Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or Orbit, or any other things mentioned here in my fanfics. Enjoy.

"Poppycock!" Light cursed as he entered the room.

"Would Light-kun kindly shut the frazzles up!" L retorted.

Aizawa stubbed his toe onto the leg of the wooden table. "FISHSTICKS ON TOOTHPASTE! THAT HURT LIKE SPRINKLES!" he cried.

"You tally whackers need to shut your lumps!" the teen hissed. He picked up a slice of lemon pie and tossed it directly at Aizawa's forehead.

"MY PIE!" L shouted. "YOU DESTROYED MY PIE YOU WHIZ BANGER!" The detective charged at Light with an apple.

"YOU CAN'T HURT ME YOU HOLLAWANG!" Light challenged.

L screamed and smashed the apple right on Light's crotch.

"MY PIXIE STICK!" Light yelled in pain, tenderly holding his injured area.

"Holy pimps on a salesman! What the skittles is going on in here!" Soichiro ran over to comfort his bewildered son.

"RYUZAKI BROKE MY DRIED CARROT!" Light cried to his father.

L pointed at the teen. "BECAUSE THAT SUCKABAGGER RUINED MY PIE!" he defended.

"THAT WANG DINGY ALSO HIT ME IN THE FACE!" Aizawa added.

"GO SUCK ON MY POPCORN YOU CORNERIAS!" Light slapped them both.

"Light!" Soichiro scolded, "Calm down or I'll have to ship your fizzle tinder in a box to Antarctica!"

Intermission

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End of intermission

Soichiro had rubbed Light's mouth with deodorant and taped it shut.

Light attempted to launch a barrage of curses at the old man, but the evil duct tape had muffled him.

Stupid tape.

Soichiro was giving his son one of the worst lectures of all time. The teen could feel his brain swell, ready to burst. If my brain is going to explode, can it happen sooner, like right now?

While Soichiro as pacing back and forth, he slipped on an obviously noticeable slice of lemon pie on the floor, fell on his spine, and broke his brittle old back.

"OH MY POPSICLES! WHO THE PUMPERNICKEL WOULD LEAVE A WALLY TACKING PIECE OF PIE ON THE COT ROCKING FLOOR! MY BACK! OH FISHEN WAGEN! LUMPER PUMPS! CROTCHETY DOODLES! TIMBLE TWIGS! CAN ANYONE HELP MY KICKER BANGING BACK!"

Matsuda walked by the pained old man and stuffed multiple pieces of gum into his gaping mouth.

"Orbit cleans another dirty mouth :D" He explained cheerily.

L whacked Matsuda on the head with a pretzel stick. "Shut up you jabber wicker, and take the tape of Light-kun's mouth."

Light shook his head furiously. No! Anyone but MATSUDA! He could feel the detectives eerie smirk burning his insides.

"Okay!" Matsuda agreed quickly. He skipped up to the tied up teen and grabbed hold of the tape.

"In three, okay Light-kun?"

Before Light could answer, the officer had already started counting.

Well…something close to that.

"1, apple pie, umbrella, princess dress, flying unicorns, 6, 4, rainbow glaze, butler tea, 9, 2, 5, 76, 24, peanuts!"

"OH WOULD YOU JUST YANK IT OFF ALREADY!" L shouted and ripped the tape off the brunette's mouth.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOW!" Light cupped his hands over his scarred lips. He rolled across the carpet in fetal position.

"PERRY WINKLE! OSMOSIS! HOLLA JABBAH! MY LIPS ARE BURNING!"

The detective shrugged his shoulders. "At least your hair looks fine."

Light paused and glared at L.

"B*tch…"

I know, I know...

This isn't an addition to the heat wave contest...

I've got a writer's block for watching too much Kuroshitsuji...I love that anime..

So yeah, I can't concentrate! Gaaaaaah!

Please forgive me!

But this was an idea I had for a while, so enjoy! :D

Reviews to help boost my inspiration :3