A/N: So I have an "alternate ending" planned that I was gonna write a oneshot about. I may or may not post it here on ff. I don't plan on posting all of my MM stories here. If you wish to read it, you may need to go to AO3.
When you had first been convinced to join the RFA, you could have never anticipated how deep this particular rabbit hole went. You had known after two or three resets that there was something horribly strange going on. Supernatural, even. A game you had never wanted to participate in that all had started because you had been connected to Unknown and it had sent your life spiraling out of your control. Unknown had been your white rabbit, and now you were on a new kind of chase after him. At least you had a partner to go with you.
Saeyoung had arranged a meeting with the agency, a trade of sorts for Saeran's life. Saeyoung had already told you that the agency was well-aware of his skills and knew better than to take his words lightly. He had threatened to destroy them all if they so much as touched Saeran badly. It had been terribly beautiful to watch the playful man you loved dearly become this vengeful dark angel willing to destroy many to rescue a person dear to him. You would admit secretly that it had been a turn-on. You contemplated whether to tell Saeyoung this, but then let the moment pass.
Saeyoung had offered himself in exchange for Saeran. It was an exchange that he was never planning on following through upon. He was banking on his knowledge of Vanderwood and his relationship with the man. (Because, apparently, Mary Vanderwood II really was a man. Saeyoung confessed with a grin that he just loved to call the man a woman because it was hilarious.) Saeyoung's plan was somewhat scary and needed minute details to be perfect and work in just the right way, but you trusted him. You trusted his plans and his mind and his capability. Together you two would save Saeran.
"If anything goes wrong, we'll try again next time." Saeyoung said seriously. The two of you were curled up together in the bed of the last hotel you would be in until you were with Saeran again. Your fingers nervously messed with the buttons of his shirt, needing something to do about your anxiousness. No matter how much you trusted Saeyoung, you knew that plans often went awry. You had no choice but to try to ignore the horrible "what-ifs" that your brain was providing. Your fingers clenched into the front of his shirt, your body shivering with the memory of the last timeline.
Saeyoung whistled to catch your attention, and you looked at him. His legs tangled with yours as he removed his glasses, placing them near you two on the bed. You wondered if either of you would accidentally roll onto them. The frames looked strong at least. Saeyoung called your name this time, and your eyes snapped back to him. You couldn't help your distracted mind.
"You're shaking. Are you alright?" He asked, once again trying to be sure of your mental state. You wondered if he had always been such a worrier, but then you supposed that yes he always had been.
"I'm scared." You confessed. He opened his mouth, no doubt to reassure you, but you placed your fingers to his mouth to stop him. "Yes, I'm scared about tomorrow. But I'm more . . . scared of dying again." His golden eyes darkened at those words. "We can always try again, but I have to admit that dying isn't fun. So the threat of it happening again so soon after the last one . . . it's just making me tremble. I can't help the reaction."
"I won't let you die." He swore to you, cupping your cheek. Your hand dropped back to his shirt where your fingers returned to playing with his buttons. You got one undone. "I promised that I'll protect you, so please trust me. I won't let anyone or anything hurt you. I would rather die first."
"I don't want that to happen either!" You whimpered, hand gripping his shirt again as a tremor ran through you. You recalled his screams when he had been locked in Mint Eye's cell. You stared at him with wide eyes, taking in his face. "If it comes down to something like that, I want to die first. Because then at least we know things will reset faster."
He paled at the very thought. "Don't . . . I can't believe we're having this conversation. 'Who should die first?' No, I don't want that at all. I don't think I can handle seeing you like that again. Shit!" He sighed a shaky breath, lips pressing to your forehead. You were still shaking some, but at least it was calming down. You apologized to him for reminding him. You had forgotten that he had his own trauma from the last timeline. You didn't want him to experience that a second time either, but you would still prefer to die first. "Let's talk about something else."
"I love you." You told him, fingers pressing and stroking the thin skin you had exposed by opening his shirt a bit. It made heat flutter in your chest, a familiar feeling of desperate want beginning to burn in you. You held yourself back, though. His phone began to speak, alerting you both to the update it had been tracking. You reached to grab the phone and bring it to him, but he stopped you by assuring you he could hear it just fine. He cupped the back of your head and pulled you even closer to him. You didn't resist pressing your face to his neck as he held your waist.
"I know you're really scared. I'm sorry. I promise everything will be over by tomorrow . . ." He murmured to you. His words were soft and you knew he didn't want you to see his face. So you just breathed and listened as he spoke a gentle confession to you. About his disbelief and his desires and his fears. You absorbed how your name sounded coming from his mouth, closing your eyes as you breathed in the soft musk of his scent. "Tonight might be our last night together. Or . . . we might be able to spend the rest of our lives together. Maybe when you fall asleep tonight, we'll wake up in different beds again. I hope that doesn't happen. I want to see your face when I wake up tomorrow."
You wanted to tell him that you didn't think such a terrible thing would happen. There was a feeling of expectation in you. Almost like a feeling of everything being right even when so much was terrifically wrong. You had grown used to the feeling that came right before time reset on you, and you were relieved to have at least one certainty in your life at the moment. But you didn't tell him. Soon, you decided, you would tell him. Reassure him so that pressure was off of his mind. But now his words were echoing in you.
"I don't know the results . . . but if tonight is our last . . . I want to do one thing." He said. "Can I . . . be a bit selfish to you?" His hand gently stroked down over your neck to your collarbones, and you lifted your head to meet his gaze. His lids were lowered, and his cheeks were a warm pink, but his eyes were heated with an intense passion you had seen in the eyes of others. Your heart sparked and kicked into a trot at the sight, desire immediately flooding your system as the sparks ignited the mellow arousal that had been beginning to permeate you before. "I know that it won't matter in case time does reset . . . but I want to leave on you evidence . . . that I existed. That our time together hasn't been a vague dream that both of us remembered one day. I want to hold you tight and love you all night so that you can remember me forever."
"Saeyoung," you breathed out, shifting yourself upwards to be face-to-face with him on the bed. You were burning in the light of his molten gold eyes. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You hadn't been this affected by another person in what seemed like forever ago, "I could never forget you. No matter what."
"Then let me have this assurance from you." He demanded, even as it came off as a quietly desperate request.
You licked your dry lips. "Then take it." You commanded him, and moved first to kiss him.
The plan was a fairly simple one that required Vanderwood to work together with you all. Saeyoung knew how the agency worked and knew that they would have Vanderwood do the exchange. Neither of you were naïve enough to think the man would be there alone, though. Saeran was awake and blank of expression as the exchange went on. If anything he snarled at Saeyoung when he got too close or tried to talk to him. You stayed quiet, instead letting Saeyoung take the lead. This was his territory. You were only back up.
The plan went off without much of a hitch. Vanderwood, like Saeyoung had predicted, preferred to live and was also not naïve enough to believe the agency would let him live even if he did get Saeyoung. He fled with you, holding onto the unconscious Saeran as you proved your own driving skills. Maybe not as clean as Saeyoung's driving, but Saeyoung had been shot in the arm so you took control.
The four of you went to the safehouse you had stayed at with Saeyoung. Vanderwood had attempted to patch up Saeyoung the best he could considering the circumstances, but you didn't have many materials. You found yourself staring at Saeran, recognizing the similarities between Saeyoung and his twin brother in the relaxed lines of his face. There was stress on this boy's face as well. A part of you was still terrified to be near him, paranoia telling you he would attack and kill you again, but you couldn't bring yourself to be overwhelmed by such thoughts when he looked so much like Saeyoung. You wanted to help him, you realized.
But Saeran, when he had woken up, betrayed you all. He managed to get a hold of Vanderwood's phone and had called for Mint Eye. And V showed up instead with the cult members in tow. You weren't proud of your struggles, desperation filling your mind. You had cried and fought back viciously unable to control the instinctive urge to run. You had been captured before by Mint Eye in a similar situation to this. You didn't want to go again. Only Saeyoung calming you down so you wouldn't be knocked unconscious and V quietly telling you to listen kept you from doing anything too frantic.
You all had been taken back to Mint Eye's base where you finally discovered the horrible truth. Rika was alive and the leader of Mint Eye. She was the sweet voice of an angel you had recalled in past timelines speaking to you soothingly when you had been Mint Eye's prisoner. The very sight and sound of her felt like a blow to your stomach. This was a woman you had trusted because of the RFA. The woman that Yoosung refused to believe could do wrong. The one that Jumin'd had feelings for in the past. A person the entire RFA had beloved greatly because of her kindness.
You had never known the woman personally, but the betrayal felt like a stab to the stomach. If you all survived and escaped from Mint Eye, how could you possibly break the hearts of all of the people you had loved? It was horrific enough to see it on Saeyoung's face.
Rika commanded that all of you be forced to join the cult of Mint Eye. It made you tremble. This was what they had been trying to do to you all of those times you had forgotten. All of these people were brainwashed to believe they were doing good. You didn't understand why Rika was acting like that, but you recalled from past timelines that she had a mental illness. You didn't know if anyone in this timeline was aware of that. You kept your mouth shut about it for now. It would do no good. Ill or not, Rika had done terrible things to Saeran. And that was unforgivable.
You were all thrown in the cells, stripped of all of your electronics. You had immediately huddled up to Saeyoung, your body trembling instinctively as cloudy memories tried to invade your mind. You squeezed your eyes shut and focused on the present as Saeyoung and Vanderwood discussed what they would do. Saeyoung had already managed to contact Jumin briefly, but both of you knew he hadn't finished what all he needed to tell Jumin. There was no guarantee that he would find you all in time.
"I know you're scared." Saeyoung whispered to you, cupping your face between his hands. "Shh, we're still here and fine. Are you alright?"
"Peachy." You joked with a smile, even as you gripped the sides of his jacket tightly to try to halt your shaking. "It's just drafty in here."
You could see he attempted to smile at your joke, proud of you for maintaining a strong persona, but he couldn't quite manage it. Instead he slipped off his jacket, wincing as he jostled his wound, and put the jacket over your shoulders. "Wear this so you don't feel too cold."
"You should worry about yourself more." Vanderwood scolded, eyes darting between you and Saeyoung. "You're the one still losing blood." You looked at Saeyoung's wounded arm. Despite the bandage, it was still bleeding. All of the aggravation probably had not helped it.
You weren't too sure you wanted Vanderwood's opinion on things considering he had tried to kill Saeyoung and Saeran not too long ago, so you ignored him. You had to agree with his point though. "Let me tighten your bandage." You told Saeyoung.
You all were mostly shocked as V soon enough was thrown into the cells with you. None of you understood. Wasn't V on Rika's side? But you recalled how coldly Rika had treated V. You wondered if you had ever seen him in Mint Eye in your past timelines, but you couldn't remember. No matter how he was questioned, V insisted everything was his fault even when he barely explained. Saeyoung didn't look willing to listen to him. You were inclined to agree.
But one thing V did do was provide Saeyoung with a phone. It had enough power in it that Saeyoung would be able to contact Jumin, and so he did. Relief filled your heart. You couldn't help it. You didn't know how long it was take Jumin to get there, but the fact was that he was going to come. And that was enough to almost make you cry. You would all get out of it alive. That was what you wanted. Was this the mystery you had needed to uncover to finish the "game"? Would solving this riddle and making it out alive stop the resets? You prayed it would do so even if you didn't have time to actually pray.
Saeyoung managed to also call Meowy, the robot cat, to find you all. You didn't know what all Meowy was capable of, but you had to admit how impressed you were. The cat came bearing some tomatoes from the outside, which Saeyoung immediately handed to you to eat. You didn't argue with him. You didn't have time to argue because Meowy hadn't made it down to the cells unseen. Rika had followed him. V had attempted to talk to her, but once again she was cold to him. It sent chills down your spine. This woman had blinded V and was the leader of a cult. Your stomach felt sick. You couldn't eat even if you wanted to.
The four of you were dragged back upstairs to where the "ceremony" to introduce you all to Mint Eye was to occur. You cringed at the very thought, your body shaking without your consent. You didn't remember the horrors you had gone through, but you knew it did. You were absolutely terrified. The chanting filled your nightmares from past timelines, and Saeran's voice only made it worse. His laugh and his grin. You tried to hold yourself together for Saeyoung's sake, but it was so hard. You couldn't stop the tears if you tried, but you focused hard on the situation. You needed to remember it. Just in case things went bad. In case Jumin wasn't fast enough.
Rika's plan seemed to be coming to fruition. Introducing the RFA one by one to Mint Eye and reuniting everyone under the thought of it being a "good cause". You didn't understand how far gone she had to be to think that what she was doing to people was helping them. None of you wanted to be part of Mint Eye. How was this helping anyone? Helping these poor people who were currently missing from their homes? You understood now why V preferred to just tell the RFA that Rika had committed suicide. This horrible secret would've been too much to bear. Rika's pedestal was too high for the RFA.
Saeran was Rika's quiet helped until the moment she suggested that Saeyoung would also be joining Mint Eye. He snapped and turned on Rika, screaming about how she had promised him that he would get to kill Saeyoung. Your hand shot out automatically to grab Saeyoung's hand, and he gripped yours tightly. Rika commanded for Saeran to stop, but it appeared that Saeran was beyond anyone's control . . . even his own. You recognized that crazed fury. It had been what killed you last time.
Rika commanded for her followers to reeducate Saeran in the ways of Mint Eye. You could only assume that meant brainwash him. Saeyoung cried out, but Saeran was already backing into the corner shrieking. From his waistband he pulled out a gun and gripped his hair. His eyes were manic as he screamed and talked to himself. Saeyoung jerked forward and ran to his brother before you or Vanderwood or V could react. The cult members yanked the three of you back. It was chaos. The only thing you could focus on was Saeyoung so close to his mad brother. He put himself between the cult members and Saeran, begging them not to touch his brother. He gripped his arm, no doubt in pain, and refused to move away from Saeran as he attempted to protect his brother while he could. Even then there was only so much he could do. He was exhausted and lacking blood. It was enough to cause him to faint.
"Saeyoung!" You screamed, terrified. No no no no! Saeyoung couldn't die! Not now! Not when you two had gotten so far! Vanderwood struggled and called out for Seven as well as he attempted to get away, but the cult members were too strong. V begged Rika to make them stop. Saeran only screamed louder, his voice cutting through the din as he turned and shouted at V, blaming him for everything. The next thing you knew, a gunshot rang out and you heard a soft pained sound emit from V.
Your hands flew to your lips in horror at the sight of V clutching his chest and falling to the ground. Rika ran to him, her face clearer than you had ever seen it. They whispered to each other words you were unable to hear as the world froze around all of you. You saw the exact moment V's life let him, the soft smile on his face as he gazed sightless at his fiancée burning into your mind. Rika's devastated shriek pierced through you, sure to haunt your dreams to come. You knew what that kind of pain felt like.
There wasn't much time to process the shock. Just like in the movies when it was too late, Jumin's security force arrived and busted in to begin arrests. Everything was a blur to you, your mind unable to comprehend everything that was happening. You didn't know if it was shock, but you recalled your ears ringing. You couldn't breathe well. Your mind told you to search for Saeyoung, to confirm with your eyes that he had survived, but you couldn't stop looking at V. He was dead. Someone had died. You had failed.
You recalled familiar arms wrapping around your shoulders, a voice you loved commanding others even as he tried to comfort you. You looked up and felt tears roll down your face as you found Jumin looking back at you. You saw the pain in his eyes no matter how he tried to hide it. You knew Jumin far too well. Your heart broke for him, understanding that he had just lost his best friend.
"Are you alright?" He asked you quickly even as his head jerked back and forth to watch what was happening around you both.
"Saeyoung . . . ?" You whimpered out.
"He's alive. I already have him being rushed to the hospital along with his brother. Come with me." He turned to rush you through the building and outside to where you saw a helicopter waiting. You remembered vaguely going up into the air safe by Jumin's side. It was only when you saw the building disappearing in the distance did sobs wrack through you. Your hands shook violently and you bit down on your lip to try to hold back a high-pitched noise that built in your throat. Jumin pulled you close to him, and you buried your face into his shoulder as you began to wail in earnest.
The days passed without much of your notice. You supposed that you were in shock, but it was hard to tell. You would talk to your friends, but you couldn't recall about what. You were able to stay in the hospital with Saeyoung during the day as he recovered, but soon enough he was released. You couldn't recall what all you talked with him about, but you did remember him holding you. You don't recall talking a whole lot, but if you did you don't remember what about.
You couldn't sleep very well. You had too many nightmares. You didn't like being alone. Jaehee was understanding enough to let you stay with her rather than in Rika's apartment. Later, though, when Jaehee became too busy dealing with the hospital and repercussions of Mint Eye, you temporarily moved into Saeyoung's house. He didn't mind you staying and even went so far as to insist on it. You took took comfort in each other, although you couldn't say you slept much better. There were more nights where you laid against Saeyoung's shoulder and you two would doze off, but one or the other jerking awake would wake you both.
During the day Saeyoung stayed at the hospital for Saeran. You didn't see Saeyoung very often at all. You spent more time out of the house than in it. You had people you could visit, although the only people you could really talk to about what had happened were too busy or had no idea of the truth.
That had hurt you. Zen and Yoosung . . . had been left in the dark about the truth of Mint Eye and the cause of V's death. Jumin, Jaehee, and Saeyoung had all agreed that it would be better if Zen and Yoosung remembered Rika as she was. Rika had been rendered mute by the shock of the experience, and Yoosung had taken it upon himself to care for her. You tried to visit, but the sight of Rika would stir your stomach badly. You were afraid you wouldn't be able to hide the reactions of your trauma. You weren't ready to pretend, so you didn't visit Rika. Your friends never suspected anything because you didn't have a personal relationship with her.
Saeran wasn't doing well. You had heard from Jumin and Saeyoung both how the twin had been on so many drugs and hallucinogens that he shouldn't have even been able to think and move. The fact that he could hack like that was astounding and a testament to how amazing both brothers were. It had been confirmed that he had been utterly brainwashed by Rika and her cult to make him hate Saeyoung. You could only imagine how Saeyoung felt, but he didn't communicate with you too often. He was doing all that he could to reunite with his brother properly. To prove that he really did care for Saeran. You wished him luck although you didn't know how well it was going.
The days passed that way. The few times you did talk to Saeyoung, he apologized for not keeping in better contact. You reassured him that you were fine. You were no longer in danger. You could take your time now. You would let Saeyoung handle what he needed to. You would wait for him.
Saeyoung pulled you gently close and kissed you. You sighed against his lips having forgotten how much you had missed the feeling. You absorbed the comfort his presence and the scent of his skin. Your exhaustion caused you to itch for the nights you had spent laying around with him. You hoped there would come a day when you could do that again when both of you were happy and safe.
When he pulled back from you he gave you a tiny smile. You saw the worry there. The nerves you knew he was attempting to hide, but also a familiar look of hope. You knew his next question before he could ask it. "Do you . . . Can you tell if things are going to reset soon?" Please say no. His golden eyes whispered desperately to you.
This time you could reassure him. You held his hands and squeezed them, shaking your head. "It doesn't feel like it."
The relief was evident in the relaxation of his shoulders and body. "Good. I'm glad." He sighed and hugged you to him, resting his head against yours. "I'm not sure if I can handle that right now."
You didn't respond and only nodded in agreement.
One day Saeyoung called you up to ask you not to come back to his house for a while. He apologized to you repeatedly and said that he couldn't explain right then. You trusted him. He wouldn't kick you out for a small reason. Although you didn't particularly want to stay alone, you had grown used to it and so you moved back into your old apartment.
It had been strange standing in your apartment for the first time . . . in a very long time. Yes you had been there to pick up the clothing and supplies you had needed for staying at Rika's apartment, but you had not stayed for very long to look around. You felt misplaced even surrounded by vaguely familiar items. It felt like a lifetime ago that this had truly been your house. You couldn't remember in the past ever gathering your stuff when you had moved in with your past lovers.
It was hateful, you realized. None of it was really yours. In a way you wanted to break everything. A rage you couldn't understand overtook you, and you ended up shattering your mirror as you gazed at it. The shock of the pain and the noise startled you, and you collapsed into the floor. The blood on your hands made you shudder recalling Saeyoung's passed out body and V's corpse. You sobbed and curled in on yourself. Nobody could understand your pain. You couldn't talk about it with Jaehee or Jumin or Saeyoung. They were all too busy. The former two didn't know about the resets. You were very alone.
Time continued to pass in a haze. You started taking sleeping pills. You had heard finally what Saeyoung had done. Apparently he had taken Saeran from the hospital after hearing that Saeran was to be transferred to a psychiatric unit. Saeran had been violent and unwilling to have treatment. The brothers had been locked in Saeyoung's house. Nobody could break into Saeyoung's fort. It amused you knowing Saeyoung had done such a thing. You hoped things went well with them.
Jumin and Jaehee were the ones handling Rika and Mint Eye's case. As far as you'd heard, Saeran wasn't being charged with V's death. You weren't sure if that was Jumin's doing or not. Zen had confessed that he knew you all were hiding something. You wished that you could tell him, but you didn't. You knew better than that. You agreed with the others that it would be too much to tell Zen and Yoosung. Zen would be able to handle it, but it would be far too cruel to leave Yoosung as the only one who didn't know the truth.
"Are you free right now?" Zen asked you one day, quietly. "If you are, why don't we go out somewhere to eat? Didn't you want to try those fish crackers from the stand near my house?"
You loved those fish crackers. You wanted to have tome. "I'm dating Saeyoung~" You teased.
"O-Of course! I didn't mean it like that! I wouldn't take another man's girl . . . even if she is as pretty as you." You flushed at his compliment. Even if you were no longer married to him, his flirtations would still please you. "I wanted to make sure that you're okay. Everyone is so busy . . . So I thought the two of us could spend some time together."
"I'd like that." You confessed, staring sightlessly around your quiet apartment. You were curled up on the couch struggling with the silence. Only the churn of the air conditioner could be heard.
Later you finally heard from Saeyoung, who called you late one evening to tell you what had happened. Saeran . . . had tried to commit suicide. Saeyoung had stopped him before he could do any damage, but Saeran had turned on him instead. Saeyoung confessed that it had been a close call . . . but he had finally managed to break through to Saeran. His brother was finally beginning to heal, slow as it was. His hatred for Saeyoung wasn't strong enough to destroy the part that still loved his brother.
"We're two halves of the same whole . . ." Saeyoung whispered to you. "I feel what he feels and vice versa. He's in so much pain . . . but he's getting better. I think . . . I think Saeran will be happy again." You were honestly relieved for him. You were happy for Saeyoung. You were glad he was alive and that both he and Saeran were recovering. You hoped to see him soon. You said goodbye to him as you rubbed at your chest.
Once again you hadn't been strong enough to admit your own pain.
Not long afterwards, Saeyoung reentered the RFA chatroom. You both learned that Zen and Yoosung had sent Rika off somewhere to a place to help her heal. A place that they couldn't track because they moved. They couldn't even send postcards. Apparently this meant the police wouldn't be able to find her. You personally thought that Yoosung and Zen knew exactly where she was but they were protecting her. However you couldn't blame them. Their secret was small in comparison to the ones the rest of the RFA carried. Jaehee had mentioned how she hadn't wanted anymore secrets in the RFA . . . but it appeared that just wasn't feasible, as sad as it was. In return for this information, Saeyoung happily informed everyone that he destroyed the case file involving Rika and Saeran. Jumin and Jaehee had been disgruntled, but then again they couldn't say they disliked it. It meant that the RFA members were safe. That was what mattered.
Saeyoung informed you that you could come back over to his house if you so wished. "You can live here if you really want." He told you, somewhat shyly. "Ah, that is, um, if you don't mind . . . sharing a bed with me."
You gasped. "Saeyoung! An unmarried couple living together? How scandalous of you!"
"Ah~ Ah~ Since when have I ever been one to follow the rules of society? Me? A hacker and secret agent? Doing something scandalous?" He tsked.
You giggled, glad to hear his playful self back. You had missed it dearly. "Hm~ Actually . . ."
"Hm?" He hummed.
"I think . . . I want to call you on your IOU."
"My IOU?" He asked. You could hear the confused frown in his voice. "Did I owe you something?"
"You probably don't remember, but yes you do!" You didn't particularly want to bring up the fight that had caused him to grant you the IOU.
"Okay I'll trust you. What do you want?" You smiled for the first time in what felt like a while. You wanted to forget everything for just a little bit. To escape from your current reality. You just wanted to spend some time with Saeyoung without the worry of anybody coming down on your heads. Without feeling like there was a time limit on your life. You wanted to feel (dare you say it?) normal again.
You took a breath. "Take me on a date."
Saeyoung paused for a long moment before asking with confusion, "A date?"
"Yes. A proper one."
"Like the old wine 'n dine kind of date or . . . ?"
"Anything." You maybe sounded a little bit desperate there.
He hadn't missed it, you could tell, but he didn't acknowledge it right off the bat. You could tell he had noticed it, though, because his playfulness hardened a bit into something softer and more genuine. "Okay. I'll take you on a date. I'll let you know when I can, alright?"
You hid a giddy smile into your knees and nodded, but realized he couldn't see you. "Make it a good one, sweetie~" You sang.
"I-" He stuttered and laughed a tiny bit nervously at the pet name. It had been a while since you had used an attack like that on him. He had probably grown unaccustomed to it. "I will! Oh." His tone changed. "And when we do . . . you'll tell me what's wrong, right?"
"No." You responded sharply without even thinking. You heard his quick small gasp. Immediately you regretted it. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize! Just . . . What's wrong? Why not?" You covered your eyes to bite back the thoughts. You had ignored them thus far. His voice helped to soothe you. Any voice of the RFA members helped to soothe you. You couldn't talk about it. You would break down.
"I just want a normal date with you, Saeyoung. Without worries about our life right now . . . that's all." You were begging. He had to be able to hear the cracking in your voice. You were so tired of crying, but you didn't know what else to do anymore.
"I . . . Alright. Okay. We'll do that." He agreed quickly. "But please . . . don't hide your pain from me. You can talk about it with me, you know that. I want to know everything about you, especially if you're unhappy. I told you I would be here for you. I love you, you know?"
You swallowed thickly and bit down hard on the sleeve of your sweater to hide your sobs bubbling in you. "Thank you." You told him quickly. "Please let me know when the date is! Good bye, Saeyoung." You hung up on him before he could respond and you grabbed the nearest pillow to clutch to you.
You wanted so much. You wanted to forget. You wanted to sleep. You wanted Yoosung and Zen and Jaehee and Jumin. You wanted your lives back, but you also wanted nothing to change. You wanted Saeyoung. You wanted to sleep in his arms. You wanted to feel him over you, the weight of his body pressed to yours as sweat and heat surrounded the two of you. You wanted to rewind time rather than reset it. You wanted to fix everything.
Because you had made a mistake. But you felt guilty for wishing you could correct it. Because you had a feeling you wouldn't be able to. And that hurt more than you thought it would. You didn't think time would be resetting anytime soon. You had even begun to hope just a tiny bit that it never would. You had begun to expect it wouldn't reset. And that was such good news. It had to be the end. You would be happy again. You just had to ride out the pain like you always did.
You hoped your date with Saeyoung would come soon.
A/N: One more chapter to go!
Anybody got any guesses as to what's wrong with MC? I mean, there're a lot of things wrong, but I'm just wondering if I got across pretty much all of them without actually saying so lol
Also please let me know if you noticed any glaring errors. I wrote a portion of this on my phone and my phone is a pain in the ass and likes to autocorrect me at random times. I'll try to read through this when I have the time, but it's 3:30 in the morning and I meant to get this out at, like, 7pm.