Chapter 11

BPOV

Alice's reaction to my news was as exuberant as I thought it would be. She immediately started inundating me with her plans for the sleepover, barely pausing for breath while Edward walked beside us silently. From the detail of her plans I could tell that she had been thinking about this for a long time. I was a little worried that she would forget about me once the time came and she had Jasper to distract her, but mostly I was just excited to get out of my house for a night.

The week seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was Friday. I packed an overnight bag and brought it with me to school so I could go to Alice's right after. I had rushed that morning, such was my excitement to get to school, so my hair was a damp mess pulled back in a bun inside my hood. Even with Alice's encouragement I was still nearly debilitated with shyness at school and so my hood was still my ever constant companion.

I had just gotten out of my truck when I felt a tug and then air on the back of my neck. I turned around, fully expecting to see a grinning pixie behind a giant cup of coffee but instead was faced with a grinning Edward. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face, but it's not like it was unusual. I smiled whenever I saw him.

"I bring you sustenance m'lady." He handed me my cup with a little bow, his crooked smirk still lighting up his face.

I gratefully took the cup of hot chocolate and sipped it before hugging it to my chest and bouncing awkwardly on the balls of my feet. Edward sipped his coffee and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So tonight's the night, huh? You and Ali, big sleepover?"

I nodded. "Alice seems pretty excited. I just hope she doesn't forget about me as soon as she sees Jasper."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "She's been planning this since the day she met you, no way she's letting you out of her sight until tomorrow." I let out a sigh of relief as a more serious look came over his face. "Besides, it's my house too you know. If she disappears for awhile, I'll still be there." I could feel the sincerity in his words but the intensity in his eyes unnerved me a little. In all my thoughts about that night I had somehow put it out of my mind that Edward would be there too. An unfamiliar feeling started spreading through my body and I had to look away.

I realized that this was the first time we had really been alone since that first day when Edward took me to the hospital and while we talked in the halls and lunch and class, there were always people around. Right now, without the Alice buffer, the parking lot might as well have been deserted for all the comfort the milling students gave me. After a few tense minutes filled with nothing but drinking from paper cups Edward cocked his head to the side and looked at me.

"Aren't you cold?"

"What?"

"You," he cleared his throat and started again, "you always wear the hoodie but never an actual coat. Aren't you cold? I mean, it's February here and we aren't in Arizona."

I had to chuckle at him. "No, cold doesn't really affect me."

He "hmm'd"around his coffee cup and gazed out at the parking lot. It struck me then how late it was getting and I wondered where Alice could be.

"So…where's Alice?"

He ducked his head and laughed. I loved that sound.

"She'll be along. Jasper got in last night and he's driving her. I guess they wanted to get in some "alone time" without the prying ears of the parents." He used air quotes around "alone time" and I didn't even want to wonder about what they were doing. I just hoped they didn't get caught by Charlie, parked along a country road in some state of undress. Just as I had that thought an unfamiliar black Mustang with darkly tinted windows pulled up beside us. I couldn't see inside with the tint but I didn't have to wait long before Alice popped out of the passenger seat looking flushed and pleasantly disheveled. I snickered quietly behind my cup as she straightened her shirt and slipped into her coat. A tall blond man emerged from the driver's side of the car and sauntered to her side, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She looked even smaller next to him but still I could see how perfectly they fit together. She stared into his eyes for a moment before she looked at me and waved me over.

"Bella," she said reaching a hand out to pull me closer, "this is my Jasper." She looked up at him and he smiled at her, his eyes full of adoration. "Jasper," she looked back at me, "this is my Bella."

Jasper turned his warm blue eyes on me. "It's so nice to finally meet you Bella. Alice hasn't stopped talking about you since you met. It's nice to put a face to the stories."

I felt my face flame and Alice actually had the grace to look embarrassed before it passed and she reverted to her usual self. She turned her body into Jasper, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Ok honey, I've got to go in. I'll see you later." She stood on her tiptoes and he leaned down, meeting her in the middle with a sweet kiss. They didn't pull back right away, standing close together with their eyes closed and foreheads touching. The moment seemed more intimate than the kiss and I looked away. A few seconds later I heard them move and looked back to see Jasper lift Alice's hand to his mouth and kiss the back of it. "I'll be counting the minutes, darlin'." He released her hand and walked back to the driver's side of the car, opening the door before he looked up and smiled at me. "A pleasure to meet you Bella. Edward." With a nod in Edward's direction he climbed into the car and drove away. Alice stood with a slightly dazed expression until we couldn't see him anymore. She then heaved a pensive sigh and turned her glazed eyes back to me.

"Isn't he great?" I nodded and tried to keep the condescending smile off my face but failed miserably. Alice was still in her Jasper haze and I don't think she even saw me as I put an arm around her shoulders and ushered her toward the school.

I dropped Alice off at her class and walked slowly to study hall. My mind was as cloudy as the sky outside. I couldn't stop thinking about the scene from the parking lot.

Love like that is the reason they write love stories.

I couldn't stop the wistful thoughts welling up inside of me. I couldn't deny it anymore, I wanted what Alice had. I wanted someone to love, someone who would look at me like I was precious, like how Jasper had looked at Alice. I wanted to feel safe and needed and drunk off another's presence.

I want Edward.

Ok, where did that come from? He's my friend, and my best friend's brother. He doesn't see me that way and I don't see him that way.

Like hell you don't.

Great, now I'm arguing with myself. One of the first signs of mental illness is talking to yourself and actually answering.

That only counts if you do it out loud.

Oh right, that makes everything better.

I was saved from the rest of my mental diatribe by the ringing of the bell. The rest of the morning passed in a haze. At lunch I listened to Alice ramble on about her plans for the evening but I wasn't really there. I was stuck in my head and the feelings that I was having. I finally had to admit, if only to myself, that I liked Edward as more than a friend. The problem I was facing now was what to do about it. Edward was beautiful and amazing and I knew there was no way that he saw me as anything more than his friend. The thought caused the bottom to drop out of my stomach. I knew that I had no right to want anything to happen with Edward anyway, since my presence in his life could only serve to cause him pain. I didn't want that for him.

I was still in my daze as Edward and I walked to Biology and sat down at our lab table. I noticed him giving me concerned looks from his stool and I knew that he was probably worried about my silence. I wanted to be able to get out of my head and reassure him but I felt weighted, oppressive hands of doubt pressing my chest and shoulders until I could barely breathe.

I was still staring blankly at the front of the room when Mr. Banner walked in with a large box.

"Ok, kids I've got something kinda fun for you today." There were some scattered murmurs around the room, either excited or nervous as to what a teacher would consider fun I didn't know. Mr. Banner just gave a bemused expression and turned toward the box. "There's going to be a blood drive in Port Angeles on Monday and so I thought it would be good for you guys to know your blood types. I've also got permission slips up here for those of you that are still under 18. Now watch closely while I demonstrate the lab and then you can spend the rest of the period working with your partners."

I watched distractedly as he pulled supplies out of the box and set them up on his desk. I already knew my blood type so there really wasn't a point, but it looked simple enough and at least it would serve to pass the hour. I let my eyes slide to my right to take in Edward's pale, tense face. I turned to look at him more closely. His eyes were fixed on Mr. Banner as he worked over his desk, the muscles in his jaw twitching as he gritted his teeth together and his nostrils flared as he breathed slow and deep through his nose.

"Hey Edward, are you ok?" I whispered at him.

He turned toward me, "Sure, I'm fine." He tried to smile but I could see the panic in his eyes just before he closed them and took another deep breath. When his eyes opened again they were calmer but still full of unease. He kept his gaze locked with mine as Mr. Banner made his way around the room passing out supplies. I hoped that I was giving him some kind of strength with my presence, as he was looking progressively more calm. That is, until Mr. Banner actually put the supplies on our table. As soon as the lancets and little typing cards hit the table the panic was back in his eyes and his fists clenched in his lap.

"Edward," I leaned toward him in a conspiratorial whisper, "you don't faint at the sight of blood right? Cause I really don't think I can carry you to the nurse's office."

He let out a breathy chuckle and gave me a weak smile. "No, I'm good with blood. It's just," he huffed another deep breath, "needles. I know it's just a little poke for like a second, but it freaks me out."

I had to hold back my laughter at this revelation. Big, strong Edward Cullen, my personal savior, afraid of a little needle. That was almost too funny, but I didn't want to make him feel bad.

"It's ok. Why don't you just watch me, and then you'll see it's not so bad, ok?"

"Ok." I could still see some apprehension in his eyes, but his grateful smile still lit up his face. I reached across him and collected the supplies, drawing them over and setting them before me. I opened the alcohol wipe and prepped my fingertip, then opened the lancet. I could feel Edward's eyes on me the whole time and I chanced a glance up at him as I prepared to stick myself. He was staring intently at my right hand and the small sharp object it held.

"Edward." I said in the firmest voice I could muster. His eyes snapped up to mine, burning emeralds blazing into my face. "Edward," I continued in a softer tone, "it's going to be fine. Watch." And with that I shifted my gaze to my left hand and stuck my pointer fingertip with the lancet. I squeezed the end of my finger until a single point of red blossomed on my skin, then turned my hand over the card and dropped my four drops of blood, finally putting a tiny band-aid over the wound.

When I was finished I looked up at Edward. His eyes stayed fixed on my hand for a moment before rising up to my face. He looked at me like a little boy who had just seen his first magic trick and I couldn't help but smile.

"See? Easy. Now you try."

His eyes widened for a moment before he started sputtering. "I don't think I can do that. Just..stab myself..like that." His breath was starting to come in pants and his eyes were getting wild again. I scrambled to think of what I could do to calm him and then it came to me.

"I'll do it." He abruptly sucked in a breath and held it before slowly letting it out.

"Really? Thank you." He looked at me with such gratitude I almost laughed. Who looks at someone like that when they've agreed to stab them in the finger?

I got all the supplies ready again and then blew out my own deep breath. This was the hard part. Not the spilling of his blood, that I could do without batting an eye. But I would have to touch him, his bare skin to mine. I couldn't stop the errant thoughts running through my head.

Is the warmth going to be there? Will it be stronger? What will it mean if it is? What if this is what brings all the feelings back? What will I do if that happens?

I took another deep breath and tried to empty my head. I could do this. I would do this. I reached my hand out, palm up.

"Give me your hand."

I kept my gaze trained on my hand, watching as Edward slowly put his hand into mine, the back of his hand resting in my palm.

When I was 8 I was wandering around town and came across a farmer's field and for some reason I decided it was a good idea to wrap my hands around the top wire of the fence that bordered it. I didn't feel anything at first, didn't even notice how my body was quaking until it started undulating in a fluid wave from my feet to my head. Finally my knees started to give out and I let go, thus cementing the lesson that touching an electric fence is a bad thing. This, touching Edward, was different in that I felt it from the moment his hand made contact with mine. First it was a tingling electricity, running through my hand and up my arm, radiating out into my body. Then the trembling started, not as violent as the fence but definitely noticeable. I didn't know why I was shaking, except for the completely overwhelming amount of feelings I was trying to deal with at that moment. The shaking must have been as obvious to Edward as it was to me.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" He turned his hand over so his palm gripped mine. The tingling increased and I jerked my hand away. I looked at Edward's face, the rejection evident in his eyes before he turned them to his lap. When he spoke his voice had dropped to a pained whisper. "I can do it Bella. You don't have to touch me if you don't want to."

The guilt rose in me at the thought of him thinking that I was somehow repulsed by him. I needed to reassure him, but I didn't know how without telling him everything and how could I do that? I cast my eyes to my lap. Could I really confide in him my biggest secret? I didn't want him to think I was even more of a freak than he probably did already, but I couldn't let him think that my reaction was in any way his fault. I thought back to my revelation of this morning. If I ever wanted even the possibility of more than friendship with Edward, I needed to be able to trust him with my secrets. Since this would be just the first of many, I decided I might as well take the leap.

"No, it's not that I don't want to. It's just that…" I bit down hard on my bottom lip and looked up at him through my lashes. "…I felt that."

He didn't seem confused by my statement, but rather his eyes seemed…hopeful? A hint of a smile tugged at his lips as he looked down at me. "I know Bella. The electricity? I feel it too."

I decided to put that comment aside for a moment to continue my explanation. I knew that if I didn't get it out all at once that I wouldn't do it at all so I let the babble continue. "That's not what I mean. I mean, yes I felt that tingly whatever it was and we'll get back to that in a minute, but I mean that I felt you. I don't feel things, or at least I haven't in a long time, not on my skin anyway, and I don't know why you're different but you are. I can feel you, I've been able to feel you since the first time you touched me. This was a lot more intense though, probably because it's the first time you've touched me skin to skin, but I still don't know what to make of it." I stopped to take a breath and to gauge his reaction.

At first he didn't do anything and I wondered if he hadn't been able to understand the stream of verbal diarrhea I had just thrown at him. I really hoped that wasn't the case since I didn't want to have to repeat it. Finally Edward's face reanimated as a slideshow of emotions drifted across it. First there was confusion, followed by what I had come to call his "thinking face". I wondered if he was replaying our past encounters for clues as to the truthfulness of my statement. After a moment comprehension settled over his features, but was quickly followed by confusion again and as he met my eyes, sadness.

"You mean, you can't feel anything?" I shook my head. I didn't want to risk another stream of consciousness moment. "What happened, were you injured in some way? Nerve damage or something? Is there anything they can do?"

I shook my head again. "I know that I owe you an explanation, and you'll get one, just not here." I looked around the room at our classmates, busy working on their labs and chatting with each other. None of them seemed to be paying attention to us, except for Jessica, who quickly looked down at her table when I met her eyes. Even so I couldn't risk the whole school knowing, or worse, Charlie finding out that I told anyone. Edward looked around as I did and he seemed almost surprised that there was anyone else in the room with us. "Listen, let's just finish this lab and we'll talk later. We've got all night, right?"

He nodded but still looked concerned. Then he looked down at the lancet sitting on the table and looked queasy again. "I'm going to have to stab myself with that aren't I?" I couldn't help but giggle. He looked back at me in irritation. "Not funny." That only made me laugh harder. I clamped my hand over my mouth and was finally able to stifle myself enough to speak.

"Do you already know your blood type?"

And the confused face was back. "Yes, but why…?"

"Watch Mr. Banner." Edward turned toward the teacher, who was currently trying to covertly read a romance novel under his desk but doing a poor job at it. This at least kept his attention off of the room, which was what I needed. I opened another alcohol wipe and prepped another finger, my middle one this time, and with a quick look at Mr. Banner poked it with the lancet. I squeezed the drops of blood onto the card and then held my thumb to the wound. Edward turned back around just as I finished.

"There, all done. Put the band-aid on your finger, just in case he checks or something." Edward obediently put the tiny bandage on the end of his finger, then sat back and looked at me.

"Why did you do that?"

I didn't even have to think about my answer this time. "I thought it would be nice for me to save you for once."

Edward's face broke into a brilliant smile and I could feel my cheeks heating. I would have gladly done just about anything if I could get that smile in return. "Perhaps someday I'll get to return the favor."

Before I could say anything in reply Mr. Banner stood and called the class to attention. "Alright everyone, you should be done with the blood portion. Take a look at your cards and compare to the diagram on the worksheets, then please record your findings." I looked at the cards, both looking exactly the same of course, and wrote the blood types on the worksheet. I could feel Edward looking over my shoulder and his breath as it blew across my neck. My whole body broke out in goosebumps as a shiver ran down my spine.

"Well, what do you know? We have the same blood type. My real blood type, I mean." I looked over my shoulder at him but his concentration seemed to be, for some reason, on my neck. The bell ringing seemed to jerk him back to reality. Everyone got up and started shuffling towards the door, placing their completed worksheets on Mr. Banner's desk. As Edward and I walked toward the gym I thought about how I could explain my numbness to him. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer, but I just didn't know if I could tell him outright. I hoped some stroke of genius would strike me before tonight. That train of thought brought me back to his comment about "returning the favor". I looked up at the beautiful boy walking next to me.

Will you get to save me? We shall see Mr. Cullen. We shall see.