Chapter 11

Jackson's resolve to talk to Aaron carried him all the way to the main doors of the hospital before evaporating. Whilst sat in his cell at the police station he'd been desperate to see the young mechanic, wanting to apologise for the way he'd behaved since the trial, but now that he was here he was afraid to face him.

He knew exactly what the problem was. When he'd decide to tell Aaron what he felt, the teenager had been in a coma, possibly never to wake up. Saying sorry to someone who was unconscious, asking them for another chance, was a very different prospect to saying it when they could actually answer. He would have to listen to Aaron telling him that he wasn't interested, see the look of disgust in his eyes. He'd rejected the younger man and now he was going to be rejected in return and he wasn't sure he was up to it.

The builder turned away planning on going home. He'd get some sleep like his mum had suggested, then tomorrow he could come back and talk to Aaron. Maybe.

"Jackson?" a voice said behind him.

Looking back over his shoulder he saw that Paddy had just wandered out of the building and was looking at him uncertainly.

"I thought it were you!" the vet exclaimed, his face breaking into a smile "They let you out then?"

"Yeah thank god!" Jackson replied turning round again "Thanks for all your help Paddy; I know you didn't have any reason to."

"Don't be daft! I knew you didn't 'ave owt to do with the attack!" the older man answered.

"Still, after everything that happened with Aaron… I wouldn't've blamed you if you'd told me mam to do one."

"I get the feeling that your mum's not one to take no for an answer!" Paddy laughed "Anyway, what happened with Aaron wasn't your fault. I'm more to blame if anything." he added in a more serious tone of voice.

Jackson's eyebrows jerked up at that "How d'you figure? It weren't you that decked me!"

"I wasn't saying that it were all my fault! Aaron was well out of line but… Well… Ee's a lot more complicated than most people realise. Everything he's been through has left 'im…twisted up inside. He just reacts whenever he feels threatened, and what he sees as a threat might seem perfectly harmless to anyone else. I'm not trying to make excuses for him or anything; I just can't help thinking that if I'd given you some sort of warning about how scared he's been about everything…" Paddy sighed and rubbed his forehead "It's just… It's just it's like there's two Aarons – the one he pretends to be and the one he really is. The one's there to protect the other and does it without thinking… This is all coming out wrong! See, this is why I didn't say anything before! You're probably wanting to run a mile now…"

"Nah it's ok... It kinda makes sense." Jackson replied with a frown "I knew that there was more to him than the whole sulky teenager routine. When he lets some of his walls down he's a completely different person. I just never thought he'd react so violently to nothing at all!"

"That's what I mean though!" the vet said excitedly "To him, at the time it wasn't nothing, it was a huge great something! And again I know it's no excuse for what he did, but he was terrified and he just reacted. Later on, when he realised what he'd done he felt awful, don't think I've ever seen him so miserable and believe me, that's saying something!"

Jackson sighed. He really hadn't wanted to get into all this again, but in a way he was glad. Paddy knew Aaron a lot better than he did and even this short conversation had given him some valuable insight into the younger man. He already knew that he was willing to put in the work that would obviously be necessary to get through to Aaron, but now he was sure that he'd have an ally who'd be willing and able to help. If only he wasn't so exhausted right now…

"I should probably be getting home." he said running a hand over his tired face.

"You're not coming in?" Paddy asked, his face falling "I'm sorry, I should've kept me mouth shut…"

"I'm just a bit tired Paddy. I'll drop by tomorrow." Jackson replied.

The vet didn't look convinced. "But seeing as you're here, you could just come and say a quick hello couldn't you? He's been asking about you all afternoon."

"Really?" the builder asked perking up.

"Yeah! I've been trying to phone your mum so that I could give him some sort of an answer but she's not picking up. Now he's started telling me that I 'ave to go to the police station to find out what's going on! You should've seen him when ee found out you'd been arrested; me and Chas literally had to hold him down to stop him marching down there 'imself!"

Jackson couldn't help but smile. Maybe he had a chance with Aaron after all.

"I suppose I could just pop in for a minute."

-x-x-

"Paddy!" Aaron exclaimed as the vet came through the door "Have you heard anything about -" he broke off as Jackson peered at him around the vet's bulk.

"You've got a visitor!" Paddy beamed "Oh… I've forgotten that cup of coffee I wanted. Be back in a bit." and with that he scurried out of the room.

"Well that was smooth." Jackson grinned.

"Yeah, he's about as subtle as a brick." Aaron said with a roll of his eyes.

The two men looked shyly at each other, both nervously wondering what they were supposed to say next.

"You're looking well." Jackson said feebly.

Aaron let out a laugh "Think you need your eyes tested then mate, I look like crap!"

"Well half yer face is covered in bandages, that's a definite improvement." the builder replied with a smirk.

"Oh very funny. I'm sure there must be a hospital rule about being rude to patients ya know!"

"Aww… You going to set the nurses on me or something?"

"I wouldn't laugh about that if I were you; some of them are well scary." Aaron answered.

"Bless! I'm sure Paddy'll protect you from the nasty nurses if you ask him nicely!"

"You're kidding right? Some of them are bigger than he is! They'd chase him down and squash him like a bug!"

Jackson couldn't help but burst out laughing at the image of the vet being hunted through the hospital corridors by a pack of predatory nurses, and was rewarded with a cheeky grin from the mechanic. He felt his stomach flip at the sight. Even bruised and battered Aaron could take his breath away and he couldn't for the life of him figure out how he'd kept away this long.

"So… Is this just a flying visit or are you gonna sit down for a bit?" the teenager asked uncertainly.

Not needing to be asked twice, Jackson quickly dropped into one of the chairs that were pulled up next to the bed, wriggling about until he was as comfortable as possible on the hard plastic seat.

An awkward silence descended on the two men, each of them knowing that there were things that they wanted to say to the other but neither sure of how to begin.

Jackson watched as Aaron sat staring at his hands, fiddling with the edge of the blanket which covered him. He knew that he was going to have to start; they'd be here all night if he waited for the younger man to initiate a conversation. So, taking a deep breath he began with the most obvious topic he could think of.

"So how're you doing?" he asked.

Aaron glanced up for a second before returning his stare to his lap "Been better. Could be worse." he replied.

'Great' thought the builder, 'Way to carry a conversation.' This was going to be even harder than expected. He was trying to figure out what to say next when Aaron suddenly looked him in the eye, his gaze filled with anxiety.

"Why are you here Jackson?" the teenager asked.

Jackson hadn't been prepared for that. It was usually him that asked the questions and Aaron would then tip-toe around until he either felt comfortable enough to answer or managed to change the subject. He stared at the younger man not knowing what to say. There seemed to be so many reasons for being there that he didn't know where to start. Maybe this was how Aaron felt all the time, a head full of words but unable to speak for fear of saying the wrong ones.

-x-x-

Aaron was confused. Whilst he'd secretly hoped that Jackson would visit the hospital at some point, he hadn't really believed that he'd turn up, let alone so quickly after he must have been released from jail. As far as he knew, the builder wanted nothing to do with him, something that the older man had made perfectly clear every time he'd tried talking to him since the trial. Yet here he was by his bedside, laughing at some silly comment about nurses, asking him how he was doing. It made no sense!

There was no question that he was grateful Jackson was there - every second they spent not arguing or fighting felt like something that should be treasured, but that would make it all the more painful when he came to leave. And it was only a matter of time before that happened; after all, there was no reason why the builder would want to stay. Nothing had changed. The only difference now was that he was damaged outside as well as in. A blow to the head certainly wasn't going to sort out all his personality problems, no matter what happened in the movies.

Jackson had probably just come to see if he was okay. Jackson would probably bring his worst enemy grapes if he heard that they were under the weather. He was nice like that; it was just one of the many reasons why Aaron was attracted to him, the man practically shone with goodness. He just wished his head didn't hurt so much right now. He had trouble thinking around Jackson at the best of times… Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. He thought of plenty of things when he was around the builder, but usually it was stuff like how hot he thought Jackson was looking, or about how funny and smart he was, or about how his heart beat faster whenever the older man smiled at him. Basically he had trouble thinking of anything that wouldn't make him sound like an absolute pillock if he said it out loud. Now, with his head pounding and with Jackson sitting so close, trying to work out what was going on was like trying to herd cats through a waterfall. Just asking would probably be easier than figuring it out for himself like he normally would. He was just so worried about what the answer might be.

"Why are you here Jackson?" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

The builder froze at the question. Aaron was looking him directly in the eyes, and as the moment stretched out he could see panic growing there. Why hadn't he kept his mouth shut? They could've had a few minutes of pretending that everything was fine, pretending that he hadn't messed up, then Jackson would've left and he could pretend that the older man was going to come back. But no, he'd had to ask him what he was doing here. Now Jackson was desperately trying to think how best to tell him that he was only there to satisfy his conscience, then he could walk away and never look back, leaving Aaron alone without even the comfort of false hope. He couldn't bear to hear whatever kindly words the builder came up with; didn't want to have to nod and smile as he was dying inside. Better to skip to the end and spare Jackson the effort.

"It's okay, I understand… Thanks for coming to check on me and all but you don't have to stay or anything, I'm going to be fine." he said quietly, looking down.

There was a few seconds silence, then Aaron felt a warm hand rest gently on his forearm. He watched as Jackson's thumb began stroking backwards and forwards, feeling the work roughened surface rubbing lightly against his skin, goose bumps breaking out across his body the breath caught in his throat. This wasn't happening, couldn't possibly be happening. The last time the builder had touched him was that day in the Woolpack, and after the way he'd reacted to it Aaron had known that Jackson would never want to lay a hand on him ever again. Maybe he was still in a coma.

"Aaron?" the older man murmured softly.

Aaron knew then that he wasn't dreaming. There was no way that any dream could ever sound so kind and caring. He couldn't help but look up and was immediately caught in the warm gaze of chocolate brown eyes.

"I didn't come here just to check you were okay and then scarper. If I'd wanted to do that I could've just gone and asked Paddy… I wanted... No… I needed to see you." Jackson continued with a smile.

"Why though? I thought you hated me?" the teenager managed to squeeze out past the lump in his throat.

The builder sighed. "I never hated you Aaron. I was… I guess I was angry when you hit me, but more than that I was disappointed. Then afterwards I was scared –"

"I'm so, so sorry Jackson!" the mechanic interrupted sounding panicked "Please… You don't need to be afraid of me! I'll never do anything like that again I promise! I was such an idiot, I just didn't think…" he stopped as he saw the older man shaking his head.

"I'm not afraid of you Aaron. Yer not as scary as you like to think you are ya know!" the builder grinned "I was scared cos, despite everything, I still really liked you, still wanted you. My head was telling me to get as far away as possible as fast as possible, but my heart… Well that wanted the opposite! Guess you're not the only one who's messed up eh?"

Aaron listened in surprise. Jackson always seemed so together and sure of everything that he could hardly believe that underneath it all the older man might be as conflicted as himself. Then again he didn't know Jackson all that well he realised. Ever since he'd first felt the pressure building inside himself to come out, he'd been so wrapped up in his own problems that he'd hardly paused to consider those around him. He suddenly felt ashamed. He was so selfish… Yet another reason why he didn't deserve to have people like Paddy and Jackson in his life. Although he was still unsure as to whether he actually had Jackson in his life now or not.

"Yeah anyway" the builder continued "The main reason I'm here is to say that I'm sorry."

"Ya what?" Aaron exclaimed, thoroughly bewildered now "What you got to apologise for?"

"For how I acted after the court case. I shouldn't've cut you out the way that I did."

"Why not? It's not like I didn't deserve it."

"You deserved at least an explanation! I didn't have to ignore you. I knew that you'd be confused and hurt by it but I did it anyway. I ran away from the problem."

The teenager laughed "You're talking to the master of running away you know?"

"Yeah… And did it ever solve any of your problems?" Jackson asked.

Aaron couldn't think of anything to say to that. The older man was right, the best that running had ever achieved was to avoid something for a little while, but it always caught up with you, and by then whatever it was was usually ten times worse.

"See? Like I said, I shouldn't've done it. At the time though… I just couldn't face seeing you. Me mam and me mates were all telling me to keep away from you and I was telling myself the same thing… But when I saw you in the dock… I knew if I stuck around I'd never be able to leave. So I ran. Then when I did see you again I just pushed you away even though I knew by then that I didn't want to. I was an idiot and I'm sorry. Is it too late for me to stop running? You think there's any chance that we could maybe give it another go?"

Aaron's smile was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud, even though there were tears glistening in his eyes "You really are an idiot if you even have to ask that!"

"Erm… Is that a yes or a no?" the builder asked uncertainly.

"Of course it's a yes you div!" the teenager laughed.

Aaron couldn't help but feel that the grin that spread across Jackson's face at those words was worth all the trouble and pain of the past few months.

Feel free to comment guys, and thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far :)