David Clark Allen, Shego Rocks!

TEN

"Ten minutes! Ten minutes!" Ron huffed, breathless, as he ran the hallways, taping up posters promoting Kim for Homecoming Queen. "Ten minutes until the next class." He was eager to spread the posters, but he also knew that three tardies in a month automatically meant detention. And Ron shivered at the thought of whom he might have to sit with, should he be detained. A frightening lot, they were.

He ran down a rather dark hallway. When he was halfway down the hall, he stopped suddenly. Ron groaned. "Oh, man . . . this is D hall."

It had been ages since Ron had visited the place, and with good reason. The worst bullies of the school lurked in D hall. In Ron's mind, it was the cavern of the damned. He knew the engine room was somewhere down that dark hallway, but he didn't know exactly, nor did he ever care to know. All he knew was that in years past, his ventures down the hall always spelled danger. And Ron had carefully scheduled his classes so he could avoid the cursed place. And he had succeeded, until then.

"Hey!"

Ron looked over his shoulder, seeing a guy about his age, but who stood at least nine inches taller. He wore a grease-stained leather jacket that was so crinkled and faded, Ron figured it had to have been passed down at least two generations. The boy's jeans were ripped out at the knee, and the jeans and T-shirt were badly in need of laundering. A long patch of stringy, straight hair partially hid his face--a face covered with grotesque patches of acne. Ron couldn't tell whether the other guy's hair was naturally brown, or whether the oiliness of the kid's hair turned his otherwise blond hair that color.

Ron balked at the sight of him. "Uh . . ."

"Yeah, I'm talking to you."

"Uh, hi, Blix. Long time, no see." Ron chuckled nervously.

Blix was accompanied by four other scruffy-looking boys. One, Punt, was a little weasel of a guy, though he still looked dangerous. He wore an ugly black tee shirt and badly faded denim pants. His eyes bulged fiercely, and he smiled with a severe underbite--his face resembled a snarling Shih Tzu, except that his head was nearly bald, having been shaven clean.

Punt flashed a toothy grin. "Oh look, Blix, at the busta, in his dorky clothes." With his right hand, Punt pounded a steel bracelet--a sort of poor man's brass knuckles--into his other hand.

Blix, the largest kid of the group, grabbed a steel chain from around his shoulder, and wrapped it menacingly around his hands.

Ron swallowed. "Well, actually I picked them up at Smarty Mart. They had a great clearance sale on--"

"Oh, you think you're something, eh?" Blix grabbed Ron by the collar, lifted him in the air, and slammed him against the lockers. He continued to hold Ron fast in his grip, and he thrust his chain against Ron's throat.

Rufus, sensing impending danger, scampered from Ron's pocket, and ran in search of Kim for help. Ron only hoped Kim's aid would not come too late.

Dang, the third of the hoodlums, looked at the others. "So, what do we do with the dork?"

Punt guffawed. "Let's throw him in the trash!"

"Yeah," Yiddle, the fourth kid in the group, said. "Let's throw him in the trashcan! That's about his level."

"To swim with the maggots, like him," the fifth, Reeky, said.

Ron grimaced. "Well, actually no. The can is about two feet shorter than me . . ."

"Are you mouthing off to us?" Blix demanded. He twisted his hand, and Ron's collar tightened. "Huh? Did you say something?"

Ron squeaked, asphyxiated. He tried to call for help, but nothing could come out of his throat. He was reduced to praying for mercy.

A voice sounded from behind the group of boys. "Put him down. Now."

It was a female voice. But it wasn't Kim Possible's.

"It looks like someone's hard of hearing," the voice continued. "I said, put him down."

The boys turned around slowly, and saw Shego looking at them sternly, with her hands on her hips.

The bullies laughed. "Oh, it's just the new girl," Yiddle said.

The dog-faced boy taunted Shego. "Hey, girl, just go back to Home Ec and bake cookies or something," Punt chortled. "This is none of your business."

Shego was undeterred. "I'm making it my business. Anyone who messes with him has to answer to me."

They raised their eyebrows at her audacity. Reeky strutted over to her. "Well, who do you think you are, another Kim Possible?"

With both hands, Shego grabbed him by the collar, yanking him back to her. With a sinister smile upon her face, she thrust her face into his. "Try me, and see what you think."

Dang grabbed her arm. Her reaction was swift and ruthless. Shego gave the kid a quick backhanded karate chop--square between his eyes--sending him flying across the hall. Three high kicks and one twist punch later, and the others were sprawled on the ground as well. Five motions, five boys decked. And Shego hadn't even knocked a lock of her hair out of place. She crouched in a defensive position, ready to strike again, if necessary. The boys retreated sheepishly, seeing they were hopelessly outclassed.

During the melee, Blix had dropped Ron to the ground. Ron got up and dusted himself off. "Gee, Shego . . . um, thanks. You saved my butt."

"You okay?"

"I think so."

"Trust me, no one's going to do that to you again."

"Where's Rufus?"

Just as he said that, his pet mole rat came running back to him, Kim close behind.

"Ron," Kim asked as she caught her breath, "what's going on? Rufus was acting really upset, and he seemed to want me to follow him here."

Ron stammered. "Well, uh . . ." He was embarrassed about having to tell Kim he needed her to rescue him. Again.

Shego intervened. "Ron here beat five bullies, and he wanted you here to watch. You should have seen it, Kim. Ron was awesome!"

Ron couldn't let a total falsehood stand. "Well, Shego helped. She helped a lot."

Kim folded her arms and studied the two of them. She wasn't sure whom to believe, but she was more inclined to believe that Shego helped Ron, than believe that Ron overcame five bullies. But even the former seemed incredible to her. "Shego came to your rescue?"

"Yes, she did."

"Well . . . thanks, Shego . . . again."

Kim then noticed that some of the onlookers smiled and applauded Shego; many of them had hoped to see the bullies finally get their comeuppance.

Kim had finished loading her locker following third hour, when Monique trotted over to her. "Kim, I am just beside myself about your new friend Shego. Where did you ever find her? She is so nice! She gave me front row seats to the next GWA wrestling match!" Monique jumped up and down. "Front row! You can't dream about tickets like these!"

Kim shut her locker with a bang. "Swell. I'll take a rain check on it. But you and Shego can go see Pain Toe all you like."

Monique folded her arms. "Hmm. Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

Kim chortled. "Me, jealous over a couple of wrestling tickets? That'll be the day."

Kim heard Ron ecstatically run up to her. He wrapped his arms around her, practically squeezing the breath out of her.

He waved a paper jubilantly. "Awwright! Kim! Kim! I got a D minus! I got a D minus on the Othello quiz!" Ron was leaping with joy.

Kim scowled at him. "You get a D minus, and you're happy?"

"It's an improvement, isn't it? At this rate, I'll be smokin' A's in less than a month. What did you get?"

"A hundred."

"Did I even have to ask? It's been two years since you got less than a perfect score on anything. I keep telling you: you've got no weaknesses, K.P. You're perfect!"

"I'm not perfect."

"Hey, Monique, how did you do on the Shakespeare test?"

Monique smiled, struck a dramatic pose, and recited.

My mother had a maid call'd Barbara:

She was in love, and he she loved proved mad

And did forsake her: she had a song of 'willow;'

An old thing 'twas, but it express'd her fortune,

And she died singing it: that song to-night

Will not go from my mind; I have much to do,

But to go hang my head all at one side,

And sing it like poor Barbara.

Ron folded his arms, and scowled. "Showoff."

Kim smiled and sighed. "Ah . . . Desdemona, Othello's tragic wife."

Monique giggled. "A man that all his time hath founded his good fortunes on your love, shared dangers with you--"

"All right, all right," Ron said. "Quit with the foreign languages. Let's get to lunch." He stopped. "No, wait. I'm going to bail from lunch and finish putting up Kim's posters. I'm all about the publicity, baby. Come with, Monique? Bueno Nacho for everybody after school, to make up for lunch. My treat."

Monique grinned. "You're on! Got an extra roll of tape?" She turned to Kim. "How about you, Kim?"

Kim was facing the other way down the hallway, staring blankly. "Uh, what?" She shook her head and blinked. "Uh, sorry, but I need to . . . well, I need to . . . I've got to eat. I'm getting dizzy. Hypoglycemia, you know. Have fun, guys! See you later." Kim ran off in the direction she had stared.

Monique looked at Ron as they went to hang posters. "Hope she's all right."

Ron scratched his head. "Hmm. Hypoglycemia. I should know that word. That's a disinfectant, isn't it?"

Kim raced to the lunchroom, pursuing the vision she saw in the hallway. As it turned out, she was right. Kim saw him. It was Josh Mankey, only about thirty feet ahead of her in the lunch line. Oh, but this was an opportunity to meet up with him, for he rarely spent lunch hour in the cafeteria. Maybe if she got close enough to him, he'd talk to her. All she had to do was catch up.

She hurriedly grabbed a tray and scooted up the line. But in her haste, she bumped the large stack of trays, and it tumbled over with a huge crash. The noise elicited a smattering of sarcastic applause from the lunchroom. Kim hid her face behind the single tray she had picked up, wishing all the while she could just disappear entirely.

As she had obviously missed her opportunity with Josh, Kim sullenly grabbed up the nearest lunch items within reach and made her way to a secluded corner of the lunchroom. Sighing, Kim placed her tray on a deserted table and sat alone.

"Sit with you?"

Kim turned around. It was Shego.

"Yeah, okay."

Shego pulled up a chair, and sat next to Kim. "What, no place at the senior table for you?"

"Tomorrow, yes. But not today. You didn't see that wonderful avalanche I made with the cafeteria trays?"

"No, I missed it. Would you repeat it?"

"Ha ha. Only if you help."

Shego stared at the food items on Kim's tray. "Good Lord. You eat that voluntarily? Those look like some of Drakken's failed mutation experiments."

"Well, what did you buy? Probably not much better."

"Oh, no. Bagging it all the way. Except it's not a paper bag. It's a Club Banana mohair satchel. Today's menu: seafood salad, spinach quiche, and cappuccino tiramisu. Now, I need to set my table." She pulled out a sterling silver table set, a silver-rimmed china platter and matching salad plate, and she arranged them neatly upon a sleek-looking satin placemat and napkin. "I was disappointed to hear they don't allow alcoholic beverages or open flames in the cafeteria, so I'll have to do without wine or candles."

"What, and no string quartet? Oh, the horror. How you'll ever survive is beyond me, Shego. Nothing to drink except water, eh?"

"You crazy? I came prepared. Hey, I'm willing to share a cup of java with you."

"Is it instant? If so, then no thanks. I hate instant coffee."

Shego grimaced. "Brrr. No way would I even touch instant. I serve fresh-ground only, using the finest beans." Shego lifted a small espresso machine out of the satchel, placed it on the table, and brewed a cup of latte.

"So, what is that, Brazilian? Columbian?"

"Eww, no! Costa Rican. Only the best."

Costa Rican, Columbian, Canadian . . . what's the difference? Kim thought. "That actually does smell good," she admitted. "Well, maybe I'll try just a little." She took the cup and, since Shego was drinking from the same batch, tasted some of the brew. Her eyes lit up and she nodded. "You know, this really is stellar!"

"I picked these beans myself, the last time Drakken and I were in Central America."

"So you've been to Costa Rica?"

"I've been to every nation in the world," Shego said, proudly. "You?"

"Well, no. Liechtenstein has been elusive."

Shego guffawed and slapped her knee. "Ha! I've got you beat at something!"

"But I've been to San Marino. Beautiful mountains."

"Oh, of course. Quiet place, too. Look at all the places we've been at the same time. Tokyo, Paris, Florida, Canada, Go City, Las Vegas, Area 51 . . ."

"Oh, and don't forget Milwaukee!"

Shego rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah. Exotic Milwaukee. Swimming in melted cheese, to boot."

"North Pole?"

"Now, that was different. Christmas party with Drakken and Ron in a trash pod. But kind of romantic for you, though."

Kim shrugged. "What, that peck I gave Ron under his fake mistletoe? No big. Like I told you, he's just a friend." She took another sip of her latte. "You're right, you have been everywhere. See, Shego . . . you never had to take over the world. The world was already yours." She looked up to her. "What good is conquering the world, when afterward no one wants you?"

Shego sat quietly. Finally, she muttered, "Let's turn it around: if no one wants me, then why not take over the world? It's not like I'd have anything to lose."

She was interrupted by a thunderous voice over the school's P.A. system. "I have an important announcement." It was Mr. Barkin. "About the voting procedure for Homecoming King and Homecoming Queen."

The people in the lunchroom stopped and murmured amongst themselves.

Mr. Barkin continued. "All right. Listen up, people! The voting is done on two ballots. Today's first ballot will determine the nominees. Anyone with more than fifty votes will be on the Homecoming Court and get their names placed on the second ballot. The second ballot will be two weeks from today. All students will still be eligible for election, but only the names of the winners of the first ballot will be printed on the second ballot." He concluded with, "That is all. Back to your stations."

It was already a given who the nominees would be, and so this first ballot was merely a formality. Kim and Bonnie, Bonnie and Kim had virtually become the school slogan. And the competition against Josh Mankey was practically nil. Kim related all of this to Shego.

Shego shrugged. "Such bizarre rules. So, if that Mankey guy wins today, he's automatically the Homecoming King, right?"

"Well, not necessarily. Even though Josh's would be the only name on the ballot, everyone would still be eligible. If someone were to get more write-in votes than Josh, then the write-in person would become Homecoming King."

"Ah, so Ron could still become Homecoming King."

"Yeah. And Ron could still become the Nobel Prize winner for physics this year," Kim said. "Neither is likely to happen."

"So, you're one of the top contenders for Homecoming Queen? Wow. Who'da thunk?"

"Thanks for the undying support, Shego."

"Who's this Bonnie Rockwaller?"

"Oh, she's with me on the cheerleading squad."

Shego could tell from Kim's expression that Bonnie was not exactly her favorite person. "She's that bad, eh?"

"Well, let's just say the less said about her, the better," Kim said quickly.

"And who is Josh?"

Kim shifted uncomfortably, dropped her hands suddenly, and looked away.

Shego studied Kim's face for a moment. "You know him?"

"Yes. I know him. And I think you know him, too. Do you remember masquerading as a waiter once, while I was out on a date? And, uh, some embarrassing things you did to me? He was my date that night."

Shego nodded knowingly. "Ah, so that's Josh." Shego could tell that the very mention of his name struck a raw nerve in Kim. Shego lowered her voice. "You really like him, huh?"

Kim placed her elbows on the table, rested her chin in her hands, and looked up. "Oh, Shego, if you only knew. You see, a couple of years ago, there was this dance . . . the Spirit Dance, when girls could ask boys to go with them. I wanted so badly to ask Josh. For the longest time, I couldn't even get up the nerve."

"Well, did you go with him?"

Kim blushed. "Oh, yeah. And it was so great. And then, after I waited for months, he finally called me up--the night he took me on that date to the restaurant and movies."

Shego touched Kim's shoulder. "Hey, I got to tell you . . . I'm really sorry for what happened that night. I guess you could have done without the dribble glass and whoopee cushion." She looked down glumly. "I know I ruined your evening."

"Well, actually, it turned out just sweet." Kim looked up again, starry-eyed. "He even kissed me."

Surprised, Shego looked over to her. "Really? So, what's the prob?"

Kim shrugged and folded her hands. "Well, you know . . . life goes on, things happen. And I didn't see much of Josh anymore. Something kept interrupting me."

"Gee, I wonder what that could have been?"

"Yeah, among other things, there was a certain blue-faced doctor and his assistant who kept me quite busy." Kim forced a laugh, and then she looked down. "I saw Josh a few times after that night. And then when I got too busy, he stopped calling. But my feelings for him never really went away. He doesn't even seem to know I exist anymore, but whenever I'm alone with my thoughts--I still think about him."

"Do you love him?"

Kim shook her head. "I don't know. I'm still finding out what love really is. But if I had to answer, I'd have to say yes." She looked up to Shego. "Yes, I love Josh."

"Why don't you just go talk to him, or call him?"

Kim had heard that question countless times before, from so many well-intentioned people: from her mom, from Monique, and even from Ron. And she gave Shego the same stock answer she gave all the others. "I can't even talk right around him, and my legs turn to gelatin. And it happens every time. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is . . . it's totally humiliation nation."

"Am I hearing this right? Is this the same Kim Possible who saves the world? Who says she can do anything? Your legs turn to gelatin? Get out of here!"

"It's true."

"Is this Josh guy seeing anyone right now?"

"No. At least, I don't think so. However, Bonnie Rockwaller's had her eye on him for as long as I can remember."

The last few times Kim had seen Josh, he was with Bonnie. Usually, Bonnie would go over to hang out at Josh's locker during breaks. And he didn't seem as disinterested in Kim's rival as he had a couple of years ago. All of this was very distressing to Kim because the homecoming dance loomed, and if Bonnie and Josh won the respective homecoming titles, Bonnie would definitely take the opportunity to make a move on Josh.

"Oh, okay," Shego said. "I'm starting to see things clearly now. This homecoming election is important to you because you'd have a chance to get back together with Josh." She wore a strange grin upon her face. "But Bonnie's still in the hunt, I see," Shego observed. She smiled fiendishly. "But just you wait. Interesting things are going to start happening. To Bonnie, that is."