Without Ashley I was not the woman I once was. After yelled at her I haven't seen her. I just let her go. And it hurt me so much. I made so many mistakes and now I had to face the consequences. And I failed miserably.
After she left to France I got back to work. But I messed up. Without Ashley I couldn't think. I couldn't function anymore. I thought about her all the time. We had so many memories together.
She had called and texted me but I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I didn't know what to say to her. My actions had hurt her. I couldn't take back what I had said. And because of me she left the country. I knew it was because of me that she left everyone behind to start over.
The guilt was eating me alive. I thought about to go to France to visit her. To tell her how sorry I was. But I was a coward. I couldn't face her.
Hell I couldn't even face the rest of the Bella's. After that night at Chloe's I hadn't seen or spoken any of them. They all called and texted me, but I wasn't ready to talk to any of them.
The only thing I did was work and sleep. I didn't speak to my brother. I just stopped living. I didn't see the point anymore in having fun. The light of my life was gone. Nobody could filled the emptyness that lived in my heart. And this was all because I was a stupid and selfish bitch. I had broken my one true love and now I was broken myself.
I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about myself anymore. I just stopped taking care of myself. I always loved to shop and do my make up and hair. But since this whole situation with Ashley I didn't care anymore. It wasn't important. The only thing that was important was Ashley. She was the only one who always had my back. And I betrayed her with my words and actions.
I was a horrible person. I didn't deserve to have her in my life. Or anyone else. They were better off without me. I wasn't worthy of their friendship or love or compassion.
So I stopped everything. I stopped eating. I stopped socializing. I worked harder till I couldn't anymore. I took time off and stayed in my house. I didn't go out anymore. I neglected everything. My job, my family, my friends but most of all I neglected myself.
I didn't know what happened but the next thing I could remember was that I woke up in the hospital. When I looked around me I saw Ashley sitting in the chair beside me. This couldn't be true. I must be hallucinating. Ashley was in France. I asked myself what kind of cruel joke was. I started screaming. This was to much and I just gave up. The last thing that went through my head was Ashley.
I was still in Jessica's house when her brother called me. After seeing me Jessica was in a shock. She was so weak because she neglected herself and her heart couldn't handle it. This was the end. I had lost my best friend and the love of my life because of my selfish actions. I had hurt her and wanted to punish her because she had hurt me. And this was the price I had to pay. I stayed in Jessica's house till the funeral. After the funeral I went back to France. I couldn't stay in America. There was to much back home that reminded me of her.