A/N: Just wanted to throw up a quick trigger warning. Events in the chapter are reminiscent to Paige's saga in 'Shout.' There's a brief mentioning of Paige as well. It's so hard to write a story when Degrassi has literally done it all but 'tis essential to the plot.
Jaycee stayed in bed the next morning, hiding her shame in the the bear that started it all. She dug a hole in it's fur with her fingernail, thinking about the morning she'd spotted The Dot and sealed her fate, when all she had to do was continue down the road for a god damn Starbucks.
She retrieved her phone from the charger on her end table, typing a quick text to Liberty.
I think I'm coming down with something. No school for me today.
Liberty: Coming down with what?
"Feelings." She muttered. She contemplated putting her words in text but settled on a generic answer instead.
Probably allergies. Call me later.
Jaycee scrolled through her contacts until Spinner's name was highlighted. They had a morning ritual of texting, reminders to get to school on time, apartment repairs, or plain smart ass remarks. But what was there to say? She'd have to talk about the kiss, admit he was under her skin and she was, indeed, petrified. One moment of weakness would come back and slap her in the face. Her heart was hers, an object she vowed never to give away again.
She clicked on the tv, informercials played in the background. If only there was a gadget to rid her of her ineptitude; she'd put it on a credit card and buy her way into a healthy relationship.
That morning she put on her favorite dress and shaved her legs for the first time in months, knowing Spinner would never touch them again.
She was a harlot.
. . .
"Find the constant of a and b so all four lines..." Marco's voice went in one ear and out the other. Jaycee wasn't in class this morning. He hadn't received the teasing morning texts he'd become accustomed too. Jaycee's personality was the best in text form; she was witty and said things she was too uptight to say face to face.
The kiss, the kiss, the kiss.
He memorized the topography of her lips, the curves of her body as she gave herself to him, allowing repressed feelings to finally be released. The taste of jalapeños on her lips, the way she smelled of saltwater and jasmine, those small pieces of her were apart of him now, embedding themselves into his DNA.
Calling people out was what Jaycee excelled at, surely calling her out on her inability to let herself feel was enough to draw a confession out of her.
"Reginald." His middle name, the name he despised more than Gavin, dissolved the thoughts of last night. "I have a thousand and one things to do that are more important than helping you pass math. I'm out if you're not going to pay attention."
"Sorry, Marco, things with Jaycee...I can't get my mind off her, man. Things got heated with us last night; I kissed her, she ran."
Marco balked. "My head can't even handle what you just told me. The same Jaycee who has a kid, and whose only friend in the entire school is Liberty Van Zandt? How? She's so..."
"Mean? Yeah, tell me about it. She's different around me, though. She makes cheesy puns and dances with her food, she twists her mouth to the side when I make her laugh but doesn't want to smile. It's cute. She likes me but she's scared. She's such an asshole that I really thought we could just be friends but if she asked me to be more, I'd say yes."
Marco flipped the text book closed and pushed it away from him, "Clearly we're in some twilight dimension where you think you're responsible enough to date a single mother. Why don't you come sit with us after school today? We're staying late to plan graduation stuff."
"That's like walking into the lions den."
"No, Jaycee is the lions den. You're doing all this to be Jimmy's friend again, right? Time to see if karma is in your favor."
. . .
Spinner approached the table with caution. His former friends were laughing and cracking jokes the way they used to when he was the center of them. He'd waited months for this moment but he faltered now that it was actually here. He gripped the strap of his back pack and started to turn away.
"Spinner!" Marco called his name and he was under the scrutiny of his past life. No harsh things were said but the tension of him there was very much alive. Marco took the top of the stairs, motioning for him to sit. He took a wide swing around the group as he marched up the stairs and took his place next to Marco. Jimmy wore a scowl and balled his fists around the wheels of his chair. "How are things with you and Jaycee?"
"Getting little kids shot your thing now? Or did Hogart ditch you, too?" He sneered, wheeling himself away from the table.
Spinner sucked his teeth, fed up with Jimmy's insults. "Shut up, Jimmy. I don't hang out with Jay anymore, haven't in months. I haven't seen anyone but Jaycee since she moved to Canada. I've been helping her with her son, I got her a job and an apartment. I thought if I could help make her life better, you would see that I've changed and want to be my friend again."
"Right, you only hang out with his groupies now." Jimmy disregarded his confession, jabbing his finger towards the parking lot.
"She doesn't..." Spinner narrowed his eyes, walking in the direction Jimmy was pointing. There they were, standing in front of his car, passing a smoke back and forth as rap music blared from the speakers. She was dressed in a short black dress covered by an army green jacket that hit at the knee.
He waited until they said their goodbyes before jogging up to her and cutting her off. "Wanna tell me what that was all about?"
Jaycee ran her teeth over her bottom lip, "Jeep's acting up again."
"I could have told him that. And since when do you need to get dressed up for a something that could have been sent in a text?" All the worst case scenarios ran through his head. If Reed was anything like she'd described, Jay was a carbon copy. Is that why she couldn't be with him? He wasn't 'dangerous' enough? He suddenly felt inadequate. Of course Jaycee would be interested in a guy like Jay; her first love was the Michigan version.
She was graced with the gift of ESP, reading his thoughts as they bubbled in his head. "It's nothing like that, Spin." It's worse. "I have plans tonight but tomorrow we can sit down and talk about what happened."
. . .
Life had a funny way of treating Spinner Mason. When life had stopped giving him lemons, he tossed the misfortune tainted lemonade over his shoulder and dreamed he'd never have to drink it again. But no good deed goes unpunished. He'd moved past the gray area of Jaycee's life and stepped into her dimly lit world of civil unions and food puns—or so he thought.
An upside, though, Jimmy had finally forgiven him. Too worrisome with worse case scenarios to be alone, he returned to the group. Everything was almost like normal, much to Jimmy's chagrin. They asked his opinions of their graduation plans, pitied him and Jimmy both, Marco invited him to a party, everything was falling into place. When everyone had to leave, it was him and Jimmy. He helped him gather his things and the greatest thing happened: Jimmy apologized.
You should be up there.
Look, um, I spent a lot of time this year...blaming people. You especially and that was wrong and I'm sorry.
Jimmy I di-
It's cool. I know.
They ended up back at Jimmy's in a clumsy reunion. Spinner filled him in about Jaycee and his crusade to help her in hopes it would bring him back around. He told him about Bentley and Liberty and how great they both were; even about the kiss he and Jaycee shared. Which was why was here, at the Ravine. What he said to Jimmy was true, he hadn't spoken to Jay since the moment Jaycee showed up with her black coffee and broken down Jeep.
He had spent the lowest points of his life here but today was a day of celebration. He got his best friend back and it felt fitting to write the close the darkest chapter of his life in the place he spent many nights wishing for one beer too many to end it all. And partially to see why Jay had entered Jaycee's life out of the blue, even if he had to beat the truth out of him. He had heard rumors of Jay and Jaycee running in the same circle but assumed it came with the territory of slumming it with Jay since the shooting.
"Yo, Spin! Come out to play tonight brotha?" Jay laughed, shoving a long necked bottle in Spinner's hand. "How'd things go with your crippled man friend?" He took a swig of his beer.
"Piss off, Jay. He's giving me a second chance, no thanks to you."
"Relax, dude, I'm kidding. I'm glad you broke away from your homo make out sesh to be here today."
"You're just jealous," Spinner chuckled, flicking the cap of his beer into the distance, "Even if I was gay, I'd pick Jimmy over you. Sorry, bro, you're just not that cute." He blew a kiss to Jay, who promptly dodged it. "I know you can't relate but my life is going amazing for once. Jimmy's not wishing I'd drive my car off a bridge, Jaycee and I have been spending a lot of time together, she's letting me around her kid and shit. It's good karma, man."
"It's good karma, man. I'm Spinner and I'm so enlightened." He mocked, "The only 'J' in your life I'm jealous of is Jaycee. She's a total milf, please tell me you hit that!"
"She's not like that, man. It took me a long time to get where I am with her. Stay away from her. I mean it, Jay, she pulled me out of a really dark place. I saw you two talking and I don't need you ruining this for me, too." He voice had a certain edge to it as he spoke, pinning Jay against his car with his forearm.
"Yeah, she's a real freaking saint. There's a lot you don't know about homegirl, check it out." He shouldered Spinner away, directing him to the dark haired girl who wasn't far from them, completing what they'd seen so many times before. She shed her dress from earlier and was in white shorts and a dark jacket, shoving a considerable amount of cash in her back pocket. She threw her two fingers up in a peace sign, saluting the two as she approached. She was obviously a few drinks in or she would not have such a cheery demeanor when she saw Spinner. "As I live and breath, Jaycee Rae! what you got for me tonight, girl?"
"Adderall, perky C's, zannie's. Kiddie shit. What's up, Spin?" Her eyes shifted from Jay to Spinner but he couldn't return her bright eyes and soft smile. She slipped a small plastic bag in Jay's hand in exchange for cash and a mixed drink. Jaycee clinked the plastic cup against his beer, a toast to their trade. "Bad day, Spin?" She didn't remember the conversation from earlier. Old Jaycee crossed his mind frequently, he often wondered how deep into the thug life she was, how many drinks were too many, how reckless they made her. He didn't have to anymore.
"Uh, yeah. What- what are you doing?"
"Spreading happiness in the form of pharmaceuticals. C'mon, hanging out with all these bad kids you can't tell me you've never seen a drug deal before." Jaycee responded, put out with the way Spinner was coming at her. She raised her drink to her lips, peering at him over the rim.
"This is on you, man. Stay away from her, stay away from me. We're done." He hissed at Jay before leading Jaycee out of ear shot, hand on her back to steady her. "Drugs, Jace? Are you that stupid? You told me you quit that shit when you got pregnant. I could have helped you if you needed money! Jaycee, you didn't tell me." He frowned.
Jaycee scoffed, taking a step back from Spinner. "Uh, because it's none of your business maybe? They're just pills, Spin. I pushed real drugs in Michigan, this is nothing."
"It is my business, Jaycee! I put my ass on the line to get you a job, an apartment, what's going to happen to B if you get caught? I just thought..."
"Thought what, Spinner, that we were lovers? Jaycee and Spinner forever? Not even close, dude. You think that I just came to Canada and started pushing drugs? I'm a seventeen year old, single mother. I was a stupid girl who got knocked up at 15, with a guy who called our son a botched abortion. You can't possibly be this naive. Do you really think waiting tables at the Dot for shit tips has been keeping a roof above my son's head? I've always been about this life, Spin."
"But you don't have to be, Jace. There's other options, through the government. There's help for people like you. Stop being so damn proud and accept it." When his hand found hers, he interlocked their fingers.
"Spin, I'm already a statistic. I can't be a welfare case on top of that."
He sucked his teeth, feeling her hand wiggle out of his grip. "Jaycee…this isn't you. This isn't the girl I spent the best four months of my life with and this sure as hell isn't the girl I kissed last night."
Jaycee threw her hands in the air, brown hair whipping around her face wildly as she did, "You're still on that? I don't want you, Gavin! I never have! Last night didn't mean shit. And furthermore? You are the last person to lecture me about poor life decisions. I sell drugs, you got Jimmy shot. Huge difference."
Spin took a step back, restraining his anger. "Screw you, Jaycee! I know last night meant something. I know you like me and I thought playing your games would help you admit it. Spending time with you was beyond what I needed after a horrible year but if it doesn't mean shit to you, it doesn't mean shit to me either. Have fun pushing drugs, man. I hope B ends up with a family who gives a damn." He stood waiting for a reaction she didn't give. His eyes kept on her as she stormed back to Alex and a group of randoms. He hurled his beer bottle into a tree and retreated back to Jay.
…
"Why are you still watching her man? Point blank she said she couldn't care less about you, don't play into the baby mama drama. Bros before hoes, amirite? The worst thing you have to worry about is my lesbian ex swooping in on her. Although, that'd be pretty hot to watch." He gulped down the last of his beer, watching Jaycee take a shot glass from between Alex's breasts.
"Jay, do you ever stop talking? Just be there for me. With feelings, you remember feelings right? She didn't mean it, she's drunk." He cracked open his sixth beer of the night.
"Would you quit feeling sorry for yourself, man? Your perfect life is over, good things don't happen to you anymore. You belong here, with us, with the losers and the outcasts and the bad kids—" His crooked smile dropped and he elbowed a kneeling Spinner. "Dude, look." Jaycee had wandered away from Alex, stumbling over her feet and into someone he'd never seen at the Ravine before. Jaycee was giggling, running her fingers up his chest in a suggestive manner. He whispered something in her ear and she grinned eagerly, following him to the black van where girls earned bracelets and chlamydia.
Breaking points come at the worst times. He wanted to be mad, mad enough to let her go. Not even ten minutes ago she was bragging about 'that life', since she was so confident in her speech, she could handle herself. He began tearing the label off the beer bottle, watching, debating. Fuck it. Not my problem anymore. He tried convincing himself that his conscience was right, to let her make her bed and lie in it. She was a big girl. But then he noticed Jaycee had stopped in her tracks, a few steps shy of the van, resisting the man who was pulling her with excessive force. He forced her head down and pushed her into the door by her hips. God damn it, Jaycee. "Jay, let's go." Jay puffed his chest out and rolled his neck until popped.
"Dude picked the wrong night." He said with a chuckle, discarding the beers into a fire pit. He followed Spinner to the van, adrenaline coursing through his veins.
If hatred was visible, the air would have been scarlet. "Looks like she's not interested. I'll say this once: walk away, man." Spinner stepped between them and the door, securing an incoherent Jaycee into his arms.
"Her idea, bro. She wanted me. Step aside, you're being a cock block." The man tugged Jaycee back by her hips.
Spinner's lips contorted to an angry smirk. "Hey, I'm trying to be reasonable here. Pleasant, even. Walk away now and you'll leave with all your teeth."
The man, now provoked, tossed Jaycee into the rubble. He took a swing at Spinner, knuckles catching his brow bone.
A small line of blood trickled down the side of his face; Spinner was unfazed. Jay geared up from behind, fist balled and ready to deliver a blow in Spin's defense. His readiness, through appreciated, was unneeded. Spinner's fist connected with the mans jaw before Jay could even raise his arm, knocking him out cold. "You good, Spin?" Jay asked, watching Spinner wipe away the blood with the back of his hand. Spinner tilted his head in acknowledgment as he slipped his arm under Jaycee's legs, bracing her back with his other arm. "Word. Get her out of here, I got this punk. Someone better call an ambulance!" He grinned and landed a kick to the mans ribs.
. . .
He been through something similar, with Paige, but age prevented him from truly understanding the trauma of it all. Being there as the man made the decision to take advantage of Jaycee sent him back in time. His mind replayed Paige, an angry mess, bashing the rear end of his vehicle into Dean's. He wanted to call and apologize for not understanding back then. If only he could have been there to save her the way he saved Jaycee.
He pulled the bed's duvet back, laying Jaycee on the white sheets underneath. He tucked her ratted hair behind her ear, examining the scrape the man had left behind. "I shouldn't have let you go..." he sighed, touching the bruise. He retrieved her phone from her pocket and dialed Liberty's number, rubbing his rough hand over Jaycee's side as he listened to the line trill. She picked up on the fourth ring, "Liberty, is Bentley with you? He is? I need you to do a me a huge solid, can you keep him until late afternoon tomorrow? Something happened at the Ravine, with Jaycee. No, she's safe. She's with me, some guy at the Ravine..." he bit down on his knuckles, willing the words to come to his mouth. Dean's face was all he could see, it flashed in his mind and caused a vein to bulge out of his neck with anger. That punch was for him, too. "Some dude tried to force himself on her. She's fine. I stopped him before he could do anything, he's probably laying in a hospital bed as we speak. I'll have her call you tomorrow, thanks Libs." He closed the phone was his mouth and turned to look at Jaycee. Watching her lay there, weak and less than herself was soul crushing. He wanted nothing more than to lay alongside her, arms wrapped around her tight, face buried in her dark hair. He pressed a soft kiss into the collar bone before covering the duvet over her. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from his closet and retreated to the front room. His exhausted body collapsed on the old couch, he closed his eyes and quieted his raging mind before drifting into a well deserved sleep.
. . .
Sunlight bathed the room between closed slats, coating the walls with a golden sheen. Jaycee examined the unfamiliar room through cracked eyes. She woke up on a heavenly soft mattress, swallowed by a heavy and luxurious duvet cover, too nice in quality to be the one at the motel.
Her mind was fuzzy but remnants of last night's events were forming in her mind. Her heart was heavy and a sick feeling made her stomach churn, something happened last night that shouldn't have. Her head pounded violently as she left the bed, slowly pacing around the room to gather intel.
On the blue wall there was posters of bands, a jersey of a famous hockey player, clashing with other random things. The sun reflected of the mirror, glaring right into her eyes and she cursed under her breath as she shielded her eyes with her arm. She stepped closer to the mirror, blinking fast to make the sun spots disappear. As they began to fade and her vision returned, she saw a collage of photos next to it.
She tugged on the corner of a photo, pulling it off the wall. It was Jimmy, Spinner, Marco and Craig posed behind instruments. Spinner was behind a drum set, sticks crossed in an 'X' formation blocking his face but where the sticks parted she could spot his goofy smile, and it made her smile too. These pictures were of Spinner's life before her, a life he was so desperate to get back to. She studied them closer, scanning over all of them. There was a picture of him and Paige, sitting on the school steps of Degrassi, his arms draped over her shoulders lovingly and he looked happy. She'd seen that smile so many times the last four months and she got a feeling that she caused the smile to go away last night.
The smile faded from her lips as she saw her reflection. She looked a mess. She combed her fingers through her tangled hair and wiped last nights mascara away with her fingers. Jaycee's eyes honed in the scrape on her face. She noticed her side had a strange pain to it, she turned to the mirror, sliding her shirt up to her bra line, a scrape to match her cheek decorated her side. Alarmed, she tugged her shirt back down and stretched her fingers over her collar bones, trying hard to remember what her mind did not want to deal with it.
Her hands gripped the doorknob and she stepped into the hallway and into the front room where her eyes landed on Spinner, he was too large for the narrow couch and half of his body hung off. Her heart lurched in her chest. He knew.
A picture caught her eye as she turned to head back to his room. It was a tiny Spinner, crown on his curly blond head, a trophy in one hand and a sash draped over his tiny chest that read 'Little mister Handsome.' Six year old Spinner was almost too cute to handle, almost, until she glanced over her shoulder to see what the small lad had grown into.
Goofy, annoying, extroverted, obnoxious but totally funny, warm and kind, Gavin Mason. Gavin 'Spinner' Mason, who's only desire was a friend to help him through the darkness. He chose her and she failed him. Conversations of last night came flooding back, oh, the horrible things she said. She clutched the picture of her chest and sat helplessly on the bed, feeling herself fade out of his life. Her mother didn't want her, Reed didn't want her, Spinner definitely wouldn't want her after last night. Her life was a never ending string of abandonment.
She grabbed a yearbook off the end table, trying to figure out exactly where she would have fit it in his old life.
"Morning." Spinner hung from the frame of the door as Jaycee looked back at him.
"Sit with me." She smoothed the blankets out next to her, holding her spot in the yearbook. He did as instructed and took a seat next to her. "Questionable hair, questionable fashion choices... good taste in girls, though. Well, until this one." She pointed to herself, trying to steer the conversation away from where it was undoubtedly going.
"Do you remember anything from last night?"
Jaycee closed the yearbook and set it aside. No avoiding this, huh? "I remember the mean things I said...and going off with some random to spite you."
"Jaycee, you can't do shit like that at the Ravine! Do you know how lucky you were that Jay and I were there? I never thought I'd have to say this to you but you're childish. Putting yourself in danger to prove a point is selfish and stupid."
"I know what I did, Spinner! I freaking know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being sorry all the time but Spin, I'm not dumb. I know you nosed your way into my life because you thought treating me like a charity case would bring Jimmy back. You're under my skin and, yes, Gavin, that scares me. You are relentless and I'm so undeserving; I want you in the bluntest of ways but I knew once you and Jimmy became friends again you'd forget about me. Just like everyone else. There's no room in your life for me, you just refuse to see it." Her voice was cracked with tears she refused to cry. She opened the yearbook and pointed to an old shot of him and his friends. "If I knew you me back then, you wouldn't have looked twice."
Jaycee was trembling by the end of her speech. Spinner took the yearbook from here hands and tossed it to the floor, holding her shaking arms. Finally, the admission he had been waiting for. He didn't like the rest of the words that came with it, but he had heard what he needed to. "Jaycee," His voice was barely above a whisper and he found himself laughing uncomfortably at the situation. He drew her into his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. She didn't even try to fight him, she simply accepted his actions. "Yeah, I did use you a bit. That means I'm a little selfish, too. You irritate the hell out of me, sometimes I want to pop that pretty head of yours off your body but I would go a million lifetimes without Jimmy if it meant getting to know you all over again. I like you, Jace. For reals. Let me show you you are deserving—your vulnerability is safe with me.
She felt the stars shine within herself for the first time in years. She moved her head enough to look up at him but not enough to leave is arms, "Can I be your favorite girl?"
"You already are, Jace." He said, brushing his lips against hers. It was nothing like the kiss at the Dot; it was sweet and slow, honey and saltwater.
Love can exist between the in the most imperfect and broken people.
A/N. It's me again! Wow, hell of a chapter guys! I hope it didn't come out of too out of left field but you all had to be wondering how Jaycee had means to live before Spin. ;) As always, Jaycee needs to learn the hard way. I want to thank you all for reading the slow journey to Jaycee and Spinner's relationship, I really wanted to build it up and establish them both as independent characters before starting anything serious. Take a moment and savor the cheesiness, you know by now I don't dish it out often. 'Til the next chapter, loves.