A/N

Thank you Fr333bird for beta'ing this chapter for me and Im_not_a_lizard (Rhythm Junkie) for pre-reading!

Disclaimer: the regions I'm describing in this chapter (and few next ones) are in Northern Canada (NW and Yukon) – the farthest north the boys go is Ivvavik. It's beautiful there, but really cold in winter. If I got anything wrong in the descriptions, please forgive me, I haven't had a chance to go there unfortunately, and I'm only using web-knowledge. If you have been there and want to correct something, please let me know.

Also - in some of the review replies I wrote that there are only 3 chapters to go. But it turned out this story will be a little bit longer. I hope you'll stay with me for a few chapters more :)

The picspiration for this chapter: bit(dot)ly/z6gfF9

11. The North

For a while Jasper and Edward wander around the woods which are becoming less and less dense. They follow the faint smell of a human to find an old wooden cabin. The windows are made of thick, matt glass and the walls are uneven and patched up. They slowly go around to check if anyone's in, but it looks deserted.

Jasper wrinkles his nose when they enter the shack. The inside is dark and humid. Walls that used to be painted white are stained and cracked. There's a single, narrow bed under the wall, with patterned sheets on it; a stove, small table and a single chair. Some items are scattered around the place – a kettle, some pots, tools, an old rug. The place smells of animal grease, nicotine and damp clothes.

"Oh come on, don't be picky, it's a roof over our heads," Edward says, his lips twitching in a half-smile.

No, Jasper says in his mind and exits the place. He takes a deep breath; the small shack was suffocating and claustrophobic and smelled awful.

"Jasper, please," Edward says, joining him outside the cabin. "Don't be such a baby. You'll get used to it. I'll clean it up later, okay?"

They both laugh because there's no way this place can be cleaned up. Years of constant use have worn it down too much.

"Okay." Jasper smiles. "I'll hold you to that!"

"So, are you coming in? It's dark and cold and our clothes are completely drenched from all the snow. Please?"

Jasper reluctantly follows Edward inside the cabin even though he doesn't mind either the dark or the cold, or even the drenched clothes. These things are unpleasant – true, but not really important.

They look around once more and Edward exclaims, "An old wood-burning stove! Wonderful!" He exits the place in a swoosh, leaving stunned Jasper alone for a second. But before Jasper can even open his mouth Edward's back with branches in his hands. He opens the stove, shoves the wood inside and starts rummaging through the cabinets and shelves in search of something. Jasper just stands in the middle of the place watching him, bemused and feeling useless. He doesn't even know what Edward is searching for.

"Matches," Edward explains. "There must be some around here." Before Jasper can move to help with the searching, Edward shouts, "Aha!" and shows Jasper on old box of long matches. "I hope they're dry enough," Edward mumbles, fumbling with the stove. "My grandfather used to have one almost exactly like this, you just have to pull this trigger, put the wood inside and..." Edward murmurs to himself, still trying to light up the stove.

Jasper leaves him to it and turns and looks around the place more carefully now. He thinks someone must live here; maybe not now, not when it's winter, but he's sure it's not abandoned. He picks up a book, trying to see what it is in the dim light. He decides it's not important and places it back on the shelf. Light flickers behind him and Edward emits a contented sigh when flames lick the wood. Edward blows in the stove and then moves to the table. He takes a lamp which was standing there and lights it too.

"Strip," he tells Jasper.

"What?"

"Let's dry our clothes. I hate them like this." Edward is already taking off his shoes, shirt and jeans, followed by socks and underwear. Jasper hesitates for a moment but strips too. They hang the clothes on the chair, as close to the stove as possible. Then Edward takes the mattress from the bed along with the covers and places it under the wall, also closer to the stove. He sits there and waves to Jasper.

"Come here," he motions between his legs.

For a moment Jasper thinks that Edward is talking about something sexual, but then he realizes Edward is simply inviting him to sit between his legs. So he does, leaning against Edward's chest and stretching his legs in front of him. Edward wraps his arms around Jasper and presses his cheek to Jasper's jaw.

"I miss sleeping," he says. "I miss it the most. If we were human we would fall asleep like this and not be anxious about what to do next. We'd say 'Ah, let's sleep on it.' But then of course we'd be frozen to death by the end of the night, but you know what I mean."

"I guess." Jasper shrugs and leans against Edward, closing his eyes and almost purring like a cat because it is utter pleasure to be so close, so intimate and so at peace.

Edward must like Jasper's thoughts because he strokes Jasper's arms and kisses his neck.

"Can you try to calm us down so much that we'd be almost asleep?"

Jasper's done this to people before – never to a vampire – but he decides to give it a try. He focuses on relaxing himself first, bit by bit – toes, calves, thighs, the muscles of his stomach, shoulders, every finger, eyelids, tongue. Then he lets it slip through him, like the relaxation is leaking out of him. Edward sighs and murmurs something like "Yes, that," but then everything is quiet and at ease, and only the wood in the stove cracks, hisses and sends out sparks from time to time.

When the gray morning light filters into the shack Jasper unfolds himself from Edward's arms, scoots down and watches Edward's limp cock for a moment before wrapping his mouth around it. He does it because he thinks that it's the perfect way to end their night together. Edward nods and hums in agreement with Jasper's thoughts, his cock immediately erect, swelling in Jasper's mouth. Edward threads his fingers in Jasper's hair and thrusts his hips up to meet Jasper's movements. He shudders and spills inside Jasper's mouth making Jasper smile wide. Then Edward pulls Jasper down on the floor, hitches his leg over Jasper's and wraps his fingers tight around Jasper's erection while kissing his neck and collarbones.

This is so unusual for Jasper – this feeling of pleasure without the shadow of anything else. He's not ashamed, not sad about what's going on, he's not even thinking about what he'll have to do when the moment is over. Although he is thinking about it now once he's brought it on. But he only smiles to himself and dismisses the thought for later. He turns his face to kiss Edward, allows his tongue to slip in Edward's mouth. He's still smiling, thanking Edward for the bliss, for the warmth, while Edward's skilled fingers continue moving up and down Jasper's cock, not faltering even when Jasper comes over Edward's palm, breathing hushed whimpers against Edward's lips.

"***"

Jasper feels he needs some time alone to process it all, so he leaves Edward to his doings – whatever they are - in the shack, and runs farther north, till the mountains and sparse woodland are replaced by long, flat plains of tundra. Jasper is a Southern boy, he loves the sun and warmth and misses the clear Texan sky. But he's been without it for so many years now, he's gotten used to the northern climate. But he's never been this far north before. The view is breathtaking even though the darkness surrounds him almost all the time. Jasper supposes it must have something to do with the polar night.

When he reaches the sea he gasps with disappointment.

It is nothing like his ocean. In fact – there is no ocean. The only thing Jasper sees are fields and fields of white, up to the horizon. No water, no waves, no way to get under the ice and snow. For a while Jasper deliberates whether he'd be able to break through the surface to see if there's anything underneath – there must be water there, right? But he looks around and resigns himself. All the white and the wind blowing here are enough for him, he doesn't need to get under it to feel the calmness.

He sits down on the snow, trying to understand the events of last few days. It all feels unreal. Surely Edward feels unreal to him. Jasper rolls up the sleeve to see the bite mark that Edward left on his arm the first time they fought. He traces the scar with his finger, then moves to the one on his palm – they feel real, they are real, it's proof. But proof of what Jasper can't tell. He knows there's no way for this thing between them to last, yet he prays that it will.

With the strange light here Jasper can't tell the passing of time at all – he doesn't know if it's a morning or evening or even the night already. He could have been sitting here for just a few hours but a whole day is also possible. He decides to go back and stands up, still hazy and unsure. He hasn't dealt with anything while being here, hasn't rethought this, he knows nothing. He anticipates the worst, the end of innocence, the fall of it all.

But when Jasper comes back to the shack it sure doesn't look like the end. It looks like cleaning.

"You really cleaned in here!" Jasper gasps in astonishment.

The cabin is practically pristine – the smell almost unnoticeable, the dust nonexistent, everything tidied away. The sheets from the bed hang in front of the stove and Edward is grinning.

"I told you I'd do this." He sends Jasper crooked smile. He's obviously very pleased with himself. "Sorry, honey, I couldn't make your dinner, but you know how it is," he continues making Jasper laugh.

"I thought you didn't care about such stuff?" Jasper asks.

"Well, I don't care so much, but I like it better now. Besides, it makes you feel better," Edward finishes seriously.

"So…" Jasper wants to thank Edward, to understand the double meaning of it, to read more into it than there really is. But before his thoughts start spiraling and going to places he doesn't even know about Edward finishes for him, "So, yes, we're staying here. For a while. If you're okay with it?"

Jasper nods and sits down on the floor to take off his shoes, starting to fight with the wet and frozen laces. What happens next is one of the strangest things that has ever occurred in Jasper's life, and he's seen a lot. He's not prepared when Edward sits next to him, takes his foot and slowly unties the laces for him. He takes off each of his shoes followed by the socks, placing Jasper's feet gently on the ground when they're bare. It's like something a parent would do for their child.

Jasper looks up at Edward, trying to understand. Something twists in his chest because of it, even though the act seemed really insignificant. Edward reaches with his hand and brushes Jasper's cheek, right under his eye, leans down and kisses him lightly.

"I'm glad you're back so soon. I was afraid you'd be gone for days," he says.

Jasper doesn't answer this. He's not sure if he came back so early because he didn't count the time right, or just because he wanted to get back to Edward as soon as possible.

"Can we do what we did last night again?" Edward asks. "I liked it."

"The 'sleep thing'?" Jasper clarifies, not sure if Edward's not talking about what he did to Edward this morning.

"Yes." Edward nods and sits, leaning against the wall in the same position as last night, spreading his arms for Jasper who smiles and sits between Edward's legs, resting.

There's no way they can call this real sleep, but it's calming and comforting anyway. At first Jasper shows Edward the frozen sea and the fields of white he's seen today, but then he forgets what he's thinking about and in the end he doesn't pay attention anymore, allowing his thoughts to drift and flow easily.

"***"

"I'll be washing my clothes. Do you want me to wash yours too?" Edward asks when the light appears.

"Is there any running water around?" Jasper wonders.

"I'll melt some ice. Give me your clothes." He extends his hand to Jasper who takes off everything except his underwear.

Edward quirks his eyebrow at him. "Now you're self-conscious?"

But Jasper really is uncomfortable with this suddenly. He shouldn't be, they've seen each other enough. But the idea of walking around the cabin with his dick dangling between his legs makes Jasper cringe. However he finally undresses, too.

Edward just laughs and gets to work.

When all the clothes are hanging next to the stove Edward crawls to Jasper, who sits on the mattress, flipping through some book he's found.

""The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'…" Edward chuckles, taking the book out of Jasper's hands and placing it next to them on the floor. "Isn't that fitting?" He smiles more and kisses Jasper, pushing him gently back. "You should not wear clothes more often," he murmurs in Jasper's navel.

This time Jasper's totally aware of what's going on. There's no fight before, no killing, no hunting. Only him and Edward, and Edward's hand firmly closed on his cock as Edward guides it into his mouth, wrapping Jasper in delicious warmth. Jasper hums and allows it to happen, relaxing and closing his eyes, leaving Edward to his doings. But when he feels his orgasm building up he opens his eyes to look at Edward and moves his leg so his foot is touching Edward's cock. Edward grinds his hips into it, rubbing his erection against Jasper's skin. When Jasper comes he feels wetness coating his foot and smiles.

Edward scoots up and sighs contently against Jasper's chest.

Jasper looks around to find something to wipe himself with, but nothing is in within reach so he lies back again. Actually, he thinks, he doesn't mind Edward's cum drying on him. He's just surprised that it only took that to make Edward come.

"You really have no idea how it is to feel it all coming from you, and mix it with images from your head," Edward says, answering Jasper's thoughts.

"***"

But Jasper's thoughts are not always comforting and amusing to Edward. In fact, the next few days are a constant roller-coaster of pleasure and peace mixed with strange moments of uncomfortable silence during which Edward usually huffs, annoyed. To give Edward some time alone Jasper goes back to the frozen sea. He spends a day and night there, getting frustrated with himself too. In the corner of his eye he sees a white bear and considers killing it, but it seems like cheating on Edward and Jasper decides to go back to his companion. He needs blood.

"I need to feed," Jasper says when he arrives. "Either we go to some town, or we try the woods again."

"Woods," Edward answers, immediately setting off for the run. He's hungry too.

They don't need to go far when they spot a herd of caribou. Or at least they think it must be caribou – they look like Santa's reindeers. They both hesitate because it's not every day you're about to kill a creature from childhood fairytales. But the blood-call wins. They both launch for the same big male and snarl at each other, Jasper pushing Edward out of his way. But Edward is stronger, still a newborn and he wins this match with Jasper easily. It ignites something in Jasper, something vicious and violent, but before he can turn against Edward the herd starts running and Jasper follows them quickly, killing one after another.

Later, they stand in the woods, breathing deeply, even though they're not really tired. But the hunt is still alive in their veins, making them edgy and high, and hyper-aware of everything that surrounds them.

"Do you feel them too?" Edward asks, looking towards the place where they've just hunted.

Jasper thinks about it for a while before answering, "I guess. A little bit. But it's hazy and simple. One emotion at a time. Fear. No hate though. And I feel it like," he makes a motion with his fingers, "like it's coming through thick layers of something blurry and soft. Like... through cotton maybe? It's raw, but not quite unpleasant."

Edward nods in understanding. "But the taste..." he adds.

"Ugh, the taste... Yeah," Jasper agrees, shrugging with disgust.

"But could you?" Edward goes back to the question they asked the first time they've hunted animals. "You know, live only on that? I'm asking seriously now."

Jasper considers it, but isn't sure. And then, instead of answering, "Would you? Will you try?"

He wonders if Edward knows him better than he knows himself – if he can see the answer in Jasper's head before he can even think of it.

Edward's lips twitch as if he wants to smile.

There is a little pause and then Jasper finally says 'no', exactly at the same time Edward says 'yes'.

It makes Jasper feel like he's a monster. The silence that follows is hard and unwelcome. Jasper turns around, brushes his jeans and sets off.

"***"

Jasper's hiding. A little bit from Edward, but mostly from himself.

He's pretending it hasn't happened, that he isn't here. But he knows it is fruitless. He knew that something like this would happen. He's been too careless. And it's going to be so much worse now, now that he's tasted bliss without having to deal with his usual thoughts all the time. However nothing comes without a price and one can't take vacations from oneself forever. Things have to go back to normal. He should've predicted that he'd go back to his everyday self-loathing soon.

Jasper knows well that he's a sinner – maybe not in a Christian way of thinking, although that too – but he's a sinner anyway. He wonders if he was the same when he was human. He must've been happy at some point in his life, right? But now it doesn't matter anymore because he is how he is and he doesn't know any other self.

He tries to push the thoughts away, somewhere to the back of his mind. Let it lurk from the shadows, he thinks. I'll deal with myself later. He knows it's a lost cause anyway - once it starts to grab him it grows and spreads, consuming him.

Please, he pleads, asking himself, please, let me have this one more evening without it. Just a few more hours. Then I'll deal with it. Just a few more hours.

And that's how Edward finds him, curled up behind a pile of wood next to the cabin. Jasper tries to hide his thoughts but he isn't sure how he could do this anyway, so he desperately searches for some happy images instead – anything – to veil it from Edward.

Edward approaches him slowly, saying nothing. He places his hand on Jasper's head, threading his fingers in Jasper's hair and ruffling it lightly. Then he leans down to kiss Jasper on the lips.

"Go easy on yourself, Jasper," he says gently. "Just... Let go." He extends his hand to Jasper and the vampire takes it, allowing Edward to pull him up to his feet.

"Race me?" Edward proposes.

"What?"

"Indulge me a little." The smirk on Edward's face breaks through the grey heavy mist clouding Jasper. "Come on? Yeah?"

The moment Jasper agrees to it in his mind – but before he can verbalize it – Edward is already running, his feet hardly touching the ground. Jasper goes right after him, but Edward is fast, really fast, and Jasper has trouble catching up. Oddly – this helps because Jasper focuses on the run instead of his grim thoughts, and he smiles, wondering if Edward really knows him better than he knows himself.