*A month later*
The train's rumbling on the tracks, heading towards home. It feels like a decade has passed since we've been somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. I feel warmth heating up the cold in my stomach, which I saw as incessant since I witnessed the murder of the little girl, but should I be feeling cold and numb for longer? Should the sour betrayal caused by Jeanine be never ending? Well, if so, I know that this moment of happiness is only temporary.
My head's resting on Tobias' chest, his hands around my waist while his thumbs gently rub my stomach. I smile, placing my hand on his for a short moment. This is not the typical parent and baby bonding, I have seen, but it's perfect for us - a love not obviously sugarcoated just real. Then a little smile takes over my lips.
This month has passed by with hiding the factionless, calming them down. After what happened, my urge to go to the headquarters increased, because all I wanted was to make Jeanine pay for what she did to my brother, and no matter how tough it is going to be, I will get justice for both the Factionless and Erudite zombies, mostly marked as murderers now. We're going to the compound, but only for three days, then the fighting will continue, and this time, I am going to step inside that building to prove how furious Jeanine has made me.
However, I did try to sneak away from the Factionless a couple of times, yet something about those buildings make me lose control over every thought that's in my mind.
I realize in this moment, that I have been so busy with revenge that I have forgotten the fact that I'm fifteen weeks pregnant. It's obvious that Tobias is really happy about going home too, since he hasn't glared at Eric, sitting across from us, a single time during the train-ride. Instead, my eyes find him: Eric is sitting, somehow curled up but looking blankly ahead with a look, I'm pretty sure he hasn't shown once before, but what is hiding inside those eyes? I try not to stare at him too long. No it can't be vulnerability: Eric, who has pretty much been a sociopath all his life. Then it hits me: Eric was born in Erudite - it's his family out there! Maybe he isn't quite as true to the faction before blood - thing as we all thought, but 1 minute later, we have to jump off, and abruptly it's gone, which makes me wonder if I ever saw anything.
I've missed the echoing sound of my footsteps on the concrete floors in the compound. Being here finally makes me want to fall to the ground, curl up like a ball, so I could suck in as much safety as possible before having to leave. This is one of the times, where my divergence is clear to me: I do not seek danger all the time - There comes a point when it gets too much, and I just want to calm down for a moment.
"Tris! Four!" The only thing, I see before a hug almost knocks me flat, is Christina's dark hair flying behind her.
Although she squeezes me a bit too hard, I'm both happy and relieved to see my best friend again, knowing that she missed me as much as I missed her.
Will and Tobias give each other the typical 'man hug', which surprises me, because they have never been close friends or anything.
"To justify that you didn't come back for an entire month, you have to give us all the juicy details," That's so Christina to say something like that, but I can't blame her. They must've thought we were dead.
Tobias and I explain while we walk to the cafeteria together: we tell them about our plan, the Zombie-Erudite as well as the strange liquid they use to kill people with. It is weird to me that they have not yet figured out what it exactly is, even though Tobias told me not long ago that they suspected it to be some sort of drug. An overdose…
"How long are you staying?" Will asks, handing me a bowl of pasta.
"Not many days," I answer. "We have to figure out how to end this," Christina glares at me when she notices that I've taken at least double the amount of food as usual and I pretend not to care, still it worries me a bit.
There could be many reasons to why I would be eating more: training for example. Pregnancy will be the last thing she suspects.
"And you couldn't do that from here?" Her sassy side can be annoying sometimes, but I've missed it making me laugh when the exhaustion from training got me down.
"Yeah, I guess we could," Tobias answers casually. He misses the compound more than I do. That's understandable, since he has been fighting for almost four months.
The look I give Christina is filled with sorrow.
Caleb. He needs to be saved from that terrible faction as quick as possible - That can't be done here.
"We'll stay for a little while," I send my friends false smile. When they smile happily back, mine turns real. Maybe the first person that needs to be saved is myself.
Under the table, Tobias hands me the four pills, I'm taking during my pregnancy, and my hand quickly closes around them. We send each other sneaky smiles. It's a relief how good we've become at keeping this a secret, though I know that it's something you can't hold forever. Soon, it will spill, so without caring I put all the pills in my mouth at once, quickly, before washing them down with nearly a whole glass of water.
They stare at me, making me feel regretful. I still haven't quite accepted the pregnancy, even though it's stupid not to. Why would I pretend not to care? I'm getting tired of lying to them, but still there's no other solution: "What? All that exercise wears me out. Vitamins are a miracle cure to that,"
"You sound like my grandma," Will says with a tone, which makes it clear that he wasn't kidding.
"Oh come on. Give us a break," Tobias laughs, helping me out of the situation, but I can't take this anymore: I'm too tired, and I think about way too many things to act like I'm social. If I could just say it, there would be one less thing to worry about.
"What's the deal? Don't even try to lie again," Christina's clearly hurt. Like who wouldn't be? She hasn't seen me in a month, thinking I had been killed, and now I'm sitting here, lying to her like it doesn't mean anything. It's not right anymore. I know that.
"Then come with me," My eyes find Tobias' quickly before we head out of the door. He seems nervous.
"What the hell? Is this necessary?" Christina says. Now they are both suspicious of us with good reason of course.
"Yes it is. Shut up for a minute?" Tobias snaps at her, while we both pace around in front of them. We decided that it would be best to say this in his apartment. Why? I'm not exactly sure.
My brain won't stop thinking, the thoughts jumble together again, and soon it will be to messy to work with. I hate this.
I never realized how hard it would be to tell them - how much I'll have to admit not only to them, also myself… Am I ready to accept this?
Tobias finally sits down beside me, placing his arm around my back. Christina and Will are both impatient right now - we can't blame them, even though it makes the pressure on us a lot bigger.
"Truth is… I - I am," When Tobias realizes that it hurts for me to say, he throws the little jar of vitamins to Will. It has the description on it.
Their eyes turn big and Christina's mouth opens slightly before she says: "For pregnancy? Tris?"
"I'm pregnant," Tobias pulls me a little closer, trying to comfort me.
At least I got to say it before Peter did.