Arthur sat inside his room, fists clenched. His nails were carving little half moons inside his skin as he willed himself to make sense of life once again. The king felt all of his resolve chip away, little by little. He didn't know what he was becoming. His father? Morgana? Or was he like the both of them all along?
He had always thought that he was different, that he was good and just. But he wasn't. He beheaded a king just because he was found on Arthur's land. Arthur could blame it on Agravaine's influence, but in the end it was he that swung the sword. The blood stained his hands.
Isolte as well. Was it his fault that she had died? If he had never bothered them, she along with Tristan would still be happy together. But because of Arthur, Tristan was now living as only half a man. No matter what Arthur thought of Merlin, the manservant was wrong. Arthur could not be destined for great things. Not when he so often misjudged. Not when he thought so highly of himself that he ruined the lives of others. He didn't know what he was supposed to do.
He could not just allow Merlin to have magic. People would think that he changed laws only for the sake of his friend, and they would complain. They would say that hundreds of magic users were executed, yet one was saved merely because he was close to the king. Such a thing would not do. What would happen then? How was he to effectively rule? Arthur had promised, he had promised to be a better man than his father had been. But a Pendragon crown adorned his head, and influenced him at every opportunity. He wished that far into the future, when one heard the name Pendragon, that they would think of greatness. Not the evil that the name inspired now. Evil. Was Arthur evil? Was Merlin? Were they both?
"I need someone to talk to." Arthur said to himself. "Someone…. Someone who'll understand. That will make it better." A defeated laugh made it's way past his lips. Because no, he could talk to no one. In the past, Merlin was always the one he took into confidence. The one whose words made it better. There was never any plan b after Merlin. Arthur had always assumed that the man would be there forever.
Now though, now Merlin no longer existed. Forever turned out to be shorter than it was made out to be, and it was strange. Very strange. For Arthur had a whole kingdom at his disposal, but without Merlin, he had nothing.
Well this was a short one. Just some good ol' Arthur inner monologue. I dislike this no power dealio. At least I'll have lot's of content for lovely fanfiction. Churning out the chappies. Right! Disclaimer. I do not own Merlin. Random question though, if anyone reads my author's notes- I want to know people's feelings when it comes to having an OC as the main character in a fic. Or one of two main characters. I have this idea for a modern Merlin fic with an oc of sorts. No romance or anything, but still. I don't want to write something that no one would enjoy.