S1 E8 – Dwayne 2.0
The next morning, Dwayne sees something in the mirror he's never seen before… an old man. Not a VERY old man… just not the young buck that has looked back since ever he can remember.
No, this man looks tired, worried, wan. There is silver in the hair and beard, lines on the face, grave concern in the eyes. This man looks like someone who lay awake most of the night remembering a voice that had sounded foreign and harsh for the first time in memory...
"So you slept with her!"
Damn! Why had the Chief's demeanor felt so cutting? Dwayne's private life and public carryings-on had always been the source of humor and good-natured ribbing, never disdain. Yet, this time, it had stung. Stung deeply. And the way he'd said the word 'cuddle'… 'cud-dell'… like it was a bad word, so sharp and sarcastic. Even worse, the look in the Chief's eyes… as if Dwayne had disappointed him in some very important way.
How? What possible business is it of the Chief's how I live my life? It's a good life. Lots of laughs, lots of women, lots of fun… and nothin' to tie me down. No responsibilities, no anchors, nothin' to stabilize and keep me out of harms' way. It was perfect. Except… nothin' to stabilize me. No one to greet me at the end of the day. No one to care for me and worry over me and wonder how my day went. No one. Nothin'. Just empty echoes. A lonely narrow bed.
The man in the mirror sighs. Mebee the Chief is right. Mebee it's time for me to stop tom-cattin' around and settle down. And, who knows? Mebee there's still time for a little Dwayne… or Dwaynette. This makes him smile.
Setting aside his domestic lack, there is the whole question of trust. The Chief does everything by the book. Being judged by that same book had been very hard. Having to go through the motions of being a suspect; the statement, the interrogation, the possibility of the loss of trust… it had been awful.
Frowning, Dwayne realizes just how much the Chief's regard has come to mean. Slowly, over the past months, somehow the Chief has snaked his way into Dwayne's heart and mind. Not that he understood the least thing about how the Chief's mind works… but he knows he can trust the Chief and that he will obey the man to the limit of his capabilities.
And his capabilities aren't small, are they? Many a case has hinged on Dwayne's network, his intel, his quasi-criminal contacts. How glad he is now that he hadn't fallen into a life of crime. Imagine goin' up against the Chief? Ye gods! Yes, the Chief needs him.
And… the thought came quietly and unbidden… he needs the Chief. He needs the sense of worth and accomplishment. He needs to see the trust in the Chief's eyes, hear it in his voice, see it in his actions. How strange, to weigh his value as a human being through the eyes of another.
And not just the Chief… Fidel too. The boy is shaping up right smart but he depends on Dwayne too. One wrong move, one smart quip, one ribald comment, and he could send the boy down the wrong path into the future. He knows Fidel wants to become the Chief. Isn't it Dwayne's duty to help him in any way he can? Mebee it's time to begin instructing Fidel on how to build a network of informants and contacts? Yes. Fidel needs to know what I know because you just never know, you know? Something could happen tomorrow, today even, and all the knowledge and tricks and schemes would be wiped out in the blink of an eye. It's time to use my talents wisely.
As he dresses, his hand pauses over the customary necklace. A bit of tom-foolery, really. Best leave it in the drawer today. Better yet to button up my uniform shirt properly and start looking smart and official.
At the door, his trainers looked dirty, beat-up, a kids footwear. Digging out his regulation black boots, he polishes them and dons them with a kind of wonder. They fit perfectly. They are strong and solid and root him to the earth. He could leap tall buildings in these boots.
Taking one last look in the mirror, he sees a strong face, a watchful face, a different man.
A man who means business.
END – Dwayne 2.0