A/N: I have officially been camped in front of this laptop for an hour, and I haven't written a thing. This chapter is going to be painful – that is, if it actually eventuates.

Alright, so I'm assuming you all saw the invasion episodes, therefore this chapter will focus primarily on Zuko. What the gang does is pretty much the same as the episodes leading up to and including the invasion, but with a little Zuko angst involved. I'll highlight some of it though.

This catches up to the series storyline, so...let's see, episode 5 – the ember island one - happened before the amnesia, combustion man has been hired, this stuff will be while Aang and the others are preparing for the invasion. Basically, the few episodes before the invasion.

...

Are you going to tell...about Aang?" He saw her carefully place a foot deep in the earth to make sure she knew whether he was telling the truth or not.

"...no," he said finally, "it won't matter, you won't win."

"We will." She turned and walked away.

He stared after her until he could hear Azula summoning him, "...I know you will." He said softly, realising with a shock that he believed it to be true. How could he, though, when he had lost all faith in the avatar? But he guessed that his subtle reverence of the Avatar had stemmed from his belief that Aang was above him – better than him – in some ethereal, immortal, way. That somehow Aang was pure and good, a beacon of light in a world engulfed by darkness. But one did not need to be pure or good to win a war, to end a life, one simply needed to exist. And that, at least, was true for Aang – he existed.

...

"Zuko!" the obnoxiously loud voice of his sister assailed his ears and he dragged his eyes away from the Earth bender's retreating form and slowly turned, heels digging into the dusty ground. Trudging almost reluctantly, and not quite able to pinpoint the reason, he headed in the direction of her voice, ignoring three pairs of questioning eyes as he neared their war balloon. He felt empty – almost hollow – even the questionable comfort of anger had abandoned him, leaving him strangely distant from the world. He no longer felt betrayed, even; a general sense of apathy had descended over his entire being. He felt directionless, purposeless, a sailboat with no tiller, a song with no meaning. He simply existed, and for no point at all it seemed. After all, he'd bounced between the two sides like a particularly troubled ping-pong ball, seemingly useless to both and needed by neither. He knew his sister held no real feelings for him, it was simply who she was. Privately, he thought she was a sociopath – literally incapable of feeling true emotion - but that was pure speculation.

Ty Lee, he knew, didn't think much of him one way or the other; she was Azula's – he hesitated to say 'friend' – follower, and had never had all that much to do with him. Mai, well, who even knew? Getting her to admit to even knowing what emotions were was akin to asking a Swallow-fish to breathe air – practically impossible. He couldn't say with any amount of certainty whether she cared about his existence or simply tolerated it.

He had thought, for that blissfully ignorant week, that the Avatar and his friends had cared for him. Of course he hadn't known at the time that they possessed a mutual hatred and loathing of one another, and their insistence that they had been 'friends' before his amnesia certainly hadn't cleared things up. Still, he could remember what it was like to be 'friends' with them and, try as he might, he couldn't quite dismiss the less than hateful – in fact, positively unhateful – feelings he still held for them. But they didn't care about him, and oh how they'd fooled him. They'd taken advantage of the amnesia and they'd used him. He was nothing more than a tool; to be used when convenient, and disposed of when the newer, better, model came along. Katara had been the only one who hadn't done it from the start; but in the end she'd been even worse than all of them.

He felt no real bitterness, though, just a terrible sense of abstract awareness. He climbed into the balloon, avoiding the cold, calculating, gaze that followed him, and slumped on the rope rail. It felt wrong in a way that he couldn't describe. This whole thing just didn't sit right with him, and he thought – no, he knew – that Azula had sensed his unrest. She was shrewd and sharp, and she missed nothing. She knew his thoughts at this point in time better, perhaps, that he himself knew them. He felt no current danger from her, though; but she would use it when the time was right. She was a master at biding her time, refusing to strike until the last possible moment. He turned slightly to meet her gaze and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing, choosing instead to fire up the balloon with a cold, blue, fire.

"So what was it like, living with them?" Ty Lee broke the silence with her cheerful voice, smiling at Zuko with wide, forgiving, eyes. He resolved not to snap at her again; from memory it felt far too much like kicking a puppy-mouse.

"Weird, now that I have my memory back," he admitted, "not that it wasn't weird before," he paused thoughtfully, "yeah, pretty much weird."

"What are their plans?" Azula butted in, "they must be planning something."

Zuko hesitated and ran a hand nervously through his hair, what to tell her? He'd promised not to tell about Aang, but about the invasion plan?

"Not much," he said slowly, "like I said before; the Avatar is dead, they have no leader."

"But why are they here, in the Fire Nation?" There was a cruel glint in her eyes, like she knew he was keeping something from her. She was, he'd often thought, a walking lie-detector. He supposed it was because she had such vast experience in telling lies that she'd picked up detecting them as well. He hoped she wouldn't ask him point-blank if the avatar was alive or not – she'd probably be able to tell if he straight-out lied to her.

"...they are planning some sort of invasion," he admitted finally, loyalty to the Fire Nation winning out over some abstracted residual loyalty to a bunch of people who'd lied to him, and about some pretty fundamentally important stuff.

"When?" she asked coolly; seemingly unaffected by the news.

"They said something about an eclipse," he mused, wondering at the sharp stab of guilt that followed the statement.

"Oh, I see," she laughed suddenly, chilling him to the bone, "I knew they'd try something, how could they not?"

"You knew about it?" he asked, slightly alarmed, though really he had no need to be. It wasn't as if he was on the Avatar's side anymore...right?

"Oh yes," she pushed more fire into the heart of the balloon, "for months now, it is rather obvious." She chided him mockingly.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing much," she shrugged, "I suspect they'll be looking for Father."

"Yeah, I guess," he muttered, turning back to look out at the passing clouds. He felt a deep chill within him at the thought that they were walking into a trap. It was utterly ridiculous; he shouldn't care for them in the slightest. He had his memory back, he knew how he had felt about them and he certainly hadn't wanted to be all buddy-buddy with them. But one week had changed all that, and it seemed that the hatred from the past had vanished altogether. That was perhaps the worst thing they'd done to him; they'd made him care. Despite his previous hatred, despite his feeling of betrayal, and especially despite his fervent desire to completely and utterly forget – ironic, he knew – the entire experience, he still cared about them. He hated that, and he hated them for it. It was a curious hate however; it didn't simmer and burn like the hatred he was intimately acquainted with, instead it was just there.

Mai came up beside him and rested her arms on the side rail, tilting her head to observe him subtly from behind her bangs. He felt her gaze; bland and unassuming, so unlike the cold, calculating, Azula busily boring holes into his back. She said nothing so he remained silent, unwilling to strike up a conversation with a person for whom his feelings were so conflicted. After all, she might want to talk about them...but this was Mai, so that wasn't really going to happen. He had no excuse, therefore, to not engage her in polite conversation; except that, while she didn't talk about her own feelings, she seemed to have no problems addressing his. The silence stretched on, tense and stifling, until he simply couldn't bear it any longer.

"How've you...been?" He said somewhat stiffly.

"Just peachy," she deadpanned, "it's not like my boyfriend vanished for a week, with no explanation."

"...right," he gulped slightly and rubbed the back of his neck, "sorry?" he offered.

"Hmph," she looked away, "I was worried," she spoke so softly he wasn't entirely sure she'd said anything at all, "no one knew where you'd gone, if you were coming back...if you were even alive."

He gaped at her, unused to this display of not quite emotion, but caring...and then she slapped him on the arm, hard.

"Don't ever do that again," she yelled at him in her quiet, almost unobtrusive way, glaring fiercely into his slightly startled eyes.

"I had amnesia," he bit out, staring down at the palms of his hands, spread out on the rail, before him, "you know, memory loss."

"So you say," he heard Azula mutter.

He glared at her, "what does that mean?" he growled.

"...oh nothing," Azula smirked, a sly look on her pointed face, "you get so worked up, and over nothing at all."

"Nothing?" he asked incredulously, "you're accusing me of lying."

"I didn't accuse you of anything," she said irritably, "you read too much into a simple statement."

Whatever retort he might have made was derailed as Mai placed a hand on his shoulder, "let it go," she whispered.

He shrugged her off, wincing slightly at the hurt look in her eyes, clenching his teeth and deciding he was just going to have to ignore Azula – not that that ever worked out.

"Have I missed something?" Mai asked softly, studiously looking away as Zuko's gaze flicked to her solemn face.

"What?"

"Since you've been back," she faltered slightly and then backed down, "never mind."

"No, what?" He gently grasped her stubborn chin and moved her to face him. Shocked, he realised that there were actual tears collecting at the corner of her dark eyes. Infinitesimal, almost invisible shimmers, but they were there. "What's wrong?"

She blinked them away hastily, "it's nothing."

"It's not nothing," he argued, "not if it bothers you."

She sighed, "just drop it, Zuko."

"Why?" he was unwilling to let it go, he was just so sick of secrets and lies.

"Please," she muttered, "I don't want to talk about it." She tilted her head almost imperceptibly in the direction of Azula, who was carefully listening to their every word.

"Fine." He jerked his head in a warped imitation of a nod, and returned to leaning on the rail. He gazed out at the endless blue sky, streaks of white cloud swirling across the expanse, and wished he could be somewhere else. Almost before he could stifle the thought, he wished he was with the others. With Aang and Sokka, Toph and...Katara. It was perhaps the greatest cruelty of his situation, he thought, that despite everything they'd done to him he simply couldn't hate them. He didn't believe he ever would – that ship had long since sailed.

...

Sokka watched as Toph ran off after Zuko, arm protectively around Katara's shoulders. He could feel her shaking and there were tears seeping into his shirt. He somehow hadn't expected this to happen. It was foolish, he knew, but he just hadn't anticipated it. At the start, maybe, but after getting to know Zuko, well, the thought that he would betray them had vanished from his mind. Granted; they had lied to him initially, but by the end even Katara had warmed up to him. In fact, judging by the sheer volume of tears dampening his shirt, she had perhaps moved past ambivalent tolerance and straight into actually liking the guy. Now that wasn't unusual of his sister, per se, but where Zuko was concerned it most definitely was. She had trusted him once before and he'd betrayed her, so for her to not only forgive him but actually give him a second chance was nothing short of a miracle. Katara was kind-hearted, but she didn't often do second chances – especially not to the Fire Nation.

This hinted at perhaps something more than simply liking Zuko, in fact if Sokka's suspicions were correct – and they generally always were – and his sister had actually trusted Zuko, then...

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud yell from Toph, and he looked over to see her storming back towards him. So Zuko had truly left them, then. He felt Katara lift her head from his shoulder and dry her eyes, "thanks Sokka," she said softly.

"What are brothers for, if not to act as your personal handkerchief?" He cracked a smile, attempting to cheer her up when he, himself, felt no cheer. Her mouth barely twitched.

"He won't tell about Aang," Toph told them, still huffing from her encounter with the Fire Prince.

"Are you sure?" Sokka's eyes were hard; they could no longer trust Zuko as they, strangely, had been able to this past week.

"Yeah," Toph scuffed the ground with a dirt-encrusted foot, "He said it didn't matter, that we wouldn't win."

"He would," Sokka scoffed, "a real barrel of sunshine, that one."

"Where is Aang?" Katara asked, voice wavering slightly.

"He'll be around," Sokka reassured her, "he-"

"I think I hear him now," Toph interrupted, "over there."

Aang walked slowly from the trees Toph had indicated, head hung low and a sad expression on his young face. He trudged up to the group and sighed, fiddling with his shirt and refusing to meet their eyes.

"Guys," he said slowly, "I've got to tell Zuko the truth, I hate lying and I just can't do it any longer."

Sokka couldn't take it anymore; he burst out into a loud guffaw and just laughed out the anger and betrayal. It was a harsh, almost hysterical laughter, and it seemed devoid of any true mirth.

"What's up with him?" Aang gave Sokka a weird look.

"Zuko's gone," Katara said bitterly.

"What?" Aang's eyes widened, "what happened?"

Katara didn't seem inclined to say anything more and Sokka was still recovering from his absurd fit, so Toph sighed and filled him in.

"Azula happened," she told him, "Zuko remembered everything and, when the time came, he left with them. He betrayed us."

"No," Aang's mouth wobbled slightly, "you're wrong...you have to be."

"We all saw it," Katara said angrily, "and we shouldn't have expected anything different from that Fire Nation scum."

"No," Aang said again, "No!" he yelled, "you liked Zuko, we all did, don't talk that way about him."

"He betrayed us," Katara shrieked, brown hair flying wildly around her face, "how can you defend him?"

"Because it was our fault," Aang said, uncharacteristically angry, "we lied to him."

"We cared about him," Katara's eyes were icicles.

"But we lied," Aang refused to back down, silver eyes steely, "and nothing can excuse that."

"Maybe not," Sokka joined in, "but he's not exactly free of all blame."

"How can you say that?" Aang glared at him, "we forced him into our company, he had amnesia he didn't have a choice."

"I'm just saying," he held up his hands in a peace gesture.

"He wouldn't let Azula hurt us," Toph said softly, "she wanted to, but he wouldn't let her."

"So what?" Katara yelled.

"He had a difficult choice to make," Toph reminded her, "he had to choose between his Nation – his family – and us."

"Stop defending him!" Katara fumed.

'Well who would you choose?" Toph yelled.

"I'm not listening to this," Katara pushed past Toph and stormed off.

"Narrow-minded, prissy, know-it-all..." Toph muttered, stomping in the opposite direction. Reaching her destination she practically slammed her fists down and two slabs of rock shot out of the earth. Crawling between them, she slammed another slab up.

"She would choose you," Aang looked earnestly at Sokka, "you know that, right?"

"Of course," Sokka said, confused, "what's your point?"

"So how can we expect Zuko to do any different?" Aang asked, his voice high with frustration.

"...we can't," Sokka said finally, "I understand, Aang, really I do." He ran a hand through the hair that had escaped his wolf-tail, "but it doesn't matter – no I'm not finished," he said to halt Aang's fervent protests. "Maybe we can't blame him, but we still can't trust him. He did betray us."

"He didn't owe us anything," Aang said stubbornly.

"No," Sokka agreed, "no he didn't."

...

The sun was setting for the night; tired rays weakly fading from the darkening skies and leaving the world in a strange limbo between night and day. Zuko, leaning heavily on a balcony, gazed out across the vast expanse of his Father's empire and could only just make out the distant mountains – dusted in the gold of the Fire forest – in the approaching twilight. His black hair was loose from its traditional top knot, and a slight wind had it twisting and tangling around his face. He wore nothing of the gaudy finery typical of his rank, adorned instead in a simple robe that flapped gently in the breeze.

His fists were clenched tightly, resting on the rail, and an almost feral anger simmered within him, burning him from the inside out. He was so utterly confused, and inexplicably angry. He had everything he wanted, didn't he? His Father had accepted him – was proud of him, even – and he'd held the place of honour at the war meeting earlier. His country adored him, Mai loved him, so why wasn't he happy? What more could he possibly want?

Yes, he had chickened out of that conversation, and she had never pushed it. They had simply fallen back into the comfort of their previous relationship, it was almost too easy. He found a certain solace in her company, and though he knew she felt more deeply for him than he could return, he pretended there was an understanding between them. He couldn't bear to hurt her, anyway, by telling her the truth. Though he was sick of lies and secrecy, it was he who perpetuated them and it seemed the cold irony of his existence.

There was an ugly hatred lurking inside him, but he knew it wasn't directed towards his Father, Azula, or the Avatar and his friends. No, his hatred was directed solely at himself. But he didn't know why he hated himself, only that he did. He'd told Azula and others at Ember Island that he was angry at himself and it had been true. He'd said it was because he wasn't sure whether he knew the difference between right and wrong anymore, and maybe that was true too. But he wasn't entirely sure that he'd ever really known the difference; the lines had always been muddled in his mind. Choosing right had always meant loosing something he desperately wanted, and yet choosing wrong had always meant loosing a part of himself. His Uncle had been responsible for nearly all the good decisions he'd made in his life, and he'd lost that guidance at Ba Sing Se. No, he hadn't lost it; he'd thrown in back in his Uncle's face. He'd tossed it away so carelessly – like petty trash – and hadn't realised just how important it was to him, just how much he needed to hear those wise words.

He truly was an idiot; a fool to have turned his back on the only good influence in his life, to have so utterly betrayed the only person who cared about him. He'd done it more than once, too. The Avatar and his friends had cared about him – at least he thought they had – and he'd turned his back on them as well. True, they had lied to him, but, honestly, he couldn't really blame them for it. He'd have done the same, in their place.

He should have stayed with them. He should never have joined Azula; and maybe he wouldn't have if he'd been thinking properly. But he was just so angry and hurt that he couldn't think straight. It always happened that way, his temper flared up and common sense was booted out the window. He always regretted the things he said and did when in a rage, but every time it happened the same way. He really did need to learn to control his temper. It was even worse lately; with all the pent up anger and hatred he felt towards himself. It took very little to enrage him these days.

It was now truly night, and the land was engulfed in an endless darkness. It was a time of night that comforted him somehow, for reasons he couldn't fathom. He, like every other Fire bender, felt keenly the passing of the sun. Its energy fuelled and nourished him, and he disliked the night for that reason. But lately he'd found solace in the quiet solitude it provided, he enjoyed watching the silvery moon and marvelled at its beauty.

But tonight it brought him no solace, no comfort; for tomorrow was the day of the eclipse. Tomorrow, was the day of the invasion. Tonight his Father would take to the secret evacuation chambers like the coward he was. There he would wait until the eclipse had passed, until the Avatar had lost the advantage he hoped for. Tonight, Azula busily organised guards – benders and non benders alike – around the palace in an attempt to lead the Avatar astray. He would assume the heavily guarded palace must contain the Fire Lord, he would assume and he would be wrong. They wouldn't realise that Azula knew until the last possible moment. She hadn't even told the guards the eclipse was happening – thus the benders positioned at the gates. He could see tiny flames dotted around the walls as they took up their positions.

The Avatar's plan would surely fail...unless, what if he left now? What if he told them Azula knew? But how would he even find them? And why would they believe him? They wouldn't, it was useless. There was nothing he could do to help them now. But he could make sure that if they escaped – for they could not possibly win – that he escaped with them. They may not trust him, they may hate him, but he could try.

The sky was almost imperceptibly lighter; dawn was approaching. Soon the invasion would begin, and he had made up his mind. He couldn't be the person his Father wanted him to be; he couldn't act the perfect prince. He no longer believed in the ideals of his predecessors, could no longer see the supposed good they were doing for the world. It had all been a lie, one colossal lie to cover up Sozin's conquering ambitions. The Fire Nation had never done any good for the world, it had all been for their own selfish gain. He could see that now, and perhaps he had always known it. His Uncle certainly had. And that was another thing; once he had confronted his Father – and he was going to have to – he was going to free his Uncle. The two of them would help the Avatar, would restore honour to the nation they loved.

And in the restoration of his nation's honour, he knew he would somehow find his own.

But first, there was something he had to take care of. He couldn't leave Mai with no explanation this time, he owed her the truth. He didn't have time for a full blown argument, though, dawn was fast approaching and the invasion was soon to begin. He would have to take the cowards option and write a letter. She deserved better, but it was all he could do. He hurried back inside his room and rifled through his drawers for a brush and a clean piece of paper. Finding them, he sat down at his desk and dipped the brush into an inkpot. He poised above the paper, holding the sleeve of his robe with his free hand, breathed deeply, and began to write the words he knew would crush the heart of someone he loved. For he did love her, if not romantically, and he knew now that she would always mean something to him.

Dear Mai,

I don't exactly know how to say this, so I suppose I might as well just get it over with. In any case, I won't be around when you read this so I guess now or five lines later won't really make much of a difference. But I'm stalling. For the last few weeks – since I betrayed Uncle in Ba Sing Se – I've been feeling a multitude of emotions that, for so long, I just couldn't fathom. I was angry, most of all; at my Father, at Azula, at myself. I was angry at the world. But what I failed to realise was the cause of that anger; I was angry because I had failed myself, but more importantly – I had failed my Uncle. I know that now, and I cannot ignore it. Now, more than ever, I feel I have a purpose. I used to think my destiny was to capture the Avatar, now I realise that while my future is entwined with his, my purpose is not to stop him, but to help him. I must restore balance to the world by joining him.

I know the world will see me as a traitor –that you will, as well, – but I must do what I believe to be right, I know now that it is all we can do. But honestly, I do not see my actions as traitorous. This, what Sozin has done, is not the future of the world – of the Fire Nation. How can it be? This world has always been about balance; the four nations represent the elements, and it is only when these elements – these nations – live in harmony, that the world will be at peace. Sozin claimed we were sharing our 'prosperity' with the other nations, but I can see now that he was either lying or simply deranged. You'd have to be, to think enslaving the other nations constituted as peace.

In any case; I don't expect you to forgive me, I simply want you to understand.

If only that was the worst of it. Mai, I've struggled with how to write this; what to say...understand that I do not mean to hurt you. Believe me, it is the last thing I wish to do. You are the only person in the Fire Nation I care about; you and my Uncle are my true family. I love you, Mai, but I am no longer in lovewith you. I wish I didn't have to say this now, in this way, but how can I – in good conscience – leave like this, and not make sure we both know where we stand? Mai, you're my best friend – my sister – and unfortunately, I have a history of hurting the people who mean the most to me.

I'm truly sorry.

Zuko

Small black splotches seeped onto the page as Zuko stared into the distance, lost in thought. Had he said everything? He supposed that he had, he'd told her he was leaving and that he thought of her, now, purely as a friend – a sister. That was all he'd wanted to accomplish. Looking down at his signature he noticed the splotches and yelped, hurriedly removing the brush, and surveyed the damage with a slightly slanted eyebrow. It would have to do, he was running out of time – the invasion force was storming the palace and he had to find his father.

...

A/N: I do not know if I'm happy with this...but it's been too long since the last update so I stuck it up anyway. I dunno, I'm just not getting the usual vibe...