((This fic has developed a life of its own. It's a lot darker than I had planned, things happened I never intended, and Bones hijacked the entire thing almost completely. I had planned none of that, but I'm quite happy with the status quo.

This here chapter heading is taken from the Carmina Burana,roughly translated it would mean I offer my naked back to your malice. It's not as bad as it sounds, but it fits (in the weird, slightly twisted kind of way my mind works) and couldn't findanything better.))

Chapter 11

Dorsum Nudum Fero Tui Sceleris

Leonard felt like he had been eaten and spat out again, there was no better way to describe it. He was freezing, sick, and his heart was racing – that last was all too familiar, but this time he knew it would go away. And on top of it all, he didn't even regret it. He looked down at the petite Vainal standing in the door at an hour he was tempted to call night rather than early morning. He recognised her as one of the manufacturers in the Tower. She seemed slightly intimidated, but many of the Vainal did when they were faced with humans they didn't know all that well. He decided it was only that and not that he looked as horrible as he felt. 'Yes … ah … you were Nareel, no?' She nodded. 'So … look. I'm really tired. Can this wait?'

'Yes, it sure can, but Spock said to tell you immediately that the glass is ready.' For a moment he was lost, then he slapped his hand to his forehead.

'Of course! Yes, brilliant!' He licked his lips and blinked the exhaustion from his eyes. 'Bring it all to laboratory, please. Is the microtome ready?'

'It is, we'll bring it over.'

'Thank you. Thank you so much!' He shut the door in Nareel's face and ran to the sink to slap cold water into his face. He tried to convince himself that it helped. When he was done he walked to Minian's door and knocked.

'Who's calling?'

'Leonard. I … came to make a request. And to apologise.' The door revealed a frowning Minian.

'Come back to your senses, have you?'

'I had never lost them. But I wasn't fair to you. I did what was necessary, but I shouldn't have dragged you into this the way I did.'

'What do you need now?'

'Just a second person in the lab to see I don't pass out.'

'You should rest.'

'The microtome's finished. I can prepare the sections, and I want you to see what I'm doing.' He smiled. 'Imagine that. I ask Spock for a complicated enough device, and he sees it's done in no time at all. But the microtome takes ages because they can't seem to get the glass right.' Minian sighed and led the way to the laboratory.

'Glass?'

'Glass. No steel is as sharp as freshly broken glass. But you can't just grab a jug and slam it to the floor. Anyway, these ingenious Vainal in the Tower managed what Spock didn't and made me the glass for the microtome.'

'They're good at crafting things. Better and faster than any human. I'll never get how they let themselves be conquered by a handful of humans.'

'Imagine a planet full of people with a soul like Matee.' Minian sighed. 'Did you see her?'

'T'Kray went to find her after she left Charika. She loves him like a brother. She often looked after him when he was little.'

'But she's a lot younger … Oh. Wait. Ritual. This has still got to get into my head.'

'Yes. She's a lot older than Charika. Poor man. Any idea if …' Leonard shook his head.

'I don't know. But I gave him a fighting chance.' He lowered his voice to a whisper. 'Tell me … what was T'Kray like later last night? Did she … did she let on that she was concerned?' Minian smiled weakly.

'She sat with him for hours. I went to check at one point and asked her if she didn't want to go to sleep. She said she had to monitor his temperature and if it fell she needed to get you.'

'She's got a point there. Since she didn't come I take it his temperature was stable.'

'Apparently. For all I know she's still sitting there. Creepy. She wasn't moving, just staring at him like she was trying to will him to wake up.'

'He's young. If he recovers, he'll do it quickly.' Leonard entered the lab and saw the microtome in a corner. He beamed at it. 'Now look at that beauty.'

ϡ

The hand in hers was cool, cooler than her own, but not unnaturally so. The many, deep creases in its palm were a mark of his condition rather than age, including the single fold spanning its entirety from digit to pinky. A part of her was proud that she wasn't cracking after letting her carefully built up guard down just that much. Enough to go and find Matee, sitting in the altar room, rocking herself and screaming out her fear. T'Kray could relate to the emotion Matee gave voice to, but she allowed herself to hope. Unless the not quite sterile conditions in the infirmary interfered, there was a chance that Charika would live. The stability of his temperature indicated there was no internal bleeding, which was a good sign. The biggest risk was an infection.

Allowing herself a sigh, T'Kray rose and walked out of the room. She didn't need to go to sleep, but she would rest her mind after 15 hours of vigil. On her way, she closed the door to the lab, which stood open by a fraction. Only when she had reached the first floor she made up her mind to look who was inside. It could hardly be anyone but Spock, since McCoy was certainly sleeping, and Minian had nothing to do there at this moment.

The figure slumped in the chair wasn't hard to recognise. The momentary pallor of his skin in combination with his lean build made him look like a spirit. She saw from the door that he was breathing and realised that for one horrible moment she had thought it had all been too much for his human body. She approached slowly and squatted beside him, sorting out what she felt. Gratitude was one thing, mixed with admiration and relief. 'Doctor, wake up,' she said quietly. There was no reaction whatsoever. T'Kray reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. 'McCoy.' He jumped, nearly toppling the chair over, for a moment confused. 'This isn't a very comfortable place to sleep.'

'No, indeed, not comfortable at all.' His dialect was more pronounced than usually, or maybe his speech was slurred from sleep. She wasn't entirely certain. 'Where'd Minian go?'

'Probably went away to give you rest.' McCoy huffed. His eyes fell on the SEM and he smiled.

'I got it, you know. I had my suspicions, but now it's definite. The cells of the Vainal contain sugar, some more, some less. That's why only some are affected by the evicar, the acid released destroys the cells. And the fruits undo that effect. It's really easy to screen them before letting them mine. Some can do it safely, others can't. Would take nothing more than a biopsy and ten minutes to see if they're safe. If they're not, you can give them prophylactic treatment with an isolated substance from those fruits. What on earth do they need the evicar for anyway?'

'I believe it's what they'll use to drain the atmosphere of oxygen.'

'Some osmosis type process? I wondered how that could be done. Seems as good an explanation as any.' He frowned. 'What time is it?'

'Noon. You should eat something and go to sleep.' McCoy sighed and nodded.

'I should. I got here before sunrise. How's Charika?'

'Seems stable. I don't know how to thank you.'

'Not at all. It's my job.'

'You are a brave man.' A slow smile spread on the doctor's face.

'Trying to keep pace. T'Kray, I will go and have a bite now. How about you?'

'I … why, yes, I'll come with you.'

ϡ

'There you go.' T'Kray placed a plate full of food before McCoy, watching his reaction intently. He and his friends had stuck with food they could recognise, but this time she had insisted he let her serve him something. Her own dish was similar but for one exception.

'You're bringing me meat?'

'I know you like it. And it will do you good after your stunt. It comes from an animal similar to a hare. I wouldn't know what it tastes like, but the people seem to love it.'

'So despite allowing yourself emotions you stick with being vegetarian.'

'I do not reject Surak's teaching, Doctor McCoy, I mere choose to interpret it differently.' He studied a vegetable that resembled a tiny pear. With a slightly sceptical expression, he tried it.

'Interesting. In a good way, mind you. Humans are cowards that way, you know. Anything that looks odd is regarded as though it could lash out any moment. No matter if it's food or a person. I hate people like that, and then sometimes I see that I'm no better.'

'You are. Self-reflection is something not everyone can do and remain honest.'

'I don't like lies, not even those I'd be tempted to tell myself. This tastes really good, T'Kray, what is it called?'

'The meat comes from a Tirakal, the beans are Morflees.' Doctor McCoy shook his head.

'Ah, well, that's not their fault.' They ate in silence, watching people stream in and out of the Alms, carrying in empty plates and bringing full ones to the tables in the peristyle or to the two other buildings.

'I want to get out of here,' T'Kray said when they were finished. The admission came as a surprise even to herself. 'I've been here so long that I thought I wouldn't leave if I had a chance, but I fooled myself. Talk about denial.' She paused, but McCoy seemed to know she wasn't quite finished and waited patiently. 'Your arrival, your eternal optimism that there will be a way out … All that brought back my wish to just …' She shrugged, and looked at him as though he had the answer.

'Go home?' he offered quietly. For a moment, she wondered if that was it: homesickness.

'You could say that, but where is that? Vulcan? Considering how long I've lived, I've spent only a short time there. I went to Starfleet Academy because I wanted to see … so much more. And now I'm marooned here. I want to go back to the fleet. I want to serve on a ship, as I had intended. When I finished it wasn't often ships had their own psychologists. They usually picked a doctor who'd gone into psychology a bit, but that's it.'

'That's because many psychologist choose to stay on earth or a space station. Very few want to be on a ship. I know a little something about psychology, I took all classes Eeg offered simply because she was so brilliant. But there were times on the Enterprise where I would have given … well, maybe not my right hand, but a finger for a good psychologist.'

'Eeg was impressive.'

'Yeah. Tiny, wrinkled woman, when she entered, there was silence. That was a personality. And she's why I knew who you are. She always told us to read your thesis.'

'And you did?'

'Not as a student. But then, a short time into our five year mission, guess what happens? Our Vulcan loses it, nearly kills his captain, and there I am, unable to do anything. So when it was all over, I contacted Professor Eeg. She told me she was sorry, but it was forbidden to duplicate things from the library.' He smiled, but it looked slightly sad. 'Less than a year later, I get a message from her, saying to look into the federation data on psychology for your essay. It was there, with a short afterword from Professor Eeg. She was ill, had only a little time left, and nothing to lose. So she published your essay to the science platform on the sly, with a dedication to someone called Varees.'

'Varees was a Vulcan linguist, about Eeg's age, and the contact person for all students that weren't from Earth. She died when I was at the academy. I wasn't aware they knew each other. I really want to get back out there. I'll tell them that. I'll go back to the academy, catch up, and go out into space.'

'Our eternal optimism seems to rub off on you. You know, I might do that, too. I tried leaving Starfleet behind once and it didn't work. I miss the travelling.' He stifled a yawn and T'Kray tutted.

'Time for an afternoon nap, I should think. I'll check in on Charika.'

'Yes, nurse T'Kray. I'll be good.'

ϡ

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly between seeing to Charika from time to time, scheduling patrols and including herself in one for the late afternoon the same day, and setting the Tower personnel to work on steppefruits to extract the active ingredient according to what Doctor McCoy had scribbled onto a piece of paper in the morning. Spock had taken over Charika's post at the radio station for a moment, keeping an eye on the computer to see if their bug was detected. So far, it didn't seem so. Captain Kirk was training a few of the Vainal. The three men took a lot of pressure off herself and her officers.

Just before leaving for her patrol, T'Kray went to see Charika again and found him opening his eyes when she sat down beside him. He didn't speak, but when she took his hand he squeezed back, and she told him quite firmly that she needed him alive and he had no business dying. Maybe the nod she got in response was just her imagination, but she was ready to swear she was beyond such self-deception.

Still within shouting range from the Residence, T'Kray heard her name being called. When she turned, she saw Spock and Kirk heading her way, and she let go a breath she hadn't known she was holding. If anyone came to tell her that Charika had slipped away it would be Minian or McCoy. 'T'Kray, do you have a moment?' Spock asked when they reached her.

'That depends. If you want to join me on the patrol, get yourselves armed and we can leave. Else I'll go alone.'

'Is that wise?'

'In the vineyard, it's all right. Hurry or wait.'

'We'll hurry.' To their credit, they did. Leading the way, T'Kray picked an almost leisurely pace.

'Any news on Charika?' Kirk asked tentatively, and T'Kray smiled.

'I am allowing myself to be cautiously optimistic. He had a moment where he was conscious, or close to, so maybe he'll recover. I know, however, it doesn't need to mean anything. But I'm sure you didn't come here just to ask me that.'

'No. I … We need a Vulcan.'

'You've found one.' When they didn't elaborate, T'Kray halted and looked at them with folded arms. 'Talk to me. I'm not going to play a guessing game.' Spock seemed to steel himself before he spoke.

'There is a link between our minds that is not supposed to be there. I require you to remove it.' That statement was interesting in itself. A mental link didn't just snap into being. Kirk continued before T'Kray had a chance to answer.

'And I require someone to explain to me why Spock believes it must be severed.'

'Maybe you should tell me about the nature of the link first. I would guess you noticed it because it brought you here, Spock?' The Vulcan nodded, and T'Kray continued walking. 'If you didn't know it was there before that, it is fine enough to be removed without causing either of you pain, I assume. I am not certain, however, why you want it gone.'

'I believe the Captain wishes to use it. And even if he agrees not to, in an emergency, he would.'

'And chances are I will be lightyears away, the link will deepen, and in an unknown number of years you will enter pon farr. And then James Kirk is going to pay the price while you can see you are taken care of, be that on Mount Seleya or on Argelius II.'

'That was … my general reasoning, although I would not have put it so bluntly.'

'The question is, can you sit it out? Because I don't believe so. Not if the link deepens.'

'I do not know. That possibility is but one more reason to remove the link.'

'But this isn't just about you, is it? Do you want the link removed, James? No, Spock, let him answer.' She hadn't even consciously used his first name. She had probably been here for too long. But if she was going to discuss something of this nature with the man, she was certainly not going to call him Captain Kirk.

'I don't mind either way, I didn't even know it was there.' Again, T'Kray halted and turned to face them. They had reached a path up a slope now, the vineyards visible not far away. The wind was blowing in her face, her distinguished eyebrows and ears for once revealed.

'Close your eyes. Look inside yourself. What I want you to find is probably not very substantial, just a sense of security … maybe even of something that isn't quite a natural part of yourself.'

'There is … and this is going to sound foolish … a warm place where I can go when I am uncertain. Like a refuge that shields me from guilt and fear.'

'If you allow me to meld with you and guide me to the place, I can tell you if that is the link.'

'I allow you.' Checking that her own shields were firmly in place, T'Kray placed her fingertips on the melding points on Kirk's face.

This meld had nothing to do with her short contact with his mind when he was unconscious. It had been wild and chaotic, scared and fierce. There were hints of these emotions now, as they probably were in all humans. But now, it was a lot clearer, calmer, and very focussed on one place deep inside. T'Kray followed the path laid out for her and found the link. She had expected as much.

What she had also expected was that Spock was the origin, that during a meld he had somehow made a mistake and attached himself to James Kirk. But that wasn't the case. The way it seemed, both minds had reached out towards each other, forming this connection unanimously, albeit unbeknownst to the two men. T'Kray tried to prod the place with her mind, but thin though the link was, it sat very firmly in the human's mind. She pulled back from the meld and realised she had been smiling.

'Curious.' She swallowed. 'Spock, do me a favour and go back to the Residence. I wanted to see if Doctor McCoy is all right before I left, but it slipped my mind.'

'Why would he be unwell?'

'He didn't tell you what he did? I wondered. He gave blood to Charika, more than I'm comfortable with.' Spock had the grace to look concerned, but mostly he looked sceptical.

'I believe this is not the real reason.'

'It is a good reason, and I would really ask you to see if he requires anything or if he's wandering about when he should be resting. But you are right. I wish to speak to your Captain alone. I will, of course, not do anything that concerns both of you in your absence.'

'I ask you to allow me to remain.' T'Kray contemplated his request.

'Why?'

'I believe that I have a right to hear this, since my mind is involved as well.'

'Sometimes the logical answer is the wrong one, Spock. Go back. I will see you when I return.'