11. Wolf's No Fairy Princess

'Come on,' I said. 'Let's hurry up I want good seats.'

'It's not a concert,' growled Polar Bear.

'But we want to make a good impression on Cub,' Dog said.

Polar Bear merely grunted. He pushed his tray away from him and stood up. Dog, Bat and I did the same. It was obvious that we were heading towards the teaching cabin. We were the first one there. I presumed that Eagle, the sergeant and Cub were still in the sergeant's office. Dog and Bat leaned against the wooden buildings whilst Polar Bear just glared at everyone around as was his usual. I just stood awkwardly. I supposed we could have waited a bit longer to come to the cabin. It was my mum's impatient streak shining again.

'I suppose we could have waited a bit longer,' I said chirpily.

'You think,' growled Polar Bear apparently taking offence to my chirpiness.

I ignored Polar Bear's growl, 'blame my mum,' I said. 'It's her who I inherited my impatience from at least that's what Dad says,' I laughed.

'What does your mum say to that?' asked Dog.

'Mum's dead,' I said.

'I'm sorry,' Dog said.

'Why?' I demanded. 'You didn't shoot her!'

'She was shot?' asked Bat in surprise.

'I was ten,' I replied.

'Why?' asked Bat.

'Bat,' Dog said exasperatedly, 'it's really none of our business.'

'Some nutter with a gun,' I replied.

'Must have been hard,' Dog said.

'I had Dad and my four siblings,' I replied.

'No step mum?' asked Bat.

I shook my head, 'I think Dad's still in love with mum even thirteen years on. It's why I joined the army,' I said. 'To save civilian lives like my mum's.'

There was an awkward silence at this point. I could tell that nobody knew exactly what to say to my pronouncement. Not that I blamed them. Polar Bear was for once not glaring. Actually Polar Bear seemed to empathise with me. I wondered had he lost people as well. I hoped not but it would go further than the torture and failure to explain Polar Bar's gruffness. Bat didn't even seem to be trying to understand what had happened with my mother whilst Dog seemed to pity me. I hated pity!

I had got a lot of it from the teachers, parents and friends at school directly after mum had died. I had hated it. I just wanted people to leave me alone and forget it had ever happened. Not forget Mum, never forget mum! But I somehow thought that if people didn't think of my Mum's death I would wake up one day and she'd be here. Of course Mum was dead and never came back. I went through a very bad patch (we all did) but I was the one always in the Headmistress' Office for bullying.

Unlike Nelly who being only three was too young to fully comprehend the fact that Mum wasn't coming home even if she was exceptionally clingy towards Dad. Of course, she was upset. But she didn't understand it. Ian seemed to bury himself in books to blot out the rest of the world. And for a five year old that was quite difficult. But then again Ian always had been the smartest of the lot. No matter what people said about me. Helen seemed to be lifeless all the time only moving and speaking if she had to. People worried she was depressed. Jackie was crying all the time.

And Jacklinn Clare Rider never cried! And I was fighting all the time. The teachers gave me certain leeway but they couldn't turn a blind eye so called Dad in to have a talk with me. At this time it was only Dad that held our family together. I don't know what we would have done if it hadn't been for Dad. The only evidence that Dad was grieving was the fact he always had bags around his eyes. I remembered what Dad had said when we spoke to one another in the presence of the Headmistress and Nelly.

'John,' he had said quietly. 'Why did you beat up two seven year olds?' he had asked.

'They were talking about Mum-'I choked out.

I was never able to hide anything from Dad. There was just something about his calming presence that had made me want to spill all my darkest secrets. I remembered sitting in the headmistress's office and begin to cry. I saw the Headmistress give me a pitying look. Dad's expression didn't change but he did take me into his arms and let me cry. Dad wasn't one for giving out hugs to everyone so when he did you knew it was bad. I just sat there crying letting out all the grief and frustration that had been building in me since Mum's Death.

'Can I take him home?' Dad had asked.

'Of course, Mr Rider, take as much time as you need,' she answered my father. Then directed her next sentence towards me, 'there will be no punishment John but remember your father and us are all there for you.'

Suddenly I found myself on my feet, 'I DON'T NEED ANY HELP!' I had screamed at my teacher.

'John,' Dad said tiredly. 'I know it's hard but remember you're not alone.'

'I think we should be going,' Dad had said.

Dad was holding Nelly close to him and Nelly was clinging to him. In those days Nelly wouldn't leave Dad alone for two seconds. And she certainly wouldn't let him go to the school without her even if Dad had encouraged her to stay with Granny, Grandpa, Uncle Ben, Aunt Tamara, Aunt Jess and Uncle Chris. After Mum's death Dad never left any of us with a babysitter as though he thought they would kill us as well. But we were fine with that as we were not overly trusting of other people for quite some time after that.

'Wait Mr Rider,' the Headmistress had said. 'I'm worried about the other children as well.'

'Me too,' sighed Dad.

'Jackie's crying all the time,' Mrs McCauley began.

'I know,' Dad sighed. 'I'm trying to get her to talk to me but she's too independent.'

Mrs McCauley nodded, 'I know.'

'Suppose she gets that off me,' Dad gave a sad smile.

'Try to get her to talk,' Mrs McCauley said.

'I will,' Dad said.

'Helen and Ian aren't talking to anyone,' Mrs McCauley added. 'Helen isn't concentrating on anything. I think she's depressed. On the other hand Ian's not doing anything but work.'

'I know,' sighed Dad. 'He's like Carrie,' here Dad's voice broke and he paused for a second. 'He escapes the world into books.'

Mrs McCauley nodded, 'we have a list of child psychologists should you need them.'

'Thanks,' Dad said.

'And try to get some sleep,' added Mrs McCauley.

We had then left the Headmistress' Office. Mrs McCauley had watched us go looking very sad. As it was none of us needed a psychologist only Ben Daniels. Ben got us each to open up about mum's death. Dad had said he had done some psychology at University. I didn't know why a banker needed psychology. At that time I didn't care and now I didn't understand. But with Ben's help we got back onto our feet. Dad returned to work, we returned to our normal school routine and soon our mother's death wasn't sensational gossip anymore. No, that was how Gerry's father had a fling with the Year Eight's teacher.

Dog cleared his throat, 'I'm sure your mother would be very proud of you.'

'You sound like my Dad,' I muttered.

'Is that an insult or a compliment?' laughed Dog.

'An insult,' Bat said at once.

'Gee thanks,' Dog smiled.

I remembered when Dad had last told me that Mum would be very proud of me. He said that quite often to all of us. I think it's his way of keeping her in his heart. It was the beginning of the Christmas holidays for Nelly. Ian was back from University. Jackie was still at the police station. Helen was getting ready to leave for work. Dad was going to be off on a conference in the Middle East on the twenty sixth of December for a while. He only just managed to spend Christmas with us. On the plus side he didn't need anyone looking after us as Nelly was now old enough to stay in the house on her own. Plus with all of us older siblings we could help her.

Dad still hadn't arrived back when I left for SAS camp which was something that saddened me. Dad had promised to be back before. He had actually said he had something to tell me. I thought it was his secret but he hadn't arrived back. I had just got the letter inviting me to train with the SAS. Dad had stared at it looking completely gobsmacked at it. I thought for a moment he was going to tell me I couldn't go. That it was much too dangerous. That he didn't want to lose me like he had mum. But what he did was so unexpected.

'Guess what guys,' I had grinned.

'What?' Ian and Nelly had said together smirking a very Dad-like smirk at me.

'I've been invited for SAS testing,' I had grinned.

'SAS training?' Dad had raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah,' I had said. 'I know it's dang-'I began.

'No,' Dad shook his head and my heart sank. I refused to look at him. 'I'm not telling you what to do. I'll worry about you, of course. It's a father's job to worry about his kids.'

'Dad,' I moaned, 'I'm not a child anymore.'

'You'll always be my child,' Dad had told me.

I had groaned, 'but won't you worry about me dying like Mum.'

'I always worry about losing you,' Dad had said seriously. 'But your mum would be very proud of you,' Dad had smiled.

'Really?' I had asked.

'Oh yes,' Dad had his secret smile on again. 'Your Mother heavily respected the military.'

'Will you be back before I leave?' I had asked hopefully.

'Yes,' Dad had said, 'and I'd like to talk to you then.'

'What about?' I had asked.

'Something important,' Dad had said.

And that was all Dad would say on the matter. Nelly appeared to know but she wouldn't tell any of us for some reason. But it obviously wasn't that important because Dad never came back in time for SAS training. I knew sometimes that Dad's work made it so he missed things but he tried his best to be there for the important days. So why wasn't he here for me when I needed him to be? Why hadn't he told me the secret before he had left? Was he going to inform me he was an assassin? But why would any self respecting assassin be fine with their oldest son joining the SAS where they could be enemies unless Dad wasn't an assassin.

I so hoped that was true. We heard the others joining us until all nine units of SAS men were here. We were all rather excitable much like children before a school trip. Then the sergeant joined us too without Eagle who must be back with Cub. We were let in. My unit managed to get the front desks. We sat waiting for Cub knowing to be quiet now that the sergeant was there. I wondered what Cub would punish us with if we talked in his seminar. Wolf got up to speak and I wondered if it had all been a wind up but that didn't seem the sergeant's style.

'Soldiers we have a very esteemed guest this morning,' growled the sergeant. 'That's right today Cub has flown directly from his last mission in Saudi Arabia. And you listen to me you slimy maggots Cub is an incredibly senior member of MI6 if you disrespect him he could make it that you never work another day in your life so respect him. If I hear of any nonsense I will leave you to Cub's tender mercies!'

We were all very silent at this speech. I couldn't help but worry. Had Dad been caught up with what this Cub was doing? If he was an assassin he could have gone to the Middle East and been Cub's enemy which I had a feeling was a very bad idea. If he wasn't then he could have been caught up with whatever had happened. I just hoped my only living parent was okay. I wondered if Cub really could have us all sacked. The idea of anyone with that much power scared me. If the sergeant felt that Cub was bad then he really must be bad because the sergeant was no fairy princess himself.

Then in walked Cub.