Chapter 11: Complications
I was doing my best to hide the irritation I felt over our lunch conversation as Bella and I walked into Biology together, but Newton's thoughts weren't helping anything. They were much more focused now and still all about Bella. Apparently, Jessica had filled him on the details of our rendezvous during lunch. He was contemplating what he could do to interfere with our budding relationship.
I pushed Newton out of my head -- and instead thought about how much things had changed since I first met Bella just a few short months ago. I used to dread coming to Biology every day and sitting next to her at this table. At the time, I couldn't get far enough away from her. Now, it seemed I couldn't get close enough.
I heard the familiar squeak of the cart that housed the school's ancient AV equipment before it had even left the storage room. It was going to be a movie day. Sure enough, a minute later Mr. Banner backed in the classroom dragging the cart behind him.
It wasn't until the classroom lights went out that I realized we were going to have a problem. Like so many of the unnecessary advantages the vampire physique offered, my other senses were heightened the moment the room went dark, as if to make up for the minuscule change in my vision. This adjustment was undeniably helpful for tracking prey in the middle of a pitch black forest, but right now I was in a classroom full of children and everything was registering Bella. I could feel the heat radiating off her arm next to mine; the sound of blood rushing through her veins and air through her lungs filled my ears, and I could smell every intricate note in the scent of her blood.
It was like a powerful magnet had been activated and Bella and I were opposite poles. The desire to cross the last remaining inch between our two bodies was almost unbearable. The craving I fought was similar to the craving I had fought the first day that Bella and I occupied these seats... but it was different too.
That day, I had been ready to strike in the blink of an eye. She was my prey and I was the hungriest predator in the world. Now, I didn't so much want to kill her as touch her. I wanted to reach out and trace the lines of her face, her jaw, her neck...
But I couldn't -- the fire in my throat told me that. No matter how innocent the gesture might seem now, I knew there would be no stopping me if I let myself get that close. Instead, I locked my fists underneath my arms, cut the air to my lungs, and waited.
I was strong enough to keep my hands to myself, but I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering over to where Bella sat beside me. She was a mirror image of me -- balled fists, sideways glance, sheepish grin and all.
Did that mean she could feel the strange pull too? Perhaps this was another one of my kind's unfair advantages -- any human that got close enough to us would literally be drawn straight into our arms. I almost cringed as I thought about the countless victims I had preyed upon during that dark period in my life when I had hunted humans. The end was always so quick for them -- was it possible that in their last moments they had actually been reaching out to me -- embracing death.
I shook away the disturbing thought and instead tried to focus on distracting myself during the seemingly never-ending hour of torture. I even tried to watch the movie -- although I must have seen some version of it a thousand times already, but it was no use -- my head was full of Bella.
Please let her be strong enough to resist this -- I offered a silent prayer to any deity willing to listen. I wasn't sure what would happen if either of us crossed the diminutive barrier separating us.
Finally, the class period ended and Mr. Banner was forced to turn the lights back on. The electric atmosphere seemed to dissipate immediately.
Bella also seemed relieved, releasing a deep sigh and stretching out her arms and fingers.
"Well, that was interesting." I murmured to her darkly.
"Umm," she obviously didn't know what to make of it either.
"Shall we?" I asked her, rising from my seat.
A brief expression of displeasure crossed Bella's face but she rose slowly without saying a word and we both started toward the gym.
Bella and I walked together in silence. My thoughts turned brooding as I began contemplating my no-touch policy with Bella, in light of our Biology experience. Would it really be so dangerous to reach over and hold her hand? Or put my arm around her waist? Was it a risk I was willing to take?
I recalled Jessica and Bella's earlier conversation and the disappointment in Bella's response as she explained how unlikely it was that we would share a kiss anytime soon. Obviously, physical contact was a normal part of any human relationship, so it was only natural that it would be something Bella would want. Hell, I wanted it and I wasn't even human. What would happen if one of us accidentally crossed the barrier one day? Would I be able to control my reaction? Was keeping a strict no-touching-zone between us a risk all its own?
Maybe I had underestimated Bella. Watching her fight for control today in Biology, she obviously understood there was at least some danger in reaching out to me. While I was undeniable grateful that she had managed to restrain herself, it saddened me to know that she understood the need to do so. How long did I have before she became fed up with the strict rules and constant danger?
I almost laughed bitterly to myself as I realized that only a few weeks ago I had had Bella pressed up against my body, my hands pressing her shoulders to the cold pavement. At the time, I would have given anything to have escaped our embrace. Now it seemed unlikely that our bodies would ever touch that way again.
I didn't even notice we had reached the gym until Bella turned to me as if to say something. We hadn't said one word to each other the entire walk. Whatever she had meant to say now, the words never made it out of her mouth.
I stared into her shocked brown eyes, not even bothering to hide the conflicted expression I knew had caused her words to falter. If I had consciously decided, I wasn't aware of it -- it was like my hand was moving of its own accord. Carefully, as gently as I could manage, I reached up and stroked Bella's cheek.
I was several feet away before she could even gasp in surprise. I felt guilty -- leaving so abruptly without so much as a word of explanation -- but it was the only way. Despite my determination to keep her safe, I couldn't have been sure of the outcome of that one simple gesture.
My fingers still burned with the warmth of her skin and I could barely register anything but the fire in my throat. But I had done it -- I had crossed the barrier and I walked away and left Bella unharmed.
By the time I calmed down enough to think clearly again, I was late for my last class of the day. Rather than bother with coming up with an excuse for my tardiness, I decided to go to Bella's class instead. After all, she was the one that mentioned how I'd never seen her in Gym class.
Luckily for me, the school's gymnasium contained large glass windows along three of the four walls, one of which faced the forest that reached out to meet the school, making it easy for me to spy on Bella without any fear of detection.
I arrived just in time to see Bella and Mike lining up on one side of a badminton net. Bella looked very uncomfortable, like she was afraid her racket might jump up and bite her. It didn't take long to see why. In the first five minutes, she managed to hit herself in the head and Mike in the shoulder, all in the same swing. I almost fell to the ground laughing.
She spent the rest of the period standing in the back of the gym trying not to hit anything. It was probably for the best -- assuming she wanted to avoid any permanent brain damage -- although I would like to have seen her take a few more swings at Newton. That and watching Newton play solo was much less entertaining than Bella had been.
At the sound of the coach's whistle, I slowly began the walk back to where I would meet Bella, only casually listening as her and Newton left the court. At least until I heard him say my name.
"You and Cullen, huh?" I didn't like Newton's tone. He had finally decided to act on the thoughts he had been thinking all day.
"That's none of your business, Mike." I did like Bella's tone. It suggested she might unleash the fury of her racket on him again if he didn't watch what he said.
"I don't like it," Newton muttered back at her anyway.
"You don't have to," Bella snapped back at him.
I couldn't have agreed with her more. No matter how conflicted my own thoughts were about Bella and I being together, Newton didn't get a say.
"He looks at you like... like you're something to eat," he continued.
I froze in place. It was either that or risk setting a world record for the four hundred or so feet separating him from me.
Instead I focused on the strange, muted sound coming from Bella. Was she giggling? Figures she would find Newton's comment hilarious. That made one of us.
The conversation ended as abruptly as it had begun. Once I was sure I could control myself, I started moving again. I made my way to the side of the gym from which I knew Bella would emerge and waited.
I tried to judge Bella's mood, considering my disappearing act earlier, as I watched her walk over to where I leaned against the wall. She seemed to be happy to see me -- and relieved for some reason.
"Hi," she smiled warmly at me.
"Hello," I answered her with a smile of my own. "How was Gym?"
"Fine," she lied. Her face would have betrayed her even if her tone had not.
"Really?" I replied skeptically, momentarily splitting my attention. Newton caught my eye as he emerged from the gym. I really would like to have a word with him, but now wasn't the time. He was already headed in the other direction anyway.
"What?" Bella demanded, drawing my full attention back to her.
"Newton's getting on my nerves." I answered her truthfully.
"You weren't listening again?" She gasped, her tone thick with disapproval.
Well, if I was going to be in trouble anyway, I might as well come completely clean.
"How's your head?" I asked as innocently as possible, fighting back a laugh.
"You're unbelievable!" She accused before turning angrily and stomping away in the direction of the parking lot.
I laughed quietly to myself before taking off after her.
"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym -- it made me curious." I tried to sound earnest but I wasn't concealing my amusement very well. She obviously heard it too because she ignored me and continued to stomp on.
I let her fume in silence during the walk back to my car.
I should have expected the crowd of guys that had gathered around Rosalie's car, but as usual, Bella had distracted me. Just like I thought... anything bright and shiny... I rolled my eyes at their blind admiration.
"Ostentatious," I muttered to myself once I had successfully navigated through the crowd without so much so as a drool stain.
"What kind of car is that?" Bella asked, obviously taken with the size of the crowd of admirers.
"An M3."
"I don't speak Car and Driver." Bella pointed out. I was surprised she even knew the name of a car magazine.
"It's a BMW," I clarified, rolling my eyes at her.
We might as well have been invisible as far as the onlookers were concerned -- which normally was a good thing -- except that it made backing out a little inconvenient at the moment. I waited until I had successfully maneuvered us out of the parking spot before turning my attention back to Bella.
"Are you still angry?"
"Definitely." She answered immediately.
I sighed. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?"
"Maybe... if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again," she answered firmly.
"How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive Saturday?" I bargained.
She contemplated my terms for a moment but finally gave in with a "Deal."
"Then I'm very sorry I upset you," I apologized sincerely. I was sorry I had upset her... just not for spying on her. That had been well worth it. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added before she could see through my words.
"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."
I smirked. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."
"How --"
"Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car." I cut her off before she could start up with her endless questions.
She let that question drop but clearly she had others on her mind.
"Is it later yet?" she finally vocalized.
I frowned as her statement drew my thoughts back to our lunch conversation.
"I supposed it is later," I replied reluctantly.
I pulled my car up behind Bella's truck in the driveway and put it in park. Then I turned to her, preparing for the subject I knew was on her mind. She seemed momentarily distracted by our surroundings, but when she turned back to me the curiosity was clear in her eyes.
"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" I started.
I definitely still felt irritated at her request, but at the same time, I knew this wasn't what was really on her mind. I had to fight back a smirk as I thought about the look of genuine fear that flashed across her face as she processed my response at lunch.
"Well," she clarified, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."
"Did I frighten you?" I replied wickedly, knowing full well I had.
"No."
"I apologize for scaring you," I ignored her lie. "It was just the very thought of you being there... while we hunted." I tightened my jaw against the scenario my brain was trying to create, unable to continue the explanation.
"Would that be bad?" Bella pressed quietly.
"Extremely." I answered her without unlocking my jaw.
"Because...?" she persisted.
I tried to take a deep, cleansing breath before I answered but the air was full of Bella's scent. I stared out the window at the darkening sky in front of me, but I was seeing a very different scene in my head -- a dark forest full of the same scent.
"When we hunt," I began slowly, carefully choosing my words, "we give ourselves over to our senses... govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way..." I shook my head, trying to simultaneously expel the depression I suffered at the obvious outcome of that scenario, and the eagerness I experienced as part of me still longed to see it played out. I was still a monster after all.
My eyes flickered to Bella's face, as if to have her confirm the thought. Her face revealed nothing, but my eyes refused to let hers go.
Staring silently into her eyes in the confined space of my car, under the ever darkening sky, the same electrically charged atmosphere began to build between us. Suddenly the air seemed heavy, suffocating almost, and every fiber of my being seemed to constrict. My fingers recalled the burn of Bella's soft, hot skin as my mind once again began racing through the forbidden sensations... reaching out to trace the bone of her cheek, feel the plumpness of her lips, letting my fingers trail down her chin, along her jaw, feeling the tight muscles in her neck, the veins pulsing just beneath the surface...
Bella's jagged gasp for air snapped me back into reality. I closed my eyes against the images in my head, real and imaginative. I would have been gasping for air too had I any physiological need for it... my own breathing had ceased.
"Bella, I think you should go inside now." My eyes sought the safety of the clouds again but the roughness in my voice betrayed my internal struggle.
Bella complied silently, opening the door to step into the crisp outside air. Her warm, suffocating fragrance was replaced with the cool, clean air, helping to clear my head. Bella seemed to regain a little composure too as she climbed from the car and shut the door behind her.
Now that I could think straight again, I felt bad leaving Bella on such awkward terms. I rolled down the passenger side window to catch her.
"Oh, Bella?" I called.
"Yes?"
"Tomorrow it's my turn," I warned, smiling a little to help disarm her.
"Your turn to what?" she still seemed slightly concerned.
"Ask the questions." I smiled widely.
I was out of the driveway and down the street before she could even open her mouth to object.
That night Bella's room was charged with the same electric current we had fought twice that day already. I felt sure Bella could feel it too because she spent most of the night tossing and turning and awoke often. Each time she woke up, I became a statue, too panicked to move for fear that she would discover me. But each time she would turn over on her side and within a few minutes I would hear the familiar, deep breathing that meant she was asleep again. After she awoke for what must have been the tenth time in the early morning hours, I decided it was time to leave. Bella clearly wasn't going to get any sleep as long as I stuck around.
Instead I headed home to retrieve my Volvo and change clothes. I usually performed these tasks while Bella got ready for school herself, so I had a little more time than usual this morning. I headed into the living room where I found Alice and Emmett. I could hear Rosalie upstairs but I seriously doubted she would be joining us. It didn't sound like anyone else was home.
"Where's Carlisle?" I asked no one in particular. I had been hoping he could give me some insight into the weird current that seemed to be materializing between Bella and myself.
"He's at the hospital. They called him in about an hour ago." Alice was the one that answered. Her explanation was not alarming; Carlisle often volunteered to be on call, since he had no need for sleep.
I couldn't deny that I felt a little relieved I wouldn't have to see Carlisle tonight. While it would have been nice to get his opinion on what was happening between Bella and me, I really didn't want to know what he thought about my planned outing on Saturday.
But I did want to know what Alice thought. Bella had distracted me from Alice's thoughts at lunch today so I hadn't gotten to see any potentially negative outcomes. I walked over to where Alice was perched on the couch and sat down beside her.
"About this Saturday, with Bella..." I prompted.
I huge grin appeared on Alice's face and her eyes lit up. "You mean, about this weekend with Bella." She corrected.
She was right of course. I had been tentatively forming plans for the Sunday after our outing, assuming we made it that far.
"About this weekend then..." I paused, waiting. I had expected that Alice would start forming images the moment I brought the subject up, but she was keeping her thoughts carefully diverted. She watched my face as a look of frustration took over.
"No peeking," she teased me. "Where's the fun if you already know everything that happens ahead of time?" She continued. I didn't smile.
"Don't look so serious Edward. Everything will be fine. And of course, I will be more than happy to go hunting with you on Friday."
I glanced over to where Emmett sat. Alice followed my gaze.
"Don't bother asking him or Jasper. They are both betting against you. They are not going to do anything that might help tip the odds in your favor." She shook her head disapprovingly at him. Emmett grinned hugely at me.
"But in all seriousness Edward," Alice turned her attention back to me. Her voice dropped in volume. "Your future still has a lot of... indecision in it. Whatever you have been debating lately, it has been causing wide fluctuations in my visions. Please be careful."
"Besides," she continued in a much lighter tone, "I've already picked out the perfect outfit for Sunday. It would be a shame to let it go to waste."
I rolled my eyes at her and retreated up the stairs to my room. Typical Alice. At least she seemed to have confidence that everything would turn out alright this weekend. I just wished I felt the same confidence. Of course I was going to be careful, but how was I supposed to know which path was the correct one?
As I waited for Charlie to leave so I could pick Bella up for school the next morning, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. Bella had been wrong; Charlie was bringing up the Seattle trip again. Maybe now she would give in and tell him she would be with me. I knew it was a futile hope, but my eyes still narrowed slightly as I heard her carefully constructed answer that neither confirmed nor denied any change in plans. I sighed but decided not to bring it up with her. It's not like I wasn't fully aware of her stubbornness. Besides, she'd just be angry that I was eavesdropping again.
"Good morning," I addressed her happily as she climbed into my car. "How are you today?"
I scrutinized her face as I asked and immediately felt guilty. The dark circles under her eyes and puffy eyelids confirmed my suspicion that she hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep last night.
"Good, thank you." She replied simply.
"You look tired," I objected, letting my gaze linger on the circles under her eyes to help make my point.
"I couldn't sleep." She answered, subconsciously shifting her hair over her shoulder. I recognized her defense mechanism and decided not to press things.
"Neither could I," I teased to lighten the mood.
She laughed. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."
"I'd wager you did."
"So what did you do last night?" She asked me innocently.
I chuckled darkly. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."
"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" Her forehead creased in a look of concern.
What did she possibly have to be concerned about? I was the one who had to answer all the hard questions. My line up for her was a walk in the park compared to what I had been through.
"What's your favorite color?" I started at the top of my mental list.
She rolled her eyes. I guess it was quite a change from the types of questions we had been discussing over the past few days, but I was eager to know as much as possible about her. It was a little unusual for me also, considering I had never had a need to vocalize these questions before -- I usually just picked this kind of information out of people's thoughts. Still, while it was true that my mind would never forget any information it collected, I did need to hear the answer at least once. With Bella, that meant we had a lot of ground to cover.
"Probably brown," she answered.
I snorted despite my agenda. "Brown?" What good was asking her the question if she wasn't going to answer truthfully?
"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown -- tree trunks, rocks, dirt -- is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."
The seriousness of her rant made me realize that she hadn't just given me an impromptu answer -- she had actually thought about this. Come to think of it, she did complain a lot about green stuff in her sleep.
"You're right," I replied seriously, staring into her large, brown eyes. "Brown is warm."
I reached over to sweep her hair back behind her shoulder; it was partially blocking my view of her face.
I paused long enough to park in my usual spot at school before continuing on to the next question.
"What music is in your CD player right now?"
I listened as she named the band. I smiled to myself, reaching in my console to pull out the CD she had named. I considered this band to be a guilty pleasure of mine.
"Debussy to this?" I raised my eyebrow at her. She just kept her eyes down.
We spent the rest of the day in a similar fashion, me asking questions and her answering as simply as possible. I knew to press for more information when her cheeks turned scarlet. For the most part, she was very good about answering the questions to my satisfaction. Only once or twice did I actually have to coax an answer out of her.
I tried to ignore the familiar squeak of wheels in Biology, continuing on with my line of questioning almost up until the lights went out. Just like yesterday, Bella and I spent the hour fighting the strange pull that was trying to force us together. Had I been less greedy with the time I got to spend with Bella, I might have considered skipping Biology today.
Once again, the relief was immediate as soon as the lights were back on. And just like yesterday, the experience had left me with brooding thoughts and an urge to test my limits with Bella. Instead of continuing down my list of questions, Bella and I walked to the gym in silence again.
At least this time I consciously made the decision, painfully aware of my actions as I reached up to touch Bella's face for the second time ever. This time I allowed my hand to linger a little longer, trailing from temple to jaw. Although I immediately turned to leave without so much as a parting word again, I was able to maintain at least some composure this time as I did so. I had expected burning sensation in my throat and along the back of my hand -- I was prepared for them.
Keeping my wits about me had left me plenty of time to get to last period. Besides, I didn't dare spy on Bella in gym again so soon after her scolding.
My brooding thoughts had subsided by the time last period let out and I was ready to continue on with the inquisition. Bella greeted me with a warm smile as she emerged from the gym to join me. I smiled warmly in response before launching back into my cross-examination.
We had worked up to the more difficult questions now, ones that were so easily answered in one or two words. I wanted to know about Bella's life before she came to Forks. I was trying to imagine what she was like in what I would consider her natural environment -- where she was happiest. I enjoyed listening to her describe the minute details of her hometown, but it was hard too. Something about the look in her eyes as she described the large blue sky, the glow of the afternoon sun on the hills that rose about the valleys, left me with a sense of sadness. It must have been so hard for her to leave a place that obviously held such beauty for her.
Only the sound of Charlie's cruiser a few miles up the road interrupted our conversation. I tried to judge if I had enough time to squeeze one more question in before he arrived home, but decided I didn't want to rush Bella's answer.
"Are you finished?" Bella misread my momentary pause. She sounded relieved.
"Not even close -- but your father will be home soon."
"Charlie!" She sounded surprised. "How late is it?" She glanced at the clock to answer her own question.
"It's twilight," I answered her softly, letting my eyes drift to where the dim light from the setting sun would have been visible, were it not for the large storm clouds obscuring the view.
I couldn't help but contemplate the duality of the statement. Bella and I were finally breaking through all the hard parts -- the walls were down and all pretenses were dropped. We had overcome so much -- things were so much easier now that she knew the truth. But we still had so many insurmountable obstacles ahead of us. Our future together seemed so improbable, so impossible for us. The end seemed like the only outcome available to us -- the one certainty left. It felt like we were enjoying the last fleeting moments of a relationship doomed to darkness.
"It's the safest time of day for us," I turned my eyes back to Bella, trying to answer the question in her eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" A sad smile crossed my face.
"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She frowned, glancing out the windshield at the sky full of clouds. "Not that you see them much here," she added.
I laughed. Bella had a way of seeing the good in everything, whether it truly existed or not.
"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday..." I made the offer one last time.
"Thanks, but no thanks," she quickly turned it down. She began collecting her books. "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"
"Certainly not!" I faked outrage at the thought. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"
"What more is there?" She replied wearily.
I smiled. "You'll find out tomorrow."
I had just reached over to help her open the door, since her hands were full of school books, when I heard it. A car was approaching. It wasn't Charlie -- he was still a couple of blocks away. But the mind in the car wasn't foreign to me either. It was a mind I hadn't heard in a very long time, but I would have recognized it anywhere. This was a Quileute -- and there was no chance he wasn't going to recognize me.
"Not good" I muttered to myself. I was still frozen in place, my hand on Bella's door handle.
"What is it?" My change in mood had alarmed Bella.
I glanced up at her. I didn't have enough time to explain -- Charlie was almost here.
"Another complication," I answered her glumly.
I flung her door opened and as quickly as possibly retreated as far from her as I could get. I knew it wouldn't matter -- it was too late. This Quileute was going to jump to conclusions regardless of what I did now.
"Charlie's around the corner," I warned Bella in a low voice. She had been distracted by the dark car that had pulled up to the curb a few feet away from us. She hopped out at once.
The headlights from the parked car flooded the interior of my car. I was right -- the passenger of the car immediately recognized me. He didn't know my full name, but he knew I was a Cullen, and he knew what that meant.
I glared through the painfully bright headlights at the passenger of the car. I willed him to understand the look on my face -- the look that said that I knew what he was thinking and that he was wrong about Bella and me. I had no intentions of breaking our treaty with them so he had no right to interfere. Forks was neutral ground.
He registered my look as nothing but defiance and his thoughts followed suit. Now wasn't the time to fight this battle, Charlie would be here any second, but I knew I was just postponing the inevitable.
I revved the engine and peeled out of the driveway, disappearing from sight just as Charlie would have been rounding the corner. I didn't slow down the entire drive home. My mind raced as I tried to figure out why a Quileute had shown up at Bella's house.
I needed to get back to Bella's as soon as possible.