Fix You
Chapter: 11
Pairing: Robert and Holly
Rating: PG
Robert felt anger wash over him. "So not only has Mac taken my place, but Luke has as well?!" he yelled. "Is this some sort of payback for Luke? Raising my child because I was going to raise his?"
Holly was taken aback by Robert's outburst. It wasn't her intention to provoke him, she was simply sharing something with him about their child. "Robert, I didn't mean to imply that..."
"What?!" he interjected as he rose from the bed. "You didn't mean to imply that the people who Charlie already has in his life is all he needs? That he would have been perfectly fine if I had stayed away?"
"No!" she said firmly. "You were gone, Robert, and I didn't know that you weren't dead, none of us did. I was pregnant and alone and absolutely terrified. If it wasn't for Mac Charlie and I wouldn't be here in Port Charles and you and I wouldn't be having this conversation right now. So I let Mac step up and take your place because I thought it was important for my child to be surrounded by family and by people who would love him. I guess it was pretty selfish of me to stay here and try to do the right thing for once in my life. Would it have been better if I would have just gone back to England and let the only male influence on Charlie be the members of my dysfunctional family?"
"Of course not!" he replied loudly. "It's just that it seems that everyone has a connection to my son but me. He doesn't even know who I am."
"That's your fault." she said as she got up from the bed. "You're the one who had to play super spy. You're the one who pretend to be dead for four years. I did the very best I could given the situation I was in."
"Don't be a hypocrite Holly." Robert said. "You played dead too. The only difference is that you had a choice once you woke up from your coma, I didn't have a choice at all."
"I did what I thought was best for you." she replied. "I remember how hard it was when Luke showed up and I didn't want you to have to go through the same thing. I couldn't take the chance of showing up only to be shut out but that's exactly what happened when I did return. You shut me out because you couldn't deal with it, you couldn't deal with me."
"Do you regret coming here?" he asked. "Do you regret returning to Port Charles? Do you think things would have been easier if you would have just stayed away? Because it seems to me that's what you want. You want to make things simple, Holly, but you can't. Life is messy and we all do things that seem like they're mistakes at the time but when we look back on them it doesn't seem as bad as what we thought."
"I don't regret coming back." she told him. "I don't regret waiting five years to come back because if I didn't return when I did I would have never had Charlie and I can't imagine my life without him."
"You just didn't plan on me being a part of my son's life." he concluded. "And now you don't know what to do now that I'm back."
"Honestly?" Holly asked. "I have no idea what to do. Charlie is not going to understand any of this. He's too little and it's only going to confuse him. Hell, I'm confused, I can only imagine what it would do to him."
"So you just want me to back off?" he asked. "You just want me to forget that I have a son? I'm I suppose to just walk away because it's inconvenient for you, Holly?"
"That's not what I'm saying, Robert." she replied. "I'm just saying that the turn of events is rather shocking and it's going to take me, us, everyone a while to adjust. I don't want to break the bond between Mac and Charlie. I don't want to take him away from the father who loved him and was devoted to him since before he was born."
"I understand that you want to do what's best for our son." Robert said. "But at what cost, Holly? Are we suppose to go on forever pretending that Mac is his father instead of me when I'm alive and well?"
"You're acting like I banished you from ever having an contact with him." she said, angrily. "I don't want to take him away from you especially when you've only got to see him for two minutes and you didn't even know who he was at the time. I'm not trying to punish you."
"I want to be his father." he said. "I want to be his father more than anything in the world and if that makes me selfish then I guess I'm selfish. I've missed out on so much with Robin and I refuse to have to miss out on anything else involving Charlie."
"You're acting like I purposely kept him from you for my own selfish reasons." she said. "I'm not Anna, I would never do that to you or Charlie. I would never deny him the right to know his father. I think we all need to sit down and work this out together."
"All of us?" he asked. "You and me and Mac?"
"And Luke and Robin and Anna." she added. "I want to do what's best for Charlie. He's the one who matters in all of this. He's the only one that matters."
"I don't think you realize how much everything's going to have to change."
"I realize that things are going to have to be different." she replied. "This is going to change the lives of everyone we love and it's going to take some time to adjust. We can't expect it to happen over night."
"I just want to hold my son." he said as tears filled his eyes. "I want to teach him how to throw a baseball and I want to teach him how to ride his bike and how to catch frogs."
Holly smiled wistfully. "I wanted those things too." she said. "But it didn't work out like that. I had to make compromises, we all did."
Robert took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. "I still have so many questions." he said as he ran his hand through his hair. "I don't even know where to begin."
"There's a baby book downstairs that will answer a lot of your questions." she said. "I thought that maybe you'd like to sit down and look at it."
"Yeah, I would."
She headed for the door. "I have to go meet up with Luke and Charlie." she said. "Luke and I have a lot things to discuss."
"I didn't mean to cause trouble between you and Luke." he said sadly.
"You didn't cause any trouble." she replied. "The things that Luke and I have to discuss has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with his trust in me. Maybe after you and Anna visit Robin you and we can all sit down and discuss it."
"I think that would be best."
Holly stopped in the doorway with her back to him. "You know, you're wrong." she said as she began to cry. "I did tell him about his father. About how brave and strong he was and about how much you would have loved him. I told him that you were his guardian angel and that you would always protect him."
Robert walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry." he whispered in her ear. "I never thought that I would back to a son and it's just caught me off guard and I know that I'm acting like a complete ass and you don't deserve it."
She pulled out of his embrace and turned around to face him. She felt herself moving closer and closer to him until she was in his arms. Robert held her tightly, taking comfort in her. He wanted nothing more than to tell her how much he missed her and how much he loved her, but he couldn't. Luke was inadvertently standing in the way.
tbc..