Chapter 11

Rick walked into the loft, dropped his keys into the bowl by the door, and practically skipped his way into the kitchen to partake in his third cup of coffee that day. Perhaps he'd even make it an Irish coffee; it was Christmas Eve, after all.

Christmas was, without question, Rick's favorite time of year and had been ever since he was a child. On December first he began hauling out boxes and boxes of decorations for storage, all under the skeptical eye of Kate. He asked her what was wrong, she quipped that she didn't realize she would be forced to live in Santa's Village, but Rick knew there was more to the story. It wasn't until a few days later that she confessed to not possessing much holiday spirit due to the fact that it would be her first Christmas without her mother living. Rick felt for her, he really did, and assured her she could opt out of any Christmas-related activities she wanted to, but he also reminded her that it was Emily's first Christmas and—even though he knew she wouldn't remember—he wanted to make it special. Slowly but surely Kate came around and though he knew she thought about her mother quite often—especially when she got a distant look in her eye—she did placate his desires to have Emily's picture taken with Santa and for them all to decorate the main Christmas tree (yes of course there was more than one!) together.

Since Alexis was recovering from a cold and they wanted to keep her contact with the baby limited, Rick's mother had volunteered to spend the majority of that day with her making Christmas-themed crafts. As Rick hoped to get a little bit of writing done, he had happily walked his daughter to her grandmother's apartment shortly after breakfast that morning. Rick took his time on the way back, strolling through the crisp December air, happily observing everyone's festive decorations; he really did love all the holiday spirit.

After a few sips of coffee, Rick decided he needed to get started lest he waste the next few hours toying with his Santa figurines or Rudolph sculptures. First, though, he needed to shed his extra sweater; while the outside temperature was chilly, the loft was kept nice and warm, mostly for Emily's sake. Rick pulled the item up and over his head while walking into his bedroom without second though. When the object cleared his face he stood frozen in shock at the unexpected scene before him: Kate standing stark naked in front of the full length mirror hanging from the inside of his closet door.

"I—ah—shit—god! I'm sorry!" he stammered out, quickly turning around.

Damn—why hadn't he thought to find out where Kate was before he went barging into the room they still shared? They had made it nearly three months without an awkward, privacy-invading incident and now he'd obliterated their record in one fell swoop. Then again: wasn't it rather remarkable they had made it so far?

Due to her breastfeeding, Rick had seen glimpses of Kate's breasts at least once a day ever since Emily had been born. Each time, he tried his best never to look longer than he had to; he certainly avoided gawking at her. True, there had been that one time she was fearful of a clogged milk duct and he was politely holding a mirror for her to examine with and then she had inadvertently squirted some of the milk into his face, but they had both found that situation hilarious. Other than one other incident when she walked in on him using the toilet (which had been entirely his fault for not locking the door!) they were embarrassing event free.

Until Christmas Eve. Shit.

"It's fine, Rick."

"No—it's not. I should have…I just wanted to. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." She repeated in a convincing tone. "I have my robe on now; you can turn around. I don't think I'm that hideous."

"Wha—n-no." He stammered again, that time tentatively opening his eyes as he rotated his body. Seeing that she was indeed wearing her gray terrycloth robe, he turned to face her. "You're not hideous; you're beautiful." Okay so he had not taken that close of a look, but he had still seen her well-rounded breasts and the gentle curve to her belly and hips. Gone were the sharp angles of her protruding hip bones and exposed ribs from their first—and only—coupling, but Rick didn't mind; her body was as feminine and beautiful as ever.

Judging by her derisive laugh, Kate disagreed. "Except for the stretch marks."

"I didn't see any of those."

"…because you looked for half a second."

"So let me look again."

Whoa—what? Had that sentence just come out of his mouth? Was he asking to see her naked again? Judging by the trail of blood flowing southward in his veins: yes, yes he was.

She gazed at him steadily for almost thirty seconds before parting her robe over her right hip and gesturing towards the flesh there. Rick stepped in, gazed down, and saw nothing out of the ordinary, so he shook his head. "You can't see those."

Kate let her robe fall open all the way and gestured to the squiggly, angled lines jutting out from just below her belly button. "These you can."

They were darker than the skin around them for sure, and Rick could see them, but he did not think they looked particularly offensive. "They'll probably fade, but they don't matter." Without thinking, he reached out his hand and placed his fingertips against the very edge of the marks. Kate gazed up at him intently as his thumb began to gently stroke the skin above her hip. "You did something amazing and this is the result. You should be proud of them."

"Oh…" Kate let out a small, noncommittal noise as Rick stepped around behind her and met her reflection in the mirror. Now feeling bolder because she had not shied away from his touch, Rick gripped Kate's left hip with his left hand and skimmed his right over to her side and up her torso until his fingertips rested just below her breast. He heard the hitch in her breath and suddenly knew in that moment she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

It was strange, really. Eleven weeks of sharing a bed with her and he had never once thought about her in a sexual way. To be fair, given his sleep-deprivation, he had not really thought about anything else in a sexual way, either. Now, though, as he stared at her dark-eyed reflection in the mirror, he was reminded fondly of the night they conceived their daughter.

If Rick had said he was surprised when Kate kissed him, he would have been lying; he was stunned. He had never considered kissing her. Why would he? She was a teenager and Alexis's babysitter. But they had both been sad, and he had been a little drunk, and of course he thought her to be beautiful, albeit in a youthful way. Yet, she had kissed him and cut off his protests with more kisses and suddenly kissing her back seemed the easier thing to do, so he did it again and again, until they were both stumbling half-naked into his bedroom. In the morning, when she was gone, he did not regret their actions; it had been a great night.

Now, Rick could easily say he wanted her in every sense of the word. She was beautiful and kind and an amazing mother to their daughter. He wanted them to be together—to have another moment together that wasn't rushed or meant to be a one night stand; he wanted them to make love.

As he cupped her breast with his left hand, Rick lowered his chin so that he could bring his lips to the soft spot where Kate's throat met her shoulder. He kissed her softly and then nipped at the skin with his teeth, smoothed over the spot with his tongue, and kissed her again. She leaned back into him with a groan.

"You dropped off Alexis?" she asked; he could hear the breathy urgency in his voice.

"Mmhmm."

"Emily's napping."

"Is she?" he asked rhetorically. That was certainly convenient timing. As he continued to kiss her neck, Rick used his hands to peel the robe off Kate's shoulders leaving her naked once more. When his right hand returned to her breast, his left looped around her waist, pulling her in close. He moved his kisses up her neck, over her jaw and had almost reached her lips when she stopped him.

"Wait I… " She looked tentative and stepped out of his embrace. "I don't know if we should. I mean, I don't think this can be a thing, not with school starting for me again."

Rick took in a deep breath through his nose; it was certainly hard for him to think clearly when she was that naked, but he believed he understood her. She did not believe she had the time for a full-blown relationship with him, but that was okay; he wasn't even sure he wanted that, but he did want her. "So, just a onetime thing, then? We'll do it for Christmas."

Her brow wrinkled. "Because…that's what Jesus would want?"

He chuckled as he reached out for her hips, pulling her closer to him and then turning her so she would sit down on the mattress. "No, like as a present. Orgasms for Christmas." Before giving her a chance to respond, Rick closed the gap between them and covered her mouth with his. She didn't hesitate to respond, arching against him as she looped her arms around his neck and took his tongue into her mouth. God, she was incredible.

Several moments later, their lips broke and she gave him a sexy little smile that made a growl escape his chest. When she reached back to pull back the duvet cover on the bed, she froze and gasped a little. "Oh, Rick—I'm not back on birth control yet."

"I have condoms." He promised. "Emily doesn't need a little sibling this soon."

"Oh god." She groaned and shut her eyes. "Definitely not."

He offered her a grin and then nudged her back onto the mattress, joining her a moment later. As they kissed, his hand skimmed down her belly and slipped between her legs, but the moment he touched her she pulled back and looked hesitant. "What?"

"I just…the doctor cleared me weeks ago, I know, but they said the first time I-"

He cut her off with a chaste kiss to her bottom lip. "Don't worry, Kate; I promise I'll be careful." After flashing her a reassuring smile, Rick began kissing his way down her throat, across her chest and down her body, wanting to make sure their one-time Christmas Eve affair would be one to remember.

Kate heard Emily began to cry and groaned, but she just couldn't bring herself to move. She lay face down on the mattress, one arm down at her side, the other up beside her head, feeling utterly boneless. Rick had certainly delivered on his promise of "Orgasms for Christmas"—several times, in fact.

That morning when she awoke Kate had never thought the holiday would take quite a turn like that one. After retrieving coffee, she'd fed and changed Emily and sat with her on the floor while they had some all-important "tummy time." With Emily napping, Kate had intentions to change her clothing and throw in a load of laundry, when her reflection in the mirror stopped her in her tracks. She had been feeling atypically self-conscious of the curves and stretchmarks that now seemed permanent when Rick walked in and, with barely a few words, made her feel beautiful and wanted.

Lying in his bed while Rick brought her to climax again and again Kate suddenly understood why her friends had always raved about dating older men. The oldest man she had been with had been only three years her senior; she was eighteen and he was twenty-one and she found him to be plenty old enough at the time. She scrunched her nose at her friends who dated men in their mid-twenties or older, but now she understood—she really understood.

When it came to sex and the finer details of a woman's body, her previous four lovers were simply unaware—or never bothered to try. Oppositely, Rick seemed enthusiastic about bringing her pleasure. Plus, he was fun and easy to be around. When he had been paying close attention to her breasts and ended up expelling milk, she had felt embarrassed, but he made a joke about it, licked up what he'd spilt, and continued kissing her without second thought. He made her relax and, as a result, enjoy their coupling even more.

As Emily's cries persisted, Rick skimmed his hand gently down her spine and she grunted. "I can't even move."

"You're welcome." He quipped. Then, she felt the bed shifting as he slid out. Figuring the least she could do was roll over Kate did so, though with great effort. God, how was she ever going to stand again?

"Somebody's hungry, Mom," Rick said when he returned with their little one.

When Kate opened her eyes she saw that he stood beside the bed still naked. She let out a breathy laugh and reached out her arms for the baby; thank god Emily could still nurse while she was lying down.

"You need anything?"

"No; we're fine." Kate hummed out as she got the little girl into the correct position.

"Okay, I'm going to grab a quick shower then."

"Rick." Kate stopped him just before he stepped into the bathroom. "Thanks for the, um, presents," she said as a slight blush crept into her cheeks.

The writer winked at her. "Right back atcha."

"Today was a good day, wasn't it?"

Kate glanced up to her companion as he entered the bedroom. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pulled her robe tightly around her, and sat down on the end of the bed. "I'd be a Grinch if I said Christmas was bad, so that's kind of a trick question." After he gave her an imploring expression, she continued with, "No, it was…it was a better day than I thought I could have without both my parents here."

He nodded and sat beside her. "I'm glad. I'm glad your Dad decided to come over."

She offered a small smile. "I am too." Jim had been hesitant—very hesitant—to intrude on the Castle family Christmas despite Kate's assurance he was more than welcome. In the end, it had been the prospect of spending time with Emily that convinced him, but he genuinely seemed to be having a good time. Kate was quite relieved with his presence—not just because it meant he was not spending the holiday alone, but also because it gave her an ally when the Castle family celebrations became a bit…over the top.

"I know you worry about him. Don't give me that look," he interjected quickly when her eyes flared, "I saw your expression every time my mother refilled her wine…or her egg nog. You don't have to worry about him that much; he's doing fine."

Kate trapped her bottom lip between her teeth. Rick had pegged her one hundred percent. She was terrified of her father falling off the wagon, especially since he had not yet been sober five full months. Jim said he was fine and promised her that being around people consuming alcohol was all part of the recovery process, but still, she worried. "I know. I know he's going to meetings and following the program and doing everything he should be doing."

"But you still worry. I get that. It'll get easier." Rick nodded.

"I hope so."

The writer was silent for several moments when an unexpected grin spread across his face. "I really enjoyed watching him with Emily. He's so in love with her."

Kate chuckled. "Aren't we all?" But she knew her companion was right. Her father absolute lit up around the little girl unlike anything he'd ever seen before. Every time Kate took Emily over to visit, Jim was reluctant to put her back in her carrier so she could go, and always asked about the next time he'd see the little girl. He was, indeed, smitten.

"Fair enough, but he really is."

Thinking back to earlier that day when Jim had insisted on nestling Emily on a pile of wrapping paper and ribbons for a post-Christmas-morning photo, Kate felt chills skitter across her skin. "I think she saved him." She confessed softly. When Rick arched a curious brow at her, she continued, "I…I don't know what would have happened – I don't know where we'd be right now, certainly not here—healthy and speaking to one another—because I think it would have taken him longer to crawl out of that dark place if it hadn't been for her. She gave him a reason to come clean." Kate often thought of that moment in her father's bedroom when she'd revealed her pregnancy and things had begun to change. At that time, she was too jaded to believe the change would stick, but in hindsight, her father had committed as best he could and not looked back.

"I can see that. Might I be so bold as to say that I think she saved you a little bit, too."

Kate's nostrils flared as her head twisted in his direction. "What does that mean?"

He scooted a bit closer to her and laid a soft hand atop hers. She was hesitant to accept, but did not move pending his explanation.

"Do you even know how sad you were when we met again, Kate? You rarely smiled, never laughed. You were a completely different person than the one who'd babysat Alexis this time last year. I know why—at least I think I know why—but I'm also glad to see that's no longer the case. You smile and laugh with us; you seem happy."

Well, it seemed the observant writer was two-for-two that evening, as he had pegged her once again. "I am happy and… you're right. Between my mom and my dad I just I couldn't deal anymore; it hurt too much. I didn't want to love anyone ever again, but then…" Her voice drifted off as she gazed back towards the girl snoozing in her bassinette. "It would have been impossible not to love her."

"Completely impossible."

"And Alexis…and you and your mom." Kate listed, not wanting anyone to be left out, because she did love them all like they were family she had always known.

"Woah don't get too crazy now – Mother's just all right." Rick quipped.

Kate smiled briefly, but then her brow began to wrinkle as she thought back to the decree she'd made that summer: promising never to love again to prevent herself from being hurt. Rick had been right; Emily had saved her from that fate. She loved Emily and knew she would love romantically at one point in her life, but it would take time—and the right man.

"I still…I don't think I'm ready to be in love with anyone and probably won't be for a while. But I'm happy. And I'm….looking forward to next Christmas when Emily will be able to understand what her presents are. Kinda." She added with a wrinkled nose.

Rick nodded. "Yeah they don't really get Christmas until about three but present opening? Yeah ripping paper will be very fascinating next year."

Kate grinned. "Can't wait."

Standing off the bed, Rick opened his arms wide and nodded her forward. "Christmas hug?" When she didn't move right away, he encouraged, "C'mon, free cuddle, no strings attached."

Though she did not want to encourage anything too intimate between them after their once-and-done Christmas present to one another, Kate did stand and accept his embrace. She tucked her head beneath his chin and sank against him, enjoying, albeit momentarily, the strength of his arms around hers. "Thanks Rick."

He squeezed her a little tighter. "Anytime, Kate."