Chapter 10

Beth laid all night going over the day's events and she realised that her body bore a heaviness more concentrated than she could believe possible in these last few weeks. Yet in equal measure, she had found a strange fondness for being a small part of the interior world of the Green Mile. She knew barely anything of the inmates, and she had only scratched the surface of the lives of its guards, yet for the first time in a long while she felt she belonged.

For a brief time that her eyes had closed her mind played out the sound of a car engine, its lively rattle and hum surrounding her as though she were actually back in the vehicle. Then there was that swerve, that screech of the breaks like an animal tormented and her eyes flew open as her body gave a jerk. There was her heart clammering and battering against her ribs so hard it was painful and her brow was beaded with sweat. When she sat up she realised a few tears were falling from her eyes and she wiped them away impatiently. The heaviness still present had now taken a back seat to a new feeling… no not a new feeling, only a growing, bolder one. Anger.

The seeds had been sewn for a few years now, but only recently had they germinated and taken root. It was growing around her spine, spiralling and twisting around each vertebra. Today she felt that whatever pushed at her she could push back much harder. Yesterday's events would not be today's she was determined in that. She washed and dressed herself, her feet still a little achy from the walk home, yet her mind was drawn to the idea of open spaces and fresh air again. She dressed idly but then caught sight of the arm Percy had taken hold of the day before. There were now deep purple marks from where his bony fingers had pressed right down onto the bone of her upper arm. Her fingers touched one lightly and she felt a slight pain, the anger flared a little again.

By eight o'clock she was dressed and out walking, the small park nearby would offer enough appeasement for what she required. She would steel herself ready for the day but not only that, she would find joy in the sunshine that was rising into a promising morning.

The car swerve and the shriek of the breaks seemed to echo distantly around her and that presence attempted to creep up on her, cast its shadow over her and whisper her name harsh and wanting. Shaking her head she refused to own these sounds and feelings and sitting on the grass of the small green park, she found a bit of peace. A young family came and she watched the father help the two young children chase the last butterflies of the year, they would be gone soon enough as the cold set in. The mother trailed a little behind, looking around at the fading Fall bloom, contented in her situation and it made Beth envious.

Her walk home was pleasant, people bustling around her along the pavements and a car here and there driving by. How she appreciated the animation of the street since seeing the solitary Green Mile with its stale air and circular atmosphere of despair and tedium. Beth thought of Paul Edgecomb as the guardian of such a Kingdom and how he was able to bear it. She thought of Brutus, Harry and Dean too, how they all seemed to look beyond the previous lives of these condemned men and only saw the reduced ones in their cells. They all had a foot in each world and how close they were for it. There were only two of them on the outside looking in, herself and Percy Wetmore. No wonder he had got her the job in the first place.

As she made her way to Cold Mountain that mid afternoon her thoughts fell again to Brutal and she decided to forget the sting that yesterday's formality brought. Today felt like a day to start afresh and see how they would fare in their next encounter with one another.

"How old are you then?"

"I'm twenty four."

"Still young."

"Forty?"

"About that. I forget sometimes."

"There's still time."

"For what?"

"Men get married still at your age; have kids an' that if that's what you want."

"Shall I drive us to a chapel then?"

"I'll consider it."

Beth had surprised herself with her boldness, she had not jested so freely since she was a girl. Back in those days she recalled it had not fared well for her in the long run, experience told her she needed to clamp down on getting the better of herself. Yet in that moment, it had seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Brutal had seemed contented to play along until she had clammed up, she had destroyed that moment herself. Such self-sabotage would not happen again.

Upon her arrival she had encountered some of the Infirmary staff who had requested her help for a couple of hours to which she happily obliged and by the time she returned to the Mile it was nearing six o'clock. Bill Dodge still manned the desk, the others having not arrived yet. The smell from Del's execution was a faint unpleasant tinge in the air now, yet anyone who caught the scent of it would remember how the poor man exited the world.

Beth went to clean the back rooms and sweep through old Sparky's chamber first, her hope was that by the time it came to tidy through the office Brutal may have arrived. When alone with the chair she chose not to look at it, she didn't like to think of lives passing beyond at the best of times let alone been near an instrument that stripped some of it. Were she of a sillier temperament she might imagine it was haunted, but she did not have such mindless ideas. Beth knew the cold, hard truth that once separated, the living and the dead could not meet again.

After some time she heard the familiar voices of the four regular guards and she hurried her duties. When arriving at the duty desk however, she saw only Dean and Harry playing cards. Harry looked at her rather worryingly.

"I didn't know you were here today." He remarked, looking down the Mile then at Dean.

"Is it just you two?" She asked.

"Paul and Brutal are just taking care of some paper work, Percy is in the office."

Beth's heart sunk, yet what could she do? Harry seemed to not want her there at that moment and she could hardly stand stupidly making chit chat until Paul and Brutal returned. Biting the bullet was the only way; she moved to go into the office. Percy was sat casually with his feet rested on the desk like he was the boss himself, his eyes bent intently on a book about caring for the mentally ill. When the door opened he snapped the book shut with a start but then seeing it was her he seemed to relax again.

"I've been waitin' for you." He said, Beth looked behind her and saw Dean looking in her direction uncomfortably; Harry's eyes were focused on the entrance to the Mile. She couldn't work out what had them running so anxious but she closed the door and stepped forward. "Come over here."

Beth was tempted to stand her ground and argue but instead she moved over to the desk and stood to the side of Percy. He rested his head against the back on the chair, his eyes looking up at her almost dreamily. His feet were crossed at the ankles and his hands were idly opening the book. When the pages opened she saw concealed within them was a pornographic issue and her eyes flicked back to him, a smile of satisfaction appearing on his face.

"Is this how you spend your time?" Beth asked levelly, it wasn't the first time she'd seen something like this but she still found it unpleasant. She'd be damned if he saw that though. "Why don't you try actually makin' yourself agreeable, go play cards."

Percy looked at the smaller volume and flicked through a few pages, knowing full well she was seeing every image herself.

"You ever done it any of these ways?" He asked.

"I am not answering any of your nastiness, Percy." She replied, the anger rising in her voice.

"I imagined you have, I thought about it a lot in fact."

Beth said nothing, she found herself chewing her lip nervously and she looked away. His small chuckle resounded around her and from the corner of her eye she saw movement pass the office and go towards the store room. Percy sat up a little, placing his feet on the floor.

"Do you remember what your brother said to you?"

"I do." She grated.

"What was that again?"

"He said I had thrown my virtue onto the fire, the virtue that God had blessed me with."

Whatever his intention was, these words of her brother's had been with her a long time, hurting her for a long time. Her recounting them now added no further pain.

"I liked your brother, you know I did…"

"Make your point Percy; I'm tired of your meanness!" She barked, turning back to him and she saw the smile evaporate a little from his lips, daring only now to linger slightly.

"I just think he had it wrong is all." Percy explained, his fingers running over one of the images. "I think your virtues have just been in hidin' these last few years… I think they're just waiting for someone to…"

His arm went out and wrapped around her waist and with a swift yank he pulled her onto his lap. His desire was evident beneath his trousers and for a moment she seemed to fall limp against him, long enough for him to lift up the small edition and make her look at the image of the woman with her ankles over a man's shoulders.

"It's quite a thing, isn't it?" He whispered hotly near her ear and on his final word she sprang up and moved around the desk. He laughed at her now, placing his feet back upon the desk and resting the book against his chest. Those mean eyes were triumphant and that smile was daring to be slapped off his face. Despite all of her intentions, he could wipe away any self respect in her sometimes. Yet this time perhaps he had gone too far.

"You don't know Jack about me Percy Wetmore!"

"I know more than you think, Theo might not be much of a talker now but he was, oh you know he was. Your brother was right I suppose, you did give something freely, it's just it was his love you threw on the fire!"

"Shut your mouth!" She bellowed and realised that those around could likely hear. Her head turned to the office door for a moment, expecting someone to come in yet no one did. Stepping nearer, the desk the only thing between them she continued in a lower voice. "I don't know what all this is Percy, but I know this… I'd rather walk down that Mile and be skinned alive by the murderers you got holed up in here than be touched by you for even a moment!"

He looked angry now but he was clever, he knew where he was. Percy kept his position and merely stared at her, demanding her gaze for as long as she dared, until it made her feel sick.

"You best walk then cos there ain't a man here that would touch a woman like you. Now I'm gonna think a lot about what you said, you know what that means… maybe you'll be wanting to borrow this to brush up on your skills." His voice was full of antagonism and triumph as he lifted the small issue from the book. "Because nowhere else will have you if I get my way."

Beth didn't feel anger; she didn't feel like tears would fall, she only felt numb now. It was as though Percy had stepped forward and stripped away whatever part of her had been determined to stand up to him, now all that was left was a husk. Without another word or look she moved away from him and stepped out of the office. Her face rose and she saw the four Guards looking at her, Paul's face seeming determined by something she couldn't fathom, two bottles of pop in his hands. Her eyes flicked to Brutal for a moment, his face seeming composed yet his eyes too were dark with an intention she didn't know.

"Everythin' alright?" Dean asked, coming over to her and placing a hand on the top of her arm, she realised she must have looked unsteady.

"I'm fine." She said but to her surprise Paul now came nearer to her and searched her face. Dean dutifully stepped back and Beth found herself shaking a little under Paul's gaze. Feeling was returning to her now, it was as if leaving Percy's vicinity gave her freedom to feel again. He looked at her kindly and she could see the blurred shape of Brutal over his shoulder some little way off. As she dared to meet Paul's eyes she felt the reassurance in his voice.

"This is not the place for you to be right now, Beth. You should be at home."

"I need the money…" She said shamefully.

"Then Harry will call and we'll see if there's some other places you can finish your shift today, but I think you need to be away from here for a little while."

"I agree." She heard Brutal's voice say from behind Paul and she looked over at him, seeing such a concerned look on his face that she could have gone over and embraced him. But she fought off the urge and looking back to Paul she nodded. How much they had heard or guessed she did not know, but they knew for sure now that Percy was giving her more trouble than they realised. Beth might feel the shadows at her back, but for the first time she felt four allies standing in front of her.