Chapter 11

I haven't talked to Beck in nearly a week. The more I thought about it the more depressed I felt. It was also starting to hit me that my dad as gone. I haven't seen him for awhile or talked to him. It felt lonely at the house now. Mom had to take up more hours a work to take care of me and Trina and the house. Hanging out with Trina was never fun and now that my mom was gone the house felt lonelier.

I mostly sat around the house and watched tv or something. Beck texted me and called me a lot, but I wanted to talk to him in person and yet I avoided making plans with him. I don't know how much more reruns of Saved by the Bell I can take.

My mom came in through the door carrying groceries and other things in her hands. I got up and grabbed a couple bags to help her. Me and Trina…well mostly me tried to help mom around the house more. We set the stuff down on the table and started to unload things.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Ugh, long and tiring," mom said. She looked stressed and tired all the time.

"That sucks," I replied placing the milk into the fridge.

"So have you and Beck gone out lately?" mom asked me. She didn't know about what happened at the lake but she knew we were dating.

"Not really…" I said depressed.

"Why not? Are you two fighting?" she asked concerned.

"No not really, I don't know," I mumbled.

"Well what's wrong? Talk to me," she said sitting down at the table.

I sat down at the table too, "well… do you really think that this is just a summer fling?"

"I don't know sweetie, the two of you could work out but there's never any guarantee. You never know what could happen…" she explained.

"I know that but… I think I did something bad," I replied.

"Then you have to make it right, I know you care about him," she said.

Right on que, the door bell rang. I got up and answered it, it was Beck.

"Hey…can we talk?" he asked looking glum. The look on his face broke my heart.

"Um, yeah sure," I said opening the door to let him in.

"I'll let you two talk," mom said walking up stairs.

She walked up stairs while I sat down on the couch with Beck next to me.

"So, what's up?" I asked casually.

"What's up with you? Are you ok?" Beck asked concerned.

"Yeah…" I said avoiding his eye contact.

"Did I hurt you?"

"Oh no, I was fine after a couple days,"

"…do you regret it?"

That question hung in the air. Did I regret it?

"I didn't regret you…" I replied.

"Then what's wrong, you know you can tell me," Beck said scooting closer to me and putting his arm around my neck.

"Beck," I said slowly, "did you ever do anything you regretted out of anger?"

"Yeah," Beck replied, "why?"

There was no reason to lie, it would just make things worse. So I ended up ranting to him. I told him about how mad I was about my dad and how I was just doing things out of spite. I tried hard not to cry, I didn't want him to feel sorry for me but I had to get this off my chest. So I told him everything.

He just sat there and listened. After I finished explaining, he sat there for a moment. He seemed to be taking this all in.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

"No," Beck said with a quiver in his voice, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it."

"No! no, don't beat yourself up over it. I wanted it, I just wanted it for all the wrong reasons…but I wasn't lying when I said I loved you," I said sincerely.

"Yeah, I wasn't lying either, still we shouldn't of-" Beck began to say

"No it's not your fault. I didn't even realize that me being mad at my family was why I wanted it. Once my mom said it to me it all made sense," I replied, "and look, I'm really sorry for taking advantage of you."

"No it's alright, I understand. Jade was the same way…" Beck said, he still sounded sad.

That just made me feel worse, I didn't want to be like Jade. I think Beck noticed.

"Look, I'm not mad at you, and I don't feel taken advantage of. I know how it feels to do something you regret and do it out of anger. If you meant what you said when you said you loved me then I'm more than ok," He said with a small grin.

"Ok, well lets not do anything like that for…awhile. Lets just go back to how we were ok?" I asked.

"Ok," Beck said and opened his arms up to me. I scooted over and took his hug, "I'm sorry that things with your family are so bad. Anything I could do to help you out?"

"Just be here for me…" I said and buried my face into his shoulder and took in his cologne.

The rest of the summer just went by smoothly. It took me and Beck to go back to normal but after awhile and a few more talks we got through it. We agreed to more sex for awhile. Not until things with my family calmed down and if we were still together after 6 months. I tried to push all thoughts of sex out of my mind and tried to focus on driving. I had my driving test at the end of summer before school started again. It seemed to work after awhile.

Today for the first time, Beck was taking me out driving on the road. I was excited and nervous.

"Alright Vega, time for your final lesson," Beck said to me. We started out at the empty parking lot like before, "Alright, now drive to the golf course."

"I got this!" I said confidently. I started the car, put it in gear and slowly pulled up to the exit out onto the real road. I looked both ways and waited for a clear shot. I pulled out onto the road, I felt a little nervous and I kept looking in my mirrors, blind spots and checking my speed.

"Relax, just feel it, like how you feel when you act. Make it feel natural I'll let you know if were about to hit anything or anyone," Beck said coolly.

"How are you going to let me know if we're about to hit someone?" I asked nervously.

"I'll scream," he replied.

"Ok that's comforting," I replied, "so… have you talked to Jade at all?" I hated to say it but I kinda missed her.

"A little bit, I've emailed her once or twice," Beck replied.

"How is she?"

"She said that's she's been good, she keeps bragging about her new boyfriend and how prestigious the school is."

"When does she come back?"

"Next week,"

I was so proud of myself! I made it all the way to the golf course with out screaming or crashing. I was defiantly ready for my drivers test.

"See I told you I would teach you how to drive," Beck said happily.

"Yup I am victorious!" I said happily.

The next day me and him went to the DMV and I met with the teacher. The drive was awkward. Even though I knew I could drive well I felt like I had to sit perfectly stiff and the radio wasn't on. Obviously I didn't want to turn it on but my driving teacher was old and I think he fell asleep during my test. Either way I passed it.

I got a text from my dad saying congratulations, I was surprised that he texted me, I deleted it right after I read it. I didn't want to talk to him.

I got a call from Cat, she asked me to go school shopping. School shopping? Already? Oh yeah. I got a letter a few days earlier saying that school was going to be starting in a few weeks. So I agreed, barrowed Trina's car and went and picked her up.

"Heyyy, look at you Tori! You're driving a car! And you're not hitting any old lady in a scooter!" Cat cried excitedly as she climbed into the car.

"I know right? I feel like I'm ready for senior year!" I said happily. I was starting to get excited about being a senior.

"Finally, we're senior girls," Cat agreed.

I hate to say it, but I loved the start of a new school year. I liked getting new outfits and organizing everything. Dad sent me and Trina child support money and mom said we could use it to get school stuff.

"I can't wait to see Jade again!" Cat said as we were pulling notebooks off the shelf.

"I think I can…" I replied, seeing her was going to be weird now that I had Beck. He promised me that he wouldn't let Jade scalp me when we saw her.

"I heard she got a new boyfriend in London," said Cat.

"That's good, I hope she's happy," I replied and I meant it. After everything she went through when she was little I hope she was happy. She deserved to be happy…