Chapter Eleven
"You like her. A lot," Teddy hedged as she and Arizona sat at the bar.
Both had drinks in front of them that they sipped on. Arizona wanted to protest. She felt the words about to roll off the tip of her tongue. She liked Callie – that was true. But she didn't like her a lot. That was stretching it, she mused, because she only went on one date with her. And that date happened a week ago. How could you know if you liked someone that much after one date?
"Mmmm," Arizona hummed, not wanting to either confirm or deny her friend's assumption. She swirled the straw in her drink around, placing her lips on top of the straw to take a small sip. The alcohol went straight to her head, always, and the blonde already felt the effects of the vodka taking over.
Teddy scoffed, playing shoving Arizona's shoulder. "Just admit it, you turd. I know you do. It's so obvious. The way you two look at each other all the time around the house when you think I'm not looking. Let's don't even get started on the 'innocent' touches you two seem to always have."
Laughing, Arizona shook her head at her drunk best friend's antics. It was Sunday, and, per usual, the two were at Joe's for their Sunday Funday, making up for last week's miss due to the spontaneous date with Callie. "Are you stealing words from Addison now? Turd? Really? That's a little uncalled for my friend."
All Teddy did was shrug in response, leaving Arizona to only narrow her eyes.
"And, no, I don't like her a lot. Ok? I like her a little. I don't really know her that much yet. Is it such a crime to want to take my time with a relationship?" Arizona argued, her drunk persona completely taking over at this point. She wanted to say more – the words were about to roll off her tongue – but Teddy gave her this wide-eyed look. Actually, Arizona laughed to herself, she looked like a deer in headlights.
Why the hell did Teddy give her that look? Arizona wondered briefly before trying to put two and two together. Then it clicked, like most things in her life did. "She's standing right behind me, isn't she?" Teddy nodded, and the blonde quiet literally slapped herself (ok, she slapped her thigh because if she slapped herself in the face, people would think she was completely insane; well, maybe she was but that was beside the point, right?).
Spinning around in her chair, Arizona came face-to-face with Callie, who, by the way, looked smoking hot in her get-up for the night. Standing right next to the girl she went on a date with was Mark Sloan, notorious man-whore and all-star lax bro. He had racked up quite a few records at UNC over the last three years. The two were both the same grade, and, as freshmen, he tried repeatedly to hook up with Arizona – that was until Arizona made out with another woman at a house party right in front of him. However, the two remained partial friends over the year. More out of the fact that they were in the same grade and major and played the same sport.
"So, bad time to say hi? Or no?" Mark asked, a glint in his voice. For some reason, Arizona could see Mark getting all turned on by a little girl-on-girl fighting. "Torres, I'm going to get a beer for me and a couple of shots for you."
With that, he walked towards the other end of the bar, with Teddy following suit, leaving the two women alone at the bar. Arizona noted the twinge of sadness in the brunette's eye. Yeah, she knew about Callie's past history with her family and sister, but Arizona knew there was more to that story, more to Callie's sadness. And that came out in full force at the moment. The brunette was very expressive. Very.
"Callie…" Arizona started, always feeling like a grade-A ass in front of the other woman. "I, well, shit. How much did you hear?"
That sounded awful, she knew, but it was all she could think of saying at the moment. Hell, the blonde would bet money that she slurred a few of those words as well. Damn alcohol. Vodka always got to her. "Why do I feel like I am always back tracking with you? I'm an awful human being, and I am so sorry. What you heard is not true. I mean, I don't love you or anything."
Arizona paused, wanting to slap herself again because, damn, she sucked at talking to women apparently. Especially when inebriated. As she connected her eyes with brown ones, she sighed as she noticed tears glistening in Callie's orbs. She really needed to step her game up.
"Fuck, this is coming out all wrong, Callie," she laughed, though nothing was even remotely funny – except, well, maybe her level of intoxication. "Can I start over? Please?"
Callie nodded, ushering her to continue. Arizona craved Callie's touch at the moment and, instead, settled for patting the bar stool next to her for the brunette to sit on. Once Callie took a seat next to her, she reached out tentatively and placed her left hand on Callie's right thigh. For a second, she swore that she heard a sharp intake of breath from Callie but, honestly, she didn't doubt that she imagined it at this point.
"You can talk at any point, you know? I'm not that scary. Or am I? Am I scary?" Arizona said curiously. "I'm getting way off topic."
The way she said way was exaggerated, with arms stretching wide as she said 'waaaaay.' That, at least, earned a chuckle from her companion. Before she continued to talk, the bartender set down two tequila shots in front of Callie. Arizona assumed that Mark bought them for Callie and watched as she downed both in a swift motion before shaking her head and scrunching her eyes as the alcohol ran through her body.
"You're drunk, Arizona," Callie pointed out. "Drunk Arizona is weird. Not in a bad way."
Arizona rolled her eyes up to look at the ceiling as a downward smirk came on her face. Maybe talking to Callie right now was a bad, bad idea. But she needed to explain herself. Just a little. She didn't want Callie to always think of her as an asshole because she wasn't. At all, which was why she had to make up for the past.
"It's hot in here. And I want to talk with you about…" Arizona paused. "About things. So, let's hop on outside? If that's ok? Or not. You can just tell me to shut up at any moment. I ramble. So do you actually. It's cute. That you ramble. And that I ramble. That we both ramble."
Arizona watched as Callie snaked her hand down from the bar to grasp Arizona's hand that rested on her thigh. Then, she watched – a little detached, albeit, due to the alcohol – as the brunette signaled for the bartender for some water. Quickly, the bartender picked up a plastic cup and sprayed water into it, sliding it right in front of Arizona. Greedily, she took it, chugging the water as quickly as it came.
In a flash, Arizona felt Callie hoisting her up and taking her outside. The blonde though that the other woman couldn't be that mad at her at the moment since she still held onto her hand. That had to mean something.
The cold air hit her as soon as the two stepped outside. It was still autumn, which meant that it wasn't extremely cold outside – just a slight chill in the air. Arizona steeled a glance at the brunette, who, she had no idea why, still liked the blonde. Or she did before tonight.
"How are you feeling?" Callie asked, concern in her voice.
But, as soon as Arizona opened her mouth, vomit worked its way up her throat. Putting up a hand, Arizona bolted away and ran to the alley right next to Joe's. Hurling, she expelled her earlier lunch onto the concrete. She heard footsteps come closer and closer, and she hated that Callie wanted to come take care of her. If anything, Arizona grew up as an independent woman, learning how to take care of herself. She despised others seeing her in a weak state. And, especially, she hated those she liked romantically to see her this way.
"Please, go away," Arizona mumbled, her stomach about to heave once more. "I'm ok. I'm ok."
"No, you don't get to do that, Arizona," Callie retorted with a bite, taking Arizona by surprise. No one had talked to her like that before (beside Teddy). "You can't do this to me, ok? You can't push me away when you want. I like you. And I know that you like me, too. Stop fighting it."
No one understood her. Never. Her heart hurt all the time because of her shitty past with women. Not just with the failed proposal but with all the women before and after that. She had no luck in the relationship department, and she hated that it held her back like it did. But, yet, it did.
"Just," Arizona sighed heavily. "Fine. But I don't need someone to hold my hand or tie up my hair. I am a big girl. I can take care of myself."
"You don't get it, do you? Well, I am going to say this in the hope that you understand what I am trying to convey," Callie said, running her fingers through her hair, a sign that Arizona knew meant she was frustrated or turned on. And she knew that the brunette wasn't turned on at the current moment. "I think, deep down, you want someone to take care of you. You want that. You crave that. But you push people away because something happened to you in the past. Something that broke your heart and your trust. But I can promise you that I won't do that. I won't. You're special, and I think you know that. Let me in. Don't keep me out."
Blowing a piece of stray hair from her vision, Arizona let the feeling of throwing up wash over her. She didn't want to have this conversation drunk. Not at all.
"I don't know what to say," Arizona said honestly. She really had no idea what to say back because she wanted to scream 'yes, you're right' but she also hated feeling that vulnerable. Vulnerability and reliance were two things she absolutely hated. "But I do know that what you heard inside was not what I feel. I think I do know you. And I do like you."
Admitting that took a lot out of Arizona, and she felt her eyes grow heavy from the events of the night. All she wanted was her bed. Slowly, she slumped down the wall, making her best effort to avoid her vomit on the ground.
"Let's get you to bed, ok?" Callie asked, gently stroking Arizona's arm and making the blonde feel at peace for once in her life.
The last thing she remembered was Callie tucking her into bed, the covers over top of her body, and a chaste kiss on her forehead.
A ball whizzed past her face, hitting the net behind her. Arizona wanted to yell and curse, but she held it in and kept her head high. One of the defenders on the field left an attacker wide open in the 8-meter for a free shot right at her. Arizona thought she read the shot correctly, but the shooter threw in a fake that sent her for a loop.
"Next one, Arizona," Bailey yelled from the sideline. This was the last practice until their scrimmage against Syracuse, and she needed to prove herself as the starting keeper. Yeah, she liked Callie but she still wanted to play and start – feelings be damned.
Practice continued on, with Arizona making some impressive plays. Callie stopped a few good ones, too, and Arizona really had no clue who would start in the game. That made her nervous because she was Arizona Robbins – she always started and always played. She kicked ass and she knew it.
However, she also was nursing a huge hangover and that probably affected her at practice this morning more than she'd like to admit. This was why she never drank the night before practices, though it seemed that her best friend had a different opinion during this fall ball season.
Suddenly, a whistle sounded, signifying the end of this morning's practice. Arizona took off her huge, suffocating helmet. Her hair was matted due to sweat, and she would bet money on how unattractive she looked at the moment. But, as she ran into the team circle, saddling up next to Callie unknowingly, the brunette lightly touched the small of Arizona's back and winked at her ever so slightly. Both the touch and wink sent shivers down her spine.
"Good work out there," Callie whispered in her ear. All Arizona could do was nod in return, not even thinking about complimenting the terrific saves the brunette made earlier. Arizona figured it would be awkward between the two today after last night's fiasco, but Callie brushed it off during practice. However, Arizona would be amiss if she didn't think the two would talk later this evening.
Webber walked into the middle of the circle like he always did after practices, but this time he sported a contemplative look. That worried Arizona because she knew he was thinking about how to break the news of the starting line-up to the team. Arizona's stomach felt queasy – from both last night's drinking fest and the upcoming news – and she swore she would barf soon if Webber didn't announce the starters.
To her credit, Arizona noticed the calmness that Callie exuded in the moment and wondered why she couldn't be more like that. Her nerves always got the best of her, except in games. That's when she shined. That's when she was confident and sure. This, waiting for Webber to talk, was not her forte. It sucked.
"The van for the scrimmage this Saturday will leave Friday evening, giving us plenty of time to travel to Syracuse and get some rest. I will email the details out later this week," he paused. "As for the starting line-up, I just want to tell everyone that this is not permanent and anything can happen between now and February at the start of the season. Keep pushing yourself and your teammates to do better and strive for that spot. It will only make us better."
Arizona gulped. He never gave speeches like this. Her heart tumbled around in her chest cavity, making her feel like she was suffocating. It didn't help that Callie still looked fine. No nerves at all. What was with this woman? Why can't she just be like the rest of us?
Then you probably wouldn't like her, Arizona told herself. You like that she's different.
"Our midfielders will be Little Grey and Yang, with the center being Altman. On attack will be Kepner, Adamson, Big Grey and Shepherd. On defense is Pierce, Stevens, Wilson and Edwards. And lastly," again he paused, causing Arizona to almost faint, "in goal will be Robbins."
An audible sigh of relief escaped Arizona's mouth. It didn't mean she would be the starter come season, but it meant a lot to be starting for the first scrimmage.
"However, Torres, you will switch into the net for the second half," Webber tacked on, deflating Arizona once more. Yeah, she was starting, and, yes, she should be happy for Callie because of whatever relationship they sort of have, but Arizona Robbins preferred not to share. She liked having it all. She supposed that was better than nothing (but moot point).
Webber dismissed the team for the locker rooms, and Arizona took that opportunity to bolt to the locker room. The sooner she grabbed her gear and left, the longer she had to not deal with talking to anyone about having to split a game. She especially didn't want to see Callie because she knew there would be a scowl on her face and malicious words thrown around if the brunette even brought up the subject. And, after last night, she didn't want to put them in an even bigger hole. Arizona already owed Callie an explanation for last night.
Her plan didn't succeed, however, because, unbeknownst to Arizona, Callie made it into the locker room before her and waited at the blonde's locker. Her face looked happy and sad with a twinge of nervousness mixed in there. Arizona approached cautiously, throwing her stick onto the top of her locker. No one else had wandered in yet.
"So…" Callie began.
"So…" Arizona responded. The two both stared at each other, each at a loss for words.
Callie crossed and uncrossed her arms a few times, a tall-tell sign that she was nervous. And anxious, too. "You're mad."
Letting out a little sarcastic laugh, Arizona had to rein herself back in from a lashing remark. She was trying, she was, but, like she noted previously, Callie did something to her. Made her want to be a bitch. Hopefully that subsided, but, due to the nature of their complex relationship, she doubted it would truly fade away.
She shrugged. "Yes. A little. I mean, I'm proud of you. Happy for you, even, but mad for myself. Does that make sense?" Callie nodded in affirmation. "Also, can…do you have some free time after classes today to talk? I can order some takeout and we can veg on the bed in my room."
That perfect grin formed on Callie's face and Arizona was quickly smitten by the look the brunette gave her. After last night, she would have bet her life that the Latina wanted nothing to do with her. However, it seemed Callie was a forgiving soul.
"That sounds great," Callie said just as the rest of the team walked into the locker room. "I'll see you in class later."
Arizona nodded, gathered her stuff and headed to her first class, her body still trying to understand the feeling she got every time Callie smiled at her.
The smell of Chinese wafted in the hallway, making Callie's mouth salivate. Praying that the smell came from Arizona's room, she ventured out into the small aisle and knocked on the blonde's door. She assumed that Arizona didn't mind her coming over a few minutes before they decided that they would talk. It wasn't a date – that much she knew – but her heart still pounded as if it was.
"Come in," a soft voice replied, prompting Callie to push open the door. The sight in front of her made her smile. Arizona was wearing her moo-moo again, sitting cross-legged on her bed with plates of Chinese in front of her. The blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun and the TV was on a music station playing soft jazz.
"This smells heavenly," Callie said as she plopped down next to Arizona, asking her with her eyes if she could take a bite of some of it. When Arizona nodded, Callie picked up a fork and started digging in. "Oh, shit. This is freaking fantastic."
"Right? I always get Chinese from the same place. Never fails," Arizona explained, her mouth full of food, too.
For the next ten minutes, silence took over as the two made their way through heaps of food. As soon as the food was gone, though, Arizona started to bite her fingernails, and Callie knew she was about to talk about the previous night. Callie admitted to herself that it hurt to hear that the blonde said she didn't like her a lot and that she didn't know her, but Callie sensed there was an underlying reason for that.
"I'm sorry," Arizona blurted out, sort of catching Callie by surprise. "For everything last night. I didn't mean what I said, though I can't remember all of it…" that made Callie chuckle "…but I do know that I said some pretty shitty stuff to Teds that is untrue. I do like you a lot and that scares me because of my past."
The dreaded past. The thing that caused Arizona to act the way she did.
"So I owe you an explanation. You spilled your story to me and I held back, and I shouldn't have. That was wrong of me."
Callie opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but Arizona put up her hand. "I proposed to my girlfriend not too long ago, and she turned me down. Her name was Quinn and we dated for a while. I thought she loved me. I thought we were truly happy and in love. I actually thought I loved her. But, looking back, I loved the idea of her. Cliché, I know, but true. It hurt when she said no initially. But what hurt more is that the reason she said no is because she loved someone else. She had been cheating on me for months without telling me."
Callie felt her heart crumble for Arizona. The blonde had tears in her eyes, her hands clutched into fists. Reaching out, she put a hand on one of Arizona's fists, prying it open and tangling their fingers together. "The worst part is that Quinn played lacrosse, too, and left me for another girl on the team. I had to spend a season with them dating before they both transferred. It broke my heart. Shattered it, actually. And I've recovered a little. But then you came along. You're gorgeous, beautiful, but on the lacrosse team. And vying for the same spot."
Knowing where this conversation was going, Callie interrupted, "Oh, Arizona. I don't know what to say to make your heartache go away. At least your past heartbreak. But what I can tell you is that I get why you acted the way you did now. And I promise you, I swear, I will not do to you what Quinn did. Apparently, that woman had no idea what a catch they had."
Arizona leaned over and gave Callie a kiss, a short, chaste kiss but one that made Callie's heart flutter. This was what it felt like to have strong feelings for some – what it felt like to have a connection like that.
"Thank you, Calliope. Really," Arizona whispered. "I promise, too."
The two lips connected again, with Callie pushing the blonde onto her back and crawling on top of her. They hadn't done anything more than kiss but Callie was ok with that. For now. The deep kiss lasted for minutes before Callie sat back up, essentially straddling Arizona. That position caused both women's cheeks to flush before Callie quickly rolled over next to the blonde.
"Also," Arizona began, "one last thing. The school that Quinn transferred to is Syracuse."
Well, shit.
I won't be able to post for a couple of weeks (I'm so sorry!) but I am really that incredibly busy and will not have wifi for those weeks. At all. But I will try to update as soon as I can for both "Her Reason" and this story. Thank you all for reading and leaving awesome reviews!