A/N: Song: "Fireflies" by Faith Hill

Chapter 11: Fireflies

Before you met me I was a fairy princess
I caught frogs and called them prince
And made myself a queen
Before you knew me I traveled 'round the world
I slept in castles and fell in love
Because I was taught to dream


I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top
To capture Tinkerbelle
They were just fireflies to the untrained eye
But I could always tell

I believe in fairytales and

Dreamers' dreams like bed sheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan and miracles
And anything I can to get by…


And fireflies

I sighed in contentment as Edward and I cuddled on the couch. A while back, Alice and Jasper disappeared to the back porch to spend some time alone, and Edward and I decided to watch a movie; but I honestly was not following it. I was too enthralled with the feeling of being close to Edward. To make it even better, he would occasionally lean down to kiss my head, cheek, or sometimes even my neck. Not to mention, he continuously kept one hand on my stomach, as if protecting the baby that grew inside me.

I was still in awe at how quickly these feelings for Edward surfaced. One moment, I was sure all I felt towards Edward was friendship; the next, I was picturing a future with him. I began to wonder whether I just learned to repress any feelings I had for him. It wasn't the first time that I thought that I wasn't good enough for him.

I glanced up and took in his beautiful features. His hair was always perfectly mussed, as if he had just awoken from sleep. His eyes were an emerald green, and his strong face could only be construed as sinfully handsome. Edward was extremely intelligent and musically talented, and his love for his job and the children he treated overflowed from his being.

And then there was me. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't beautiful either. I was extremely pale, no matter the season, and my features were not striking. I wasn't tiny, either. I was thin, but my frame wouldn't allow me to go below a size six before looking sickly. I often joked that at least my hips were meant for child-bearing.

My hair wasn't special. It was a dark brown, almost black, and was extremely fine. This was the only reason why I kept my hair short, although I was attempting to grow it out again.

So what was I doing with such a handsome man?

I sighed, and at the sound, Edward tightened his hold on me.

As the credits rolled on the movie, Edward reached to turn the TV off and turned towards me. I knew he wanted to say something by the expression on his face.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you found an OB/GYN yet."

I shook my head. "I only went to a general practitioner to confirm I was pregnant. I haven't looked for on OB yet."

He shook his head, "You need to, you know."

"I know," I sighed. "It's just… it's an important decision, and I don't know where to start."

"Well, I have a friend at the hospital who is wonderful at what she does. If you want, I could make an appointment for you. That way, I could take my lunch break at the same time and be with you."

I smiled as he told me he wanted to be at the appointment. "Okay."

After I agreed to the appointment, Edward shifted so that he was sitting straight, and indicated to me that I should do the same. I looked at him questionably as he turned to face forward and take my hand.

"Bella there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about." He lazily drew circles on the back of my hand. "You don't need to make a decision now, but I want you to at least think about it."

"Okay?" I was wondering what made him so serious all of a sudden. "What is it?"

"I was thinking about marriage."

Marriage? Was he serious? "Edward, I don't know what to say. I don't…" I paused and bit my bottom lip. "I don't want a shotgun wedding."

"It wouldn't be," he shook his wedding.

"It sure sounds like one to me. We'd be getting married because I am pregnant." I had thought about it, but the way that everybody was reacting, I thought nobody expected us to "make it right." Esme and I had even talked a little about it the night we told his parents.

"No, it wouldn't," Edward shook his head. "We are not teenagers who are being forced by their parents to do this. We are two adults that could provide a loving home for the baby."

"It still sounds like you are trying to make an 'honest woman' out of me." I was actually a bit angry at his implication. Not to mention, I did not want him to feel indebted as if he was doing a favor for me.

He shrugged, "In a way, I am." My expression must have shown some of my anger because he quickly continued, "But I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to, Bella. I wouldn't enter into marriage without wanting to."

He wanted to. What exactly did that mean?

"Why do you want to?"

"Because…" he paused to think about his words. "Because, I care for you more than you know, and you are my best friend."

There was silence between us before he asked me what I was thinking.

"I'm thinking about how screwed up this is." His face suddenly fell as if what I said hurt him. "I don't mean that how it sounded. I guess there was always a bit of little girl in me that wanted the fairy tale."

"The fairy tale?" He looked confused.

"You know, the knight in shining armor riding in on a horse to sweep me off my feet. I realized a long time ago that life isn't like that, but a part of me still hoped." He squeezed my hand. "Maybe a real life example I wanted to follow is Johnny and June."

"Johnny and June?" He appeared even more confused.

"Johnny Cash and June Carter. They loved each other so much that Johnny couldn't even last much longer after he lost June. I want a love like that."

"Bella, I cannot promise a fairy tale, but I can promise that there is nothing to stop us trying for a Johnny and June."

His eyes were determined, yet looking at me in a loving way. I could feel my heart pounding at his expression and how close his face had become to mine. I silently prayed that he would continue to lean in to kiss me. Since we decided on a relationship, he had only kissed me chastely on my lips or my cheek, but nothing like the kiss that started the situation we were in.

I felt my breathing hitch as he nuzzled my chin with his nose and he brought one hand to the back of my neck. Ever so slowly, he kissed along my jaw, from my chin to my ear and back again. Where his lips met my skin, all I felt were tingles.

"So beautiful," he whispered before his lips met mine.

The kiss started as chastely as the others, but as soon as I reached to put my arms around Edward's neck and my hands in his hair, I felt his tongue taste my bottom lip and I happily opened my mouth to let him deepen the kiss. With his arm that wasn't already on my neck, he wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

As my tongue hesitantly started to explore his mouth, I instinctively leaned back on the couch, pulling him on top of me. Sighing, Edward increased the intensity of the kiss as his hand roamed up and down my side, resting where there was a sliver of exposed skin between my jeans and my shirt.

This is heaven. I would gladly marry this man if it meant we could spend evenings like this.

Edward's hand just started to slide up under my shirt and his lips had just left my mouth to find my neck when I heard a loud gasp and a scream.

"Geez, you guys! You know we have rooms upstairs, right?" That was definitely Alice's voice.

Edward immediately leapt off of me as he ran a hand through his hair. I sat up, as well, straightening my shirt and trying to get my hair back to the way it was. Alice and Jasper were standing at the entrance to the living room with shocked looks on their faces, which quickly turned into giggles. Jasper was trying not to look at us and Alice looked as if she didn't know whether or not she wanted to continue laughing or to scold us.

I felt all my blood rush to my face. I definitely did not expect that to happen, and I knew that if Alice and Jasper had not walked in on us, it was very probable that our actions would have led to something more. I seriously was beginning to wonder about my self control.

I stood, noting the time. "I… I…" I stuttered before finally speaking normally. "I probably should get going."

"I'll walk you out," Edward immediately replied, jumping from the couch and following me to the door as we both tried to avoid Alice and Jasper and their giggles.

As soon as we were out the door, Edward grabbed my hand to slow me down from running. "Slow down, Bella. We can't hear them laughing any more."

When we reached my car, he turned me around so that my back was to my Jeep and I was facing towards him. I noticed that he was wearing a smirk.

"I think we better watch ourselves from now on."

I nodded, still feeling the blush on my cheeks. He must have realized that we may not have stopped as well.

Edward leaned forward to press his hands on either side of my head and put his lips inches from my own.

I gulped as I felt my knees go weak.

"Not that I didn't think it wasn't fun, or anything," he smirked as his lips became even closer

I began breathing heavier as my heart began speeding again. Dear Lord, what is wrong with me? And what is up with him? Didn't he realize what he was doing to me? Who gave him the right to be so sexy?

Suddenly I realized why some Christian couples decided to not even kiss until they were married. They knew that once they started, it would be increasingly difficult to stop.

His lips were on mine again, but this time, it was a slow, gentle kiss. When we broke, Edward merely whispered "Good night" against my lips before opening the door for me to climb in.

He really was going to be the death of me.

The make-out session Edward and I had must have made my mind numb and cleared my brain of any rational thought, because I didn't even think about the discussion we had about marriage until the next day when I was sitting in my office.

Marriage. He wanted to marry me.

But the question still remained of why he wanted to marry me. He said he wanted to, but was it only because of the baby?

I always imagined that I would be deeply in love with the man I would marry. It was the fairy tale that I wanted. I knew I loved Edward to an extent, but was it the love that I expected to feel? He was one of my best friends, and I loved to be around him. We obviously had no problems in the physical aspects either.

Would marrying now be such a bad idea? I have known couples, both young and old, who were married just months after meeting each other and they were still in successful marriages.

In the past centuries, and in many cultures today, marriages were mostly arranged. I know that there were unhappy marriages resulted from the arrangements, but I also knew that many couples found happiness. In fact, I heard many times that couples who have arranged marriages today have a lower chance of becoming divorced. The reasons were speculated, but many people believed it was because the couples entered the marriage without the thoughts of ideals and fairy tales.

Maybe today's ideals of the "sweep you off your feet" love as being the basis for a marriage were wrong. Marriage, above all, was a commitment to your spouse. Years of talking with married couples made me realize that romantic love didn't last unless you put forth the effort. In fact, the butterflies in your stomach and the excitement of a new relationship were biological responses to help form an attachment so that we could reproduce.

Compared to some couples, Edward and I were already at the head of the game. We have known each other well for two years and we already had a commitment for our friendship. I could tell by Edward's eyes and actions that he loved me to some extent, just as I did.

I sighed as I threw down my pen. I needed to talk to someone, and I knew just who to go to.

Leaving my office, I turned left down the hall that led to the church's main office. Knocking quietly, I heard a soft voice call out, "Come in!"

As I opened the door, Esme turned around in her chair and smiled at me. "Bella! What brings you here today?"

"Hi Esme. Do you have some time? I need someone to talk to."

She nodded, and indicated a chair next to her. "What do you need to talk about?"

I quickly relayed to her how Edward revealed that he would like to marry me. I told her about my hesitations, as well as everything I was thinking about before; how there really was no reason for a marriage between him and me to fail.

"What do you think?"

"I think you make some valid points, Bella," Esme started. "It's true that people go into marriage thinking that love is everything you need, but what they think is true love is only a feeling."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, love isn't an emotion. Well, it is to an extent, but true love, love that lasts throughout a marriage, is a commitment to friendship, companionship, and a family. Romance comes separately. At the beginning of a relationship, it comes naturally, but after time, both the man and the woman need to work to keep the romance alive."

She paused before continuing. "There was a time in Carlisle's and my marriage where he wasn't meeting my needs as a husband. He was just beginning his own church and I felt alone much of the time. I didn't understand why he wouldn't make more time to talk with me. He spent much of the day into the evening planning and organizing before he came home, had dinner, and went to sleep."

I listened in silence. I couldn't believe that Esme was sharing something so personal with me.

"One day, I had enough. I found myself crying until I fell asleep and spending the day just lying on a sofa. I gained some courage and went to visit Carlisle. I told him all that I had been bottling up inside. I informed him that I no longer liked him." I gasped, and she continued. "But I also told him that I made a commitment to love and to be with him for the rest of my life, and that was what I was going to do."

"What happened?"

"He took my words to heart and he began changing to make sure I was getting the attention I needed. We worked through it with God at the center of our marriage, and we love each other more than we ever have." Esme reached over to take my hand. "What I'm trying to tell you is that I believe a marriage can work between you and Edward, but only if you have God at the center of your marriage, and have the same amount of commitment on each end. It takes work. I also have seen how you two look at each other, and believe me, there is love there; it just may not be how you imagined it growing up as a child."

I nodded at what she said. I saw for myself the love Edward had for me in his eyes, even though he never said that he loved me out loud.

Esme continued, "This is something you need to discuss with Edward. Make sure you are on the same page as him. As much as I would love to see you two married with a family, I would be devastated to see you two enter an unhappy marriage."

I stood and gave Esme a hug. "Thank you, Esme. It means the world to me that you care so much."

"Of course I do, sweetie. You're like a daughter to me."

As I walked back to my own office, I thought about what Esme told me. Before I made a decision, I knew that I had to have another talk with Edward. I was about to call him when my phone rang.

Speak of the devil.

"Hey there," I smiled into the phone.

"Hey," his silky voice greeted. "I was able to talk with Dr. Denali and she can squeeze you in today at one. Can you make it?"

"Yeah, sure. Where should I meet you?"

"Just come into the hospital lobby and I'll meet you down there."

"Sounds great."

"I need to run, but I will see you later. I miss you."

I grinned, "I miss you, too. Bye."

I could not stop grinning as I turned up my music and purposely forgot about the resignation letter I was attempting to write. Somehow, my sorrow of resigning my position left me as I thought about the baby that was growing inside of me.