PART 11

Dean had only felt this horrible rare few times in his life. When he lost his mom, when he lost his dad, and when he almost lost Sam. That feeling of complete hopelessness and guilt over not being able to do a single thing to stop people he loved from dying. Now here he was, feeling that way again as he read over the pages on Angel's Sorrow from The Tome. It hadn't really occurred to Dean that he even had any feelings towards Castiel, good or bad. Their relationship was neutral, lukewarm, indifferent, platonic, Castiel was just there.
Dean had realized in the last few days though that that wasn't true. He and Castiel somehow, amongst dragging Dean from hell and inadvertently bringing forth the apocalypse, became friends. Castiel may not care that he was going to die but Dean did, he just couldn't seem to say it out loud. Maybe if he did Castiel would fight harder, beat this thing and live. Somehow though Dean doubted there was any way to fight this disease off, even if an angel wanted to. Night was approaching fast and Dean decided to sit with Castiel, if tonight was his last Dean didn't want him to spend it alone.

Closing The Tome, Dean left the book on his nightstand and walked back into the front room. Castiel still lay on the couch; his eyes were closed with a look of pain wrinkling his brow. Dean had a feeling that Castiel had held back the pain when talking to him, which meant that he had probably always felt a semblance of pain. Losing the feathers of his wings and slowly dissolving into nothing couldn't be painless. If possible Castiel appeared even worse than when Dean had left him that morning, it was like the only thing Castiel could control anymore was his voice and eyes.

All other functions were gone, even the movement of a single finger or toe. Dean sat down quietly on the chair but Castiel still heard him, his eyes opened and he looked over at Dean.

"You do not have to be here to watch my demise, Dean, I do not require that of you," Castiel rasped.

"No one should have to be alone," Dean replied, unable to say the word die.

"It is not a painful death, I will simply vanish in a ray of light, my soul recalled to heaven."

"Even if it wasn't you aren't getting rid of me."

"It is your choice."

Dean just nodded, solidifying his choice to Castiel. He knew he had asked this question before but no answer seemed to satisfy him.

"How are you not afraid, Cas? You will be gone and won't be able to come back," said Dean.

"I know that I will return to Heaven, for an angel that is what we all want when our missions are complete. There is nothing to fear, I am prepared for my fate."

"I'm not, Cas, I don't….I don't want you to die."

Dean had swore he would keep those words to himself, what good would they have now? But the way Castiel was so calm and collected, even in the face of death, Dean just couldn't contain himself. Didn't the angel realize his opinion wasn't the only one that mattered?

"I know I made things seem bleak earlier, Dean, but you could win this fight against hell without the angels. I have been thinking and by rising Lucifer has broken the rules he and God made many years ago. I may be able to speak to God about interfering or helping. Especially now that he can do so."

Dean knew this was the simple way of getting out of telling Castiel that he wasn't talking about angels in general, he was talking about Castiel himself. He could just go with what Castiel said but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to. If Castiel was going to die then Dean had to tell him that he wasn't just neutral or indifferent with the angel. He was Dean's friend, comrade, brother, and he wanted him to just be there.

"That's not what I meant," Dean replied. "I mean, I do want to save all the angels but, Cas, I don't want you, personally, to die."

"Why?" Castiel asked, the one question Dean had been hoping he wouldn't ask. Dean wasn't the sharing type and he didn't even know how to tell Castiel that he considered him a friend.

"Because Dean thinks of you as a brother," came Sam's voice. Dean turned and saw him standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall. "Losing you will feel the same to him as it would to lose me or Bobby."

Dean found Sam's timing to be great, he would have never thought of those words but they expressed what he had meant. He didn't know that Sam had really been paying that much attention to him and Castiel.

"I did not know that you thought of me as a friend," Castiel said, a hint of sadness in his voice at the words.

"You raised me from perdition," Dean said, quoting some of Castiel's first words to him. "Hard to forget something like that."

"It means very much that you consider me a friend, Dean, I do not have many in Heaven."

"You know how angels are," Dean said, joking slightly and Castiel managed a small smile which he didn't remember ever seeing on the angel. Then Castiel went rigid, his face distorted slightly in pain and his eyes squeezed shut. Dean stood up and kneeled down in front of the couch wondering what he could do to help.

"The….disease is…taking over," Castiel gasped. Dean's eyes grew wide, he knew what that meant, Castiel was about to die. He looked back at Sam but saw his eyes were closed and he couldn't understand what his brother was doing.

"Come on, Cas, you're stronger than this disease," said Dean, finally deciding to rest a hand on the angel's arm.

"I was…lucky…to know…you, Dean," Castiel said, his eyes turning to Dean, and it was as if Dean could see the light leaving them. Dean's eyes darted everywhere around the room but there was nothing he could do. Then a brilliant flash of light lit up across the couch and then it was gone and Dean was holding nothing under his hand. He felt his chest heaving in and out and hadn't even known that he had started breathing hard. It didn't seem to connect right away that Castiel was gone but it didn't take long for his brain to figure it out. Instead of trying to stand up he sat back on his legs and let his arms drop to his sides.

He faintly heard the sound of footsteps then a clunking sound as Sam sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Dean usually didn't allow for such chick flick moments but his mind wasn't even thinking about that. He was thinking about Castiel and the fact he was gone, dead, just like John and Mary and there had been nothing Dean could do to stop it.

I forgot to thanks anons for a while so they shall be thanked here as well as the new ones. :P

~Fluffy

ANONS

kaylA-Thank you, dear! I definitely agree that sick/hurt! Cas is love. ^^

Melissa-Brite-Thanks so much! :D I'm so glad you're still loving the story.

Sandra-Thanks for the review! You'll just have to wait and see what I have in store for Cas. Cause I'm evil. :p