A week later, Donna had two doctors' appointments to see if they were going to release her for even light duty. But she knew more than likely they would not release her. Donna knew she wasn't ready to come back; didn't know if by some miracle they released her how she would do her job. She was feeling weak and was thinking of not coming back at all. She never said anything to anyone—she was too ashamed.
The first appointment was with her personal physician, Dr. Linda McNickles. When Donna and Hank arrived, Donna was called in to get weighed.
Linda asked: "Are you still eating small meals?"
Quietly, Donna replied, "I am trying to, really I am, but it's hard when nothing sounds good." She was almost in tears.
"Good news," Linda announced after reading the scale. "You haven't lost, but you haven't gained any. Let's go back to my examination room and talk. Maybe we can come up with something."
"Okay," Hank said, answering for Donna when she remained silent. He knew for some reason it was a rougher day than normal, and he didn't know how to help her.
Donna just silently walked with her head down. They all sat in the room, but Dr. McNickles wanted to do a quick examination. "Donna, let me check you real quick and take some blood," Linda said.
Donna simply nodded okay. When Linda took the blood sample, Donna put her head on Hank's shoulder and started to cry due to her hatred of needles. Dr. McNickles patted Donna's shoulder to let her know she was done. Her heart was breaking for her patient, because she knew Donna was struggling and was trying to help her. Gently, she asked, "Are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you…"
"I'm okay," Donna replied. "Just don't like needles at all. Let me guess: you're not releasing me for duty."
Linda shook her head. "I am sorry, but I'm not. We have to get you to gain some weight. Are you still feeling sick to your stomach?"
"Sometimes I am, but not always," Donna answered truthfully. "It is getting better, but still nothing sounds good. I'm still tired. I wake up and can't go back to sleep. I've tried tea, warm milk… nothing seems to work."
"I can give you some thing for your stomach and a mild sleep aid," Linda said as a suggestion.
"Okay," said Donna. "Would I have to take them all the time—or just when I need them?"
"Only when you need to," replied Dr. McNickles.
Donna nodded and said, "Okay." She was at the end of her rope and knew she needed something.
"Any questions for me as I write these out for you?" Linda asked.
Hank spoke up. "Yes, I have one: Are we clear to have relations?"
With a small smile, Linda replied: "Yes, but go slow and gentle."
"Okay, thanks," Hank said.
Linda handed Donna the prescriptions. "I will call you when your blood work gets back."
"Thank you, Doctor McNickles," Hank stated as they stood up to leave.
When they got to the car Donna was in tears. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" asked Hank. "You seem to be having a rough day."
"I woke up missing them so much today," Donna responded glumly.
"I know you miss them," Hank said, "but we really need to go see them."
"Fine," said Donna. "We can call Sam and see what he has to say."
Hank said with relief, "Okay!" Then asked: "What do you want for lunch?"
After a brief pause, Donna said, "Chinese. I'd love broccoli and beef with egg rolls."
Hank said happily, "Chinese it is."
When they got to their favourite Asian cuisine restaurant, Donna ordered her beef and broccoli with egg rolls and a diet Coke. Hank put in a request for sweet and sour chicken with wontons and a Coke. When their food got to the table, Donna reached over and snatched one Hank's wontons and a piece of his chicken. Hank just smiled and offered her more. Donna shook her head no, and eventually ate almost all of her own meal.
The next stop was Dr. Luria's office, who called them in as soon as they arrived.
"How are you both doing today?" Amanda asked.
Donna answered first. "I'm okay… I'm just really missing them today. We've decided we're going to call Sam and see when we can go see them."
Next, Hank said: "And I'm okay. We had Chinese before we came here. I'm happy to say Donna ate almost all of her meal, and even stole a piece of my sweet and sour chicken and a wonton."
Pleased to hear this, Dr. Luria said, "Donna, that's very good. Is there anything you want to talk about in particular today?"
"I'm not ready to go back," Donna said, addressing her fears. "I don't know if I even want to. But I'm not deciding on anything yet. I love my team, but I think Sam would do a better job than I would."
"Why do you think that?" asked Dr. Luria.
Donna said, "When I fell apart, he took over; got everything done. He's doing a great job with them now."
"I know Sam would never want to take over for good," remarked Dr. Luria. "He's just trying to help out. When you go back, you will be in charge again and you'll all work together."
With tears in her eyes—and not quite ready to believe Dr. Luria's words— Donna said, "Okay."
"When you go see them, afterwards you can come here, or call me," Dr. Luria said. "Okay?"
Donna said, "Okay, but I'm scared to go. I know I'm going to fall apart, and there is nothing I can do about it. Then everyone will see how weak I am."
"First, you are not weak," Dr. Luria said firmly. "And yes, it will hurt, but you need to do this."
"Okay," Donna sighed.
After the therapy session concluded, the couple got up to leave. Amanda shook Hank's hand and gave Donna a hug. When they got to the car, Donna was quiet like she always was when they were done with an appointment with the SRU psychologist. Hank, as usual, never pushed her to talk.
Finally arriving home, Donna sat on the couch with her phone to call Sam. Hank came and sat down her next to her to give her support. Donna eventually worked up the courage to call Sam.
"Hi, Donna; How are you?" asked Sam when he answered.
"I'm okay, but I need your help," said Donna.
Sam said with worry, "What can I do?"
"I need to go see them, but I can't do it by myself. I'm just too weak for that."
"Donna, you are not weak," Sam stated. "Let me talk to the team. We are off this weekend, so maybe Saturday will do."
"Okay, Saturday. Thanks, Sam," Donna said, relieved to have gotten that step out of the way.
After saying goodbye and hanging up, Sam got Team Three and Team One together along with Commander Holleran. They discussed the possibility of finding time to go with Donna to see their deceased teammates. All agreed on a time on Saturday afternoon. The teams filed out of the briefing room, but Holleran stayed behind with Sam and shut the door.
"I'm going to be in contact with the other teams that are not on duty at that time," Norm said. "I'll see if they can come join you."
"Thank you, Commander," Sam said gratefully, knowing how much that support would be helpful to Donna. Holleran nodded and left the room to speak with the off-duty teams; Sam called Donna to tell her the time for the meet-up on Saturday. After speaking with Sam and confirming the time, Donna lay down to sleep on the couch and slept for a few hours.