How I Met Jane Eyre
Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again with a new chapter for y'all. You'll see there are quotation marks surrounding some of the words to do with marriage. The reason that I have put them here and not in other chapters, is that it makes sense to me - I don't know about the rest of you, though - because this is the chapter where you will see the beginning of the "wedding" take place; so if you're not happy about it, tough. Excerpts from chapters 24, 25 and 26 from Jane Eyre are used in this one. Oh, and Bonbonnett, thank you for giving me a better review. I hope that there are now no more flaws in the plotline for you to complain about and thank you for your advice. Much appreciated. Now enjoy this chapter.
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Chapter 11 – The Month of Courtship, and the Beginning of the "Wedding"
"So, what happened next, Papa?" Eddie asked me.
"Well, my son, the next morning when I woke, the first thing I saw was the morning sunlight, streaming in through the window and shining just underneath the shut curtain. The sun represented my feelings perfectly that morning, for I was deliriously happy that your mother had accepted my proposal and that she had finally confessed that she loved me, so you can see why that I wished to see her as soon as I possibly could. I got up, dressed and breakfasted quickly, before I headed off to the schoolroom to wait for your mother. I ran into Adele there, and told her that seeing as she had worked hard of late, she deserved a holiday, so I sent her back to the nursery, for I just wanted to be with your mother that day. Besides, I had plans for us that day, for I wanted to take her into Millcote and buy some things for her for the "bridal tour".
"Anyway, I did not have long to wait for your mother, for I heard her gentle footsteps coming as soon as Adele had left the room. I waited patiently for her, with my heart pounding violently in my chest as she talked with Adele outside, before she entered the room. She was wearing a lilac gingham dress, which made a nice change from all the dull black ones she wore. I started to imagine her wearing other colours, and thought about what I could get her that would suit her well. Anyway, her hair looked lovely shining in the sun, making it turn gold: her lips, which were in a smile anyway, grew even more wider when she saw me, and her eyes sparkled with new life and rays far brighter than the sun shone through those pools. I told her to come and bid me good morning, which she gladly did, joy making her agile, and before I knew it, she was in my arms and I was kissing her once more; and when we kissed, not only did the spark in my heart turn into a raging, burning fire; but also, she made me feel as though a part of me that I had been missing I had suddenly found, without even knowing that a part of myself was missing until I held her in my arms, for she brought that piece back to me, filling my heart, and making me feel loved. I had never felt that feeling before with any other woman, and I knew what this meant: your mother and I were soul mates.
"As soon as our lips were parted, I beheld her properly. She looked so beautiful, so radiant that morning, with dimpled, rosy cheeks and eyes so full of life. She told me that it was her – Jane Eyre, as was her name back then – and I told her that it was "soon to be Jane Rochester", which made her face quickly turn white. I was puzzled by why this could possibly be, for any other woman would have been happy to be called thus – but as we know, your mother is not just any ordinary woman – and when I asked her why she blanched, she told me that it was because I had given her a new name, and that she thought that she was living in a fairy-tale, because human beings never experience true happiness in this world.
"I went on to tell your mother that I realised that, and I had written a letter to my banker, asking him to send me certain jewels – heirlooms for the ladies of Thornfield – and that I was going to pour them into her lap, and make her wear them, and where I would put each piece on her, which she constantly refused, her stubborn, independent nature taking over once more. I agreed in the interim that her request would be granted for the time being, but once we were married, she would have them, whether she wanted them or not.
"I then proceeded to tell your mother that we would be heading into Millcote that day so that she could choose some new dresses for herself for the "bridal tour", and that after we were "married", I would take her for a brief stay in town, before we journeyed to places nearer the sun: to French vineyards and Italian plains, where she would see for herself the wonders of what modern society in different nations could offer her."
"Did she seem interested in travelling, Papa?" Janet asked.
"Yes she did, Janet, and I told your mother that I would take her to Paris, Rome, Naples, Florence, Venice and Vienna. I was glad that the next time I would go to these places that I would be redeemed, leaving the companions of rage, disgust and hate – who had been my constant travelling companions for those ten long, weary years before I met your mother – behind, and travelling instead with my companion for life, my dearest, sweetest angel. She laughed when I called her an angel, saying that she would not be one until she died. She thought that I would love her only for a little while, before my passion for her would fade, and I would grow distasteful towards her and like her again. I told your mother that I would not only like, but love her still, with truth, fervour and constancy. I went on to tell your mother that when I spent time with women who showed me that they had neither hearts nor souls, no matter how appeasing their outward appearance was, that I would turn my back on them, disgusted with them – and myself – for thinking that just because a person is appealing on the outside, doesn't mean that the same story lies within. Then I told her that to the clear eye and eloquent-tongue, to the soul made of fire and the character that bends but does not break, I am ever tender and true. Your mother then asked me whether there had been any before her who pleased me as she did – and still does – and I told her that I had never met her likeness; for your mother has been the only woman who has pleased me. I was influenced and conquered by her, for she had bewitched me body and soul.
"Your mother then started to tease me, for she said that her curiosity was roused; and the more she teased me, the more vexed I got with her, for I was starting to worry that she would ask me about Bertha: but to my immense relief, your mother told me why I had taken such pains in order to make her believe that it was Miss Ingram who I wished to marry. Relief washed over me at these words, and as I looked down at her and smiled a warm, true smile, I told her that I feigned courtship of Miss Ingram, because I wished to render your mother as madly in love with me as I was with her, and I knew that jealousy would be the best ally I could call for furtherance of that end. She asked me if Blanche would be hurt by what I did, I told her that it was impossible; for as soon as she had learnt the "truth" about my circumstances, her flame for me was extinguished. Your mother then asked me whether no one else had to feel the bitter pain that she did, to which I replied that she did not have to anymore, for my heart was hers, as hers was mine. She kissed my hand that lay on her shoulder then, and my love for her grew – I truly believe that it has never stopped growing - and I felt that she loved me even more then; for I saw the love radiating from her eyes for me. I could have stayed with her like that for the rest of the day, but seeing as we had plans, I therefore asked your mother to ask me something. She told me that I should relieve Mrs Fairfax of the doubts that were in her head about us; for she had seen your mother and I the night before, my dears, and was shocked to find us so (for after all, in those days to the rest of the house, all we were known to each other in their eyes was the master of Thornfield and his ward's governess).Your mother then told me that she thought that the old lady had been worried that your mother and I had forgotten our stations, to which I told her that her station was in my heart. So then I went to relieve the old lady of her doubts, as your mother went to put on her bonnet.
"When I told Mrs Fairfax that me and your mother were to be "married", I saw that she was shocked – just as your mother had said she was – and so I left her alone with what I had told her, and went outside instead to tell John to get the carriage ready. As this was happening, Adele came running up to me, asking if she could go, too; but I declined taking her with us, for I just wanted to be in your mother's company, not only then, but for the rest of our lives. I saw Adele go sulking back into the house, and I knew who she was going to sulk to: and I was not mistaken; for a few seconds later, your mother came up to me, asking if Adele could come along with us, but I said no, for I wanted only her and no one else; but as I helped your mother get inside the carriage, I took a look at her face, and saw, to my surprise and confusion, that dark clouds had washed over her face, where the sun had shined down on it once before. I asked her if she really wanted Adele with us, and she affirmed that it would. I didn't much mind it, to tell you the truth; for at that moment, I thought that I wouldn't have to wait very long to be with your mother, just the two of us, alone, just like it was meant to be, before everything got ruined – but I'll get to that."
"So, what happened then, Papa?" Eddie asked.
"Well, my dears, I told Adele that I was to "marry" your mother and that I would take her to the moon where we would live together. I was teasing the child, of course, and as I was getting bored with answering Adele's questions about how your mother and I would live on the moon, and of the clothes I would make out of the clouds, I then told her to look at the field out the window: the same field, I'll have you know, where I was writing when I saw your mother returning home."
"So, what did you tell Adele, Papa?" Janet asked me, she and her brother looking intrigued and curious about what I had to say; for they both knew of my curious and eccentric mind, and were wondering what I could have told Adele; what story (imparted with truth), that I had put into the child's mind.
"Well, I told Adele that I was sitting thus some two weeks previously, writing about a predicament that had befallen me long ago and of better things to come, I sensed someone coming towards me. I looked up and beheld a little thing with a veil of gossamer on its head. It came and stood at my knee, and as we looked into each other's eyes, it seemed that our minds seemed to link as one, for we conversed with each other through them. She told me that she was a fairy that had come from the Land of the Elves who had come to bring me happiness, and that we could go to live on the moon together, if I would have her. Adele had before mentioned how we could get to the moon without the wings to fly there, as I had told this fairy, who thus told me that it did not matter; for she took out a magical golden ring and handed it to me, saying that if I put it on the fourth finger of her left hand, she would be mine and I would be hers, and she would fly us up to the moon, where we would live together away from prying, mortal eyes. I then told Adele that the ring was hidden in my pocket, disguised as a sovereign, but that I meant to soon transform it into a ring once more. Adele then asked me what the fairy had to do with your mother, and I told her that your mother was a fairy. Adele thought that it was all nonsense, what I had said to her; and your mother comforted the child, telling her not to take any notice of me."
"Just like Mama to be the reasonable one," Eddie guffawed as Janet giggled. "Even though you have always said that Mama is like some sort of elf, anyway."
I laughed as he said this for he was right, so I told him, "I know that as well as you do, my boy, but Adele had never really heard of me speak of your mother in that fashion, and I knew that she did not see your mother the same way that I did, so I dropped it. But back to the point: we spent an hour at Millcote, and as much as I tried to get your mother to buy colours other than those of black and grey, she declined, saying that she did not want to look like a prized doll that I had dressed her up in. The only reason I wanted your mother to wear colours more, my dears, was so that I could bring out her beauty a little more. She also shortened the half-a-dozen dresses down to two, which annoyed me; but what annoyed me even more, was that these two did include a black dress and a grey one. She was as stubborn as always, and I knew that I could do nothing to change her mind, so I told your mother that it would do for the time being. Unbeknownst to her, however, as we were in the silk warehouse, I saw some rather – how should I put this? – special garments that I imagined your mother would wear on our "wedding night", and how good she would look in – as well as out of – them, but I quickly pushed aside these rather arousing thoughts, as your mother came up to me. We then made our way to the jewellery shop, where your mother's face got hotter and hotter with the more I bought for her. She would have looked beautiful, if her face had been burning with happiness rather than indignation.
"As we rode back in the carriage to Thornfield, your mother averted my face and eyes, although I tried to catch hers as much as I could; and when I finally did so, I looked at her with all the warmth and love that I could muster, for it was a blissful and fond moment that passed between us as I looked into her eyes. My hand was ever haunting hers, which she grabbed for a few moments before she flung it back at me, red with pressure. Your mother then told me that I should not look at her in the way that I was, for she told me that if I kept on doing so that she would wear her old Lowood frocks to the end of the chapter, that she would marry me in the dress that she was wearing and that I could make myself a dressing gown and waistcoats out of the dresses I had bought for her. I told her that it was rich to see and hear her original tones, and as much as I teased her, her reasonable head took over her passionate heart, and in the interim she told me that she would not be my English Celine Varens; for now that I look back in hindsight, the looks I had been giving her in the carriage, I now realise, were not those of a way a future husband would look at his bride, but rather I treated her in the exact same way as I did with one of my mistresses."
The shock in the room after I had said these words was so intense that it was amazing that any of us could draw breath. I waited for my children to absorb this information patiently before Janet said, after a few unbearable minutes of awkward silence had passed between us, "You loved her, and yet you treated her like she was another one of your mistresses!?"
"How could you treat her like that?" Eddie asked, surprised and shocked at my words.
I sighed deeply and told them, "I know what I did was wrong, my dears, but you have to remember that it had been a long time for me since I had been a husband, and old habits do die hard, you know. Please can you forgive me?"
Janet and Eddie looked at each other slowly, the cogs whirring round in their heads, before Janet said, "Has Mama forgiven you?"
I smiled at my children and said simply, "What do you two think?" They both smiled at this, and I knew that the danger had passed, so I continued: "Once we arrived back at Thornfield, I asked your mother if she would dine with me, but she declined, saying that we should go on as before, until after the day of our "wedding". So I did what she said, and I called her to my presence that evening at seven, where your mother asked if I could sing for her, saying that she liked my voice. I cannot remember the words of the song I sang, but I do remember that the words spoke perfectly of how I felt towards your mother: for it was about a man who was in live with a woman, who wanted to always be in her presence, and live with her through life until Death came for them. I rose from the piano – for I could play as well as sing back in those days – and I made my way towards where your mother was sat in the window-recess, with my eyes flashing with such tenderness and passion. After we talked for a few minutes, I asked whether she could forgive me for the selfish idea of her living with me as such, and asked for a kiss from her lips, which she declined. She then worked me up in irritation, before she bid me good night, and slipped out of the side-door. I did not understand why your mother treated me like this - not only that night, but every other night on that first month - back then, but I do now. Your mother was right to do such a thing, because she and I just wanted to be together, and if we had been close to each other at any one point during that month, I am sure that we would have given into temptation, and let desire take over our rational way of thinking.
"Anyway, the next month passed quickly, and everything did indeed proceed as it had done before. Your mother continued to play the part of being Adele's governess, before I called her to my presence in the evening at seven as per usual. During this time, I refused to use such words as "love" or "darling" on my lips. No, instead I chose to use such terms as "provoking puppet", "malicious elf", "sprite", "changeling", and so on; and for caresses, I gave her pinches; a pressure of her hand was now a pinch on her arm; a kiss on the cheek – a severe tweak of the ear she received. Your mother teased me greatly during that time: so much so, that at one point I said that she was wearing me to skin and bone, and that I threatened her with an awful vengeance for her present conduct; but do not fret, my dears,, for I was merely teasing your mother in return, just because she was teasing me, and I enjoyed it greatly. Indeed, no other woman had treated me in such a way, and for that month, I felt that all was heavenly and right with the world, and right in my life at last, so it seemed; but once again, I was mistaken, for something happened to your mother two nights before the "wedding"; something which I regret not being there for to try and help your mother at the time when it happened."
"Why, what happened, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie both looking anxious at what could have happened to their dear Mama.
"Well, my dears," I said, "two days before the "wedding", I had to go and settle some business in person on a small estate of some two or three farms that I possess some thirty miles off. Oh, if that business had not come around, I could have been there to - but once again, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyway, when I returned the next evening - the night before the "wedding" - I saw your mother ahead of me, obviously wanting to meet me outside, rather than wait for me indoors, despite all the wind and rain of the storm. I then made her notice me, and beckoned her to come to me, which she did. I then told her that she could not do without me, pulled her up on my horse and gave her some hearty kisses for affection. But as I drew back, I saw that your mother's face and felt her hand, which were both burning hot. I asked her if anything was wrong, and she as good as told me that I had calmed her, and that she had been feeling afraid and unhappy, but she wouldn't tell me anything until we got back to Thornfield.
"I landed your mother on the pavement before I stepped down from my horse, and as we entered Thornfield, I told your mother to change into something dry and to not take long, as I did the same. She came to me five minutes later in the library when I was having supper, and she told me that she could not eat a thing. I was wondering if it was the journey to London that was troubling her mind, and when I asked your mother about it, she said that she hardly knew her thoughts that night, and that everything seemed unreal - even me. I told her that I was real enough, but your mother said that I was the most phantom-like of all. I laughed at her when she said this, and when I held my hand out towards her face to try to convince her of my substantiality, she said that even though she held it, she felt like she was in a dream.
"After supper, we talked about all the preparations that we had undertaken to ensure that everything was sorted before we were "married". When I looked at your mother closely that night, I saw that there was a bright spot of colour to her cheeks and that her eyes glittered strangely; and when I asked her if she was well, she told me that she believed she was, and went on to tell me that there were no words that she could use to express her feelings, and said that she wished the hour would never end, and was worried about what cruel trick Fate could play on us when we were so happy, and everything was so peaceful. She confused me with such thoughts, but before I could say anything, she asked me if I was calm and happy, and I told her that I was not the former, but I certainly was very happy.
"As I have already told you, my dears, your mother had puzzled me greatly, and I wondered whether it had anything to do with me: whether she was afraid that I would not make a good husband for her, or whether she was anxious about the new chapter in her life that was about to be written, and when she affirmed that she was not worried for either of those reasons, I inwardly breathed a huge sigh of relief, for I was scared that she was going to tell me that she did not want to marry me, foolish as it sounds. So then I asked her to confess what was on her mind to me, and to relieve herself of all the troubles that her mind was processing.
"That was the first time your mother told me that she loved me that night (well, technically the first, as I am sure she might have said it the day after I had proposed to her, but as I was so consumed in my own thoughts about bestowing your mother with gems, I didn't take much notice of it at the time), and when she said it that night, my heart thumped painfully in my chest: for it is one thing to feel loved by the one you love most in the world, my dears; but when you are told by the person you love that they love you in return, it makes you feel elated; that is the amount of joy that passes through you. But I am getting off topic once again, and after she told me that she loved me, your mother then went on to say that the previous day she had been busy and happy packing, and then much later on she beheld the priceless veil which I had bought for her, saying that seeing as she wouldn't go for gems, that she had to accept something: for all I wanted to do, my dears, was to give your mother everything within my power that I could give her in order to make her happy. I wanted to treat her like a queen and give her the sun, moon and sky, that's how much I love your mother.
"Anyway, she then told me that she had had such dreams the previous night: in one dream she told me, your mother dreamt that Thornfield was a blackened ruin, with bats and owls nesting in the fallen beams (how right she was about that, my dears, but I'll get to that later). Then she told me that she had had another dream where she was holding a child in her arms, and that she saw me abandoning her, and that she was afraid that some barrier of separation was coming to split us apart. I remember that at the time I thought nothing of these dreams, but now though, I realise that she had gotten the "barrier of separation" part right."
"What do you mean, Papa?" Janet asked me.
"All in good time, dearest. Anyway, she then told me that she was awakened by the moon in the middle of the night and that she had forgotten to close her door. I mention this to you, because she heard someone enter her room and that she thought it was either Adele or Sophie at first; but then she told me that when she had called out their names and had gotten no reply as to who it was, she became even more scared, strong as she was. Well anyone would be in her shoes, for the figure, whoever it was, was shuffling over by her wardrobe, where your mother had placed her wedding dress and the veil. Your mother had left a light on in the room, and that's how she could tell what the creature was doing.
"She then told me that the creature had stood in front of the mirror, and your mother saw its features: long black hair trailing down her back - for the figure was a woman - with a discoloured savage face, who had red eyes and the colour of the face was purple: the lips swelled up and dark; the brow furrowed and the black eyebrows widely raised over the bloodshot eyes, reminding your mother of the vampire, such were the fearsome and ghastly creatures of the woman before her. I presume that you both know who your mother saw that night, although she did not?" I asked of my children.
"Bertha," they both immediately replied simultaneously.
"Yes, my dears, that was what Bertha had become after fifteen years of living as my wife. She had been transformed from the tall, dark and majestic woman she had been when I first met her into the description above; for her face was the one that only a mother could love, I'm sure. Anyway, I began to grow worried by what your mother was telling me, even more so when she told me how she saw that Bertha had took the veil and put it on over her head, before studying herself in the mirror. Then she took it off, and ripped it into two parts, which then cascaded to the floor. Before Bertha left your mother's room that night, your mother herself told me that the demon had the candle, and as she was heading towards the door, she saw your mother looking right at her, thrust the candle close enough to her face, before she blew it out under your mother's very eyes and ran off. Your poor, dear mother was so distraught that she fainted in her bed."
"What an awful thing to happen to Mama," Janet said, she and Eddie both as shocked as I was at what could have happened to my Jane that night.
I let the shock sink in a bit before I went on: "I was terribly afraid for your mother as she told me this, of course, and angry at Bertha that she would try to harm my precious dove in her nest; but as I did not wish for your mother to know about Bertha, I tried to calm your mother - as well as myself - by telling her that it must have been a dream. Unfortunately though, this did not work, because your mother told me that she thought so also, but when she roused the next morning, with nothing but the morning sun streaming in through the window, she saw the veil on the floor, ripped in two parts.
"I cannot tell you, my dears, the troublesome thoughts that went through my head at that moment. I can only tell you that I drew your mother as close to me as I could, and thanked God that nothing worse had happened to your mother in my absence. I held your mother so tightly in my arms, not only to ascertain the fact that she was really there, but also to try and calm my tortured mind, before I let her go. I then made an excuse about Bertha, saying that someone did enter your mother's room and that it was Grace Poole. When your mother tried to tell me otherwise, I then went on to say that she was in a half-dream, half-reality state of mind when she had heard her door opening, so that I could stop any further questions falling from your mother's mouth; for I was sure then, that if your mother kept asking me and asking me about who stepped in her room that night, that I would eventually have Bertha's name slip out and your mother would have been lost to me for ever - which she was for a time, but I'll get to that.
"Anyway, I then told your mother that she should go and sleep in the nursery with Adele that night, for I did not like her sleeping alone after that, and she told me that she would do so. As she was about to leave, I opened up the curtain, and showed her the moon in the sky, which had appeared now that the storm had calmed; but little did I know that this was the calm before another different type of storm that would happen the very next day, but I'll get to that. Anyway, I bid your mother good night, and after she had left me, I went to the third-storey, chastised Grace for being so careless with her charge and took away her gin privileges. Bertha, who was once again watching malignantly, I could have hit there and then. I am sorry to say such things, my dears," I said, at the shocked looks on my children's faces at these words, "but seeing as she had almost done a terrible thing to your mother the night before, I was angry at her beyond belief. Indeed my eyes showed as much, but as she seemed to take delight in the fact that she could have killed your mother, I left the room with disgust.
"Even though I knew that I had to attend to business before my "wedding" to your mother, I thought myself a fool for not staying behind, or getting one of the servants to watch over her. I knew that your mother was safe and well, don't get me wrong, but at the thought of what could have happened, I shuddered to myself, thinking about what type of house I could have come home to. Along with this worry was also the one that I was going to be a bigamist - well, at least that's what I thought I was going to be at the time - and I was hoping against hope that nothing was going to come between your mother's happiness and mine.
"The next morning I waited for your mother impatiently (Sophie was busy faffing around with her, I have no doubt), and when she did come down in a plain but simple white gown, I told your mother that she looked as fair as a lily, and not only was she the pride of my life, but also the desire of my eyes, as she is even now. I then gave her time for breakfast, as I called in one of my recently-hired servants to inquire about the carriage, before I turned back to your mother. Seeing as she had not eaten anything, I asked if she was ready, and she affirmed that she was indeed.
"As your mother and I walked to the church, I was half-mad that morning, my dears; for all I wanted to do was to get the wedding over and done with, so that we could be far away from Thornfield as soon as possible, before anyone could stop us. It was only as we approached the church that I saw that your mother was struggling to breathe. I did not realise how hard I had been pulling her, so I told her to delay an instant, and after she had regained her breath, I told her to lean on my arm and we entered the church.
"As the ceremony got underway, and the clergyman asked us to confess that if there was an impediment that would prove that we could not be lawfully joined together in the eyes of God and man, that we were to proclaim in there and then - well, you know how it goes. Anyway, as we thus stood, I was worried that someone would say that, and I inwardly breathed a small sign of relief that nothing of the sort had happened; but that relief was short-lived, for as the clergyman was just about to ask me "Wilt thou have this woman for thy wedded wife?", a voice cut through the clean air and said the words that I had been dreading to hear above all others:
"The marriage cannot go on: I declare the existence of an impediment."
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Sorry to keep you hanging, but who does not love a cliff hanger? Seriously? Anyway, next chapter will be looking at what happened after the wedding was interrupted and what happened between Jane and Edward. I really do hope that you guys are enjoying this, just as much as I am writing it. Please R&R and if you want to, you can tell me how it's going so far. Laters!