ELEVEN: DECEMBER 21ST

The frozen ground surrounding Toki's tunnel stilled like ice, allowing not even the dripping sound of water to keep him company. He curled up in a ball on the pile of hay provided by his parents and coddled the clown doll he created out of utmost desperation for some sort of contact.

Time didn't exist down here like up at the surface. He only got let out to do his chores and eat, then he got sent back down. His father grew more obsessed with his spiritual cleansing, especially since the months, weeks, and days counting down to Toki's fifteenth birthday whittled away. Although Toki appreciated how Skwisgaar tried to help, he'd done more harm than good. His parents never saw the Swede, but they could tell that Toki hid something. Thus he went into his punishment hole until he made things right with Lucifer. What his parents couldn't understand—wouldn't, ever—was that having Skwisgaar in his life was something He not only approved of, but planned.

Maybe things would clear up tonight. It was, after all, the solstice: Toki's birthday. And now that darkness fell, it couldn't be long until his mother dressed him in the robes she made and he'd finally see the church's interior. Now that he became a full member, he might be allowed back in the house.

Wood shifted against cement, prompting Toki to stash his clown and stand beneath the opening. A sliver of light appeared, followed by his parents' silhouettes. Their robes blew in the wind.

"It's time."

Toki shivered as the wind sent tufts of snow against his bare skin. The robes his mother slipped over his head helped, but barely. He'd already caught chill. The rest of the Haven's portion of the congregation stood around them, waiting. Despite his lack of energy and intense hunger pangs, Toki fell into step on the way into Lillehammer. He should be ecstatic, but he was anything but.

Was this how he wanted to spend his life? Damn Skwisgaar, for vocalizing the possibility of doing anything else! If anything, that made him miserable. If he hadn't just shown up in the middle of the night, Toki would eat dinner with his parents, get to sleep in his own bed, and maybe even have earned his guitar back by now. And yet. . .Skwisgaar had his reasons, which Toki understood completely. Skwisgaar came out of concern, not for harm, and Toki had the choice to leave with him. Maybe he should've taken it, rather than panicking at the last moment. If he knew what would happen between then and now, he wouldn't have looked back as he followed the blond through knee-deep snow.

The congregation fanned out when they stepped inside the church, busying themselves with a fire and candles. Aslaug, Anya, and Toki marched straight for the front.

"Do you want me to help with anything?"

"Just relax, my little son. This is a big night for you." Aslaug placed a cold hand on Toki's shoulder.

The church basked in a dim glow, wooden pews lined up before the altar where Aslaug delivered his sermons. It didn't look much different that Toki imagined, and any wonderment fled him completely. He looked forward to this simply because there was nothing else to look forward to, and now that he got here, he really didn't want anything to do with it. He should've gone with Skwisgaar. It was too late for regret, but Toki experienced it so acutely that the corners of his mouth pulled involuntarily downward. He'd cry, if he had the energy and the privacy.

"Come up front with me." Aslaug ushered Toki along and instructed him into his standard prayer form beside his podium. The congregation, now expanded with the other villages' arrivals, followed suit in the pews. Toki closed his eyes and pretended to be anywhere, anywhere but here.

"Fifteen years is a long time to wait," Aslaug stated to all. "I commend you all for sharing my patience as my son grew up. We should stall no further and get underway."

Toki suppressed a shudder as his father stood behind him. Unsure what was to come, he opened one eye. His father's shadow caught his breath and stilled his heart. From the candlelight behind, he could see Aslaug lift both hands above his head, and he held something. He rolled to the right out of instinct, and just in time. Aslaug stumbled forward with his dagger, then regained his balance. "Stay calm, Toki. It needs to be done!"

"No!" Toki shimmied backward, caught on his robes. "What're you doing?"

Without waiting for an answer, Toki scrambled to his feet and sought an exit. The only door was at the back, and now his father's followers rose to their feet. With no other option, Toki wrapped his robes around his face and bolted for the window. He waited for the piercing sensation of glass in his side, but nothing came as he rolled off a pile of snow. Operating on pure adrenaline and aware his father wouldn't give up so easily, he bolted for the forest. He needed to find somewhere to hide, maybe to outrun him. No matter how much Toki suffered in life, he didn't want to die.

The only light once Toki breached town limits was the single torch to the rear illuminating his father's position. Toki ran into trees, tripped over branches, struggled through the snow, and lost the fear-inspired rush that kept him going. He was so hungry, so tired, so sore, and he couldn't fight anymore. Maybe he could just lay in the snow and die before the Reverend caught up. How could he get away when he'd just be tracked like an animal? His father might not be as strong as him, but he had endurance on his side.

Toki shivered where he collapsed, rushing to accept his fate as his father's torch illuminated the bottom hems of his robe. He'd made no progress as Aslaug rolled him over onto his back and pulled his dagger back out.

"I'm sorry, my son." Aslaug exhaled shortly. "I don't want this anymore than you, but it's what needs to happen. You must understand, Lucifer came to me on the day of your birth—"

"This is not what I intended. . ."

The hoarse voice made Toki jump, but Aslaug didn't at all seem fazed. Toki struggled to see the space of woods his father's torch lit up, and therein stood an old man, white hair billowing in the wind.

"Lucifer!" Aslaug dropped to his knees, dagger disappearing into the snow. "It's just like you said, you'd come back, not just your voice—!"

"That is not my name, and you have understood wrong."

"You said on my son's fifteenth birthday I'd sacrifice him for a greater good!"

"Yes, that is still true. . ."

Something collided with the back of Aslaug's head, dropping him down onto Toki. At first he thought the old man somehow did it, but when Toki looked over again, he'd disappeared. Terrified but still weak, Toki struggled to push his father's body off him so that he could commence his escape. Help came in that task and he realized he didn't have to do it alone.

"Are you okay?"

"Skwisgaar?"

"Ja, I followed you two. Hit him with my guitar." He paused. "Who was that guy over there?"

Toki didn't answer, only grappled in the air for Skwisgaar's extended hand. The moon peeked out behind a cloud just enough for Toki to see the Swede's silhouette.

"Can you walk?"

"No. . ." Toki concentrated on standing while Skwisgaar loaded him with his guitar.

"Get on my back. Let's get out of here."

Toki draped his arms around Skwisgaar's neck and nuzzled his parka's soft hood. The smallest amount of comfort touched his heart in a way that warmed his entire chest. Exhausted, all he could do was wipe at his face so that his tears wouldn't freeze against his skin. He slipped in and out of sleep, trusting Skwisgaar to take him somewhere safe, and came to when they wandered into a lit neighbourhood. Skwisgaar resituated Toki as he knocked at one of the houses.

"Skwisgaar, you know you're—" A middle-aged woman answered the door. "Oh my. Who's this?"

Toki missed the next bit, waking again in a warm room when Skwisgaar said his name. "I need to put you down."

Toki trembled all over and took off Skwisgaar's guitar. "Where are we?"

The Swede stretched, hands on the small of his back. "You'll be safe here. Get some rest, ah? You're a lot thinner than the last time I saw you."

Toki didn't need to be told twice. Even though he'd come to a stranger's home, he disrobed once Skwisgaar left and crawled in under the covers. A nearly dreamless state took him under. Faces passed before his mind's eye, specifically that of the old man that distracted his father long enough for Skwisgaar to strike. Toki woke up a couple times, but promptly rolled over and fell back asleep. He sure wished he had his clown, the only thing he missed about home.

Eventually, he couldn't sleep any longer. He blinked in the sunlight pouring through the windows, slowly remembering the sequence of events that brought him here. A plucky noise, like strings, summoned his curiosity.

"Oh look, you're awake." Skwisgaar sat in an armchair in the corner, feet propped up on the ottoman. His fingers flew over the frets. "How're you feeling?"

"Fuzzy." Toki rubbed his head. "How long have you been in here?"

"Just a few minutes. Figured if you didn't wake up soon, I'd have to make sure you still breathed."

"Did I sleep long?"

"A solid twelve hours."

Toki rested his head back on the pillow, sudden pit in his stomach. He escaped his father's clutches, sure, but what now? Where did he go, if not home? Would Skwisgaar take him away from here?

"Are you hungry?"

"So hungry."

"Why don't you get dressed and come out to the kitchen? We'll find something to eat. Eh. . ." Skwisgaar eyed the robes on the floor. "Hold on a moment."

Even with his recent growth spurt, Skwisgaar's clothes were too big for Toki. The last hole on his belt at least kept the jeans on his hips. Out in the kitchen, Skwisgaar stood before the open fridge with his hip popped and neck craned downward.

"Where's your lady friend?"

"Work."

"I feel bad to eat her food."

"She said you could have whatever."

Whatever turned out to be a lot. Skwisgaar made a jug of juice while Toki ate as many smørbrød as he could stuff in his face. Following that was smoked salmon, lingonberries, norvegia, and then pastries.

All the while, Skwisgaar worked on a pot of coffee. "Getting full?"

"Ja. . ." Maybe he ate too much. Toki rubbed his bloated belly.

Skwisgaar ran a bath teeming with bubbles and ushered Toki in. He didn't much like being alone right now, but sliding under the water and stacking the bubbles on top of his head provided suitable entertainment. How did he ever live without soft towels and fresh smelling clothes? When he emerged later, dirt gone from under his nails and face scrubbed clean, he felt like a million kroner.

"Come here, ah? Your hair's one big tangled mess."

Toki braced himself for a rough brush but furrowed his brow as Skwisgaar splat something goopy onto his head. "What's that?"

"It'll make it easier to get all the tangles out."

Toki sat still on the floor between Skwisgaar's legs. "Why're you doing all this? I can't believe anyone would be so nice to someone else."

"That's because you lived with a bunch of assholes."

"So are people really this nice to each other?"

"Well. . .not all the time, I guess. I feel kind of bad."

"Why?"

"Because I should've made you come with me, in the spring."

"Nothing's your fault."

"I know, but I still need to make it right."

"How did you even find me?"

"Yesterday was your birthday and you mentioned you'd be getting into your church, so I thought I'd swing by to see if you were okay. Then I saw you fall out the window, so I followed your dad after you."

"Wowee. . .you remembered my birthday?"

"Uh. . .happy belated?"

"Thank you."

With Toki's hair completely saturated, Skwisgaar took a comb to the ends and worked his way back toward the scalp. "I have a proposition for you."

"What's that?"

"Smugly Dismissed broke up about a month ago. Creative differences, all that bullshit." The Swede huffed. "Have you heard about a band named Dethklok?"

"I haven't heard about anything since you left."

"Well, they're this death metal band over in the United States that's getting pretty big. Do you remember at the festival in Göteburg, those guys I was with at the bar?"

"Ja."

"They're in Dethklok. Nat'an told me to give him a call if I ever changed my mind about playing with him, and I don't think I'd be going across the ocean for nothing, now. Would you want to come with me?"

"How far is it?"

"Pretty far. You'd have to sit on a plane overnight."

"I think I could handle that. . .but I still don't think you should have to take care of me."

"We could find something for you to do, if it makes you feel better. Roadie and stuff. Set up the equipment."

As grateful as Toki was for the opportunity, he didn't feel right riding Skwisgaar's coattails that far along. Really, the bed, bath, food, and pampering already pushed it. "I don't know. . ."

"It's an easy ja."

"Maybe. I need to think about it. There's lots I need to think about."

"I'm going back to Göteburg this afternoon. Would you at least come that far, for now?"

"Ja." If Toki stayed in Lillehammer, he'd wind up going home, and who knew what would entail then? Maybe now, since the entity Aslaug thought they worshipped revealed himself and foiled the plan his father waited fifteen years to execute, things would get easier.

"Am I pulling too hard?" Skwisgaar asked when Toki sniffled.

"Nej. I'm just. . .you were right."

"About what?"

"Lucifer isn't real."

"Ja," Skwisgaar easily accepted.

"You saw that man in the snow, last night? With the white hair? That's who my father thought was Lucifer. Apparently he's been listening wrong, all these years." Toki pulled his knees up against his chest. "All this time, he's been doing the wrong thing. I knew it, but I had to live through all that. I could've been a normal kid. And now I'll never get any of those years back."

"That's a pretty heavy thought for someone as young as you."

"But you already told me the truth, and I didn't listen. Why am I so stupid?"

"There's just some things in life we have to learn on our own. Nobody can tell us until we see it for ourselves. It's nothing to do with being smart or stupid." Skwisgaar ran his comb through Toki's hair from his temples to the nape of his neck. "There, all done. Come up to the sink. I'll rinse this crud out."