Idiot Observation Diary
Day -1:
Should the day before day one be negative one or zero? Meh, technically it's not even 'day,' since it was night when the subject decided to train himself to death. The idiot.
Anyway, the subject managed to knock himself out from overuse of the Water Walking Technique, he calls it training, I call it a death wish. While the chakra portion of the exercise is a non-issue for the subject, the careful expulsion of chakra from his soles proved to be rather tasking on the subject's mental faculties. This was no doubt compounded by the fact that the subject insisted on training throughout the night.
Fortunately for the subject, I was sufficiently close by to grab him and get him out of the water before he managed to drown himself. I will deny any and all allegations that I was contemplating holding him under for a bit. Unfortunately for the subject, his clothes were soaked through and I didn't feel like waking him so that he can change, knowing that the subject would likely go right back to trying to drown himself. While the subject is unlikely to get stick from exposure, thanks to his furry little problem, I did not care particularly to find out if that is true.
Such being the case, I did what any reasonable and sane minded scientist would do in that situation, I dug a fire pit and assembled an… assembly, to act as bearings for a spit. After finding a conveniently straight stick capable of bearing the weight of the subject, I tied the subject to the newly christened spit in such a manner that the subject would not shift in his position as I rotated the spit. Following this, I placed the spit, with the subject sufficiently anchored, onto the spit bearing assembly. With the rotisserie thus completed, I put the various other dead branches, dry leavers, and other tinder I found during the search for the spit into the fire pit, lightning it with matches obtained from my subject's employer.
As I was needed to carefully turn the subject mounted on the spit, least abrupt movement awaken him prematurely despite the subjects known propensity to sleep through anything short of Armageddon, I created an assistant to facilitate the gathering of addition fuel throughout the night. The subject remained in deep sleep throughout the night, though he looked considerably more comfortable after I deemed his clothes sufficiently dry to put out the fire in the fire pit. Unwilling to leave him out in the cold of dawn with only his clothes and rope as covering, I went back to the client's home to obtain a blanket, which I subsequently tied around the subject. This done, I retreated to my observation post in the trees to continue my… observations.
Extra Notes: I have to ask Hatake how he knew that boss's chakra reserves were depleted. While it is possible that Hatake managed to tail boss and I throughout the day, it is nonetheless unlikely that he managed to do so while recovering from chakra exhaustion. Perhaps I'll ask him during the day after I make sure boss isn't going to kill himself?
Idiot Observation Diary
Day 1:
At this point I should like to note that rather than dividing a 'day' at midnight, with those hours before midnight being the day previous and the hours after midnight being 'today,' I am dividing the days by the break of dawn. That is, everything before sunrise would be 'yesterday' while everything after sunrise would be 'today.' This note is added so that the reader is not unduly shocked by what appears to be a couple very long hours before midnight and a couple extremely short hours before sunrise.
Anyway, the subject was naturally surprised to discover, upon waking, that he was bound and gagged above a fire pit. The fact that he was likened to a pig upon a roast likely wasn't lost on him, especially considering that I used an apple to gag the subject. After remaking that the apple was "surprisingly tasty," despite only being able to eat one bite of it before the rest fell onto the ground, the subject panicked briefly. The subject regained his wits quickly, however, and created a clone before Kawariming with it to escape his bonds. After carefully untying the blanket from the clone, the subject handed the blanket to me, which I handed to my assistant, to return to the client.
Seeing no need to waste "a perfectly good apple," the subject picked it up from the grass after dispelling his clone. We passed a few minutes making small talk, though I refused to answer his questions about this diary I'm writing, as that would go against experimental protocol. Soon after the subject finished his apple, my assistant returned with some bread and fruits, clearly meant to be the subject's breakfast.
After finishing his breakfast, during which I ate an apple to humor him, the subject returned to his Water Walking training while I returned to my observation post. I soon became bored out of my mind, as the subject was fully recovered in terms of his mental capacity the exercise seemed unlikely to pose any danger, at least for the time being. With that in mind, I decided to leave my assistant to watch over the subject while I approached the subject's 'teacher' for my inquiries.
Noon approached without much fanfare, and I returned to the subject, brining with me two containers which… contained two lunches. My lovely assistant reported that there was no change in the subjects condition, aside from the fact that he was apparently growing hungrier, so we waved him over for lunch. Hmm, I wonder if I'm supposed to call her my 'lovely assistant?' While that seems like the stereotypical absentminded professor scientist thing to do, it just seems a bit odd to do so, considering. Eh, I guess just 'assistant' is fine.
Lunch was relatively uneventful, though the subject's surprised expressions as the bits of food he just ate 'magically' reappeared on his boxes was rather humorous. In reality, I was replacing what he picked up with his chopsticks using the equivalent items from my lunch, this was made easier by the fact that the subject refused to eat the food that reappeared, declaring them 'cursed.' Of course, I have my suspicions that it's all an act, and the subject was fully aware of what I was doing. With that small episode done with, the subject returned to his death wish and I to my observation post.
Seeing how the subject's mental control was beginning to falter after a few hours, I 'recommended' that he work on the Tree Walking Exercise instead. While the constant barrage of kunai and shuriken proved unable to deter the subject from his training, it did prompt the subject to start creating Kage Bunshin and Kawariming with them. Deciding that the subject wasn't to be convinced in this manner, I gave the plan up for lost.
Luckily, the prospect of dinner brought the subject out of his suicidal tendencies, and we retired to the client's home. I have managed, without very much difficulty, to convince the subject to slightly overstuff during the meal. The resulting sleepiness made it rather simple for me to ambush the subject with a blanket or ten, that is, one blanket and nine clones. The subject reacted as he usually does when confronted with a situation like this, I deny any and all allegations of participating in a similar situation before this event, and fell asleep.
Extra Notes: Turns out, Hatake was simply using his chakra sensing abilities to determine that boss's chakra reserves were far lower than normal. I asked him how to do it, since chakra sensing sounds like an extremely useful ability. On the plus side, apparently all shinobi are capable of sensing chakra on some level, on the minus side, learning how to sense chakra lower than 'Kage' level takes quite some time, on the other plus side, the size of boss's chakra reserves is approaching 'Kage' level anyway, so it shouldn't take that long before I can 'feel' it. I think I'll ask boss to make a Kage Bunshin with as much chakra as possible and then I'll try to track the clone using chakra sense alone.
Idiot Observation Diary
Day 2:
Eh, writing like a crazy scientist pretending to be sane (or is that sane scientist pretending to be crazy?) is making my head hurt. I think I'll just write like this for the rest of this diary.
Anyway, much like the last time I ambushed boss with a bunch of blankets, he woke up slightly disoriented. Apparently his dreams tend to be in full color and not as… nightmarish when I do something like that, so it's harder for him to tell that he's woken up rather than just moving to another part of his dream. Of course, because something like this did happen once before, he came to a lot faster than last time, and just shrugged before getting himself free.
Of course, the first thing after he got himself free was to rush onto the small lake near the part of the woods I trapped him in. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about the fact that his semi-suicidal training strategy is working, but since boss has improved enough that the Water Walking Technique no longer seems to be giving him concentration problems, I decided to borrow one of his explosive notes to experiment with. (Apparently clones of seals work just the same as the original, and since cloning small objects tend to take only a fraction of the chakra it takes for me to create a of myself, this seems to be a very promising direction to go in.)
After sending a clone off with the explosive tag, (no way am I going to risk dispelling myself when boss might drown due to the resulting blackout,) I turned to find boss making a giant target of himself, literally. He summoned about fifty clones and made them form up into the vague shape of an archery target. (I think the ones on the bottom were trying to use the Water Walking Technique to hold the entire thing up, but it didn't work at all, so some of the clones ended up completely submerged.) Taking the hint, I started throwing random stuff I found nearby at boss, which prompted boss to start dodging them while still trying to stand on the water. (He dispelled the clones at this point, turns out, the clones near the bottom were trying to water walk. Not that it helped.)
About half an hour of target practice later, my 'assistant' returned with breakfast, hmm, I should probably dispel her soon. No matter, breakfast first.
…Ugh, turns out, it's a terrible idea to leave a clone running around for almost three days, should've taken into account that boss just dispelled fifty clones too. Since I can feel the headache coming on, I dispelled my other clone, the one that was causing the explosion noises in the distance. I'm probably going to warn boss and then go sleep in my 'observation post.' (It's really just a branch I was relaxing on to write this diary.)
Naruto Uzumaki's Journal of Awesome
Day: 0
Because when you're as awesome as I am, every day is day zero. Yeah… I have no idea how that works either, maybe I can ask Hikari-chan after she wakes up?
Anyway, I don't see why Hikari-chan was trying to keep this 'diary' from me. It's not like she wrote any embarrassing stuff or anything. Contrary to popular belief, which I am partly responsible for cultivating, I am not stupid enough to do any possibly suicidal training without a spotter, which is why I'm writing this journal while walking up and down the tree she's on.
Hmm… you know, I have no idea how long it's supposed to take her to sort through about three days of memories. She told me before that she usually just rushes through the memories she receives to get the gist of the information. Considering that she warned me before climbing onto the branch to 'sleep,' I'm guessing she's going to take her time this time around.
Sigh… it's so boring having to act responsible.
For a journal named a 'Journal of Awesome,' there appears to be a distinct lack of awesome things being recorded. This must be remedied at once!
…
Birds randomly landing on me is not awesome, why would they even do that? Maybe… if I train them to become orange delivery birds? Birds that deliver orange goodness into the lives of everything that needs it. Oh wait, I used up my can of orange paint already, there goes that idea. Since I don't have any plans with what to do with the birds, they left me to continue writing in my journal in peace.
…
Why did I think writing something down on my journal would make it happen? Seriously though, birds, get off me, I am not your friend. I think birds are delicious. Go bug Hikari or something, you guys are making it really difficult to write without disturbing you. I should really fix this thing where I unconsciously write whatever I'm saying. Screw it, be that way, damn birds, I totally freaking enjoy your presence. Keep staying on me, like I'm some kind of ultra comfortable orange and blue branch. Naruto Uzumaki is the best bloody bird branch ever.
…
God damn reverse psychology and god damn birds being smart enough to be immune.
Hmm… looks like it's almost noon, I should send a clone off to fetch lunch. Oddly, my clone doesn't seem to have the same problem I have with attracting birds. Weird, Hikari seems to have her own flock of birds now though, or perhaps they've been there the entire time? Why couldn't I sense them before now!? Are they ninja birds? Am I under attack? Okay, deep breaths Naruto, deep breaths and thoughts of ramen.
And Hikari's is waking up now, better slip this journal back before she catches me going through it. (Fortunately the birds seem to have decided to take flight once she's stirring, so this wasn't as difficult as it might've been. Although I do wonder at the point of sneaking the journal back when she's going to read this anyway.)
Idiot Observation Diary
Day 2:
God dammit boss, don't go writing in other people's books without asking first. Even if you know that I wouldn't mind. Now my day 2 observations are divided into two chunks.
Anyway, what birds? I don't see any birds, was boss going insane or something? Whatever, the clone bringing lunch should have memories of the birds. Speak (or write) of the devil, there he comes now.
Huh, turns out, lunch was delicious. Also, apparently the birds were real. Clearly this phenomenon must be investigated and weaponized.
Boss returned to his training after lunch. Because it looked like boss pretty much has the whole thing down already, I asked him to make a clone with as much chakra as possible, so that I can work on trying to detect the clone using chakra sense alone.
…
In retrospect, I probably should have realized that boss had the ability to suppress his chakra signature when in 'sneaking mode.' (I closed my eyes and asked the clone to move like boss normally does when sneaking, so that I can only sense him by his chakra signature. Yeah… that didn't work out, and made me feel really stupid when I figured it out.) I mean, if he really does have almost Kage level reserves he probably would've been lit up like a giant beacon to the ANBU he always managed to avoid like chumps. I wish I figured this out before dinner though. On the bright side, the bento Tsunami prepared for us was delicious.
After sending a clone off to return the 'lunch'-boxes, I managed to convince boss to try the regular clone technique. Apparently the Water Walking Technique did wonders for his chakra control, since the clones look identical to boss now. (I still get the faint sense that something is 'off' about the regular Bunshin, which I don't get from boss's Kage Bunshin. I don't think it's anything about the appearance either, since there isn't anything like grass sticking out of the regular clone's feet.) Boss then had the bright idea of combining the Bunshin and the Kawarimi, because, and I quote: "It's like I'm moving fast enough to leave afterimages!" (Basically he just creates a clone that's perfectly superimposed on himself and uses the Kawarimi right afterwards, leaving the clone to make it seem like nothing happened.)
After celebrating finally achieving the level of an academy school graduate, (kind of sad that it look two months after graduation for boss to finally manage to complete the basic requirements to graduate,) boss decided to go sleep next to the tree where he practiced tree climbing. (Apparently looking at the marks on the tree makes him feel that he's steadily getting stronger, or something.)
Extra Notes: I think I have an idea on how to do the chakra sensing training now. Assuming that the 'offness' of the regular Bunshin is due to the fact that their chakra signature is too different from boss and his Kage Bunshin, having boss's shadow clone create a bunch of regular clones should let me work on sensing the real one using his chakra signature alone. Also, according to Hatake, Momochi should be recovered enough to fight in two or three days. So tomorrow is probably the last guaranteed day of training.
Line Break
Idiot Observation Diary
Day: 3
The night passed without much of interest happening. Although… birds seem to really like perching on boss for some reason. I wonder if it's just the birds in wave or if the ones back in Konoha would react this way as well.
Anyway, in my second 'observation post,' (it's just a tree branch, this time on a different tree,) I saw a black haired girl approach boss. (She's about my height, is wearing a pink kimono with a white obi, has a choker around her neck for some reason, and has long hair.) Hmm, she moves really quietly for a civilian, but what kind of ninja would walk around carrying a basket of herbs. (The good kind of ninja, of course, not looking like a ninja is exactly what a ninja should look like.)
Eh, there's an easy test for her 'ninjaness' I guess, writing everything down is getting boring anyways.
As the possible kunoichi moved to wake boss, (either that or she's subtly trying to poison him while shaking boss, good luck with that, girl. Boss has been immune to most poisons ages ago, you'd be surprised at the kind of stuff boss tried to eat. Belladonna is not food, even if the berries are sweet. Although… since boss didn't even get mildly sick or anything, I guess it is food for boss?) I quietly left my perch on the tree, and silently approached both of them. (I took care to move like how boss and I normally do when sneaking around, on the assumption that this masks my chakra signature.)
"Hey," I began as I approached within two meters of the girl, (since her hands twitched as if going for hidden weapons, definitely ninja,) "What brings you out here this early in the morning?" Hmm, the birds scattered as boss woke up.
"Hikari-chan?" Boss began, sleepily rubbing his eyes simultaneously, "Who are you talking to?" Who indeed, she looks about the right height to be Momochi's accomplice, maybe I should just stab first and ask questions later?
"Well…" our mystery kunoichi replied, "I was out here gathering herbs, for an injured friend of mine, you understand. But then I noticed him (she pointed at boss) sleeping out here, you can catch a cold like that, you know?" She finished with a slight nod towards boss.
"Ah ha ha," boss rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "I guess I went a little overboard in my ninja training."
"Then… you two are shinobi? That's amazing!" She responded. Hmm… it would be really nice to have an idea of how a civilian would react to two shinobi, can't even tell if she's a good actor or not. I gave a polite nod, it's not like denying it would do anything, especially considering both boss and I are wearing our Hitai-ate.
"Yeah! I'm going to be the best shinobi in the world, believe it!" Boss puffed out his chest as he spoke, "Since we're here, would you like some help gathering herbs?" Eh, if that's how it's going to be, since she didn't attack either of us, I guess we can put off killing each other until we meet again.
"If it isn't a bother," she began after we spent a few minutes gathering various plants in silence, (since neither boss nor I had much knowledge of botany, we just picked the plants that look like the ones already in the basket,) "may I ask you why you're training so hard to be the best?"
"Because there's something I need to prove something to," Boss replied, I wonder if he's being vague deliberately? "And I need to be strong enough so that my village would have to acknowledge me."
"What about you?" She asked me after listening politely to boss.
Seeing no harm in it, I said, "Because there's a certain idiot I need to keep out of trouble." I ruffled boss's hair fondly as I finished. Much to his chagrin. Oddly, she just smiled at my response before turning back to gather herbs. Huh, I almost expected the questions to be a roundabout way of gauging our capabilities.
We soon filled the rest of the basket. "I have no doubt that you two will become strong," she began as she turned to leave, then, as an afterthought, "By the way… I'm a boy." …What. Ugh, must, stop staring slack jawed, if she…he wanted to kill us she… he probably could have as boss and I just gazed dumbly in the direction where she…he went.
"…She, I mean, he isn't a girl?" Boss began after recovering, "He's prettier than Sakura-chan!"
I closed my eyes for a bit before responding, "I… honestly have no idea, I think I'm going to keep referring to him or her as a girl though, I mean, if you don't want to be considered a girl you shouldn't wear pink kimonos. For all we know she could've been lying to us anyway." Too bad her choker made it impossible to tell at a glance whether she was lying or not. Though I do wonder if that wasn't the point of the choker in the first place.
"…Dead last," the Uchiha began as he walked towards us, "does everything that comes out of your mouth end up being stupid?" You'd say stupid things too if the world seems to revolve around making you say dumb things.
"Shut up bastard!" Boss replied, "You're just jealous that you're not as pretty as he is!" Oh that's got to sting. …Although, that would explain a lot about why the Uchiha's tendency to avoid his fangirls like the plague.
"Hey," I interrupted before the two of them could go at it, "Before you two start trying to kill each other, Naruto, can you make a clone for me? I want to try to train my chakra sense again." I should probably convince boss to lay off on the heavy duty training too, if we are fighting Momochi soon we want to be as well rested as possible.
Idiot Observation Diary
Day: 3
The rest of the day passed without much issue. Although the Uchiha seemed to be really annoyed at boss's seemingly indestructible 'shadow' clones managing to overwhelm him during the spar. No doubt he's trying to figure out a plan against the clones that are using clones already. I wonder what he's going to come up with?
Anyway, I've managed to convince boss to take it easy until we fight Momochi and company, no point going into a fight half dead already. (Unless you have no other options of course. Even then, I would much prefer just grabbing boss and running for the hills, but yeah…)
Extra Notes: I've managed to finally figure out how to track boss using only my chakra sense. Still can't sense anyone other than boss and Hatake with it though, but then again, I was really only interested in working on it to track boss in the first place. Hmm, I guess this will probably be the last entry huh, I somehow doubt Momochi will give me time to write as we fight. Doesn't mean I'm not going to ask though.