It had been a while since my last update and I apologize to those readers who check on my story every now and then. So without further ado…
CHAPTER 10: THE HEART OF HIS
"One more floor and I am done," Selina said to herself as she turned her way to another corridor.
The place was illuminated by the lighted torches hanging on one side of the corridor and by the moonlight shining through the glass windows on the other side. This part of the castle was strangely quite and deserted these late hours unlike during daytime as it filled with large number of students going back and forth to the library.
As she was walking through the long spacious corridor she could not help herself to stop by the large windows looking out onto the Black Lake and admire the breathtaking scenery that had caught her eyes. It was too beautiful to ignore.
The bright full moon floating in the sky was hovering wonderfully over the vast lake. Its brightness was shining through the surroundings adding a dramatic effect to the scene. The lake was like an infant sleeping soundly in a lullaby. The canopies of the trees as well as the grasses alongside the lake were swaying gracefully in the cool summer breeze.
Selina was wishfully hoping there would be no disturbance that might ruin what she thought to be the nature's humble yet exquisite performance. How tempted she was to go outside and be part of the wonderful sight. To listen to the nature and to breathe in and feel the soothing cool breeze brought by the upcoming summer. She wanted to take her broom outside and fly around until the break of dawn.
She was so entranced with the view in front of her that she would had no idea how long she had stayed there until a clatter coming from a room at the far end of the corridor snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Clank!"
'Is it just my imagination?' she asked herself not taking her eyes off of the view in front.
"Clank! Clank! Clank!" the clatter continued.
'No, it wasn't an imagination," she concluded as she turned her head to the direction of the offending noise.
"What could it be this time? I already had my fair share of mollifying brawls this morning.'
She grudgingly moved her legs towards the said room. Every step she took the clatter got louder and louder. She stopped in front of the door and opened it quietly.
"Peeves," she said in a calm voice when she saw the poltergeist levitating the rusted knight armors animatedly in the air.
"Selina!" shrieked the poltergeist and floated towards her. "A pleasant evening to you, to what do I owe this pleasure of having your presence? Would there be something I can assist you with?"
"Thank you for your kind gesture. I am afraid I would not be requiring your service tonight but," she paused as a mischievous grin covered her face, "I do have a favor to ask from you."
"Truly? I am very honored that the "Noble Slytherin" would have a need of my assistance. Perhaps to persuade certain ill-disciplined students under control. You know very well that my ability in that aspect is impressively splendid," the ghost prided himself, his hands were clasped together with a wide grin on his face.
"Maybe some time in the future. What I would like you to do for me," she paused and smiled at him sweetly "is for you to rest in peace." The grin on the ghost's face before was gone and replaced by an utmost fear for complete destruction of his dear soul.
"Of course just for tonight only," Selina continued, smirking, "otherwise I will be obliged to lock you up in that same stinking potion jar for one week again."
"Oh Selina do have mercy on me. I beg you not to put me through that suffering again. I would have never desire to be in that dreadful jar. I will divulge one secret of mine which I ask you not to disclose to a single soul."
Selina raised an eyebrow at how vital the ghost would reveal about himself.
"As strange as it sounds I tend to have claustrophobia. I do panic and feel my heart will explode for breathing so fast. Then I will lose consciousness after."
'Bloody bless him. He is really a troubled soul,' said her inner self. "Behave then and you will have my word," she smirked.
"I solemnly swear that I will not be up to no good for the rest of the evening," he promised and made a deep bow. "Thank you."
She nodded, cleared the mess with a slight flick of her wrist, closed the door and began to walk back along the corridor.
"Can I accompany you with your patrol? You will be entertained with me," he asked as he dashed floating to her side.
"No thank you, I can manage. Besides I am done with my patrol and I think nobody will wander the castle this hour since the students are all busy with the year end homeworks and exams," she said without looking up at the ghost.
"I saw one few minutes ago before you found me," Selina stopped and looked up at the ghost. "A Slytherin boy stalking in the Gryffindor tower entrance. I humbly offered him my service in case he would need additional hand in the fulfillment of whatever wicked scheme he may up to but he ungratefully declined me. Who does he think he is?" the ghost snorted.
"What is he doing up there?" she asked but the ghost only shrugged.
"Do you know who he is?"
"No."
"Describe him to me."
"He has a pallid face and a long black hair. Oh, may I restate that, long black greasy hair which makes me wonder if he often takes a bath. He is tall and lean. I think he is in fifth or sixth year."
'Severus,' Selina thought.
"I don't know about you but me even if I am a poltergeist I make sure that I am always well-groomed, not to mention the demanding lifestyle I have. To have your existence be manifested by making any acts of mischief is an exhausting profession that should never be taken lightly. Little do the livings know how our kind strives so hard to co-exist with your kind."
She chuckled a bit with her companion's dramatic remarks.
"Good night Peeves," she said and took the stairs that would move her up to the upper floors.
"Where are you going? You said you were finished."
"I need to check on something first before I get rest."
"Can I come with you?" the ghost asked.
"No, have you forgotten our deal tonight?"
"Oh! Yes, do pardon me. Farewell to you."
In the minutes that followed she found herself walking down the corridor leading to the Gryffindor tower entrance.
'Merlin let him not be there when I arrive,' she wished. 'I have had enough trouble for today.'
As she was about to round the corner she stopped right in place and breathed in deeply. She closed her eyes and listened around her. She heard none and was relieved that probably nobody was there.
She opened her eyes and cautiously peeked round the corner.
'Oh great, is it too much to ask just one wish to be granted?'
Standing there in front of the Fat Lady's portrait with his back to her was Severus. His hands were balled into fists at his side. Though she could not see his face, and by the portrait's snob expression, she knew that Severus was furiously glaring up at the Fat Lady.
She stepped towards him.
"Severus."
He turned around and she praised herself inwardly for she was right.
"It is already way past the curfew. You should go back to our dormitory."
"Miss Goldsmith, I am afraid you cannot compel him to obey you," said the Fat Lady, "I had already asked him to leave this place for several times but there he is, he doesn't listen. He keeps on insisting to see Miss Evans but she does not want to see and even speak with him. Pray tell what can I do. I believe even if he waits there the whole evening Miss Evans would never wish to waste her time on this poor young man."
She looked back at Severus who was now staring at the floor. He tightened his jaw and his fists were now clenched tighter by his side.
Selina did not want to tolerate his actions but she could not help herself feel sympathy for him.
"Severus," she called his name softly.
He looked up at her.
"You can try to talk to her tomorrow. I am sure she-," she was cut off.
"What do you think I did the whole day?" he snapped at her. "She avoided me. I want to apologize but she doesn't want to see me. She is- I – I did not..." he trailed off and heaved a deep sigh. "Do whatever you want. Report me to Slughorn. Give me endless detentions. I don't care anymore. You cannot make me leave here," he resolved.
Few silent moments had passed between them as they only stared at each other until Selina spoke.
"How long have you been waiting here?" he looked away.
"Since dinner!" answered the Fat Lady. "Though they called him names and threw insults to him he just stood there. He had done and said nothing at all!"
She willed her face to remain unemotional but she could not deny to herself the sudden flash of pain she had felt inside her chest. She knew him enough that she didn't want him to see her sympathy for him. He despised to be pitied.
Since that night when they were in third year they both had been civil to each other not in a communicative aspect but by just nodding their heads to acknowledge each other's presence. She could say that they are not friends but there is something undefinable between them that she could not completely ignore.
After seconds of thoroughly thinking on what to be done the next thing Selina knew was-
"Madame," she addressed the portrait, "I would be greatly indebted to you if you could kindly tell Miss Evans that I would like to have a word with her this moment - if she would not mine."
The Fat Lady stared at her with a quizzical look for several seconds.
"All right," said the Fat Lady as she sighed, "you wait here."
"Thank you Madame."
As soon as the Fat Lady disappeared from the frame Severus walked closer to Selina.
"I don't want your pity!" he said in a low but harsh voice.
She shot him a look before she answered back.
"I don't pity you and don't bother to think that I am helping you. This is not an act of kindness. I did it out of duty and nothing else. I did what a sensible prefect would do in this kind of circumstances," she said in a calm and cold voice.
Severus' face softened slightly.
"I trust that you will go back to the dormitory right after you talk to her."
He nodded silently.
"She is on her way here," they heard the Fat Lady said as she appeared before them.
Not one minute had passed when they saw the portrait swung opened and came out Lily Evans clad in her sleeping robe.
"Selina," Lily greeted before she took notice of Severus.
Selina took Lily in a corner to speak with her privately.
"Thank you for coming. I hope I haven't interrupted you from anything important."
"No, it is fine. What is it about you called me for?" asked Lily.
"Look I don't have business acting a mediator for both of you. I really would have never wished meddling in other people's affairs and I ask you not to get the impression that I am condoning what he did. I only want to do the task that had been entrusted to me. I cannot let him stay here the whole night. I understand what you both are going through right now but - I think as his friend-"
"No friend of mine is like him!" Lily cut her off.
"All right let me rephrase what I said," Selina said and took a deep breath, "what I am trying to tell you is that for old time sake you owe him a chance to apologize for what he did. Just listen to what he wants to say," Selina paused and waited for Lily to speak but Lily did not utter a word.
"Otherwise, he will not leave and Lily he is obviously endangering himself. What if the Marauders get back to him? I am certain that the last thing you would wish for is an ownerless toad that will wander this place for Merlin knows how long."
Selina smirked inwardly when she saw a slight change in Lily's expression, believing that she was finally knocking some sense into her.
"Though little is known about their life span in the wild," Selina continued, "captive frogs and toads are recorded living up to 40 years. That is shorter than the average human lifespan. You must also know that the poor toad's expected lifespan might lessen upon unfortunate circumstances unless the toad will find its way to a beautiful princess which will increase its chance to go back to its former life but I doubt that scenario happens nowadays. If the toad will be unlucky enough, then its fate will likely rest in its natural predators belly. But that is only one of my few unfortunate assump-"
"Selina please stop it," Lily said piteously.
Selina reached out and clasped her hand to Lily' shoulder.
"Lily, I want to believe that you still care for him."
Lily turned to look at Severus who was looking back at her with a pleading look before she replied back to Selina.
"Fine, I'll talk to him."
"Thank you, Lily. I will leave you two now," Selina said and turned away from Lily.
As Selina walked passed Severus she stopped in her steps and said.
"Severus," he shifted his gaze away from Lily and turned his head to Selina, "thirty points from Slytherin. You will serve detention with Professor Slughorn next week right after all the OWL tests. I heard he will be needing help in sorting the whole Potions class stock inventory for the next term."
He replied in a slight nod.
"Good night to both of you," Selina said and left.
They just stood that way wordlessly until they heard Selina's footsteps faded out.
"What do you want Sev?" Lily asked with her arms crossed.
"I am very sorry Lily," he started as he walked towards her, "I did not mean what I had said. I- I was just angry and - and I didn't know what came over me". He waited for her reaction but she gave him none so he decided to continue, "Please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you, you know that."
"That is what exactly making me confused. I cannot understand. We've been friends Sev. How could you do that to me?"
"Yes I know. I acted foolishly. Please do forgive me. Give me another chance. Please… you are my only friend."
"I don't think so. In fact you have a lot of wanna- be-deatheater friends here. You get along well with them. You are surrounded by them. You are turning into one of them. You even managed to call me Mudblood!"
"Please don't say that word Lily. I promise that will not happen again. I am begging you. I will do whatever you want," he reached out his hands and held her arms.
"No Sev! I have been telling you ever since to stay away from them but you didn't listen to me!" her lower lip was now quivering with emotions. "Look what you have become now! I don't know you anymore! You slipped away from me… From us." She flung herself into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. She was sobbing in his chest. He hugged her back tightly with his one arm around her tiny waist while the other rested around her shoulder.
They stayed that way for along while. Severus was relieved that Lily forgave him that easily for the terrible mistake he had done. He swore to himself that he would never be involved again with the wanna-be-deatheater Slytherins. He made a dozen promises to Lily before to stay away from that group of Slytherins but he only broke them all. This time would be different. He resolved that his world would only be around her. He almost lost her and he could not afford to make the same mistake again. He would do everything in his power to keep her and be with her. When her sobs had subsided he began to speak to her.
"Please stop crying Lily. I hate seeing you crying," he whispered quietly in her ear. "Let's start over new. I promise that I will leave the group from now on."
She pulled her head back and stared deeply into his eyes. His heart sunk when he looked down to her tear stained face. He never thought that he could hurt her like this so much. Tears began to fill her eyes again.
She parted her mouth and said, "I am so sorry Sev but I already had enough. This hurts me a lot more than you will ever know but I must tell you that it is over. Our friendship is over."
Severus felt something heavy had been unceremoniously crashed into his chest. He opened his mouth to speak but he could not seem to find his voice. It was blocked by a lump forming inside his throat. He wanted to dissuade her but he was utterly shocked at the moment and could not think of anything to say for her to change her mind.
He swallowed hard to speak again but it seemed that no words would wish to come out.
Lily reached up, took his left cheek in her right hand, tiptoed and brushed her lips softly against his lips.
To someone who might have seen the sight would think that it was innocently romantic but for Severus it did not fully register to him for what he could think at the moment were the words Lily said which felt like the whole glacier in the North Pole had fallen unto him.
"I will miss you Sev… Goodbye," she broke away and turned away from him. She then disappeared behind the portrait.
Severus was left standing alone staring at the spot in which she had just been standing. He had anticipated that Lily would not talk to him for months but surely she would forgive him and they would be friends again. But what happened tonight was beyond he could ever imagine.
After the previous hours of enduring the pain of standing in front of the Gryffindor Tower entrance Severus had now felt his limbs became weak and allowed himself to sit on the corner. His knees were pulled to his chest as his arms lay limply by his side. He began to ponder the event happened that day, wishing that it was only a dream. But it wasn't. It was all real.
He lost her.
As the reality sunk in his mind the weigh in his chest became much heavier. It ached so much that he found it so hard to breathe. Tears finally found their way in his eyes and he allowed it to stream endlessly down his face.
Not far away from the Gryffindor Tower entrance there was someone hiding behind the shadows who had seen the whole heartbreaking farewell between the two former friends.
After a long while, as he was torn out of his trance Severus had just found himself standing before the Slytherin common room entrance. He could not remember the details how did he end up getting in his current location. His body had just moved in their own accord but he didn't care at all for nothing could be worse than the pain he was feeling inside. It was one kind of pain that was so heavy to bear. The pain of losing her.
As he stepped inside he saw Selina studying in her usual place concentrating on the book in front of her. She did not look up but he knew she was aware of his presence. He made his way to the hall leading to the dormitories but as he reached the entrance he stopped and turned towards Selina's direction.
"You had seen it all, didn't you?" he asked.
Selina paused for a moment and looked up at him nonchalantly.
"I had seen nothing," she said coldly.
Their eyes were locked together. Nobody wanted to look away first. His eyes were evidently red from crying, revealing how much he had cried for his childhood friend. Though his expression was blank and no sign of sadness and anger he could not hide his true emotions from her.
He broke his gaze away from her and went off. Selina had just watched him leave until his form disappeared from view.
******** The Love you will never know *********
Week before the school year would end and after weeks of grueling schoolworks and tests the students of Hogwarts were now relaxed enjoying the sun and the summer breeze outside the castle. Laughs and happy chattering of the students could be heard everywhere in the castle.
Oblivious to this cheerful mood was Severus Snape who was now in the potions classroom alone serving his detention, though one could think that he was even glad for the detention given to him. He was grateful for the fact that he had been given an opportunity of avoiding the students even only for a while.
It had been a week since "it" happened and the days that passed since then had been hard, long and excruciatingly painful to him. Lily avoided him. He already dismissed the hope that his life would get back to normal after what happened between him and Lily. The possibility of rebuilding their bond of friendship and winning her back was far from his reach. He was terribly mad at himself that he shut himself off from the world around him. He avoided the crowded places as possibly as he could. He took the meals earlier than the usual time. He stayed mostly in his room and drowned himself in studying. He separated himself from the same group of Slytherins he used to be with before. He could not wait for the term to end so that he could finally be alone and live his life in peace.
But for the mean time before that time comes Severus was contented serving his detention alone in the Potions classroom. He was counting and scrutinizing the contents of every jars and bottles in the cupboard. He was concentrating hard in his work that he did not notice a person had entered the room. It was until he felt someone's presence behind him seemed dissecting his lean frame. He paused and turned around to confirm his suspicion.
"Why are you here?" he asked but no reply was heard from the person.
"If you are here to torment me, it would not work. I do not want to dishearten you but I happened to develop immunity to pain in the last few days," he spat.
"Tormenting others is not my cup of tea. What made you think lowly of me that way? I felt insulted," the person said, smirking. "You should know by now that I am capable of doing more than that".
"Are you threatening me Miss Goldsmith?"
"If that's what you want to presume Mr. Snape."
"Why are you here then? It is very kind of you if you planned to be helping me out here."
"Professor Slughorn is currently at the staff meeting. It will take him long so he asked me to ….check up on you until he comes back," she said as she walked closer to the shelves he is working on and bent over to check on the bottles.
"And umm Severus," she continued, smirking, her gaze still trained on the bottles in front, "may I correct you that actually you are the one helping me out here," he frowned his eyebrow at her.
She straightened up and turned her head to him, "It was initially my job and I, let's say, unintentionally passed it on to you," she said as another grin stretched across her face.
He just stared at the young witch's smugly satisfied expression.
She in return just stared at him and crossed her arms casually as she waited for his reaction.
They stayed that way and seemed like they were competing in a staring contest. And then unexpectedly Severus mouth twitched upward slightly. A ghost of smile was threatening to tug the corners of his mouth.
"You. Cunning. Little. Witch."
"I want to believe I am not the one you are calling "little"," she said mischievously and turned her head behind her, checking if there was someone he was referring to other than her.
'Cunning? Yes. Little? No. She would not accept that remark. As a matter of fact she is nowhere near little in every aspect of the word,' thought Severus.
Shaking his head in response, a smile finally broke out on his face. That was his first time to smile since the incident by the lake happened.
She just shrugged and also smiled at him.
"You got me this time Miss Goldsmith but know that I will have my revenge on you, in this life or the next."
"I will keep that in mind and I will see to it that it will be strictly executed in my last will that my future descendants shall keep an eye on someone named Severus Snape and his future spawns. I must warn you now that you will have a hard time getting your sweet revenge my dear avenger."
"I am not in a rush. I prefer to take my time planning carefully since… revenge is a dish best served cold," he said as a devious grin curved on his face.
"Les Liaisons Dangereuses," she said.
"Choderlos de Laclos, 1782," he finished for her.
"It is unusual for a typical Slytherin like you to be familiar with Muggles' rubbish classic works."
"I would say the same to you my lady," he gestured in a mocking bow.
They stared at each other for long several minutes, appraising each other, until she decided to break the silence.
"Shall we start working then."
"Indeed."
In the few hours that followed, as Selina had suspected the two of them worked together in harmony. She thought of him the type not easy to get along with. It had a bit concerned her at first but she had grown later to get used to with his indifferent and somewhat arrogant personality. She could not blame him though, he was a typical Slytherin after all. But this might be only his façade for she had witnessed how warmth and caring he could be when it comes to someone like Lily Evans.
"Selina."
"Yes," she answered without looking away from the parchment she was writing on.
"Why?"
"Why what?" her attention remained on the parchment.
"Why are you good to me?" she did not stop from what she was doing. She continued instead on writing. She stopped after few seconds, then straightened up and looked at him.
"What do you mean?" Selina queried innocently, "I am good to everyone".
A flash of hurt had crossed his expression but it disappeared quickly.
He was puzzled as to why he had felt such emotion. Perhaps he expected something more than that – that she treated him differently from the others.
Severus was snapped out of his thoughts as he realized that Selina was looking intently at him with her eyebrows quirked up. She might be looked clueless but she noticed the hint of disappointment appeared on Severus' face a while ago.
'This is getting interesting,' she thought as she smirked inwardly.
"I- I- I," he was stuttering awkwardly as he desperately tried to formulate words to say.
"I am aging here Severus, spit it out," she said as a teasing glint was visible in her eyes.
"I-I haven't th-thank you for what you did for me last week," he replied back, relieved that he finally regained his composure.
"No need to thank me I just did what I have to do. But if that would help you clear you conscience, you may take your chance now."
He hesitantly stepped closer to her until he stood face to face with her, nervous for reason he didn't know why, he stared deeply into her eyes and softly said, "Thank you".
"You are welcome," she replied and smiled at him.
Before Severus could react Selina raised her right hand up and tenderly slid her hand into his hair. He flinched to her touch at first but then he relaxed after a moment, finding himself unable to pull away.
"Contrary to hearsays your hair is not greasy. In fact it is silky and nice to touch," she said as her hand was still in his hair, appreciating the softness of his hair.
He stared at her momentarily before he could reply.
"It is - kind of you."
He leaned down his head a little to her hand for something unexplainable was comforting in her touch. The days that went by had been cold and dark to him. This was the first time his mood had lightened up. A warm feeling seemed to spread through him.
"If by chance you may need someone to talk to or just a silent companion don't hesitate to ask," she said and dropped her hand to her side. He felt grateful to her but at the same time he had also felt a sudden longing with the loss of her touch.
"Thank you," replied Severus as he kept his expression neutral.
Their eyes trained to each other's as they remained silent for several seconds until Selina spoke.
"I think we already finished the work," she said.
"Yes."
"Give this stock report to the Professor." She held out the parchment to him and he took it.
"I'll go now. See you next term then."
"See you," he replied.
She smiled and turned away from him.
Severus was left standing in the room looking at the doorway in which Selina had just gone out. Unaware of the smile on his face, a hopeful thought came out of his mind.
He was starting to see that perhaps the world was not that cruel as what he thought it was.
Yes, I know the issue about the origin of "revenge is a dish best served cold" but I still had chosen Les liaisons dangereuses over Mathilde due to some personal reasons which I could not disclose. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and kindly leave your review.