A/N: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! Life got so hectic this summer, and even though I tried to write often, I just couldn't seem to write anything I was happy with. I also had to decide a few things and where to take this story, and, knowing me, that took forever. But here we are, and I present to you chapter 11 aka the beginning of the end.
I apologize in advance for any writing errors due to me rushing the chapter a little, and I'll be sure to reply reviews for chapter 10 as soon as possible! I'm actually sitting in my car writing this; the chapter's been 80% done forever and I just wanted to finish it before I leave for a little holiday trip, because, well you guys give me life. Nothing makes me happier than receiving your beautiful reviews; I literally sit and smile like an idiot whenever a new review ticks in. It means so much to me.
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and please do share your thoughts about it! I'll be reading your reviews while soaking up the sun in Mexico where I'll be celebrating my birthday, yay! I LOVE U ALL
I want to give a special thanks to Jessielee14 and Monsterpaws for their incredible support of this story. I'm in awe by your kind words!
Chapter 11: Hunger
She watched him from above, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled to herself.
He was walking next to Ichijou as they patrolled the palace gardens; the two appeared to be chatting idly as she watched their mouths move. Ichijou's face was bright and cheery; it seemed like he was the eternal bearer of good news – it seemed almost impossible that such a bright person as Ichijou himself could ever speak ill of anything. He seemed unguarded almost as he gestured with his hands while speaking.
Kaname was a whole other story.
Her eyes kept returning to his handsome face, adoring his strong jawline and the mystery of his eyes. His face betrayed nothing; as always, he was unreadable to an untrained eye, seemingly uninterested in what Ichijou was saying.
Yuuki shook her head, momentarily forgetting her nausea.
She adored him.
Even when he was like this; stoic-faced and cold, she adored him, because she knew what lay beneath his mask. She knew the man no one else knew; she saw him every night in her bedroom; felt his gentle touch and passionate kisses; listened to his sweet words and gazed into his eyes filled with love. She knew him like no other and prized herself for having such a privilege in her life.
That brave knight was her entire world.
Being separated from him hurt more than anything else.
She placed her hand against the window, wishing she could touch him.
Just one more time, I want to be with him. Gods, how long must you punish us for our crime of loving one another?
"I've identified the cause of death, Jouusama," Kaien said.
Clearing her throat, Yuuki turned around and faced her uncle.
"And?"
He eyed her pensively, hazel eyes filled with conflicting emotion. "Are you sure you want to know?"
"What do you mean?"
Kaien pushed his glasses up his nose as he glanced briefly at the document in his hands. "When you open this Pandora's box, there is no way of closing it. The truth will unleash a myriad of consequences; possibly hurt you and the one you love – are you sure you want to know?"
Yuuki turned towards the window again, her eyes immediately landing on Kaname's back as he and Ichijou walked away.
"I owe it to him," she whispered, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "And I owe it to her and my father-in-law to uncover the truth and make sure justice is served. Besides…" She turned back to Kaien with a look of determination in her eyes. "I believe I already know what you are about to say."
"Juuri died of a fatal heart attack," he declared. The autopsy – which was buried deep in the records – revealed that she had traces of Deadly Nightshade in her system – Belladonna, a special import."
Yuuki closed her eyes, mourning Kaname's mother.
Another woman made a victim because of the crown. Another woman caught up in the web of entitled royals who believed themselves mightier than the common people.
A doting mother and a beloved concubine, forever lost.
She opened her eyes again, willing her tears to go away. "And I suppose the order that was sent out for the poison was signed by the young prince at the time?"
Kaien inhaled, holding his breath. It was treason to even suggest the king had a finger in the murder of an innocent woman, yet…
"Yes," he exhaled, the breath leaving his lungs along with the truth. "Under the pretense of using it as medication for an ongoing illness…"
An eerie silence settled over the two occupants of the room. Neither could properly express themselves at the moment; the knowledge of the king's crime and its severity settled like a noose around their necks, choking them with its undeniable brutality.
First came denial; then came acceptance.
Sadness filled her heart as she imagined a young Kaname sitting next to the lifeless body of his mother; her heart constricted at the confirmation that the late king Haruka had indeed died of a broken heart having tragically lost the love of his life and mother of his child.
And then came rage, soaring through her veins and bubbling in her blood.
Her fists tightened against her sides as every muscle in her body stiffened.
"Bastard," she spit out.
"Yuuki…" Kaien said worriedly, aware of her temper when it was roused from its slumber. "Do not act rashly with this knowledge. Don't do something you will regret. Take a deep breath, please."
Yuuki inhaled and exhaled, trying her best to calm her rage. For such a long time she'd hated Rido; she'd hated his lies and his violence; his fake exterior and his words of hatred. But now… now, she loathed him.
Amidst her hatred, she felt a new wave of protectiveness wash over her. It was similar to what she'd felt during the trial when she spoke up on Kaname's behalf and defended him. Back then, she couldn't bear the sight of him on his knees being degraded in front of the king when he was innocent on all accounts.
She'd always known Rido and Kaname's relationship was strained; it was only natural with the nature of their relation, but before she became Kaname's lover, she'd merely thought it was requited animosity on both sides.
But as she got to know Kaname; as she watched the two interact and learned of the tasks Rido made Kaname perform, she realized quickly that the hatred Rido harbored for Kaname ran deeper than sibling rivalry.
No, Rido was exacting a long-standing vendetta; a vendetta that had begun the moment Rido's mother, late Queen Shizuka, took her life.
Her husband was a killer worse than any she'd ever known; a snake in the garden that killed in secret and let its victims rot on the sidelines.
No more.
She would tolerate his torture of Kaname no more.
Kaname had protected her for so long; saved her life, healed her wounds… now it was time for her to protect him.
"I will heed your advice, oji-san," she said calmly, squaring her shoulders. "I will not succumb to my immediate impulse to murder that bastard."
She quirked her eyebrow as Kaien's shoulders visibly relaxed.
"If you could do me another favor, could you please look into councilman Isaya Souto and his relation to the king?"
"Yes," Kaien replied, confusion clear on his features. "Of course I can, but… why…?"
"I don't trust him." Yuuki replied, recalling the elder's cold grey eyes. "There is something about him that screams danger, so I want to know what kind of influence he has over Rido."
Furthermore, she had yet to forget the fact that had it not been for Isaya whispering in the king's ear at the hearing, Kaname might've gotten a far worse punishment than the one he was currently enduring. She wondered why the stranger had offered such a kindness their way – and more importantly, what he wanted in return.
"Very well, I will look into it. But before you leave, about your nausea…" Kaien paused. "I think it would be best if you avoided alcohol for the time being, including tomorrow's celebration. You are still in recovery."
Yuuki nodded. "I will follow your advice. I'm tired of being ill all the time."
"Yes, it is definitely strange," Kaien pursed his lips. "Did you say you were suffering from occasional dizziness and drowsiness?"
"Yes," Yuuki yawned. "Essentially, I'm just very tired."
"I see…" Kaien mumbled, shuffling through his papers. "Well, your immune system was weakened due to your previous malnutrition, so I'm sure your recent illness was a shock to your system. I'm sure it's nothing serious, but I will keep monitoring your health for now for good measure."
"Thank you for taking such care of me, oji-san." Yuuki smiled, for some reason feeling moved by his concern.
"It is my duty," he replied calmly as she came over to him. "Here," he said, handing her the documents, "in here is all you need to know about her death and the poison used. Be very careful when handling these; you must make sure they don't end up in the wrong hands."
"Of course," Yuuki promised, clutching the papers tightly to her chest. "I will make sure no one knows about this."
"It's a little tight…" Yuuki mumbled.
"But Jouusama, the measurements are the same as your last ones…"
She'd always been indifferent to her fittings; sure, the dresses and the jewels were beautiful creations worthy of appreciation, but to her they failed to tide her over her eternal discontentment in the palace. As she stared in the mirror, she saw a mirage of herself; it was Jouusama Yuuki staring back – the cold and regal woman who was adored by the people of their kingdom.
The woman in the mirror didn't display her heartache and sorrow; she didn't show the wound in her heart that came from her loveless marriage and neglectful family; nor did it show her painful yearning for her knight and lover.
Jouusama Yuuki was a lie; an illusion created by herself and the palace to sway the kingdom.
A beautiful lie.
"Have you… um…" The maid stuttered and blushed, her eyes lowered in respect.
"Gained weight?" Yuuki let a rare smile manifest on her face. "Perhaps. I'm sure the king will be delighted."
"I-I didn't mean it like that!" The maid spluttered, hazel eyes widening. "A-also, there aren't big changes just, just a few inches, minimal really-"
"It's okay," Yuuki interrupted. "Please make the proper arrangements for my dress to be adjusted in time."
"H-hai, Jouusama," the maid bowed, resuming her work on the seams.
Gained weight, hm? Yuuki studied herself in the mirror. She couldn't really detect any visible changes on herself; truth be told, she had no idea of what her ideal weight was. Having spent the past years going up and down on the scale, she'd lost track of her appearance. Will he notice?
Her only concern was whether Kaname approved or not; as long as he desired her, she was happy with her appearance. It was also a bonus that he was no longer nagging at her to eat more; god knows she'd grown tired of his incessant surveillance of her eating habits.
Yuuki smiled to herself. Though it had been annoying, his nagging was the reason she regained her health and lived to see the love between them unfold.
I hope I see him tomorrow…
Thinking of him reminded her of the information she'd just discovered. There was no doubt in her mind that Rido was behind the death of Kaname's mother; her heart broke knowing that Kaname could still have his parents with him now had it not been for Rido's cruel interference in his life. Kaname could've been another man entirely; perhaps he'd never entered knighthood if his parents had lived; he wouldn't be littered with scars and looked down upon in the public eye; perhaps his father would've made him his rightful heir, and he'd ascend the throne,,.
Had it not been for Juuri's sudden death, the king wouldn't have died from heartbreak. And had the king lived, Kaname would've been the man Yuuki would marry at the tender age of 18.
Yuuki's fist tightened at her sides, realizing what cruel events Rido's actions had set in motion. How many lives he'd ruined in his own selfish quest to avenge his mother.
He's always protecting me… now it's my turn to protect him.
"Yori, is it?" Yuuki questioned.
The maid stilled. "Y-yes?"
"You've always taken great care of me," Yuuki tilted her head, watching the girl via the mirror. "Don't think I haven't noticed your dedication."
"I… admire Jouusama very much," the maid admitted, blushing slightly. "Your grace and strength; I know… I know the hardships you go through, a-and as your servant I want to protect you."
It was true. Yuuki had never spoken much with Yori before, but out of all the maids, she was the one she was closest with. Somehow she trusted the hazel-eyed girl, even without knowing much of her. Though she was not the head of the maids, she outdid her role and was always consistent in her services.
Furthermore, she had always taken care of Yuuki in her weakest moments.
"Jouusama…" Yori whispered gently, bending down to the queen's level where she wept on the bed.
"Leave." Yuuki commanded, hiding behind her bangs.
"I… have brought you a herbal mixture to help speed up the healing of your wounds. M-may I please apply them to your wounds, your highness?"
Yuuki raised her chin, revealing her tear-filled eyes and the angry bruise on right cheek. "I don't want your pity."
"Pity is not what I'm offering, your highness," Yori whispered. "I'm offering you a remedy that will heal the wounds, so your beauty may be preserved. Will you let me help you?"
Yuuki's bottom lip quivered. Yes, yes… her beauty. Yes, she needed to take care of her beauty. No one could see her in such a state; bruised and battered; no, she needed to remain perfect. No one could know the truth behind her marriage and her failure as a woman.
All she had was her beauty, and she could control it. It was her only power.
Yuuki nodded quietly, tipping her chin slightly more upwards.
Yori applied the remedy gently, mindful of Yuuki's hisses whenever the raw and tender skin reacted to the herbs.
"There," she said when she was finished, "it should heal in no time. I will leave you to your privacy, your highness, but should there be anything else you need I am only a call away." She bowed and quickly made her way to the door.
"What is your name?" Said the queen, her voice regal and powerful.
"Yori," she replied, turning around and bowing.
For a split second, the ice queen's eyes filled with warmth.
"Thank you."
"I place great trust in you, Yori. I think you already know that." Yuuki's voice was calm and soft, carrying a hint of authority that the younger maid immediately recognized.
"H-hai, Jouusama," Yori bowed. "I don't take it lightly."
"Good," Yuuki nodded. "It is because I trust you that I ask this favor from you."
Yori's eyes widened, her curiosity piqued. "What is it?"
"You are often in charge of the medicinal herb inventory of the palace, are you not?"
"Yes, your highness." Yori nodded.
Yuuki paused slightly, carefully choosing her words. "Oftentimes, you… oversee the mixture of various healing ointments and tea, correct?"
"Yes, your highness. Where are you-"
"Can you order Deadly Nightshade?"
"Deadly Nightshade?" Yori's eyes widened in alarm. "A-as in Belladonna? It's extremely poisonous-"
"I know." Yuuki replied tersely.
Yori blinked as she watched the queen, decoding her intention; Yuuki could see the struggle in her eyes as she debated on her reply. Unbeknownst to the maid, Yuuki's heart was pounding in her chest, pumping adrenaline through her veins as she awaited the maid's reply.
"Yes, your highness," the hazel-eyed girl nodded.
Yuuki released the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "It must be as discreetly as possible; do what you can to get a hold of it and keep it off the records. No one can trace this back to me or you, do you understand?"
"I do, Jouusama. What… If I may ask, for what purpose do you need the poison?"
"I will tell you what to make of it in due time," Yuuki replied. "For now, it must be kept a secret between the two of us. I will reward you greatly for your loyalty and bravery."
Yori bowed respectfully. "Serving you is my duty. Being loyal to you and you only is my personal choice."
The ball was a complete bore.
Yuuki eyed her untouched wine. Nothing's changed, then.
As always, Rido paraded her around like a jewel; she clung to his arm like any good wife, smiling and laughing along as they spoke with nobles and other important figures within politics.
Fake smiles. Lies. Forced laughter. More lies.
Her only remedy was the eyes burning into her back; his stare, burning with desire and lust, she was sure, remained on her the entire night. She never looked back at him; she couldn't risk it – after all, they were supposed to be separated following the trial and his punishment. One wrong look in his direction would cause a mayhem of rumors to arise – and she could not let their already fragile relationship be further jeopardized.
Her narcissistic side delighted in his stare, of course. It made her stand taller and straighter; it made her swish her hips more so than usual, adding what she could of her charm to her movements. The nobles in the room were fooled; they thought she looked beautiful for them; that she moved ladylike yet seductively for them – but it was all for him.
Her lover.
The one she longed to touch and see again. Kaname.
Three syllables slipping from her tongue late at night as she dreamt of his touch, only to wake up in her own glistening sweat.
It was torture having him so close yet so far.
She sensed the conversation around her die out; she excused herself quietly from the king's grasp, going to the back of the room as discreetly as possible. Her eyes searched the area, looking for him.
Instead, she found Yori approaching her cautiously.
"I have made the necessary arrangements for your request, Jouusama. The shipment will be here tomorrow."
Yuuki nodded, conveying with her gaze the seriousness of the situation. "Thank you. You may be dismissed."
Yori nodded and rushed away.
Knowing that she'd just secured the poison made her feel slightly self-conscious; at once she felt like everyone in the room knew what she was hiding and were ready to accuse her. The need to flee the ballroom area intensified by the second, but as she turned to leave, she felt someone grab her arm and steer her away.
Kaname.
He brought her to darkened room and demanded his gift; yet another one of her crimes coming back to haunt her, and she couldn't resist his charm. But he was not satisfied with just a kiss; he wanted all that she could offer and more. Feeling slightly paranoid, she protested at first, but like always, his touch made her worries melt away like ice on a summer's day.
Oh, her lover was vicious and hungry; she secretly loved his possessive touch and succumbed far too easily than she would've liked. But in his eyes she could sense the sadness; could sense the grief he harbored over not being able to be by her side; to touch her when he wanted; to feel her when he wanted; to call her name and not be chastised for breaking the social norms surrounding their public relationship.
And she understood him all too well; and in her sympathy, she became so reckless that she dared to hold his hand in public as they escaped to her chambers.
But that was not her gravest mistake that night.
Blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
"You… How could you?"
Then the eyes narrowed; rage blossomed in his depths as his cheeks reddened. Animosity replaced the shock and horror that had previously filled the young man's eyes.
Yuuki took a protective step in front of Kaname.
"You bastard," the blonde sneered, eyes trained on Kaname. "How could you?"
"I can explain…" Yuuki whispered, holding out her hand in front of her as her heart raced.
At once, the boy unsheathed his sword in a swift move. "Putting your filthy hands on her highness; you dare defile the queen in such a way, you filthy bastard! You will die for this!"
Kaname was no step behind, his sword unsheathed the moment he sensed the other male draw his. In his eyes was fire unlike any other; it thrived off of the blonde's words as Kaname grit his teeth.
"I'd like to see you try, little boy," Kaname sneered, raising his sword.
"How pathetic that those will be your last words, you rapist," Aidou sneered.
"Were you not listening properly, or were you too busy spying on your queen to notice that she very much willingly enjoyed my filthy hands on her?" Kaname grinned wickedly. "Admit it, you wish it was you in my place."
"BASTARD!" Aidou yelled, raising his sword.
"Enough!" Yuuki stepped between the two, holding out her hands. "Stop this nonsense!"
"Yuuki!" Kaname growled. "Get out of the way so I can end his pathetic life!"
"You wish, you toad-faced wannabe knight!" Aidou yelled, his face bright red.
"Toad-faced? Wannabe knight?" Kaname spluttered increduosly. "You just signed your death-certificate, you f-"
"Enough," Yuuki screamed. "Both of you!"
The two men kept staring at each other above Yuuki's petite frame, daring the other to make a move as they both lowered their swords.
Yuuki gave Kaname a stern look, to which he only raised his eyebrows in challenge.
She shook her head and glared at him. "I will deal with you later. Return to my chambers."
"And let you walk off with him?" Kaname balked. "I will not-"
"Now, Kaname," Yuuki growled. "That was not a request; that was an order."
Behind her, Aidou stuck his tongue out at Kaname.
"That's right, listen to your master, dog," Aidou smirked.
"Shut up!" Yuuki yelled, turning briefly towards the blue-eyed guard before returning to Kaname.
"Leave, Kaname. Now." Her voice softened slightly, begging him to concede.
Kaname gaped increduously, looking between the queen and that brat. When Yuuki refused to back down, he huffed angrily and turned, walking briskly down the hallway.
Yuuki inhaled and exhaled, steeling herself.
Men will always act like children. Even Kaname, apparently.
"You!" She swerved around and pointed at Aidou.
"How," she hit his arm, "dare," she hit his chest, "you," she hit his other arm, "meddle," she hit his chest and his arms repeatedly, "in my affairs!?"
"Ouch!" Aidou yelled, stepping away from her assault. "I was only looking out for you!"
"Looking out for me how?" Yuuki demanded angrily. "By trying to kill Kaname?"
"That bastard put his hands on you!" Aidou flushed, raising his voice. "H-he touched you in places… places that someone like him shouldn't… shouldn't have access to!"
"I let him," Yuuki replied calmly. "Did you fail to notice that?"
"You're under his spell," Aidou countered desperately. "He must've slipped you something; bewitched you over time, because there is no way-"
"I love him," Yuuki said softly.
Aidou paused. "You… love him?"
"Yes."
"Him?"
"Yes."
"That… that toad face?!"
Yuuki rolled her eyes. "Does he look like a toad to you?"
"Yes!" Aidou hissed, crossing his arms. "How can you love a toad?"
Yuuki shook her head, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "For the last time, he's not a toa-"
"How can you love a toad and not me?"
There was something in his voice that made her look up. Instead of a face flushed in anger, she found blue eyes drenched in unshed tears staring back at her. Her mouth opened slightly in shock as she witnessed the heartache on his face.
"Aidou…" She whispered.
"After all this time, I still…" He whispered, voice crumbling. "My eyes won't leave you whenever you're in the room. On the days I can't see you, I miss you and wonder where you are. When he… When he violates me, I think about your smile to forget the pain. I think about the beautiful woman who bears all this pain with such grace…"
Hot tears spilled down Yuuki's cheeks.
"I have loved you for such a long time, and now… you have fallen in love with another man." Aidou chuckled humorlessly, his pearl white teeth reflecting the light as he grinned sadly. "I am too late, as always."
A strangled sob left Yuuki. "Aidou, I-"
"Please don't cry, Yuuki," he whispered, brushing away her tears with his right hand, his thumb lingering on her cheek. "You're still beautiful when you cry – how do you expect me to resist?"
"I…" Yuuki sniffled. "I had no idea you felt this strongly about me, I… I care deeply for you, Aidou. I always have; for the longest time you were the rock I held onto in this palace. If… If I had known, I would've-"
Aidou smiled wistfully. "Perhaps it is my own fault for being so late, or perhaps you were always destined to fall in love with a toad face…"
Yuuki giggled despite her tears. "Oh, stop. This is what you always do… trying to make me laugh and smile even when you are in pain. I don't deserve your love."
Aidou stepped closer, cradling her face in his hands as he leaned down. "You have it anyway."
He launched his arms around her, caging her in a hug before leaning back and kissing her forehead. His lips lingered on her skin before he finally pulled back.
Yuuki's eyes watered at the tender gesture, watching as turned and walked away.
"I don't like him," he announced, halting a few feet away and looking over his shoulder, blue eyes twinkling as he smirked.
"But if he makes you happy, I will accept it. Just remember… I am always on your side, Yuuki."
She walked in a daze to her chambers, mulling over the conversation she'd just had with Aidou, her heart feeling heavy in her chest.
I always knew he loved me, but not like this. Today he showed me his heart and I…
"Jouusama, he's inside." Takuma smiled, gesturing towards her door when she approached.
She nodded absentmindedly, reaching for the handle.
"Um…"
"What it is it?" She turned at the sound of his hesitant mumble.
Takuma's brows furrowed. "Did you piss him off or something?"
"Huh?" Yuuki gaped.
"I've never seen him like this. So… on edge," he frowned. "He's been pacing the floors for the past half hour – I'm pretty sure there's a hole in the woodwork somewhere from his pacing. Did something happen?"
Yuuki released a sigh, grasping the handle. "Just his male pride getting the best of him."
She entered her chambers and closed the door behind her, watching as her knight paced the floors, confirming Takuma's earlier remark. She couldn't help but admire his elegant gait and how his luscious hair moved as he walked.
Even when she was annoyed with him, he still managed to distract her with his handsome features.
When he failed to notice her, she crossed her arms and leaned against the door.
"Are you done?" She questioned
His eyes snapped towards her immediately as he halted in the middle of the room. Garnet hues scanned every inch of her, looking for possible signs of injury or distress.
"Are you all right?" He asked, eyes narrowing.
"Of course I am," she sighed, pushing off the wall. "He would never hurt me."
"Is that so?" He sneered. "He seemed quite opposed to my relation to you; who knows, perhaps he was about to forcefully scrub you clean from my 'filthy' touch. Steal you away, even."
"And you were such a prime example of levelheaded poise and rationality earlier?"
His eyes darkened. "I will defend what's mine."
The way he said it; the possessive emphasis on the word made an involuntary shiver travel down her spine.
I'm already yours, dummy.
"There was no need to be so harsh with him," she chastised, taking a few steps forward. "He is my dearest friend in the palace, and he was there for me in a time where you were not in my life. He's very dear to me."
"You say he's a friend," he hissed, "yet the way he looks at you suggests that he harbors feelings that go beyond the friendly realm. Do you really expect me to not be wary of him?"
She glanced at the floor, fighting a small smile that threatened to unveil itself. He was right; he had every reason to be suspicious over Hanabusa's intentions. Still…
"Yuuki, you seem to forget that while I am your humble servant, I am also the first and only man who laid claim on you," Kaname spoke darkly, a possessive glint in his eyes.
She swallowed, remembering their tryst earlier in THE SERVANTS ROOM and his sinful hands on her body as he molded her like putty in his hands, her body responding to his every call.
"And I will not tolerate another man attempting to steal you away from me," he declared. "You are mine."
"There is no denying that," she said airily, taking a few steps forward. "You already know that there is no room in my heart for another man. So why act like such a fool and threaten him? He was only looking out for me-"
"I do not like him," he declared stubbornly.
"I noticed," she quipped, taking a few more steps forward.
He closed his eyes, tired of her interrogation. "Goodness, Yuuki," he sighed exasperatedly, opening his eyes, "how could you send me away like that and stay with him? That filthy rascal, who know-"
He was cut short by her arms around his waist as she buried her head in his chest while gripping the back of his shirt.
"Everything is so complicated…"
He lowered his arms around her gently, stroking her back as he held onto her.
"What's wrong, Yuuki?" He whispered when he felt her hot tears soak through his shirt.
"I was going to yell at you for being so damn childish earlier; I was so angry over you acting like that and threatening him, but when I saw your face just now I forgot about everything. That's the power you have over me and… I don't want it any other way. I miss you so much everyday."
He kissed the top of her head softly, hushing her.
"It's all right now," he whispered, "I'm here."
She clung onto him like a lost child, overwhelmed by her emotions; it was true, she'd missed him terribly the past days and it only hit her now how much she'd missed him; furthermore, she was angry at him for acting so childishly, yet strangely enamored by his apparent jealousy and possessiveness; angry because of Rido and his schemes, mourning because of Kaname's mother; but at the same time, she felt guilty and confused, unable to navigate her emotions.
"He told me he loved me," she sobbed into his chest.
Immediately he tensed, hearing her confirm his suspicion.
She pulled away slightly so she could look at him. Immediately he softened, reaching with his right hand to brush her tears away as her wet eyes gazed up at him.
"And I feel so guilty… because I can't love him back," she whispered.
He only caressed her cheek in response, letting her get everything of her chest as he listened patiently.
"All this time, he loved me… and I didn't know. And I feel like… I should love him back, because he's so dear to me and he was my only companion…" She sobbed. "A-and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him…"
Kaname smiled warmly as he kissed her forehead and cradled her face. "You wouldn't be the Yuuki I love if you weren't filled with compassion and empathy for others." He pulled back so he could look into her eyes.
"While I'm not happy over his declaration, I'm not surprised either. Who could resist falling for someone as loveable as you?" He smiled, brushing away a hot tear. "You shouldn't feel guilty for not reciprocating his feelings, koibito. It's not your fault that I stole you away before he ever had the chance to even think of stealing you; he couldn't stand a chance against me even if he tried," his hand slid down to her chest, resting atop her heart. "I was here before even you knew it."
Yuuki giggled at his faux bragging, appreciating his light sense of humor.
She shook her head, trying to clear it. "I'm complaining to my lover about not being able to love another man… what's wrong with me?" She whispered.
"Absolutely nothing," he chuckled lightly, "you just have a big heart. There's nothing wrong with that."
She sniffled. "I don't know why I'm crying over this, I just…" Taking a deep breath, she tried to stabilize her emotions. "I just feel like I'm all over the place lately. Your absence from my daily routine has left me in shambles."
"Then you are as lost as I am," he declared, claiming her lips.
His kiss soothed her senses; everything that felt wrong felt a little bit right as she allowed herself to savor his kiss and the love and assurance it brought her.
She missed his kisses the most.
Before, she'd never given kisses much thought; she'd barely seen her parents perform them, and there weren't any kisses to receive from her cheating husband – it was not until she received the kiss of her lover that she understood how much significance such a simple act could contain.
It was reassurance. Affection. Trust. Connection. Love.
Everything she'd yearned for until she met him.
She clung onto him even as he pulled away, unable to bear the thought of him leaving her for yet another night.
"Don't worry," he whispered against her lips. "I'm not going anywhere."
"It's frightening," she concluded.
"What is?" He wondered.
"How you get better and better at reading my mind. It's like there are no boundaries between us anymore." She said softly.
"I know when my Queen is being needy," Kaname smirked, walking over to the window and pulling the curtains. "She's like… this famed wolf puppy I've heard tales of, clinging to me, longing for my attention. It's quite adorable."
She tsked. "You love it when I'm needy."
"Now who's reading the other's mind now?" He quipped.
She watched as he meticulously pulled every heavy curtain that'd been left open by the maids earlier in the day; it was his routine for whenever she dismissed her maids in order for him to stay the night – "it's so I won't be blinded by the sun in the morning," he'd explained one day when she'd inquired.
Such a simple action, yet her heart swelled with love.
For the second time that night, she caught him off-guard as she launched her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind.
"My sweet and valiant knight; fierce, possessive, childish, petty; strong and powerful, feared by many – yet caring, doting, handsome and brave. Is there any trait you possess that I don't adore?" She sighed, feeling like she was on cloud nine knowing he would stay with her again.
After Rido's sentence, they'd reduced their contact to the minimal, yet they still found ways to fulfill their neverending desire every now and then. She'd only successfully smuggled him into her chambers two or three times – most of the time they had to settle for hidden corners of the palace, which, of course, were not as convenient as their regular safe haven but exciting nonetheless.
Was it normal to feel giddy over the prospect of having him share her bed once more? She felt like a wife greeting her soldier husband home from war.
Kaname stilled in her arms, his smile fading.
"There are a few traits I don't think you'll adore."
"And what's that?" She whispered into his back, reveling in his masculine scent.
"My selfishness."
He turned in her arms, despondent eyes gazing into her curious ones.
"And my greed." He said, stroking her cheek.
"And why's that?" She whispered, her eyes softening.
"I can't deny my selfishness when it comes to you," Kaname declared. "I want you all to myself, even if I can't have all of you. Still I hunger and become greedier every day for you, and it never seems to end." He pulled her into his arms so he could whisper in her ear. "I find myself having these thoughts… Thoughts that are so unlike my own, yet they feel natural. They are violent and cruel; wishing for the demise of others that stand in my way when it comes to you. They whisper bloodshed and violence. Can you… love a man who harbors such vile thoughts? A man filled with greed?"
He pulled back so he could view her reaction. He swallowed at the strange twinkle in her eye as she gazed at him with her earnest gaze.
"Then your greed matches mine," she said, her voice dropping a sensuous octave as she pulled him down, her lips barely touching his. "You underestimate my vices; for you I'd forsake my title and dignity if it meant having you to myself. I am no saint, though I know you believe me to be one. I can be vicious and cruel; kill and destroy if it means protecting what is mine. So, Kaname," she licked his lower lip, delighting in how he twitched with desire, "can you love a woman filled with such greed?"
He kissed her hungrily in response, his tongue invading her mouth and tangling with hers. She moaned into his kiss, feeling his hunger echo in her veins.
He pulled back abruptly, eyes blazing with desire.
"Here I was, thinking I'd had my fill of you earlier," he panted, backing her towards the bed.
"Yet it seems my greed has found an equal partner in your own. Yuuki," he hissed, "in my eyes you are a saint," he crawled on top of her when her back landed on the bed, "and the devil herself; your vices and virtues pull me in and I am always left longing for more."
She tore open his shirt, her nails scraping across his defined chest.
"Don't you know, Kaname?" She purred, tightening her legs around him. "Greed is just another form of love."
She was in his old home again, but he was nowhere to be found.
"Kaname?" She called nervously, glancing around the vibrant home. It was completely different from what she remembered from her previous stay; instead of dusty old furniture, every piece in the room was in excellent condition. The windows sparkled in the light from the setting sun, and on the table were fresh flowers. The walls were untouched from the decay she'd previously witnessed.
Furthermore, there was something strange in the air; she couldn't put her finger on it – everything seemed diluted and strange, as if she wasn't really there herself even though everything seemed so real. The clock on the wall had stopped; and as she looked around, she couldn't help but feel that the air surrounding her was almost solid; she could almost see it move around her, like a big sticky mass caging her in.
She heard a child's laughter echo from the backyard; quickly she turned towards the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the child.
A little girl sat in the middle of the flowers, her tiny hands grasping after the butterfly that fluttered around her. Long locks of mahogany hair that vaguely reminded her of Kaname's hair tumbled down her back.
Yuuki's mouth curled into a smile as strange sense of contentment settled over her. Everything about the scene in front of her felt so perfect.
"Thank you."
She turned towards the voice quickly, her heart racing in her chest. Her sight landed on a woman standing by the kitchen, smiling gently at her. Her long hair curled down around her waist, with a few locks sticking out here and there.
But her eyes… her eyes were like Kaname's; a beautiful garnet hue that seemed to sparkle in the light of the setting sun.
"You are…" Yuuki whispered, eyes brimming with tears.
The woman smiled again, gratitude laced deeply in her features.
"Thank you."
Yuuki awoke with a start, her mind in a haze as she squinted against the sun. Vaguely she registered the warm chest she was laying on top of and the scent of fresh air surrounding them.
Where are we…?
"And so the queen finally awoke from her slumber," Kaname said softly, looking down at her.
She glanced up from his chest, a sheepish smile curling around the corners of her mouth. "I did it again… I'm sorry, Kaname."
He shook his head, smiling at her. "There is no need to be sorry. You are too cute when you sleep."
Yuuki blushed in response. Out of all the things they'd done together – and to each other – she would've thought that him seeing her sleep wouldn't have left her so embarrassed. Yet here she was, blushing furiously in the arms of her lover.
"Hm," she yawned, stretching slightly. "I've been so tired lately. Sometimes I'll fall asleep in the strangest of situations; Ichijou nearly had a heart attack the other day when I fell asleep before he was supposed to escort me and he couldn't wake me up," she giggled.
"I heard," Kaname sighed, still not used to not being her primary protector. Though it had been a while since the trial, and Rido had gradually eased on his punishment, he was still not serving Yuuki at the same capacity as before. He missed her presence terribly and spent all his time sulking when he was separated from her;
"Are you all right?" He said, reaching up and stroking her cheek.
"I am now," she said, placing her hand on top of his as she leaned into his touch, smiling warmly, "spending time with you soothes all my worries. Thank you for this," she gestured to the blanket they laid upon and the trays of fruits and other delicacies that were placed upon it.
He'd stolen her away in the middle of the day through Ichijou; the fair guard had guided her to a secluded spot in the midst of the lush royal gardens, telling her that there was a surprise awaiting her before he'd disappeared.
Suddenly, her world had gone dark as hands covered her eyes and his voice filled her ears. "Guess who?"
She guessed right; her beautiful lover had outdone himself this time, revealing the romantic picnic he'd set up for the two in the middle of blooming flowers and green grass.
Oddly enough, she'd teared up at the sight; and soon he was panicking as he tried to console her despite her sob-filled claims that her tears were "happy tears".
She was truly happy whenever he surprised her; it was strange to think that the man she knew as the fiercest warrior in the country had such a soft side to him. Being the only one who could see this side of him delighted her immensely; it was a secret she tucked into the corners of her heart where no one could enter, along with every other knowledge she'd acquired about him.
"I'm glad you like the surprise. Spring came a bit earlier than anticipated," he hummed, "so I thought it was only fitting that we went for a picnic."
"That's true," she said, eyeing the sun in the sky. "Weeks ago it felt like winter would never end in your old home, but now…" She inhaled the fresh air. "It feels like better times are coming."
"It would seem so," he said, sitting up next to her. "Your appetite has improved immensely. Who knew your tiny body could store so much food?" He tapped her nose.
She blushed, eyeing the nearly empty trays. "O-oh?"
Yori's words from her fitting echoed in her ears.
"Have you… um… gained weight?
"Do you think I'm fat?" She blurted out, eyes wide.
Kaname blinked, his mouth opening and closing.
"No-"
"I knew it!" She cried. "I shouldn't have acted so nonchalantly when the maids mentioned it… I really am fat!"
"No, that's not-"
Ah those damn tears again. "It's just that… I'm just so hungry sometimes! I… I can't control it, and suddenly the whole tray is gone and before I know it I'm requesting another tray and then…" She sniffled. "It's just really hard to ignore it!"
Panicked, she turned towards Kaname. "Do you not want me anymore?"
"Yuuki," he balked. "How ca-"
"Of course you don't," she sniffled, "who would love a... a fat queen?"
"Yuuki!" He nearly yelled, fed up with her behavior. He grabbed her arms and forced her as gently as possible to look at her.
"First of all, you are not fat. In fact, if you get any fatter than this then I will be the last one to complain," he declared, his eyes roving her body. "Secondly, in what world will I not want you? How can you even suggest something so absurd?"
She swallowed. "So… you still like me?"
He blinked, trying to read her expression in an attempt to find out if this was a test or not.
He found nothing but sincerity in her eyes.
His laughter erupted suddenly, like rocks streaming down the hillside; Yuuki watched horrified as her lover laughed and clutched his stomach, a stray tear tickling the corner of his eye.
"What a funny queen you are," he said in between laughter, "saying such strange things. My dear…" He calmed down, wiping his eyes.
"I don't know what is going through your mind these days to make you act so silly," he said softly, gently knocking her forehead, "and while I found you both adorable and amusing when you act like this, it's imperative that you understand that there is no way in all seven hells that I will not like you. In fact," he smiled, kissing her cheek, "'like' is too weak to describe how I feel about you. Yuuki, I love you more than anything or anyone in this world, and that will never change."
He grabbed her hands, holding them in his bigger ones.
"You said that there was no room in your heart for anyone else but me; it's the same with me, Yuuki. You've conquered every broken piece of my heart that broke years ago when my parents were taken from me, and..." He sobered somewhat, his smile fading as he gazed into her eyes. "You've healed me from what I thought was incurable pain."
"Kaname…" She breathed, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.
"So yes, Yuuki, I like you," he said, kissing her forehead. "A lot."
She giggled shyly, hugging him and hiding her face in the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry, Kaname…"
"That is the second time you apologize to me today. Are you ill?"
She giggled again. "I'm sorry for being so strange and unreasonable."
"It's definitely a new side of you," he mused, stroking her back and twining his fingers through the ends of her luscious hair.
"But like every other side of you, I love it. Even if you are slightly…"
She pulled back from his embrace. "Crazy?"
"Yes, well," he smirked, "those are your words, not mine, your highness."
She laughed again, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes.
"I blame it on my separation anxiety. I hate being away from you for so long… it makes me go crazy."
"Then I am surely insane," he quipped.
She kissed him, catching him off guard. His eyes widened at her bold move.
"A little insanity doesn't hurt," she smirked, kissing him again. He responded eagerly, flipping their position so that he hovered above her as she laid beneath him.
"Then let's go a little crazy," he smirked, showering her face with kisses as she giggled.
The next hour was spent kissing and cuddling, the two of them unable to get enough of each other as they lounged beneath the smiling sun. It seemed like the perfect day; the two of them together under blue skies, every thought concerning cruel kings and punishments vanishing with the cool breeze that tickled their hair and clothing.
It all seemed so perfect. But as Yuuki lounged next to Kaname, her dream came back to her in pieces, filling her with a sense of dread.
"Kaname?" She whispered, playing with his hair as he rested his head on her lap.
"Yes?" He hummed, eyes closed while he enjoyed her touch.
"Your mother... What was she like before she died?"
Garnet eyes snapped open. "Why do you ask?"
She bit her lower lip, unsure of how much she should disclose.
"It's just that… the anniversary of her death is coming up isn't it? You… you mentioned she was murdered, but you never explained-"
"This is not a matter you should concern yourself with," he cut her off. "It will only become a burden upon you."
Yuuki nodded, feeling terrible over the fact that she had carelessly brought up such a sensitive subject in such a setting.
"She was… like the sun," Kaname said, gazing up at the sky.
Yuuki stroked his hair, relieved that he was opening up to her. "How so?"
"Warm," he said, "and always smiling. Always so happy and bright; the made the whole room come alive whenever she stepped in. And she would always… play with me. There was never a moment where she was too tired or she didn't want to play games with me; she was always there for me… and-"
"Kaname, Jouusama…"
The two turned towards the green-eyes guard that was approaching them.
"What is it?" Kaname said alarmed, getting ready to get up from his position.
Ichijou looked nervous as he inhaled and exhaled. "It's Ousama… He has summoned you."
"Me? Now?" Yuuki wondered.
"No… both of you," Ichijou said worriedly, eyes flickering between the two.
"He said you needed to go to him as quickly as possible."
"Thank you for joining us, Joousama," Isaya bowed to Yuuki.
Yuuki's eyes shifted towards her husband, who sat slumped in his seat. He looked paler than usual, and beneath his heterochromatic eyes were black circles, seemingly imbued into the tender skin. His hair was somewhat matted at the temples, a few tangles visible near his shoulders.
He looked everything but pristine.
Yuuki had to hold back her smirk.
She took her seat, waiting for Kaname to do the same next to her.
Kaname settled next to her, his body tense and shoulders high, garnet eyes narrowed in silent suspicion.
He did not like being summoned by the king.
But being summoned along with Yuuki?
This could not bode well.
"Of course," Yuuki said calmly, entering her regal role. "I will always come when the king summons me. However… being summoned along with my former knight and protector alarms me. Last time it happened, a trial occurred."
"Ah, yes," Isaya laughed lightly. "Nothing of the sorts will happen now, I assure you."
"Is that so," Yuuki said dryly, eyeing her tired husband and the pristine-looking gentleman next to him.
"Well, do tell what you summoned us here for," she gestured towards her and Kaname. "Are you perhaps revoking his punishment? I do believe its overdue."
Rido only smiled mysteriously, unnerving her like always.
"It is no news that the king is in need of an heir," Isaya declared.
Kaname tensed next to Yuuki; out of the corner of his eye he saw her freeze for a moment as she reached for her teacup, before resuming her nonchalant posture.
"I am aware," she remarked quietly, taking a sip of the tea, eyeing Rido's empty cup on the table.
"But because of certain…. circumstances, and your highness unstable' health, an heir has not yet been produced." He continued.
Yuuki set her cup back on the small table, steeling herself.
"Continue," she urged.
"Bringing a second bride into this delicate situation will only cause more distress on the parties involved, therefore…"
His words trailed off as his suggestion lingered in the air; Yuuki and Kaname tensed at the same time as they finally put the pieces together.
Disbelief coursed through her veins as she fought the urge to gape at her so-called husband.
"Say it out loud," she demanded, looking at Rido. "What you are asking right now, I want you to say it with your own words."
"It's simple," the king spoke emotionlessly, eyes flickering between the two, "let Kaname impregnate you so you can be with child. Raise the child as ours and let him bear my name. Quite…" He smirked, seeing his brother's face pale. "Simple."
Kaname shot up from his seat, clenching his fists together. "Such disgusting language… how can you treat the queen like this? How can you demand she give herself to another man just like that? Do you not have any interest in her dignity and value?"
"And here I was thinking you'd pounce on the notion of getting something that is mine…" Rido tsked, glancing over at Yuuki. "The queen is notorious for her unique beauty; are you sure there isn't a part of you that wants to bite the forbidden fruit that so many men desire? Here I am offering it to you, and yet you still refuse?"
Kaname grit his teeth together. "Do not speak of her like-"
"Sit down," Yuuki ordered quietly.
Kaname panted, eyes flickering between her and Rido, silent anger unfurling in his stomach as he was reminded of his lowly rank next to the two of them. He always accepted Yuuki's orders, but it was in moments like these that the need to defy her manifested stronger than ever before.
Against his will, he sat down, his entire body rigid with quiet rage.
"Whose idea is this?" Yuuki inquired, calmer than a quiet summer breeze.
"It was I," Isaya declared, a slight smile curling the corners of his mouth.
Despite his pleasant appearance, Kaname couldn't help but feel distrust rumble in his stomach. Everything about this man made every hair on Kaname's arms stand up in alarm; there was something sinister about his smile he couldn't put his finger on, and it unnerved him.
"The matter has been weighing heavily on his highness for a long time, and as his advisor I've been subjected to many discussions regarding the matter," the elder continued. "This… solution came up recently in a discussion between me and the king. We brought it to the council of course, and they approved… as long as our wonderful Joousama agrees, of course."
"How considerate of them," she remarked dryly.
"One could almost say too considerate," Rido hissed.
"Mhm," she hummed, barely sparing her husband a glance. "You two are quite… close. Oddly enough, my husband has never spoken of you before you made your re-appearance months ago."
Isaya's pleasant smile never wavered. "I knew his father, the late king, very well and served as one of his advisors. I was around during his highness' childhood, and I knew him well. I thought it was only fitting that I should offer my wisdom and experience to the current reigning king as I did for the last one."
"Yes," Yuuki nodded, "you were sent out to oversee the Chugokuregion where the Shirabukis had gained control over several villages."
"A tedious task," he replied tensely.
"I'm sure." She smiled mysteriously.
Isaya's eyes twinkled with suspicion, the only flaw in his otherwise perfect demeanor.
"Well, enough about me," he said finally, clapping his hands lightly. "This is about you, or well…" Gray eyes flickered over to the stoic knight next to Yuuki.
"It seems the knight is not too… fond of this solution."
"Like hell I'm not," Kaname sneered.
"May I ask why you oppose this series of events so much?" Isaya inquired calmly.
"I'm curious too, Kaname," Rido snickered, the dark circles under his eyes making him seem even more unhinged than usual. "Here I am offering you such a tasty snack; any dog would salivate at this kind of offer."
Kaname bit his tongue, willing himself to not lose him temper. He wondered how Yuuki could remain so unfazed and calm in such a mortifying situation; of course, years of suffering from Rido's abuse had rendered her immune to any new attempts at demeaning her character.
His heart ached even more for his queen.
"When I signed up as a knight in the royal guard, I was not informed that my services would extend as far as letting noblemen use me as some… breeding stallion. Providing an heir to the throne was never my duty as a mere knight, yet here we are." He hissed, glaring at Rido.
"So she's not pretty enough," Rido sighed, rolling his eyes. "Close your eyes and pretend she's someone else then!"
"Furthermore," Kaname hissed darkly, "I have grown to respect the queen immensely over the years. Subjecting her to this…. this vile, savage plot is… revolting."
"Okay, so she is pretty enough," Rido declared, clapping his hands. "Now you don't have to close your eyes! Just let her do all the work, he he!"
Kaname's hand twitched at his side, the urge to draw his sword getting stronger and stronger.
Isaya gave Rido a strange look before returning to the pair in front of him. "What I believe his highness is trying to say, is that we are aware that your relationship carries a lot of… significance. Your royal blood is needed for the heir to be legitimate, yes, but it is also because of your close relationship to the queen we chose you. For her benefit of course."
"Listen to yourselves," Kaname seethed. "You are treating the queen as some lowly being, some… some breeding cow you can just hand off when she's no use to you!"
"So what?" Rido laughed. "She's nothing without my name attached to her. The least she can do for me is give me an-"
"The queen is more important to a monarchy than you're aware of it seems," Kaname sneered. "Did father not teach you as such?"
Rido growled. "Don't you dare bring that scum into this."
"Now, now," Isaya cut in, trying to calm the situation. "We do not mean to undermine the queen and her importance of course, but she has a duty to bring an heir to the throne and that duty is becoming more and more important. It is part of her role as queen regent to bring a child into the world that can secure the throne."
Kaname felt rage unlike before unfurl inside of him. He felt hot all over, burning with hatred towards his half-brother. How could they do this to Yuuki? Even if he was in fact her lover, it seemed that they were not aware of it and still wanted her to give herself to him. What if they weren't in love? And even worse – what it wasn't him that was offered this vile task, but somebody else – a total stranger?
He growled. "It's not her fault that he can't-"
"I'll agree to it," Yuuki announced quietly, startling everyone.
All eyes turned towards the queen.
"I'll carry your brother's child."
Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated.