Chapter 11
The sedatives lasted for most of the day. I gave Sookie another bath, trying to rid her of the sweat and cool her. I was pleased to see that the black bruise on her stomach was almost completely gone. My blood had healed her injuries, so at least I was good for something. She did not stir once and all I could ascertain from the bond was that she was alive. It was as if something was jamming the signal. I could feel her but I couldn't discern what I was feeling.
Placing her back on the bed she whimpered and the sound stabbed at my heart. It wasn't like my bonded to be so weak. Even when she was incapacitated she was a lioness ready to strike. Now she was a victim to her own mind and I longed to pull her out. I sang to her as she slept, all the time touching her and making sure she wasn't too hot or too cold.
"LET ME GO!" She screamed and her body was shaking like she had been switched to vibrate.
"Sookie, love, you're safe. I've got you Sook." She screamed and began to thrash and flail. I took hold of her upper arms to keep her still, being careful not to damage her myself. Her legs kicked but I ignored their impact on my torso. This beating was the least I could do. This was my penance. I would gladly pay it to get her back.
It seemed to go on for days. I gave her my blood to help sustain her as she wasn't able to eat or drink. I traded hot baths and electric blankets off with ice packs and chilled flannels. Her fever and delirium was never ending. The screaming wasn't nearly as bad as the sobs and pleading.
"Master you have been with her for a week now. You need to feed and rest. Let me stay with her." I hadn't even noticed Pam enter the room. It wasn't like me to be so unobservant.
"No. I won't leave her. I won't leave her." I couldn't take my gaze from her angelic face. Even twisted in pain and fear as it had been...had it really been a week? She was still the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.
"Master we are worried for you. I promised you she will be well looked after. You must remain strong." She placed a cool hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off quickly.
"I will not leave her!" I roared.
"Mmm, Eric?" She squirmed in the bed and held out her hand as if she was reaching for something. I took her hand in both of mine.
"I'm here Sookie. Come back to me. You are safe, I love you." She sighed and smiled. If my heart could beat it would have jumped at the sight of that smile.
"Eric," she took a deep breath as if she were trying to speak while lifting a heavy weight. "Hold me close." I didn't need telling twice. I leapt on the bed and pulled her on me. Her body over mine, her head on my chest, my arms tight around her.
"Mmm, thanks," she sighed. I kissed her hair and whispered in her ear.
"Anything for you, kär en [dear one]." I looked up at Pam who was smiling at me.
"I shall leave you to your privacy." She nodded and retreated as silently as she had come.
"Pam." I didn't have to shout, I knew she could hear me. She darted back in the room.
"There is something I need you to do for me."
I felt a mix of relief and determination. Sookie was coming back. For the first time in a week she had called straight to me. She had smiled. She was coming back and I needed to be ready for her. Ludwig had warned me that there was much to suffer still but the danger was almost over. I needed to show her love. I had to show her how sorry I was and do something for her. I knew the perfect way to show her the depth of my love. I took up a pad and pencil from the bedside table and began to write, being careful not to disturb my sleeping angel.
I felt like I had been asleep for months. My body was stiff and weak. I could feel Eric next to me and that kept me calm. It took a while to remember and I had the feeling I couldn't remember everything. The last thing I could recall was arguing with Eric. I had been so angry and a little hurt that he would try to order me about like a worthless fangbanger especially after I had apologised. I had been ready to really pitch a fit and then nothing...I don't remember what happened.
My eyes fluttered open and I reached for the lamp by the bed. It was so dark and I needed to see. I felt dazed and I needed to see where I was to try and understand. With the glow of the lamp I could see Eric's resting face. He was glorious in his sleep and I took a moment to marvel at the beauty before me. He had been crying. That puzzled me. What could make Eric cry? But the thick streaks of red along his cheeks were unmistakable. I brushed my fingers lightly over the red lines and his hand shot up over mine. He opened his eyes and the dazzling blue of them stunned me for a moment. They were so intense. He caught my gaze and smiled up at me. It was an odd expression. Tentative, reminding me of the old Eric I had known for a few short days in my house.
"You've been crying?" The confusion in my voice made it a question.
"I was worried about you," he said simply. I still didn't understand. I didn't have chance to ask. In a rush of speed he was sat up and cradling me to his chest. "I am so sorry Sookie. I lost my temper and I spoke to you like....I had no right to speak to you like that. I was just so scared that you were going to get hurt again. I love you and I can never be without you." He was holding me so tight I was struggling to breathe but I could feel his relief and remorse over the bond.
"I understand Eric. I love you too." I let him hold me for a few minutes knowing he just needed to feel me safe in his arms but then I couldn't ignore my human needs any longer. I pushed him away and he let me. I headed to the bathroom not looking back at him. When I came out he was still sat on the bed, eyes fixed on me.
"What happened Eric? I mean I remember us fighting. I was so angry I wanted to...but then nothing. What happened to me? How come I don't have any bruising or pain anymore?" I cuddled back into his lap and he nuzzled into my neck.
"I gave you my blood." He was holding something back from me. It didn't make any sense. He shouldn't have been so upset or distressed and I had never healed that quickly before.
"Why did it heal me so fast? It normally takes a day or so to heal me properly." He paused stroking my arm and I felt his body lock down.
"Sookie you have been unconscious for a week now. Our argument put you in some sort of mental fit. I promise you I will never try and command you like that again." The pain in his voice pulled at my heart. He shouldn't sound like that. He should be happy.
"Yes you will, Eric. It's who you are but don't worry. I love you anyway." I kissed him and it was like I was trying to heal his grief with my mouth. My stomach chose that moment to snarl and Eric pulled away instantly.
"You're hungry. You need to eat. What do you want?" I placed my hands on my stomach and was shocked to feel a tiny bump there.
"Eric, I have a baby bump!" I placed his hands over the lump and beamed up at him. He smiled back at me but it was hesitant.
"I know. You are developing fast. That little power surge of yours fed the baby. The doctor said that we should expect anything and everything now. What do you want to eat?"
"Oh, hmmm, I would like a pizza. Do you think junior would let me have chocolate cake too?" He laughed and kissed my head.
"Let's find out. Wait there and I will be right back my queen." He sped out and I could feel his joy slowly coming back.
I plodded to the bathroom and looked in the big mirror at my reflection. I was a mess. My hair was in disarray, there were dark circles under my eyes and I looked too thin. But, my eyes were focused on the way my stomach jutted out slightly. It was only a tiny bump but it was there. I cradled it in my hands and smiled. My talented child.
I decided to take a shower and get dressed. I had no idea what time it was but if I had been in bed for a week it would do me good to get cleaned up. I wondered how Jason was. Bill too, as he had saved me. I was just putting on a simple knit dress as Eric arrived carrying two boxes. He frowned at my newly clothed appearance.
"My body aches from being still. I need to move about but I won't complain if you help me and I only want to go eat in the den, ok?" He gave me his arm and I took it without complaint. I know he wasn't happy but I simply couldn't sit still. It felt like I had forgotten how to move and I was very grateful for his help. I must have looked like a penguin waddling along the passage and hobbling down the stairs but it felt good to be moving.
"Hello Sookie, glad to see you are feeling better," Will said as we passed him in the main bedroom, soon to be the nursery. I smiled up at him and kept going as Eric had my eyes covered. He wouldn't let me see what he had done to the nursery yet.
"Can I get you anything Miss Sookie?" Kale said with a bright smile as I came into the den.
"I would love something warm to drink." She nodded and dashed off.
"Are you cold?" Eric looked like he was interrogating me as he lowered me into the couch. I felt really bad for everything I had put him through. I hadn't meant to cause so much distress and I promised myself that I would double my efforts to put Eric and the baby first.
"A little," I said not wanting to cause such a fuss. He handed me the pizza box and dashed off at vampire speed. He soon came back with a blanket and covered me over.
"Thanks sweetie." He sat down at the other end of the couch and lifted my feet up onto his lap. I dug into the pizza. It was the nicest thing I had ever eaten. It barely touched the sides, I ate it so quickly and when Kale came in with a decaf coffee I drank it down despite the burning at the back of my throat.
"Thanks. I needed that!" I exclaimed with a sigh. She smiled back at me like a worried mother.
"I am just glad you're up and about again. Let me know if you need anything." She kissed my cheek and then pottered off to do laundry. It confused me the way everyone was treating me like I was made of glass. I loved them all but it was strange having them all so worked up.
"Eric," I said with a frown. He was watching me with hawk like eyes. "I am so sorry for causing you to worry. I promise I won't do anything that reckless again. I just..." I started to cry and had to cover my face with my hands from the shame of it. I felt utterly lost. I didn't understand what had happened to me to make all this fuss. Why had I been unconscious for a week? Why had Eric cried?
"Sookie, you can't change who you are. You just can't resist a distress call and I am proud of you for that. You protected our baby and that is the important thing but promise me one thing, lover." He took my hands and gently pulled then away so he could look in my eyes.
"What?" I sniffed.
"Let me help. I want to protect you so much that I am ready to lock you up and throw away the key. You are so eager to help others you fling yourself into dangerous situations with no regard for your own safety. We both like to get our way and do what we want without discussion. We both need to learn to compromise. If you promise to tell me and let me help then I will promise to try harder at trusting you." He licked away my tears. I had stopped crying now and as I thought about what he was saying I realised again how much I loved this man. I don't care what he said, I didn't deserve him.
"Sounds fair. I promise Eric." He smiled and kissed me lightly. I could feel he was still shaken which explained why he was being so tentative.
"Good. Would you like chocolate cake now?" He leered at me and I giggled.
"Oh, yes please!" He handed me the small box and my mouth filled with saliva at the rich gooey chocolate goodness. For a minute I thought he was going to feed me but he just passed me the box and a spoon. I took a deep sniff and, with near vampiric quickness, darted to the downstairs toilet.
I didn't quite make it in time and some spurted on the floor. Eric was right behind me, of course, and I asked him, between heaves, to go get my tooth brush. I had only eaten pizza so it ended quickly. I sat back on my legs and just tried to ignore the feelings shooting around my body. If being pregnant made you feel this bad why would any woman do it more than once?
"Here," Eric helped me stand, well more than helped. He pulled me to my feet and handed me my toothbrush. I cleaned my teeth and felt a little better once the bitter taste was out of my mouth.
"Well, that confirms it. Your child wants to kill me. No chocolate." Eric chuckled.
"Our child is clearly very special." Damn him! I wanted to be irritable but a comment like that couldn't help but make me smile.
"I already knew that. Junior managed to teleport me by reading my mind. Has anything else happened while I have been down?" Eric came from the door, where he had been standing, to wrap his arms around me. I think he could tell I was feeling really weak. He helped me back to the den and I curled up into his side. We both placed our hands on my tiny bump and I couldn't help but feel love for the little monster. I didn't really mind giving up chocolate. I would give up oxygen if it meant bringing my child safely into the world. Eric just felt relived and insanely protective so I pressed myself deeper into him.
"The baby didn't do anything else although I can hear a heartbeat now. It sounds like a stampede of horses." His voice was tender.
"Really? I wish I could hear." I was excited and not a little bit jealous.
"You will be able to hear at your doctor's appointment tomorrow. We should also find out the sex of the baby tomorrow."
"What would you prefer, a girl or a boy?" He was playing with my hair and I was fiddling with the edge of the blanket.
"It doesn't matter to me. I will love our child no matter what they are or what they become. Do you have a preference?" I thought about that for a brief moment.
"No. I just..." He looked down at me surprised and raised an eyebrow to tell me to go on. "Well, I just hope that if it is a boy he ends up like you and not like Jason. God knows I love my brother but he can just be so, so foolish." Eric laughed and the sound of it made me smile. If I was honest that had been a worry of mine for a long time. I had always hoped to have children but I worried that I wouldn't raise them right.
"Don't worry, lover. If we are blessed with a son he will be nothing like your brother. We will see to that. My fear is that your stubbornness will be passed down. It is clearly a Stackhouse family trait and I don't think I could handle another pigheaded individual under this roof." I smiled coyly at the snipe.
"Well you can always sleep outside Mr I am always right, do as I say, High and Mighty." He ignored my teasing with a smile and change of topic.
"Do you have any name ideas?"
"Maybe but I want to hear your ideas first." I had always wanted to name my child something different but I didn't want my wish to influence Eric. It should be a shared choice.
"I don't have any ideas. It is traditional to name a child after the parents but I don't have any desire to follow that tradition. I thought maybe you would like to name a girl after your gran?" I looked up at him with affectionate surprise.
"Aww sweetie that is such a thoughtful idea." I leaned up to kiss him. "Actually I always wanted to name a daughter Astra. For a boy I thought Daniel was a good name. What do you think?" He brushed my hair off my face making my skin tingle from the contact.
"I think they are perfect but if we have a daughter can we use Adel as the middle name? I really think it is important that we honour your grandmother as she was so important in your life."
"Sure I think she would love that. What about if it's a boy though?" I wasn't going to say it but there was no way I was using either my brother's or my father's names.
"What do you think of Sigdan?" It was such an usual name...
"Perfect! So it's either Astra Adel Northman or Daniel Sigdan Northman." My hands found their way back down to my bump.
"Sounds good to me. I thought naming the child was supposed to be really hard and cause lots of arguments." I looked up at him with narrowed eyes.
"What made you think that?"
"That's what it says in one of my 'getting ready for the baby' books. Pam brought me a pile of them and I have been reading them to learn about pregnancy and what we need to prepare for. I read them to you too." I took his hands and placed them on my stomach.
"Well I guess that just proves we were meant to be together. We don't even argue when a book tells us we should. What else did you learn?" He didn't have chance to tell me because the baby kicked. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. For the first time I could feel my child moving inside me. My whole body filled with love and joy. It suddenly became real. I was going to be a mom.
"Eric, did you feel that?" The reverent expression on his face told me that he had.
"Is that..?"
"The baby kicked...there it goes again!" I couldn't believe it. A small part of my brain told me that I should be worried as it was too soon for anything like this but the larger part was too preoccupied doing an internal happy dance. Eric seemed to share my awe as he was looking at me like I had performed a miracle and his happiness and love floated over the bond in waves.
"We're really going to be parents, aren't we?" I said dazed. I saw the flash in his eyes as he leant over to kiss me.
"The best parents in the world." His lips seized mine in a searing kiss that had me gasping for breath in seconds but I didn't care. I was so happy it felt like thousands of tiny explosions were going off in my heart. I was married to the man I loved and we were having a baby. A talented child. Astra or Daniel, it didn't matter. I loved that child inside me more than I thought it was possible to love anything. It wasn't the way I loved Eric. With all of my heart and all of my soul. With a longing that burned. It was more instinctual. Like I had the rarest jewel and it had to be treasured, nurtured, protected and loved. I wanted to hold on to it tight and keep it warm so that it wouldn't have to know the darkness in the world. I wanted to teach it everything I knew. I wanted to worship it because it was mine and it was Eric's. I suddenly understood why mother's were always talking about their children and making you look at pictures. The world had shifted slightly and my child, our child, was at the centre.