Hey guys! :) So...a little clarification. The last chapter was weird. It was confusing. I'm sorry for that. In short, the ending kind of sucked. I know that some of you, dear readers, were confused as to what exactly happened. Everything will be explained in this chapter, so don't worry! (And if you're still confused, PM me and I'll explain in more depth!) Thanks guys! Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.

Chapter Eleven

A relationship. A relationship. Special Agent Kensi Blye leaned over the tiny sink in the tiny bathroom of a tiny motel, and stared down her reflection in a spotted mirror. It was her reflection that worried her: despite the faint circles beneath her eyes, and the messiness of her hair, Kensi looked happy. She splashed her face with cold water and scrubbed it dry with a motel towel. Kensi left the tiny bathroom feeling strangely lighthearted. The motel room was small and warmly lit by a single lamp: after the cold darkness of the house in the woods, it was a tiny haven. Deeks was sitting on one of the narrow beds. He looked drawn and worried. Kensi felt like patting his knee or head, in the way that a grandmother might. He looked so lost.

"Hey Kens." Deeks said when she entered. Kensi sat cross-legged on the other bed, faced Deeks, stared at him silently.

"We screwed up," She said. "Literally."

"From what I remember," Deeks smirked, "You did most of the screwing."

Kensi gave him an appropriately fiery glare. "What happened, happened. We can't change that."

"We can forget about it." Deeks said, sounding almost hopeful. "Shit happens, Kensi. You should know that more than anyone."

This was not headed in the direction that Kensi had hoped it would. While staring down her Deeks, she tried to run a mental checklist.

Fact: she had consumed an insane amount of alcohol with her partner.

Fact: They were several hundred miles from home, both lonely, and both scared but unwilling to admit it.

Fact: They had slept together. No, Kensi scolded herself. No, 'slept' was too nice of a word. They had had...sex. No. 'Relations'? Too stuffy. Intercourse? Oh, God...even worse. Slept together. Okay. The lesser of several evils.

"We really need to talk about this, Deeks." Kensi said, a little louder than she had meant. "This is important."

"I know," Deeks looked frightened. "We screwed up. Bad. This is really, really bad."

"It's not the end of the world!" Kensi snapped.

"It is to me!" Deeks returned. He seized her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "If anyone finds out about this, our partnership is compromised. They'll break us up—they'll ship you off to San Diego, or D.C., or Georgia!"

There was a moment of tense silence. Kensi knew that Deeks was right, and that scared her. By no means were they involved in a relationship, but should anyone find out about their 'fling', there would be a clear and present danger: one of them could be transferred to some distant field office. The thought was horrifying: Kensi would not only lose her partner, but one of her closest friends, her...

Lover? Boyfriend? No...a boyfriend was someone who you went on dates with, who bought you flowers and took you out to dinner. 'Lover' seemed to secretive, too strange and fervent. Deeks was neither. He was a fling, the same way that John Hooper had been in high school, and that stupid frat boy in college. Someone who made flirty eyes with you in class, and you kissed a few times, and then went too far with one night. And you always kind of secretly regretted it, because now that person was in the gray area between friend and lover, and you couldn't stop thinking about what life would be like if they had remained a friend, or become a lover.

And that was how it would go. Nobody would know about that night that the two of you had spent in an unmade bed, him playing with your hair and whispering in your ear, and kissing you numb. No. It would be a secret, but one that eventually faded into a memory, and lingered in the back of your mind. Something that you didn't really think about.

"I'm sorry," Kensi said. "God, Deeks. I'm so sorry."

"No," Deeks put his cheek against hers. One of his hands was on her neck, the other on her shoulder. He whispered, "Don't be. Don't be sorry."

They kissed. Kensi tried to feel guilty but she couldn't, she could only feel light and happy and giddy.

"What are we doing?" Kensi asked, and she kissed him back. Deeks did not reply.

Later that night, when Kensi was lying on her narrow motel bed, she found herself taken back to another time, another place. A million years ago and as many miles away...

"I'm Kensi," She said, and extended a hand.

"Jack."

They shook hands. The bar was small and smoky, a dingy establishment in a crappy area of San Diego. But for Kensi's friend Ken, and his fellow Marines, it was a welcome escape from Camp Pendleton. They had driven out from the Marine base, and met Kensi in the city. She liked Ken, liked his gap-toothed smile and his unfunny jokes and his fellow Marines. They were good guys. Sometimes, Kensi surprised herself by having friends in the Corps: after her father's death, she had figured that she would avoid the Marines...but on the contrary, she had found herself drawn to the military branch. Kensi guessed that it was something that you couldn't get out of your blood.

Tonight, Ken had brought a newfound friend with him, a guy named Jack. Kensi liked Jack on sight: he had an easy smile, dark hair cut short on the sides, sharp eyes. Even off-base, he looked like a Marine, carried himself like a Marine. He wore a red 'USMC' sweatshirt. They sat at a round table in the smoky bar, all of them laughing and talking about everything and nothing. Afterwards, Kensi and Jack went for a walk beneath a red evening sky. There were low, dark clouds to the west. They walked for a long time, until they reached the ocean, and the waves were roiling and dark, dark blue. Then Jack went back to base, and Kensi back to her apartment.

The next day, her partner saw the glowing look on her face. He was a thin, lanky guy named Richy McMullen, had recently grown an ugly mustache. He had three kids and a good heart.

"You met a guy, Blye? That it?"

They were driving out to a crime scene. Kensi shrugged, warm inside her NCIS windbreaker. "Yeah." She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face.

Richy smirked. "Knew it." He said. "What's his name?"

"Jack."

"Yeah? That's a good name. He a nice guy?"

"Yeah," Kensi said. "Marine."

"Huh." Richy said. "Good." They both smiled. Kensi went through her day feeling unusually happy. San Diego was a nice city, and it was almost summer, and she could smell the ocean everywhere she went.

Within the next few years, Kensi would date Jack off-and-on. Richy would get a transfer to Washington, D.C., and Kensi would get a new partner. She would be recruited to OSP. Things would change. She would make a mistake. Go too far with her partner, drift away from Jack. Get back together again. Get engaged. She would settle into life at the Office of Special Projects. Jack would be killed in action. Kensi would get a transfer to Los Angeles.

Things change. Things change all the time, a fluid cycle from month to month, year to year.

Things change. People don't.

"Do you see, Deeks?" Kensi asked. "Do you understand why?"

Deeks was silent for a moment. They were sitting on her bed, alone in the gray motel room. Kensi had talked for twenty minutes, talked about Jack and her father and and the Corps and San Diego and Los Angeles.

There was something akin to sadness, unreadable sadness, in Deeks's eyes.

"For months," He said at last. "Months, Kensi. We've been going in circles. Flirting. Talking. You didn't mean any of that?"

"I did—I did, Deeks. I really did." Kensi could feel her heart slowly breaking: she felt sick and sad and dizzy. They still had a damn mission to think about, of course. Masked intruders who would probably be glad to kill them. That weird, shady guy...Roger, Kensi thought. They had called him on the phone, but Roger had not called back. Kensi doubted that he would. She felt trapped, restless.

"We can hide it." Deeks said hopefully. "This. We can go back and hide it, and..."

"And what?" Kensi stood up and began to pace, feeling more and more like a caged animal. "Fake being just friends? I've played that card one too many times."

Deeks fell silent.

"I'm sorry," Kensi grabbed her parka and shrugged it on. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Where are you going?" Deeks called as she stepped through the motel room door and into a light snowfall.

"Out!" She replied, not looking back.

The parking lot was bordered by a dark fringe of trees, and Kensi skirted it, trudging through deepening snow. She needed time to think things through: her entire future could be hanging in the balance here. Time. Yes. Lots of time.

She was shivering and the wind was cutting against her like a dull blade, but Kensi ignored it. She walked fast, moving away from the motel. She knew that she was running away from her problems: a common problem, she was sure. Romantic comedies seemed to thrive on that idea...boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, girl flees from problems, boy is heartbroken, they reconcile and end up getting married and living with two kids and a dog in a house with a white picket fence.

If only things were so simple.

Kensi wound her scarf around her nose and mouth. She was cold, very cold, and her mind was back in the motel room with Deeks. She did not hear footsteps behind her, did not see the shadowy figure or the ski mask. She only felt the impact of something against her head, and sharp, shooting pain, and blackness overwhelming her.

If only things were so simple, indeed...