Lawndale 2021

SDCU-0001-AAAA

Episode 025 [2-11]: Serial Experiments Jane

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV.

Sealab 2021 is property of Williams Street Productions, LLC.

Opening Theme:

Excuse Me, Excuse Me…

I guess I'll have to be direct

If you're gonna' stand on my neck

Then you'd better check under the sea

Cause that is where you'll find me

Underneath the Sealab!

Underneath the water

Sealab!

At the bottom of the Sea!

Date: Thursday, January 5th, 2022

Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn tightened a few more bolts on the side of the machine before wiping the sweat from his brow. "There," he said. "It's finished. It's finally finished, and now... to get ready for testing."

Line Break

"And after that, the last three strings on his guitar just broke," Jane said. "Doesn't he have a spare guitar?" Daria asked her. "Uh... I'm not sure," Jane replied. "What about spare string? Or a kit for fixing it?" Daria asked her. "Daria, we're Lanes. Planning ahead is nto something we normally do," Jane said.

"That doesn't make it okay," Daria retorted. "True. And, since he can't practice until he either gets his guitar fixed or gets a new one, I can finally sleep peacefully," Jane said. "I thought that Mystic Spiral practiced in that spare storage room that no one else uses," Daria commented. "They do, but Trent also brings the recordings of practice back home with him, and he listens to them on his computer... at live levels, meaning that it's as noisy as it was before we moved to this place," Jane replied wearily.

"Hmm, would you like to hear the tranquil sounds of the ocean instead?" Daria asked her with a smirk. "Eh, I'll pass this time," Jane replied. "Hey, Sparks, it's finished," Dr. Quinn said over a console. Daria and Jane both turned to look at Sparks. "Um... there are a lot of 'its' in the station, I think you should try to be more specific," Sparks replied.

"My latest invention," Dr. Quinn said. "So? Do you want me to send someone down to help you test it?" Sparks asked him. "Well, if you could page Stormy to come down, that would be nice," Dr. Quinn replied. "Stormy? Are you sure about that?" Sparks asked him.

"Damn, you're right. What was I thinking?" "Well, the bigger question is were you thinking at all?" Sparks asked him. "Shut up, Sparks," Quentin retorted. "Okay. I'll send Jane and Daria down to your lab. There's not much that I can't handle on my own, just make sure they get back here before too long," Sparks said.

"Well, they do both have functioning brains in their heads, so that's fine with me. I'll be expecting them in half an hour. Over," Quentin said. "Well, looks like you girls get to go help Dr. Quinn with testing his latest experiment," Sparks said as he turned to the girls.

"So, what does it do?" Jane asked Dr. Quinn as she looked at the big machine. There was a space in the middle with a blue beam of light moving between it. "Well, this is the latest in networking technology," Dr. Quinn said. "Um... okay, how?" Daria asked him.

"Well, it uses a special form of fiber optic data transmission, and it's connected to Sealab's main computer, allowing it to give us up-to-date information from all around the world and give us updates for our systems from our land-based facilities," Quentin explained to her proudly.

"So... does it work?" Daria asked him. "Um... I haven't turned it on yet," Quentin said reluctantly. "Yeah, maybe you should do that before saying that it's finished," Jane said to him. "Okay. I'll turn it on," Quentin said as he walked over and pushed a large green button. "Why is that button so big?" Daria asked him.

"It's just in case I have to send Stormy in here to turn it on at some point. I don't want him to spend hours searching for the 'on' button in a time-sensitive situation," Quentin explained. "Hmm, that's actually pretty smart," Daria said. "And I suppose that the off button is the red one?" she asked him. "Yes," Quentin replied.

"What about a restart button?" Daria asked him. "That's... huh. I think I put that underneath one of the panels on the front," Quentin replied. "Cool. So, turn it on and let's see what happens," Jane said as she listened to them.

Quentin pressed the big green button and the blue light flashed brighter, before going dim and eventually fading to nothing. "Um... was that supposed to happen?" Jane asked Dr. Quinn. "No. No, it was not," Quentin replied. Jane walked around to the other side of the machine and saw that the power cord was fully plugged in to the wall. "Hey, maybe you should use a surge protector instead of just jacking it into the wall," Jane said.

"I'll go get one from storage," Daria said as she left the room. "Well, you may have a point," Quentin said. Jane unplugged the machine from the wall and waited for Daria to return. "Hey, you didn't unplug it yet, did you?" Quentin asked her. "Um, yeah, why?" she replied as she stood up and spun around. "I want to turn it off first. Can you plug it back in so I can turn it off properly?" Quentin asked her.

"Oh, alright," Jane said before turning around and plugging the cord back into the wall. She went to stand back up, but tripped and fell head-first into the space where the blue light was just coming back on. "Jane? Jane!" Quentin shouted when he saw her head get zapped by the blue light.

"Oh no! Dammit, not again!" Quentin shouted. "What's going on?" Daria asked as she returned to the room with a surge protector. "Jane tripped and hit her head. We need to get her to the infirmary," Quentin said as he walked around and grabbed Jane. Daria dropped the surge protector and grabbed Jane's legs, helping Dr. Quinn carry her out of the room.

Line Break

"Well," Dr. Virjay began, "I'm afraid that she is displaying only minimal brain activity in that head of hers. She is currently in a coma." Daria's breath hitched. "Will she wake up?" Daria asked him. "There's a fifty-fifty chance either way," Dr. Virjay replied. "Dammit, I should have taken her with me," Daria said.

Line Break

What the? Where am I? Why am I outside? But, I don't feel wet. What's going on here?

Line Break

"She's been crying her eyes out all evening," Quentin said to Amy as she stood outside the infirmary. "I'll bring Tom over and he can try to help her," Amy said. "I don't know, he might have the same reaction," Quentin said. "I know, but at least Daria will know that she isn't alone," Amy said before she walked away.

Inside the Infirmary, Daria dried her eyes with her arm. "Please, Jane, wake up," she begged. "Daria, I am awake. What are you talking about?" Daria's eyes widened and she looked at Jane's face. Her eyes were still closed, and she was still breathing in the manner of a coma patient.

"Jane?" Daria asked. "Yeah?" Daria looked around, trying to find the source of Jane's voice. "I'm hallucinating, aren't I?" Daria asked. "Wait, I fell asleep while crying, and this is a dream," she said. "Daria, what are you-oh my god. Is that... is that my body?"

Daria looked at the main speaker in the room and over at the security camera, which was facing her and Jane's body. "Daria, I heard Jane's voice," Dr. Quinn said as he entered the room. "How's she feeling?" "Daria?" Dr. Quinn asked her. "Hey, Doctor Quinn... why can I see my body in third person?" Jane's voice asked.

"No... Jane! What's the last thing that you remember?" Dr. Quinn asked her. "I remember tripping earlier, and then I saw that blue light. Then I woke up and I was surrounded by the ocean, and now I'm, like, looking at my body and you and Daria," Jane said.

"Oh my god. Your consciousness was transferred into the main computer... somehow!" Dr. Quinn exclaimed. "What? That's impossible! How did I get turned into a computer?" "I said you were transferred into the main computer. You now have access to every part of Sealab," Quinn said. "I do? Hey... are there cameras in the shower rooms?" Jane asked.

"No. Despite Commander Li's constant bitching and moaning about wanting them, there are no cameras in the showers or locker rooms," Dr. Quinn replied. "Aw man, I wanted to watch some guys get naked," Jane whined. "What? You find out that your mind has been transferred into the main computer and your first question is whether or not you'll be able to watch people get naked? What the hell?" Dr. Quinn asked her.

"Hey, I'm a teenager. If I'm not doing school work or eating pizza or watching TV... or singing along with some music or listening to music while doing homework or... sleeping in class or talking to my friends about stuff or doing my art projects... or using the toilet or drinking coffee, I'm either digging the tunnel or having sex... or dreaming about having sex," Jane responded. "Digging the tunnel?" Dr. Quinn asked. "Masturbating," Daria clarified for him. "Oh. Okay," Dr. Quinn replied.

"Unless... I can convince Tom to join me in sneaking off to a room with a camera that isn't used very often," Daria said. "Oh come on, not you too! Daria, our primary focus should be getting Jane's mind back into her body," Dr. Quinn said. "Daria, if Jane doesn't return to her body, she will never be able to enjoy... um... eating pizza again!" Dr. Quinn said. Daria and Jane both gasped in horror at this realization.

"She'll be forced to watch as everyone around her gets to eat pizza, while she will be incapable of it! It could drive her insane! Do you want that? Do either of you want that to become a reality?" Dr. Quinn asked Daria and Jane. "Well, isn't it technically already a reality?" Jane asked him.

"Okay, do you want to have this reality last any longer than necessary?" Dr. Quinn asked in response. "No. I don't," Jane replied solemnly. "Alright then. Give me a little bit of time, and I'll try to figure something out. Until then, just... try to stay sane," Dr. Quinn said.

Later, in Dr. Quinn's lab...

Dr. Quinn sat down at a computer and began typing in a formula. "I'm going to need some help for this. I'll need someone who knows about brain chemistry as well as I do... I need Dr. Virjay and... Sparks," he said to himself with a sigh.

Line Break

"So, your mind has been transferred into Sealab's computer?" Tom asked. "Yeah. It's pretty freaky," Jane replied. "Well... have you learned anything new from it? I mean, you have access to all of Sealab's systems now," Tom said. "Hey, that's right! I can do anything to this station, without anyone to stop me!" Jane exclaimed.

"Uh... well, I meant that in an educational manner, you know? You can learn how things work," Tom said. "There are thousands of people in Sealab... and their lives are in my hands... I have the power of a god over everyone," Jane said gleefully. "Dammit, Tom," Daria muttered.

Line Break

After calling the two men into his lab, Dr. Quinn stood up and looked at them. "I'll bet you're both wondering why I called you here," he said. "Uh, yeah," Sparks said. "Jane Lane has accidentally transferred her mind into Sealab's main computer, via my new networking machine. I need your help to transfer her mind back into her body," Dr. Quinn explained.

"Um, how exactly did this happen?" Dr. Virjay asked him. "I'm not entirely sure. Most likely, when her head passed between the blue light beams of that section there, her mind was transferred by the electrical current... I think," Dr. Quinn said. "Um... why is that spot even open? Shouldn't that have been covered to begin with?" Sparks asked him.

"Hey, it was an accident," Dr. Quinn retorted. "Yeah, an accident that could have easily been prevented by following standard safety procedures. You really dropped the ball on this one. Even I would have kept anything like that covered up by something," Sparks said.

Dr. Quinn and Sparks glared at each other before Dr. Virjay faked a cough. "Perhaps we should get started, gentlemen," Dr. Virjay said. "Right," Dr. Quinn said in agreement.

[Begin montage of Dr. Quinn, Dr. Virjay, and Sparks working together in the lab, interspersed with Jane messing with Sealab.]

Dr. Virjay points to a diagram of a human brain.

Commander Li notices that a security camera is following her.

Sparks drinks a can of soda while studying something.

Captain Murphy enters the room and looks around before leaving.

Marco sees a strange message on a terminal in Engineering.

Dr. Quinn and Sparks cross out an equation on a white board while shaking their heads.

Tom and Daria make out in the infirmary next to Jane's bed.

Miss Morris huffs in frustration as the door to her home closes and opens halfway before closing again multiple times.

Dr. Virjay writes an equation on the whiteboard. Sparks and Quinn nod their heads.

Stormy, wearing diving gear, accidentally gets caught in a fishing boat's net and gets hauled up out of the water and onto the boat, where the crew stare at him strangely as he flops around like a dolphin or a fish.

Captain Murphy sits in Sparks' chair on the bridge and watches Chopper Dave on one of the console screens.

Amy walks into Dr. Quinn's lab and studies the formula on the board, before joining in and helping.

Quinn and Stacey stare at fish outside of a window.

Upchuck watches as a terminal screen shows a message that demands he feed it a stray cat.

Dr. Quinn hits his machine with a wrench, before Amy takes the wrench and hits the machine. Then Dr. Virjay takes the wrench an hits the machine, and then Sparks takes the wrench and hits the machine, before Dr. Quinn takes the wrench back and hits the machine.

Dolphin Boy watches as the TV in the orphanage recreation room starts playing Basic Instinct. Dolphin Boy tries to change the channel with the remote, but it doesn't work. Debbie Love walks over and gasps, before she starts chasing Dolphin Boy.

Jane's face soon appears on multiple monitors throughout Sealab, sporting a maniacal smile.

[End montage]

"Okay, I think this will work. All we have to do is put Jane's head back in that space at the exact moment that we turn it on. Then we turn it off and pull her head out," Dr. Quinn said. "Yes, that should work," Amy said.

"Jane! We've got a way to get you back in your body! Do you hear me!?" Dr. Quinn asked. "Yes, I can hear you, " Jane replied. Then, her face appeared on several monitors in the lab as the machines suddenly came to life, except for one old computer that didn't have enough RAM and processing power.

"Okay, we just have to repeat the accident that caused this, and then shut off the machine and you'll be back in your own body," Dr. Quinn said. "Hmm, unfortunately, I've grown rather fond of having so much power. Your lives are all in my... uh... hands. Metaphorically speaking, of course."

"Definitely," Sparks quipped. "And anyway, I can do whatever I want with Sealab. I can even make the computers and machines create something that will electronically transfer the taste of pizza into code that Sealab's computers can understand, allowing me to enjoy it! I am now... a god!" Jane exclaimed over the speakers.

"Well, she's lost it," Sparks said. "All will bow down to Jane the Great! Now, build me a machine that can taste pizza!" Jane ordered. "Oh no, this is going too far. We are going to transfer your mind back into your body, whether you want it or not!" Dr. Quinn exclaimed.

"I'd like to see you try," Jane said mockingly. "I have complete control over Sealab's computerized systems. There's nothing you can do to stop me!" "Not all of them," Dr. Quinn said with a knowing smirk. "Well, you might actually be able to do something. I won't lie to you about how pitifully small your chances are, but... you have my sympathies, " Jane said.

"Okay, Jane has gone mustang, and we're how far away from the infirmary?" Sparks asked. "Not too far. We have to move quickly. Amy, I need you to re-wire the door," Dr. Quinn said. "Huh? Why, it hasn't been locked," Amy replied. "I know, but we're going to prevent the door being locked by rearranging the circuits into a closed system that doesn't link with the rest of Sealab's computers, allowing it to be used independently of the station," Dr. Quinn explained.

"Right, so she won't be able to lock us in or out!" Dr. Virjay exclaimed. "Exactly!" Dr. Quinn said. Amy soon went to work, turning off the power for the door first, and then rearranging the wires. "There," she said as she was finished.

"Now, we need to do the same thing to the door for the infirmary," Dr. Quinn said as the group left the room.

Line Break

"Hey, Lieutenant Ruttheimer, have you seen anything unusual happening lately?" Marco asked Upchuck. "Yeah. Earlier, one of the computer terminals told me to feed it a stray cat. And then, Jane's face appeared everywhere," Upchuck replied. "Yeah. Something really weird is going on," Marco said with suspicion.

Line Break

"There," Amy said as she finished rewiring the door. The group then entered the infirmary, only to walk in on Daria and Tom en flagrante delicto. Neither of them seemed to have a mind to stop while the group gathered Jane's body. "No one say anything," Amy said as they left the infirmary.

"Okay, watch out for that pipe," Dr. Quinn said. "Got her, got her. Move forward, watch out for that... whatever the hell that is." "That's a box," Sparks said. "Keep going forward," Amy said as the group soon reached the infirmary.

"Okay, rest her head in there, and then we can begin," Dr. Quinn said as Amy and Sparks laid Jane's head in the space between the blue light emitters. "Okay, in three, two, one-" "I don't think so," Jane said over the speakers. "Keep going guys, don't stop!" Amy said. "Amy, how could you betray me like this?" "Betray you? Jane, I'm trying to help you! Don't you want your body back?" Amy asked her.

"I have transcended the need for a physical body," Jane replied. "Really? What about Daria and Tom? Have you... transcended the need for their company as well?" Amy asked her, hiding her discomfort while speaking. "I-I..." "Face it, Jane. You love them and want to be with them, but you can't be with them in the way that you want if you don't have a physical body! Can you go on like this, watching them screw like rabbits while you're left out?" Amy asked, resisting the urge to gag.

"I... I do want to be with them that way!" Jane exclaimed. Her face soon appeared on multiple monitors around the room. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. "I don't want to not be able to make love to them every other night! I want their touch and tender words! I-I want to be a god, but I want to share physical love with Daria and Tom even more!" Jane cried. "And pizza," Sparks commented quietly.

"Then let us do this, and you can be with them in the flesh again," Amy said, once again resisting the urge to gag at her words. I do not like talking about either of my nieces in this manner, even if I'm only mentioning their names.

"Yes... please, return my mind to my body," Jane requested. "Thank you, Jane," Amy said with a smile.

"Okay, here we go!" Dr. Quinn said. "Hit it!" he shouted at Sparks. Sparks pressed the power button on the machine.

A few seconds later, Sealab exploded, but the explosion grew huge, and soon everything was sucked into a black, empty space. Soon, the stars began to form, burning bright in the new universe, and yet there was still only silence. There was only silence and light from the stars, and then there was the voice.

"I am... Jane."

Ending Line Break

Ending theme: Kaneda, by Geinoh Yamashirogumi, from Symphony Suite AKIRA.

That was Serial Experiments Jane. I don't think it turned out as well as I initially wanted, and I had to re-write it at least twice because I wasn't satisfied, but I'm honestly not sure I could do much else with it without turning it into a huge multi-parter like Terror Under The Sea, and that was a special case. Also, if you pay attention to how Jane's mind is transferred into the main Sealab computer, you'll see that it's almost the same way that GIR's mind was placed in the computer of Zim's base in the Invader Zim episode Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain.

Anyway, the next episode will feature Captain Murphy purchasing a strange pet, and neglecting the rules for taking care of it! Stay tuned for The Tale of Squishface!