His nostrils flared. "Yea, but Easter is super late this year. City and State will already have happened. It will be Regional. The weekend after! Not during Easter!"
"So didn't you have a big build scrambled last year? Aren't they going to expect you to be there and help with that?"
"Erin," he sighed at her, "their robots are so bad they aren't even going to qualify for Regionals. They aren't going to even need the tweak days. They made super stupid choices. The battle bots can't do any of the stuff that gets the biggest points. They definitely aren't going to make it. They probably won't even get to State! And even if they do – I'm on the Junior Tech team, it's not like I get to play at the competition or they let me help with the battle bots. I just … sit there with my thumb up my ass."
"Sometimes that's part of being on the team," she nodded at him, though a smile tugged at her lips. She knew she should call him out on his language but he'd just sounded so much like Hank there that she couldn't. Ethan was this weird little mini me of his father that provided a somewhat amusing glimpse into the teenaged boy that Hank likely was long ago. Somehow seeing that sometimes made dealing with him easier. Maybe it made her a little more forgiving of him. Maybe it helped her remember him as the man he was and forget about the events that had tossed them into the conundrum that made up the people they were now.
He slouched and looked at her with some defeat playing across his face. "I don't want to go in June," he said. "Then I'd miss ball and we might not be back in time for the Fourth. So I'd miss the fireworks."
"I'm pretty sure they have fireworks at the theme parks every night of the week, Ethan," she said with a little head shake.
"The fireworks off the pier are likely better," he said, casting her a look.
She gave him an amused grin – because she suspected it was more likely he'd never look at the shows they had in the city in quite the same way ever again after he saw what they put on in Orlando.
"Well, we aren't going in June," she affirmed. "So you don't have to worry about missing the Fourth of July."
"I'd miss ball in August too," he provided.
She let out a little sigh – because this was the first she was hearing about this. "So you can miss helping your Robotics team get ready to Regionals but you can't miss a practice and maybe a game of baseball?"
"They aren't going to make Regionals. Why would I want to waste my Spring Break just hanging around Iggy's tech labs doing nothing. And why would Dad drive me all the way to Kansas and pay for a hotel and everything for me to watch me sit on the sidelines in another state? It's stupid. I get to play at ball."
She just eyed him. Keeping him on Robotics that year had been a hard fought battle and she'd decided it was one that Hank got to fight on his own. She wasn't sure if it was worth it or not. Ethan definitely had an aptitude for the stuff. And she knew it was a skill set that might pay off heavily in the future. But if he was miserable and there were arguments about it near weekly – if not daily sometimes – was it really worth it? She thought if Hank pushed him too hard on it, he might end up killing any interest Ethan had in pursuing that skill set further. It might be better to just let him putter on it at home. To explore other venues that helped him grow it. To find him a mentor that he liked and respected as much as Mouse … which wasn't likely to happen.
So "It will only be a week," was all she told him in reference to ball. "Lots of kids miss a couple weeks in the season with family holidays or their medical stuff."
He cocked his head at her and settled his chin against his knees. "Field's camp is the week you want to go," he said. "And this year it's about fish."
She matched his position too. "And you're willing to give up the trip to go to fish camp?"
She knew it wasn't just fish camp. She knew it being fish camp – and it being at Field – was a way for him to try to feel connected with his mom. She knew he'd loved the summer program at Field the year before – even though he'd gone just after Justin had died. She knew the camp gave the kids a chance to do computer programming and work with databases and to talk to paleontologists and archeologist and all sorts of people in the museum field. Scientists. That he got to work with fossils and he got to go to a place he loved every day for a week. And that wasn't something she was willing to rip from him. And, really, she might not be too broken up about putting off the Orlando trip – though, that clearly wasn't what Eth was suggesting. But she also wasn't sure she was willing to even consider is April suggestion.
He sighed harder and rubbed his chin against the top of his hands. "It's just … August is like … we'd be going like just after J died. And Dad already gets so sad around when Mom died. So he's probably going to be super sad and super grouchy this summer."
"So maybe we should give him some space," Erin tried – even though, she'd noticed at the dates Hank had suggested were right after the anniversary too.
And she wasn't sure how she felt about that. What it meant for any of their mental and emotional states. If it'd be good or bad for them to be apart in that period. If she wanted to be alone with Ethan in that period. She wasn't sure how any of them would deal with it. And she wasn't sure she wanted to be in a different state while they saw how they dealt with it. Or how much she wanted to have her eyes off Hank given his temper and his ability to make gut decisions that could go sideways for all of them when he was propelled into an emotional state. That maybe she should keep an eye on him. But another part of her wanted to be away from the city – and Hank – and all the memories of what had happened that day and that night. She wanted to try to think about somewhere else. To be somewhere far away. In a situation about as different as possible from where she was that time the year before.
But her little brother gazed at her. "Or maybe we should stay and take care of him," he said softly.
She reached and gripped at one of Eth's biceps. Because sometimes she didn't know how he'd become such a kind and caring kid. Sometimes she wondered if Hank realized how much Eth loved him and worried about him and wanted to fiercely protect him. If Hank understood how much the things he did – and how he reacted to situations – affected Ethan. How acutely away of them he was – in his own ways, even if he didn't know what had happened or what he was talking about. He still knew … that something was up. And he wanted the best for his dad. He wanted better. He didn't want to lose the family he had left.
"I'll talk to your dad about it," she provided. "And Jay."
Because sometimes … Ethan had a point. Maybe a lot of times he did. In his own little way.
AUTHOR NOTE: Your readership, reviews, comments and feedback are appreciated.