The ticking of the clock that hung on the living room wall was the only sound resonating in the otherwise silent house. In the engulfing darkness, eased only by the street lights shining through the windows, Red actually couldn't see the time displayed. She kept her eyes focused on the shadowy clock anyways, listening to the counts of each second that turned into minutes. It chimed a single note at half-past twelve and then kept consistently ticking as it marked how long it had been since Gloria had been whisked away-all alone. Red had been replaying that moment over and over in her head ever since. Gloria had been so pale and frighteningly still lying on that stretcher, and Red couldn't stop thinking about how she wouldn't be there when she woke up, if she woke up.
She wondered if Gloria would miss her if she regained consciousness? Would she wake up and frantically ask for her wife? Yearn for the closeness they'd shared all these years and had finally begun to regenerate? Their relationship was so one-sided now, always so centered around Red's care that little attention was ever given to what Gloria needed. It wasn't Red's fault, she'd never asked for her disabling sickness, but she was almost entirely to blame for the schism she'd created between them that they had been intent on repairing these past few weeks. She'd wasted months pushing Gloria away and unjustly punishing her for her own misfortune. Had she wasted the only time they'd had left together fighting needlessly?
Her teeth chattering and her lips quivering, Red brought her fingers up to her mouth and sucked them in to at least provide relief from the grinding in her jaw. Her stomach was knotted with paralyzing fear and though she was not religious, she found herself silently praying over and over again that Gloria would be fine and coming home to her soon. If her own condition was not so debilitating, Red knew she would have been at Gloria's side this entire time. They would be facing whatever prognosis the doctor gave Gloria together, and Red would have done everything to provide Gloria with the comfort, care, and environment she needed to lead the best life attainable under less than ideal circumstances. It was exactly what Gloria had been doing for her.
Although she felt numb inside, it appeared that Red's body still could feel the full throttles of shame, as guilt and regret rose within her at how unappreciative, resentful, and downright nasty she had been towards Gloria for providing her necessary care. Since her fall things had been better, with Red making a point to cooperate and seem better spirited than she had been lately. But underneath there had always been resentment that being a 'good patient' was the best thing she could aspire to be these days. She'd taken Gloria's unconditional love for granted, grasping onto it like a life preserver because she'd been scared of her own regression. It wasn't enough to simply start being agreeable with Gloria again, Red should have been committed to making Gloria feel loved in the ways she still could. Gloria needed to know that Red loved her as much as she always had and wasn't just clinging to her out of necessity. Gloria deserved that much. Red just hoped that she'd come home and be okay, so that she'd at least have the chance to try.
The only thing that gave Red some solace was knowing that Benny was at least by his mother's side and would look out for her. He'd been out at some nightclub where the music played so loud that he'd needed to step outside to hear them when they'd called, but he'd promised he'd head to the hospital at once. After that there had been nothing left for Red and her two granddaughters to do but sit and wait. She'd persuaded them to hold off on calling their parents until they at least had more information about Gloria's condition. Instead they had gone into the living room where they would be more comfortable. It had been almost an hour since they had spoken to Benny and they still hadn't heard anything more about how Gloria was. Red couldn't decide whether it was a good sign or not that he hadn't called yet. All she knew was that Gloria had been unconscious and that must mean something serious.
Sitting side by side on the sofa, Vera and Emilia shared an anxious glance with one another and then looked back at their Grandmother. She'd been articulate and commanding while they were all running on fear-induced adrenaline, but once the paramedics had taken Gloria out, she had begun to worsen at an alarming rate. Her pale face, rigid stance, and the way she was biting down on her knuckles made it clear to both girls that she was in a lot of pain. Her breath was short and light, as if her chest was too tight for deep breaths. The glazed look in her eyes made it seem like she was a million miles away right now. Her granddaughters were worried. Their mother had stressed before dropping them off for the weekend the importance of listening to their Grandma and not causing her any undue stress, because anxiety would escalate her symptoms. It was obvious to them the physical toll all of this was taking on her. Red was looking worse by the minute.
"Grandma," Vera said, leaning forward to rest her chin on Red's shoulder. "Do you want me to get you a blanket?"
"Mmm….," Red mumbled incoherently, sliding her trembling hand from her lips up to her forehead. The way her head was shaking was beginning to make her ears ring. Vera sounded like she was talking to her from underwater. Her head was pounding and her brain felt like mush.
"I'll be right back," Vera said firmly, as she got to her feet. Something she must have inherited from Red was the need to stay busy and useful to get through difficult times. It was a coping mechanism that served her well. Since she wasn't able to help her Nonna right now like she'd wanted to, Vera focused her attention on keeping her little sister calm and caring for her sick Grandmother. She was fast and in less than a minute had returned to the living room and was carefully tucking a blanket over Red's lap as she sat in her wheelchair, taking care to ensure that her bare legs were covered also.
"Th-th-thanks," Red stuttered. Her tremors were currently so severe that they were affecting her vocal cords. She brought her hands up to grip at the handlebars of her wheelchair and shut her eyes for a brief moment. She opened her eyes and blinked up at Vera. "Such..a...a," her eyes narrowed as she seemed to struggle to find appropriate words to explain what she was trying to say. "Good...girl," she finished.
"Do you want to go to bed?" Vera asked, tentatively resting her hands on top of her Grandmother's. "We can go with you...and we'll keep the phone right on us so that we can hear it when Benny phones-"
Vera cut off at the sound of a key being turned in the door. Emilia who had been drifting off to sleep on the sofa, suddenly sat up straighter with a hopeful look on her tired face. "Maybe they let her come home already," she whispered excitedly. They heard the door open and heavy footsteps as somebody walked inside.
"Hello?" a voice called, "it's just me!"
"Uncle Max," Vera said disappointedly, glancing over at her sister. She sighed forlornly. "We're in here!" she called.
"Everyone still awake?" Maxim said in surprise, walking into the darkened room with his hands folded together.
"We weren't going to go to bed before we heard how Nonna was," Vera scoffed. "What are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to check on you all," Maxim said, giving his niece a stern look. "I hope I'm not disturbing you, Vera."
"We thought-we just thought that you might be Benny bringing Nonna home," Emilia said softly. She scrambled off of the sofa and threw herself into his arms. From her observatory stance, Red could see that as disappointing as it was for Maxim not to be Gloria, her youngest grandchild was relieved to see him. The little girl had been witness to Gloria's collapse and had been in a mixed state of shock and hysteria ever since.
"I see," Maxim said, hugging her closely. "Well...Gloria can't come home tonight, I'm afraid, but she's awake and she's going to be okay."
"You-you were at..at..the hospital?" Red asked anxiously. As Emilia pulled back from her uncle and wiped her tears on the sleeve of her sweater.
"No, but Benny called me from the hospital," Maxim explained. "He said you and the girls were alone here and he wanted to know if I'd come spend the night."
"But..it's okay?" Red pressed on anxiously. "Gloria-she's...she's alright?"
"Yeah," Maxim nodded. "They're keeping her overnight for observation but Benny said she can come home in the morning."
"So, what's wrong with her then?" Vera asked. Lowering herself slowly to the ground, she sat crossed-legged on the floor with her back against the side of Red's wheelchair.
"Well," Maxim said slowly. He motioned Emilia over to the sofa with his hand and then took the seat beside her. He took a deep breath. Red turned to look at him, raising both of her hands up to clutch at the sides of her head and try to steady herself so that she could pay attention to his words.
"When Gloria got to the hospital they checked her blood and noticed at once that her blood-sugar levels were dangerously low," he began.
"Because she didn't eat anything all day," Red said slowly, still clutching the sides of her head. "I knew-I knew she wasn't feeling good. I tol-told her to eat something."
"That might have helped, Ma, but there's more to it," Maxim replied. "The doctor told Benny that Gloria has diabetes."
"Diabetes?" Red repeated, looking confused. That wasn't what she had been expecting to hear. She'd spent most of the night imagining every worse case scenario she could envision, with diabetes not even processing on her radar. Now she could feel herself beginning to calm. Her hands slid down the sides of her face and she clutched them tightly in her lap together.
"Like when you have to always check your blood and give yourself needles?" Vera asked hesitantly, leaning her head back so that her hair brushed against Red's leg.
"One of my friends at school has that," Emilia added.
Maxim smiled. "and I'm sure your friend still lives a normal life, huh, Em?"
"Yeah, except at my birthday party last year she couldn't eat the cake," Emilia told him.
"It's pretty common," Maxim nodded. "And so long as you're taking care of yourself and taking your medicine if you need it, you feel good. When Gloria collapsed tonight she fell into what is a called a 'diabetic coma'."
"A coma?" Emilia echoed, looking alarmed.
"But she's awake now, right?" Vera asked anxiously.
"She woke up," Maxim nodded. "The doctors got her levels normalized."
"Good," Vera breathed.
"I know that must have been a pretty scary thing for you girls to see, huh?" Maxim sympathized. Red watched her granddaughters nod their heads slowly and her heart sank. They still looked petrified. Emilia had at least stopped crying, but her eyes were red-rimmed and her face was blotchy. Vera's face was so pale that it was almost translucent. They'd been so strong and so capable during all of this.
"They did amazing though," Red told her son softly. "You-you would have been so proud if-if you could have seen them. Vera called the ambulance herself."
"You did, sweetie?" Maxim turned to his niece. "You did such a good job. Nonna is going to be so proud of you when she hears everything you did. She was talking about you guys, you know? Complaining to Benny about how she was supposed to be watching a movie and ended up in the hospital instead. He said she was grumpy."
Red breathed a sigh of relief. She supposed Gloria must be feeling a little bit better if she was able to be complaining to Benny. That was something to be thankful for but Red still felt completely awful. Her back was spasming, all her limbs were twitching, and the trembling in her head made it difficult to fully concentrate.
She was annoyed and resentful of her body. It had already failed and degraded her in so many ways but the worst was accepting how useless it made her. She couldn't be at the hospital, holding Gloria's hand and supporting the family through this all. Hell, she couldn't even care for her granddaughters herself. Vera and Emilia had been the ones looking after her since this crisis had occurred. Even now, Maxim was only at their house because lining up a babysitter for her was prioritized over all else. It was a reality that made Red burn with deepest shame and loathing. She felt pathetic. She wanted to get up and go to the hospital where her heart was aching to be, but all she could really do was lean back in her wheelchair and wait.
"Can we call her?" Vera asked eagerly, reaching her hand onto the handlebar of Red's wheelchair, she got up on her knees and turned towards her uncle imploringly. "Benny can hold the phone up to her ear if she's too weak to take it."
"No," Maxim shook his head, earning himself loud groans of disgruntlement from his nieces. But he ignored them. "It's too late."
"Benny won't be asleep yet," Emilia argued. "We can try."
"You can talk to her tomorrow," Red told them, her voice feeble with exhaustion. "Right now, you…" she paused, as a sweep of nausea swept over her making her eyes momentarily cross. "You need to do as your uncle said…get some sleep. You can share Benny's bed tonight."
"Okay," Emilia sighed, getting to her feet. Maxim leaned back against the sofa and smiled understandingly at her resistance. It was obvious that Emilia would have been asleep on the couch in a matter of minutes anyway.
"What time will she be home tomorrow?" Vera asked, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.
"At this rate...before you wake up, most likely," Maxim replied, with a glance at the clock. "It's late, guys. You're going to be exhausted."
"Ha," Vera rolled her eyes, incapable of holding back for a moment longer. "We'll see about that," she replied.
However, she got up to follow her younger sister. She wanted to be at the hospital but they probably wouldn't have let her in to see Nonna, even if she could convince her uncle to take her. There was no sense upsetting her Grandmother anymore than she already had by being difficult. They all could see how uncomfortable she was and Vera worried that her words had contributed to that. She was thankful her uncle was here to take care of things now.
"Goodnight, Grandma," Vera whispered softly, as she leaned over to kiss her trembling cheek. "About before..."
"Don't…. worry, darling," Red's voice shakily. "It's…okay."
"I love you," Vera pressed her lips to her Grandmother's alternate cheek.
"I…love you…too," Red said softly. "Vera," she whispered her name. Her heart felt expanded when Emilia came into the space just vacated by her older sister and wrapped her arms around in a hug. Red's firmly clasped hands unclenched, and she lifted them with some difficulty so that she could reciprocate.
"Goodnight, Grandma," Emilia said, as she straightened up. She turned around to embrace Maxim next, who was watching impatiently from the sofa. It was after one in the morning, but these girls moved at a snail's pace. He couldn't resist a smile when his youngest niece came forward for a hug, however. He couldn't wait to tell his brother how well their daughters had cared for their grandmother and stayed calm in the middle of a crisis. But now it was time for them to go to bed and let him take over. He wanted them to feel reassured and safe. They were still just kids.
"Goodnight, sweetie," Maxim said, patting her back. "Have sweet dreams, okay? You don't have to worry. Nonna will be home tomorrow."
As the sound of the girls pandering feet died away, silence fell between the mother and son. Maxim sat quietly, giving her a little time to process all of the information that she had received. She didn't look well at all to him, much worse than she usually did. He supposed the stress of the night was contributing to her worsened condition, but he thought a lot of it could be remedied by getting some sleep. Red's eyes were bloodshot and dry. He watched as Red reached into the sleeve of her nightgown and pulled out a wad of used Kleenex she had tucked in there. She brushed the sheet across her mouth, sticking her tongue out slightly, she dabbed the Kleenex on it as though trying to dry the excessive saliva that made her mouth feel constantly full. She shoved the Kleenex back into her sleeve and then brought her hand up to her lips again. Pinching her thumb and index finger together, she reached into her mouth to retrieve a small strip of tissue that had stuck to her tongue. She flicked it off her fingers and it fell to the floor.
"What do you say, Ma?" Maxim broke the silence after another moment. He yawned loudly and then straightened his posture. "Can I help you to your bed?"
Glancing over, as though she had suddenly just remembered he was there, Red pointed a shaking finger at the mobile Vera had left resting on the coffee table. "I need you to give me my phone," Red said, ignoring his statement. Maxim gave her a searching look as he picked it up and passed it into her shaking grip. He watched as she fumbled to hold onto the phone with both hands, her thumb trembling as she brushed it across the screen.
"What are you trying to do?" Maxim asked, his hand making an involuntary movement towards hers as he leaned over her shoulder to watch. He could see that she was struggling. Her index finger was tapping at some icons on the home screen, but it mistakenly clicked on a full row, opening several windows at once. She couldn't use her cellphone anymore, besides to talk on if someone else got it ready for her. Although he wasn't surprised she wouldn't ask his help right now. Without doubt, she knew he wouldn't approve.
"I need…to call Benny," Red muttered quietly, her eyes glaring at the phone as she bit her lip in concentration. She was working to close several of the unwanted screens so that she could get to Benny's contact page and dial, yet her touch wasn't registering on the glass.
"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Maxim sighed, resting his chin on top of her shoulder.
"No!" Red exclaimed shortly. Her eyes darting to the side to consider him. In her momentary lapse of concentration her phone slipped between her hands, bounced onto her lap and then slid to the floor. She watched sadly as Maxim bent down to pick it up. Leaning back against the couch cushions, he held it calmly in a single hand.
"I told you everything we know," Maxim reminded her patiently. He ran his thumb over the back of the mobile phone but gave no indication that he was going to help her call.
"But why…why didn't he call me…directly?" Red asked, rubbing her dry, itchy eyes against her sleeve. She'd been waiting hours for news and as her wife, she should have been the first to know. She should be there.
"I don't know, Ma," Maxim sighed. "All I can say is that Gloria is being well cared for and is probably asleep right now, as is Benny -just like you should be. You need some rest."
"No," Red said stubbornly, bringing her fingers up to cover her quivering lips. "I can't…I can't…can't think…about that…right now."
"Well, that's one of the reasons why I'm here," Maxim replied calmly. "To make sure you don't forget to think about yourself."
Red closed her eyes and allowed her head to fall forward. "It's my fault," she whimpered.
"And how do you come to that conclusion, Mama?" Maxim frowned, rubbing his hand up and down her twitching arm.
Tears burned in the corners of Red's eyes. "I take up…all of her energy. She's too…focused on me."
"She has diabetes, Ma," Maxim sighed. "That is nobody's fault. And it's a manageable condition. She's fine."
"It's serious," Red said stubbornly.
"It's serious, but treatable," Maxim replied. "And now that she knows what's going on I'm sure she'll make caring for herself more of a priority."
"I wear her out," Red confessed, reconnecting her hands together and squeezing them as tightly as she could. "I make her tired…I'm so much work…"
"Just like Gloria's diabetes is nobody's fault, the same goes for you," Maxim replied. "Don't feel guilty for things beyond your control." He leaned forward to set the phone back on its original place at the coffee table, then he got up to go stand behind his mother's wheelchair.
"The sad reality is that you're in way worse shape that Gloria," Maxim said bluntly. He released the brakes on her chair and Red leaned back resignedly as he began pushing her down the hallway towards her bedroom. She didn't really have a say. "I came over to take care of you."
"Maxim," Red said sucking in her breath as he pushed her wheelchair. "I hate…being useless…"
"Mama, it's because you're sick," Maxim said quietly as they moved down the hall. "You're not responsible for anything and it's time for you to let other people in this family handle things and take care of you. Gloria knows she would be there if you could."
Even from her hospital bed, Gloria's biggest concern when she woke up was making sure that someone would be looking after Red and the girls for her. She'd be angry with Maxim if she knew he had allowed his mother to stay up all night worrying and making herself exceedingly sicker. It was a difficult think for Red to accept or for Maxim to have to remind her, but the best way she could help Gloria right now was by getting to bed and listening to what her son said. She couldn't do anything more than that.
Maxim paused her wheelchair in the hallway outside of the bathroom. They could hear Emilia's light snoring from the bedroom across the hall. Both the girls appeared to already be asleep.
"Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?" he offered awkwardly. Red shifted slightly in her wheelchair but shook her head briefly.
Maxim resumed his pushing, entering the small but attractive bedroom that Red and Gloria shared. Not surprisingly, he didn't spend a lot of time in this particular room of the house. His eyes scanned around the darkened room, which was illuminated by a nightlight plugged in by Red's side of the bed so she could see when she woke up throughout the night. He stared at the portable toilet by the bed sadly and then spotted her containers of pills all lined up on top of the dresser.
Refraining from making any comments, Maxim wheeled her chair over to the bed and then set the brakes. He removed the blanket that Vera had tucked around her, leaving Red's trembling legs on full display. "Take my hand, Ma," Maxim said, holding out an arm for her to cling to. Red did as he said gripping her son's strong forearm as tightly as she could when she was so unsteady. Maxim supported her back and with a deep breath in, heaved his mother to her feet. He shunted her over to the bed and gently helped her sit down. Red was been like a doll in his arms. So maneuverable and light. She fell back against her pillow, eyes dry and red, her legs restlessly fidgeting. There was no break.
Maxim leaned down to pick his mother's legs up by the ankles and then turned them onto the bed so that she was lying vertically on the mattress, looking ready for sleep. Maxim pulled the blankets she had kicked off in her haste when the girls had woken her about Gloria. He pulled them up past her waist awkwardly and tucked her in.
"Do you need a pill?" he asked awkwardly, pointing to the bottles laid out on the dresser. Red's eyes were already trying to close while he spoke.
"I can't," Red breathed, finally giving way to the fatigue that had plagued her all evening and been given barely a reprieve. She didn't have energy to do anything. Every cell in her body felt worn out and decrepit. Her head was pounding and every minute or so a wave of nausea would brush over her making the room spin and her vision go blurry. "I have to…wait…until morning."
"What happens if you take an extra?" Maxim asked. He was backing her wheelchair up against the wall where it would be out of the way and not pose a tripping hazard to any of them.
"Probably nothing," Red replied, she glanced at the other side of the mattress. The blankets and pillows on Gloria's side were still made up and cold. She'd be without her tonight and that was hell. She didn't want to be alone. Since they'd made up, Gloria had moved back into their room and been sharing their bed every night. Gloria rarely went to bed as early as she did, so Red was used to falling asleep alone once Gloria kissed her goodnight, but being able to reach out for her in the middle of the night was something she yearned for. She missed her terribly.
"Do you want to try one?" Maxim asked, walking over to the dresser and picking up the bottle that he knew held the drugs for her tremors. Gloria had explained the prescription cocktail the doctor had put his mother on once to him before. He shook it slightly in his hand, watching her little blue pills dance inside.
"If you haven't had once since this evening then I don't see any harm, Mama. And I want you to get some relief so you'll be able to fall asleep," he told her softly.
"Okay," Red agreed softly, still fidgeting uncomfortably beneath her blanket. She really had no opinion on the matter aside from being grateful for anything that might make her feel a little bit better. Truth be told, she'd long ago stopped really paying much attention to the specifics of her care. She rarely even voiced her opinions in the doctor's office anymore, either. Gloria spoke for her, filled the prescriptions, and made decisions while Red stared out a window and reminisced about better days. Since she couldn't be left alone or entrusted with anything above what you'd give to a young child, it seemed fruitless to imagine that anything she had to say actually mattered anymore. She was losing control over everything and trying to hang on just made it all the more painful.
"Can I have some water?" she asked.
"Of course, I'll be right back," Maxim said swiftly. Sticking her pill bottle into the sleeve of his sweater, he left for the kitchen, leaving Red momentarily alone, which was what she needed. It was a challenge, but she didn't have much time, so as soon as her son had turned out of sight, Red shrugged her blankets off and began to squirm towards the edge of the bed. Her feet hit the floor and it was a struggle to sit herself up the rest of the way, using the edge of her nightstand for support. Then she lifted up the front of her nightgown.
The sides of her disposable brief could be torn to remove, but Red's hands were far too jittery at the moment to even attempt that...and she only had seconds before Maxim came back. Clenching her teeth together, she pulled the wet garment down her legs, lifting herself briefly to slide it from beneath her and have it fall to the floor in a heavy thump. Panting at the exertion, Red bent down to pick the wet undergarment up, supporting herself to prevent falling with her spare hand holding tightly to the corner of her nightstand. She tossed her used brief into the wastebasket, where it would hopefully remain undetected by her son.
As far as Red knew, nobody aside from Gloria or Lida would have known to check her and she was grateful that nobody had informed Maxim before he came over to spend the night with her. There were things about a mother that a son shouldn't have to know. She wasn't sure how far her pride would take her, but she still thought she would have chosen to lie in a wet brief all night before asking Maxim's help to change out of it. She'd woken up that way and already been sitting in it for several hours, after all. Her physical discomfort from that was only minimalized by the relief that nobody else had noticed.
She was now more exhausted than words could possibly describe and swayed dangerously as she sat at the edge of her bed. A shaking hand at her side was little support to keep her from toppling over but she didn't have the ability to lie back down safely and go to sleep either.
"Mama, what are you doing?" Maxim asked in alarm, walking back into the room and coming to stand directly in front of her. He set the water down on her nightstand and then gripped her firmly by both shoulders as she trembled.
"Were you trying to go somewhere?" he asked, sounding more calm now that he was holding her and could be sure she was alright.
"No…" Red answered softly.
"You're having a rough night, Mama," Maxim said, as though she needed reminding. "If you need something tell me so I can get it, or ask for my help if you really need to get up. Otherwise, you need to stay in bed. You're shaking right now."
"Yes…" Red said tiredly, accepting his diagnosis. Despite the fight Maxim was inevitably expecting from her, his mother was far too unwell and exhausted right now to resist him anything.
"I'm going to stay in here with you tonight so I can hear if you wake up or need anything," Maxim told her firmly, sounding much more assertive than Red would have ever expected from him. He glanced over at the chair in the corner of the room. "Are the extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet? I'll just—"
"You can share my bed," Red interrupted. Her voice was barely above a whisper but Maxim still understood. He squeezed her shoulders affectionately and then kissed her forehead.
"Are you sure?" he double-checked.
"Of…course," Red replied. "My son...isn't...sleeping...in a chair."
"Okay," Maxim smiled softly. "Let's me just help you lie back down, okay?"
Red hesitated for a moment, biting down on her bottom lip as her shoulders shook even more aggressively in his grasp.
"Will you get me…a Depend from the closet?" she asked him weakly, looking away from his face as she spoke. Her cheeks were burning from shame and humiliation. This was her son. She hated him seeing her so pathetic. However, it would be much much worse to not put one on and face the consequences of that decision before dawn. Red knew there was no escaping the truth that she needed to wear one.
"Sure," Maxim said. Since he was nervous about her slipping off the bed, he reached his hands beneath the crook of her legs and around her back so that he could shift her further back on the mattress. Then he walked around to the closet as she'd asked.
The closet was basically ordinary, filled with clothes, handbags, and shoes which Maxim knew mostly belonged to Gloria. His mother's wardrobe had always been more sparse than her wife's and the whole family had listened to Benny complain about how Gloria had taken over the closet in his bedroom too. The only thing different about this closet was the stack of boxes on the floor that held the adult pull-ups his mother obviously needed to wear now. If Maxim was grateful for anything at this moment, it was Gloria's discretion. If his mother had to live the way she did, it was at least a relief to her son that the supplies were hidden away and her privacy was respected.
It was an awkward situation for a son to be in and nothing but deep affection for his mother could help him get though it. He didn't ask her permission, as he grabbed one from the box and walked back around the bed. Unfolding the Depend he kneeled down on the floor and gently lifted one leg at a time through each leg hole. Getting it the rest of the way up was a little more difficult. It entailed helping her to stand so he could tug it up beneath her nightgown until he knew it was snug around her waist. He kept one arm around her the entire time for support since she was too shaky to stand unassisted at the moment.
"I'm sorry," Red apologized, as he helped her sit back down on the bed.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Maxim replied, making a mental note to thank Gloria and his sister-in-law for all they did tomorrow when he saw them. He cleared his throat.
"So…uhm…I googled your prescription on my phone when I was in the kitchen," he told her, to break the silence. "I don't think there's anything wrong with taking another tonight. You need some rest, so you need to be comfortable."
"Uh huh," Red murmured sleepily.
"Okay," Maxim said quietly as he got the pill out for her.
Red held her palm up to accept the pill, but Maxim was one step ahead of her and pressed the tablet against her lips, waiting for her to part them and accept it. Apparently, he didn't want to risk her dropping it in her shaken state. She opened slowly, and Maxim dropped the pill onto her tongue for her. Then he brought the cup of water to her lips and guided the straw into her mouth.
"That should help, hmm?" Maxim soothed, as he watched her swallow it. He set the cup on her bedside table.
"Yes," Red agreed softly.
"Let's get some sleep, okay?" Maxim suggested softly, and she nodded her trembling head slightly. Slowly he helped her to lie back down in the bed again and then tucked the blankets up around her. Red squirmed under the covers, puzzling her son, until he realized she was trying to maneuver onto her side to sleep and assisted her with that. Red's hands clenched around the top of her blanket, and she pressed her cheek into the pillow.
Once he was confident she was secure, Maxim walked around the bed to Gloria's side. Before he lay down himself, he took his cellphone out of the pocket of the jeans he had thrown on in a hurry when Benny had phoned. Luca had sent him several texts since he'd left the house, asking him to call home once he got his mother settled. Max was far too tired for that though, and he didn't want to disturb his mother or leave her alone to go make a phone call in a different room. He quickly texted a quick message letting him know that everything was fine there and he was going to bed, before setting the phone on Gloria's nightstand and lying down in the bed beside his mother.
He could tell that Galina wasn't asleep yet from the way her hands were continuing to clutch and tug at the blankets as she struggled to get comfortable. Maxim curled up on his side, facing her back. Without much thought, his hand began rubbing at her back in a circular fashion, paying particular attention to the places he knew he troubled his mother for as long as he could remember. She'd damaged her back as a young woman from the hard and repetitive manual labour she had performed in the factor she'd worked at in Russia.
Red let out a contented breath. "That feels good," she told him softly.
"You used to get me to drive my cars over your back when I was little," he teased, noting the groove and awkward bend of her curved spine that hadn't been there before. Red let out a small noise in the back of her throat that somewhat resembled a chuckle.
"I'll take the girls over to my place tomorrow to wait for Vasily and Lida," he told her. "After they see Gloria, of course. Sound okay?"
"Yes," Red replied.
"Goodnight, Mama," Maxim told her softly, as he continued to rub circles on her aching back. It might have been his imagination, but he thought he could feel a slight relief in her aggressive shaking. Whether it was the back massage or because the medication was already starting to kick in, Maxim wasn't sure. He just decided not to stop until she was well asleep.
"I'm right here if you need anything," he reminded her, now stroking his hand up and down the length of her spine. He hated that she was sick and that they'd been put in this cruelest of circumstances. His mother didn't want him to see her this way, anymore than he wanted to watch. Yet there was no avoiding the situation for either of them at the moment, and it was quite amazing just what love could help you get through.
XXX
Red slept deeply and without interruption for the remainder of the night. It was exceedingly rare for her to get more than one or two solid hours, but the magnitude of her exhaustion and the extra dosage of levodopa had made a serious impact. When she opened her eyes the next morning she was immediately blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the window that somebody had opened the curtains to. Blinking rapidly to adjust, it took Red a couple seconds to realize that Gloria was sitting at the foot of the bed with a genuine smile on her face.
"Am I dreaming?" Red asked gruffly. She glanced over at the other side of the bed and saw that Maxim was gone. The sunlight told her she had slept much later than she typically would. She suddenly had a vague remembrance of her son helping her to sit up and coax her into swallowing her pills and some water, before tucking her back in and telling her to go back to sleep. Maxim had stayed by her side all night and though she wished it hadn't been necessary, she was filled with incredible love for her son right now.
Pressing her hands into the bed she tried to straggle up into a sitting position. Immediately she could tell that for her physically, this was going to be a much better day than her night had been. Her body was calm, except for the slightest twitch in her right foot. Her head felt cleared of its foggy storm and she felt more energized after getting some solid sleep. Last night had been one of the worst she'd ever seen and a clear example of how her emotional state impacted her physical symptoms.
"I'm back," Gloria winked, leaning forward to kiss the corner of her mouth.
Red sighed in relief at the sight of her. Despite looking a little tired, Gloria looked the same as before. She was still dressed in the jeans and sweater from the previous day and her grey hair was a little disheveled from not having been combed. She looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes and a bandage on her arm, but otherwise she seemed healthy. Her appearance was just the reassurance Red had been needing.
"Come sit closer to me," Red pleaded, beckoning Gloria over with an outstretched hand.
"With pleasure," Gloria replied, taking Red's hand and then crawling up the length of the bed on her knees. "Hi," she smiled, pecking her lips lightly.
"Hello," Red said softly, as a rosiness marked her pale cheeks. She squeezed Gloria's hand as hard as she could and then leaned over to catch her lips again.
"I couldn't wait to get home," Gloria told her. "Mostly because I wanted to see you, but I have to admit that it also was because my nurses were b*tches."
"How?" Red giggled.
"They just bugged me," Gloria rolled her eyes. "Always waking me up as soon as I started to fall asleep because they wanted to check my vitals or something annoying."
"Well, that's what you were there for," Red purred, stretching a hand out to squeeze the muscles in Gloria's thighs. In an instant Gloria had stretched her legs out so as to give her more access. It was very rare for Red to instigate touching her. Red leaned back, her head supported by several pillows while Gloria fell back with her and nestled her head on her shoulder.
"How else did they bother you?" Red asked. She tugged at a loose thread hanging off of the inner thigh portion of Gloria's jeans.
"They sent this...child in to draw blood sometime around five this morning," Gloria huffed. "It must have been the poor girl's first five minutes on the job. She poked me five separate times before she finally got a vein."
"Ouch," Red sympathized, turning her head so that she could kiss the top of Gloria's head.
"Yeah," Gloria sighed. "I blame Benny actually. He wouldn't shut up, he was probably distracting her. I told him if he's going to hit on a staff member to at least pick one who wasn't stupid."
Red chuckled at Gloria's words. She sounded so fiery and normal that it was hard to imagine that she had been unconscious on the kitchen floor last night. She seemed like she was ready for a good nap, but aside from that she actually appeared to have more energy that she had in several months. As her test an hour ago would confirm, her blood-sugar levels were good for the moment.
"Speaking of Benny," Red said, drumming her fingertips against Gloria's thigh. "Where is he?"
"Sleeping," Gloria replied. "He said the hospital chairs were too impossible to get comfortable in and he was going straight to bed."
"Well, when he gets up, I need you to hit him for me," Red said seriously.
"Sure," Gloria said without hesitation. She tilted her head resting on Red's shoulder up and kissed her jaw bone. "Any particular reason?"
"He never let me know how you were," Red replied. "The girls and I were sitting up terrified about what was happening to you, and he never even bothered to call."
"Yeah," Gloria gritted her teeth. "Maxim told us about that. Benny argued and insisted that he did message you, so I told him to give me some proof….so little dweeb pulls out his phone to show me a detailed text that he typed out and then forgot to hit 'send' on."
"I'm going to kill him," Red said irritably. "You have no idea how worried I was about you."
"Aww, because you love me?" Gloria purred. She wrapped an arm across Red's body and then overlapped her legs so that Red's hand was sandwiched between her two thighs.
"Yes, I do," Red said quietly. She sniffed and then stared straight into Gloria's brown eyes. "All I kept thinking last night while I waited to hear what was wrong with you, was if this was the end...would you know how much I love you?"
"Yes, I know you love me," Gloria said, reaching up an arm to wrap around Red's neck.
"Not just that I love you," Red pressed. "But that I'm completely in love with you...as a soulmate, as a wife, as the love of my life. Do you know that?"
"Galina," Gloria laughed, though her heart was swelling with joy. "What has gotten into you? I mean-I'm not complaining, but you must have been really worried, huh?"
"You were unconscious lying on the kitchen floor," Red said dramatically. "We couldn't wake you and we didn't know what was wrong."
"I'm sorry," Gloria apologized, leaning over to kiss her lips. "I blacked out so I don't know what that was like...but now you understand how scared I feel about you all the time." She kissed her lips again. "But honestly...I'm feeling fine."
"You're not just saying that?" Red squinted at her.
"Oh please," Gloria rolled her eyes. "If I was in pain or uncomfortable you know you'd be hearing all about it."
"I suppose you do like to go off, hmm?" Red teased. She flexed the fingers on the hand sandwiched between Gloria's thighs, and then wriggled it upward so that it was pressed hard against her front making Gloria hitch in her breath. The movement was subtle, Red's fingertips emitted so light of a pressure that it was barely registerable through Gloria's clothing layers, but mentally it was a powerful sensation. It suggested a closeness that she had thought was unreachable, and even if nothing went any further than this subtle touch, it meant the world to her.
"What are you thinking, love?" Gloria murmured, leaning forward to kiss Red's collarbone. She raised her eyes up at her. "Hmm?"
Red brought her other hand up to caress Gloria's grey locks of hair. "I missed you so much," she said honestly.
"I missed you too," Gloria smiled. "And I just love being like this with you...it doesn't have to be much. Just these times when I feel like we're really connecting. I should get sick more often!"
"No!" Red shook her head. "No, don't even say that. I don't want to ever see you like that again, understand? I need you healthy." Her hand shifted uncertainty, before brushing against Gloria again with slightly more pressure than before. So, taking a chance, Gloria slid her own free hand up to overlap Red's. Warmth was radiating off of her as Gloria added the slightest increase of pressure for a moment before pulling back. She didn't want to make this too big of a deal. She just had wanted to give the smallest of gestures to show Red that she knew what she was doing and appreciated it.
"I guess I'm going to go have a bath," Gloria whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth.
"Really?" Red asked.
"Yeah," Gloria said quietly. "I smell like a hospital and I want to change out of these clothes too."
"Okay," Red sighed. As Gloria untangled their limbs, Red sat up in their bed, though her shoulders and back were permanently arched forward.
"Do you want to come join me though?" Gloria smiled, raising her eyebrows enticingly. "Maxim took the girls out this morning so aside from a sleeping Benny, we're all alone...and I want you close to me."
"I guess so," Red replied. "If you want…" They used to shower together almost everyday. It had just been their ritual. When one would jump in, the other would be quick to follow. Some of their best conversations had happened underneath the rainfall shower setting and even after so many years together it had never ceased to be a passionate and romantic gesture. When Red had first gotten sick and her balance had become sketchy, showering together had become a necessary method for her to bathe safely, while also providing them with a sense of intimacy that had begun to sorely lack in their relationship. Red wondered if Gloria was trying to renew some of that closeness by suggesting they share a bath now. It was something she was very open to.
"Yes, I want to," Gloria said, as she climbed off of the bed.
"Come here," she gestured, wrapping her arms supportively around Red's frame so that she could help her up out of bed and then guide her into the bathroom. They didn't need the wheelchair; Gloria's experienced eye told her Galina was strong enough to make the small trek across the hall. With Gloria right there for security, the walker wasn't necessary either. When they entered the bathroom, Gloria assisted Red to sit on the closed toilet seat and then turned back around to shut the door.
"Is that for you?" Red asked, gesturing to a machine that was a new addition to the bathroom and was sitting on a high shelf.
"Yep," Gloria replied. "I have to test my blood levels five times a day, everyday, for the rest of my life. That's why my finger is sore." She stuck the plug into the drain and then turned the taps on. "Do you want bubbles? I sort of do…"
"Sure," Red replied distractedly, as she struggled to tear open the sides of the depends she was wearing beneath her nightgown. Watching out of the corner of her eye, Gloria quickly added some bumble bath to the stream of hot water and then went to her. Without speaking or asking, she calmly reached up the skirt of her nightgown and guided Red's hands away from the side of her undergarment. With quick fingers, Gloria ripped open the sides of the Depends and then helped Red to stand back up so that they could easily remove it.
Gloria stripped her own clothes off quickly and tossed them into the laundry basket. Then she helped Red remove her nightgown. Gloria kept her hands firmly on her arms as she helped Red step one foot into the tub and then the other. It was a bit clumsy of a gesture, sitting down together, but ultimately, they managed it. Gloria rested her back against the groove of the tub, and Red leaned back against her. The tub was almost ready to overflow with lots of pink sudsy bubbles so Gloria stuck her foot out of the water to turn off the tap.
"So, you really feel okay?" Red asked her softly. She reached a hand into a large cloud of foam and leaned her head back so that it was aligned with the column of Gloria's neck.
"Just tired," Gloria replied. "I know I'm going to take a nap after this. Just have a lazy day in bed." She playfully rubbed a coating of bubbles up Red's arm. "I promise to wake up in plenty of time to have a well-balanced lunch." She kissed her cheek. "I'll be good."
"You better," Red said softly, leaning back against Gloria's body her breath quickened when Gloria wrapped her arms tightly around her in embrace. They were the closest they had been in a very long time. Beneath the water, their legs wrapped around one another with just their knee caps protruding out of the bubbles. Red's heart was pounding anxiously in her chest and from the excitement, her hands began to tremble.
"Are you okay?" Gloria asked her softly.
"Mhmm…" Red nodded her head. She exhaled loudly, and brought her hands up to hold Gloria's, which were still wrapped protectively around her body. She suddenly felt a rising of shame inside of her. That the lightest suggestions of touch she had given Gloria in the bedroom had suggested her wish to begin that physical aspect of their relationship. She didn't want to tease and then withhold something they bought had been missing, but at the same Red knew it wasn't something she wanted to attempt. It just seemed impossible in so many ways, and even more, she couldn't imagine Gloria even desiring to engage her like that anymore. She couldn't imagine there was anything about her that could be considered attractive these days.
"I love just lying here with you," Gloria said, seeming to understand Red's nervousness and now wished to quell it. She slid one hand up Red's body, glazing over her breasts, neck, and finally to her ear. She massaged it gently, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger. "
This is enough," she whispered in Red's ear, before she leaned forward over Red's right shoulder and caught her lips in a kiss. Expecting it, Red was ready. Her lips instantaneously parted as she slipped her tongue imploringly into Gloria's taking in her taste and sweetness that had been missing from her life for so long.
Their kiss deepened, Red's lips were twitchy and she fumbled clumsily as she moved with her. Gloria's hand caressed her face, keeping her steady as they leaned in to one another. The awkwardness of her movements seemed not to matter, and for once Red wasn't concerned about how it would appear. Laughter vibrated in the back of her throat, and in reciprocation Red could feel Gloria smile. This was just the two of them alone together and it was as close to perfect as she could hope. It was passionate and an expression of love that had been withheld for a very long time. Things were changing and some things no longer were, but they still had one another and a love worth celebrating and embracing. This was a dance to see how they worked and what they both were comfortable with. Within minutes, they had pulled away. Both breathless and sated in a love that was mutually reciprocated. Making the most of the time they had and the best out of less than ideal circumstances.
"I'm sorry," Red apologized, reaching up to wipe the moisture from Gloria's face when they were done. Suddenly she felt self-conscious, being wholeheartedly the one responsible for the sloppy kiss they had shared. It was embarrassing.
"What are you doing to me?" Gloria smiled, motioning to the trail of bubbles Red had accidently brushed onto her face. Gloria wiped the soap off and then took each of Red's hands in hers. They lined them up, holding them out before their eyes they compared lines, skin tone, and signs of aging.
"You should let me paint your nails later," Gloria said softly, taking in Red's bare fingernails which had always been polished before.
"Okay," Red replied. Gently she jostled Gloria's hands which were half-bitten down and not really fit to do anything with. Red leaned her head back against Gloria's shoulder and closed her eyes contentedly. "Thank you," she murmured.
"For what?" asked Gloria.
Red opened her eyes to peer up at Gloria through her long lashes. "For reminding me that life still can be good sometimes."