I'm not in love

So don't forget it

You're just a silly phase

I'm going through

I'm not in love

No, no.

(Its because...)

Bella

"Bella he lives here. You are going to run into him." Angela was speaking from experience, it was clear from her body language when she saw Eric around that it was really uncomfortable for her to see him so hurt.

"I know. I just feel like shit, you know?" I said splashing water on my face and then leaning forward to press my forehead to the cold glass.

"Shit? Why would you feel shit?" Angela rubbed circles on my back. "Its not like you've done anything to him"

I turned my head to let her see the grimace that I was very deliberately pulling.

"What? What did you do?" She stopped rubbing my back and stepped back, leaning against the door and pushed her glasses up on her nose before folding her arms expectantly.

I looked sideways sheepishly staring at the bath, "I slept with him yesterday." I stated, looking everywhere but at her. In the corner of my eye I saw her mouth drop open, and then a tittered laugh exploded from her, "You did what?"

"Ugh. I slept with him, I know I am a bitch" I pulled my weight off the floor with my hands and sat up onto the bathroom counter. The marble was cold against my thighs so I wedged my hands under them.

"Oh my God I can't believe you!" Angela shook her head, she was half laughing and half scolding. "Jesus I don't know you at all..."

"You do. You do know me." I pleaded, "I just...Jesus Ange if you knew what he does to me, all he has to do is touch me and I melt. Its a sickness." I smiled, puffing a small laugh down through my nose. Our good humor from the dance floor was encroaching on this serious conversation and making it comedic.

She shook her head and grimaced, "I don't know you at all! I would have sworn that guy would be arrested for rape if he even looked at you funny! Now you tell me you slept with him? I thought you absolutely wanted nothing to do with him?"

"I don't. I can't." I said, closing my eyes and biting the inside of my cheek. "It was a once off. I can't go there. Its too painful."

Angela shrugged. She leaned across to the mirror, popping the clipper on her clutch bag and retrieving a tube of gloss. She applied it to her lips liberally as she said, "Well Bella Swan, you've shocked me. From now on I think I'll leave Edward Cullen to sort you out."

"No don't-" I started but she was gone, she'd pulled the door open and left the bathroom blowing me a kiss as she went. I smiled. I loved Angela, she was the furthest thing from a drama queen there was, and I really appreciated having a close girl friend in my life.

I hopped down off the counter and pulled some tissue from the roll to blow my nose. Then I flipped the lid of the toilet, pulling my dress up and panties down to take a quick pee while I was there anyway. I sat on the cold toilet, elbows on my knees and suddenly the door flew open. Fuck. I snapped my head up to see Edward standing there, "Jesus shut the fucking DOOR!" I roared but he just walked in and allowed it swing shut behind him.

"Get the fuck out!" I shouted, completely indignant and downright fucking mortified.

He turned his back, facing the door. "I'm not leaving. I want to talk to you."

"Get out!" I tried again, quickly tearing toilet paper from the roll and finishing up. I stood, dragging my panties up my legs so fast I gave myself a fucking wedgie and pulling my dress down quickly.

He turned his head slightly and seeing I was decent turned to face me. "No." He said, curling his lip slightly almost with disdain, "I'm not getting out." He reached behind him and popped the lock, giving me a smug face as he did. He removed the key from the lock and dropped it into his pocket. "Ha you know what?" He said with an amused look on his face.

"What?"

"Last time we were in a bathroom situation like this, together, I was the toilet."

I pushed against him, trying the door fruitlessly. "Ugh. Cullen you're an asshole" I spat.

He spun around, suddenly pinning me between the door and his chest. I heard a growl in his throat and I was suddenly full of lustful fear. A little spark thumped in my clit and I automatically squeezed my thighs together. Shit. Even when he was agressive he really turned me on. Why did it have to be so complicated? I couldn't resist this. Edward here like this, arms holding me against the door. Shit.

He pressed his forehead against the top of my head, and I heard him inhale deeply. I'd forgotten. He likes to smell me. I suddenly felt so upset, it was like finding a favorite game or movie from my childhood that I had forgotten. That deep longing, that regret that nostalgia can bring. I shut my eyes to it, gently trying to push him away.

He didn't budge. He leaned forward with the weight on this forearms, his face so close to mine. He drifted the tip of his nose over mine, across my cheek bone and to my ear.

"Bella. I need to work this out with you, this...we can't go on like this." He whispered, his voice catching halfway stirring my clit again and making me need to fight to restrain the impulse to just jump up and wrap my legs around his waist.

"There is nothing to work out" I whispered, staring at his shoulder. I couldn't meet his eyes, as he moved his head back. He waited for me to look at him, but when I didn't he moved his face closer, brushing his cheek against mine in such a sexy way it made me catch my breath. He was unshaven and his skin dragged against mine. It was so fucking erotic I had to clench my fists. Then his lips were pressing on the corner of my mouth and I couldn't move. I just kept staring at his shoulder.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He growled and I squeezed my eyes shut. Don't ask me that now. Don't ask me that. Confusion overpowered me. I suddenly faced the prospect of Edward just walking away. Leaving town again. My stomach churned.

I couldn't let that happen before I thought this through. I needed to get a clear head, this draw was too strong to risk on a whim. When I told Edward to go I wanted it to be without any of this heat, this insane chemistry between us.

I lifted my eyes to meet his and he stared down at me, his jaw tight and the muscle clenching and unclenching under his cheekbone as he gritted his teeth. I wanted to touch it, to run my fingers across the jagged line of his Adam's apple, up his jawline to his hair. I balled my fists tighter. No. When he wasn't around I didn't want to be with him, that was what I needed to focus on. Jesus it was like this guy had some fucking love potion sprayed on himself or something. When he got within two feet of me I lost my senses. I just turned into this blob of lust that couldn't focus, I had to fight against myself the whole time because if I let go for one minute I'd be fucking the ass off him against that counter. Fuck. What Edward Cullen did to me was like a drug. I needed to break the habit. I needed to stay sober.

He was staring at me, and the burning in his eyes as he narrowed them was so fucking sexy I nearly had a fucking orgasm then and there. It was too easy to let go. It would be so easy to just go to mush in his arms and go with it. I'd done that the other day. This was different, this had to be different though. I had felt so fucked up the other day, and I would again if I didn't just stop it.

He ran his top teeth across his bottom lip and then licked it. Being pinned up against the door so close to Edward was getting hard to bear. I was considering my options which were basically A) fuck him or B) don't fuck him when suddenly the door behind me shook with a thumping knock that I knew could only be one person.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice boomed through the doorframe like a drum.

"Jake I'll be out in two-seconds" I called out, "Just wait for me by the snack table"

"I'll wait for you here" He replied, "I think that fucker Cullen is here, I don't want you fucking running into him without me."

Edward's face broke into a grin and he put his finger to his lips and winked. He shook his head and pursed his mouth into the slightest ssh. Jesus even that was sexy. I had always suspected I remembered Edward being sexier than he actually was, but I had remembered correctly. The guy oozed sex through his pores. He was fucking divine.

"I'm fine Jake" I said through the crack, "Please don't wait outside, I'll never be able to pee if I think you are listening."

I heard Jacob pause, then move back from the door.

"Jacob!" I shouted this time, "Just wait in the garden. Jesus! I'm in the bathroom!"

"Well...alright." He said through the door, "But if you see that tool just ignore him, okay?"

"Yeah no problem" I said looking straight into Edward's face, giving him a smug little smile and a flick of my eyebrows.

I heard Jacob move away from the door and I sighed with relief. A fight between these guys was not something I wanted regardless of how much Edward was pissing me off.

"What's the deal with you and gorilla boy anyway?" Edward resumed his position, hand on either side of my head, leaning against me, looking like it was killing him to be this close to me without fucking me. I knew the feeling.

"We're close" I stated, not wishing to tell him a fucking thing about me and Jacob. That guy was one of my best friends. He had saved my life. Fucking saved it more than once if the truth be known.

"Are you...you know together?" Edward asked, "Is he the reason you fucked off on me the other day? Guilt?"

My jaw dropped open and I narrowed my eyes in annoyance, "No." I said plainly, "I didn't leave because of guilt. I left because I didn't want to be there. Plain and simple."

He threw his weight backward and stood up straight, rocking back on his heels for a second before falling forward again, his hands hitting the door with a loud bang and leaving his face closer to mine than I thought possible without actually kissing. His mouth was touching mine, his nose against mine, his forehead pressed into mine. I swallowed and tried to breathe through my nose. His breath was hot on my mouth. He pressed his forehead harder into mine, grabbing me expertly around the waist and pulling my body into his. It was agony to not kiss him. It was like going against nature. He grimaced, pushing against me and I knew it was agony for him too.

"Put me down Edward" I hissed, trying to put aggression into my voice but only managing what sounded, even to me, like lust.

I don't know what I expected but when he actually did, when he released me so quickly I fell back against the door, I was disappointed. I fought against the emotion. I demanded to myself that it was just the attention seeker in me, regardless of whether it was negative or positive the attention Edward gave me made me feel good. When he opened the door, pulling it against me and shoving me into the corner as he did, then leaving me alone in the bathroom I didn't know how to feel.

I was so fucking confused. I locked the door behind me and leaned against the counter.

Edward Cullen was fucking up my life. He fucked it up when he was with me, and he was fucking it up when he was not. I was caught in a hopeless situation.

I wanted him to disappear, I really really did but I could not say what would happen to me when he was gone.