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Disclainer: J.K. Rowling and her publishers own it all, they are very kind to let us play around with the characters. This is all in fun, no money derived, ever.
AN: Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend. I've been enjoying many one-shots lately, great writing going on out there! Cheers
An Unsure DestinyLupin and Minerva met us at the front entrance of the castle. We told them everything that had transpired and against my will Snape had insisted that Professor McGonagall escort me up to the Hospital Wing.
"But I'm fine…I just walked back from Hagrid's." my protestations fell on deaf ears. I watched as Snape spoke past me to Minerva.
"I think she was unconscious for a few seconds, when I found her she didn't rouse immediately."
When he said that I thought of the sight of him when I had opened my eyes, he was hovering over me, disguised in a glamour, one that made him appear younger. The lines in his face were smooth; his eyes were clear but no less bright. He had always had that look of intelligents; there was something definitely behind the eyes.
We went our separate ways, Poppy checking me out for injuries and Snape meeting with Dumbledore, wearisome prospects at this time of night. When I had finished I headed across the wing to take a flight down to my rooms and we met up again near the stairs.
"Miss Granger, I take it Poppy has given you permission to leave?"
"Yes, I haven't just escaped, I would fear the consequences to much."
"As well you should, I am not even that brave." We caught each other's eyes and laughed. After a brief hesitation Snape suggested we have a drink in his office. I agreed, although I was exhausted ,Malfoy had frazzled my nerves but I thought maybe he would tell me what Dumbledore thought of the whole incident.
We descended together…it had almost escaped my notice until we reached the dungeon that we had matched step for step the entire way, one never lagging or the other outpacing.
He let me in and lit a fire, pulled over a chair in front of his desk and then slipped behind the old mahogany secretary; it was a low one without the hutch but with no fewer drawers, beautiful in a worn rubbed sort of way. He opened the bottom drawer and removed one glass and the scotch.
I looked away, trying not to notice that he only had one glass, unaccustomed to drinking with anyone. I saw out of the periphery that he had reached behind him for a teacup, which he then transfigured into a companion tumbler.
"Miss Granger."
I took the proffered drink but held it low on my lap and watched as Snape took a long slow sip of his. He settled back and stared at his glass.
"The headmaster and I feel that…you should restrict your movements to the castle…for the time being." He didn't look up. He knew I would protest.
"Lucius doesn't scare me…" He eyed me disapprovingly. "Well..alright…he does scare me but I won't let him control me."
"Miss Granger…Hermione, he has for some reason singled you out for torment, more so than the others involved…it will not be forever." He was reasoning and there was a quiet almost pleading in his voice that I couldn't ignore.
"Very well, but I'm not happy about this." I knew it had sounded petulant but really being restricted from leaving the castle, it was like admitting defeat.
We were quiet then and he finished his drink. If I were going to ask him it would have to be now. I cleared my throat in preparation.
"Why do you think he makes you wear the glamours." His eyes looked over to me above the rim of his glass.
"At first I thought it was a way of setting me off balance, although he lords his power over me, on some level I believe he fears me as well. I don't think I could have maintained my position as long as I have without that. Now I think it is a device to bring us back, back to a time when we were first starting out, schoolboys in a way, exploring our opportunities, sharing our insights. I think the fugum has prompted the desire, he may feel the serenity of youth, the blissful not knowing and the pleasure of anticipation for what will come?"
"Do you feel that as well?" I asked slowly and deliberately.
"To some extent…yes." He looked up to me and I sensed he was getting ready to see me out, but I couldn't help myself, my curiosity…my fascination had the better of me.
"Does the glamour enhance that feeling?"
He sighed, tired of my personal questions with a bit of the old Snape showing through.
He shrugged his shoulders, … "only when someone sees me with it on…as you did tonight"
I took a sip from the transfigured glass, the edge was rough and the weight felt wrong but the contents were having the desired effect. It burned going down but the warmth was what I needed.
"Do you think youth…looks are part of the equation…the formula for love? The missing ingredient you spoke to Voldemort about?" I had taken another sip and my spine relaxed back into the chair. Snape's eyes shone bright and I could tell he was considering my question.
"I am sure they are part of some kind of love, no doubt the kind that has eluded myself" He motioned to his person and smiled a genuine smile. It was disarming. He saw me struggle with my reaction and he quickly went back to business
"If you will excuse me Miss Granger I have a potion to make."
"Not the one you told Voldemort you were making, the love potion…the one he thinks will neutralize Harry? I understand the need to be convincing but what if he tries to actually use it on him?"
"Yes, I've been thinking on that. I plan to stall as long as possible and when the time is right, at the final confrontation I will give it to Tom instead, but in so doing pour it on him…drown him in it…to use his words."
I paused mid sip to question his tactics, "to what effect do you think you'll achieve by doing this?"
He shrugged his shoulders as if realizing just then that he would have to tell me the truth of his plan, "…coupled with the effects of the substance I think for one moment he will be opened up to the feelings of pure love…after which, Harry will cast the killing curse and Tom…" He faltered here, there was a sorrow to the explanation. "… will be weakened by anguish…realizing what he had been missing, and hopefully succumb."
I shuddered at the calculation; he saw me tremble.
"I understand the evil that is necessary for this to work." He admitted this lonely truth and rose to see me out with an air of finality.
"Miss Granger I almost forgot, could you owl Mr. Longbottom I need to discuss something concerning the substance."
"Yes of course…" I paused expecting him to tell me his questions as well but I realized soon enough that he had no intention of telling me what he wanted to discuss with Neville, I retreated back to my rooms.
It was late and it was all I could do to change and crawl into bed. Closing my eyes brought images of the recent events, I thought of Voldemort and wondered if Snape's love potion would work, I imagined them as their younger selves, speaking so calmly about murder and love.
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Thank goodness for the requirements of teaching, classes flowed well and it gave my mind a rest, just before lunch I went to the owlery to send Neville a note that Professor Snape wanted to see him concerning the substance. After the order meeting had broken up the other night I had slipped past him and back to Hogwarts. I'm sure he was confused that I hadn't lingered but with everything in a turmoil his advances, no matter how sweet, were more than I could handle.
When I passed through the opening into the breezy owlery I immediately noticed Hedwig perched at one of the high arching windows.
"Hedwig?" She never rested over at Hogwarts but rather flew right back to Harry's after delivering a note.
I approached her cautiously and stroked her silky wing feathers, she hooted and turned her head 180 degrees, staring into my eyes intently and then back around to stare out onto the grounds of Hogwarts.
"Are you sick?" I inspected her body and feathers for sign of injury. "No, you seem fine. Maybe you're just hungry?" I fished in my pocket for an owl treat; she pecked at it with seeming disinterest. I made a mental note to tell Harry about this next time I saw him, but for now I couldn't linger. I attached my note to one of the school owls, Reggie, and told him to take it to Neville Longbottom. No sooner had I seen Reggie off than Hedwig flew off as well. Strange…
I found Professor Snape in his lab, stealing an hour between classes to work on what I assumed was the love potion.
"Can I help?"
He was silent for a time, his face relaxed but his movements assured, I came close to peek at the ingredients and was disappointed by the lack of energy that exuded from him. Although his comments and manner used to infuriate me, even threw me into depression at times, they were addicting in a way. His former habits kept me on my toes, alert to my faults but now we were falling into a comfortable friendship and I let slip a slight sigh, mourning for our old dynamic.
"The flask with the atomizer, can you take the top off?"
An ancient looking perfume bottle stood just in front of the cauldron, it was green glass, opaque with a yellowed atomizer attached to the top. My muggle sensibilities overwhelmed me, as they were known to do on occasions in the wizarding world, to see the delicate perfume flask being filled with a love potion whose use was for destroying an evil Lord. I was lost in the thought that my life had become a bizarre fairytale, when Snape asked me again for the bottle.
"Filius has charmed the atomizer, it will deliver the entire contents when squeezed." He placed the top back on the bottle and set it down on the worktable. "I've enhanced the strength with unicorn blood and baby tears."
I shuddered at the thought of the ingredients and my stomach turned.
"I'm beginning to understand why muggles debate so much over the death penalty."
Snape eyed me curiously, and a faint smirk lurked beneath his unemotional expression.
"This is macabre." I looked over to the atomizer.
He flicked his wand to clean his cauldron out, "…from what I know the muggles wobble on justice, it's one of their many problems."
My disgust was getting the better of me, the whole scenario was hitting me and even though I knew Voldemort was a monster and that he would undoubtedly kill Harry if not stopped this just seemed wrong.
"I wish I could do this properly, nonviolently…I wish I could go back in time and rescue him from himself, if only things had been different."
"You don't believe in destiny Miss Granger?"
"I don't know what I believe in anymore."
A silence set between us that was unfamiliar, we were learning more about each other and with each piece of information the other was changing, depth was being added to our burgeoning friendship. Before, the silence signaled a break period, a time out of the usual barbs, comments and occasional admiration but now we were dwelling on substantives, we were learning who the other one was.
"And you?" I knew most wizards believed in some form of destiny.
"It seems that the tight fabric of my notions on life in general have been pulling apart, what I once thought was my destiny has clouded and I am unsure of where things may lead. Perhaps there is no such thing as destiny…or perhaps the circuitous, oft times surreal route we are taking has fooled us into thinking that we are acting alone."
"I don't like being fooled." I was looking deep into his eyes and they reflected a searching expression.
"Nor I." He broke the gaze and turned back toward the table.
He withdrew his pocket watch. "Lunch, I must keep my strength up for your particular brand of legilemency, Miss Granger." He smiled, releasing the over dramatic tension we had built for ourselves. I laughed softly at his attempt at humour and we left together for lunch.
By days end I was exhausted, a permanent state for me lately and all I wanted to do was go to bed after dinner but there were a stack of first year papers to be graded and I didn't want anything piling up…if I was needed at short notice. My office was not in the dungeon but on the same floor as my room and although it proved inconvenient at times I was thankful for the warmth and windows that was nonexistent way downstairs.
When I arrived at my door I was surprised to see it ajar. Who would have been inside? who knew my password? I felt for my wand and drew it out then pushed the door open.
"Lumos." The room was empty but I immediately saw a note on the desk written in Neville's handwriting. That was odd, I was sure he wouldn't reply at least until tomorrow evening. Reggie was the best owl at Hogwarts but even he couldn't do transatlantic messages in less than 24 hours.
Hermione,
I got your note at Grimmauld Place, never left after the Order Meeting. We all couldn't get over the display Snape made and we talked of it til quite late. I'm meeting with him now. Would you care to meet me down at the Greenhouse garden, at 8? Professor Sprout said she wouldn't mind if we came.
Until then,
Neville
I thought it odd that Neville hadn't rushed back to 'Earthly Delights' after last night; he was so insistent that they couldn't spare him. All I wanted to do was turn in early but I knew I owed Neville some time, it wouldn't be right not to see him, especially after he really took a risk and expressed his feeling the other night. Problem was I had pushed that incident into a corner of my mind, intending to address it at a later time, maybe after…after what I chided myself, after the downfall of Lord Voldemort? No I needed to see Neville and either set him straight or allow myself to explore this possibility. I slipped the note into my pocket and told my wand "nox".
The corridors had a faded grey light emanating from the windows at the far ends. I could still see where I was going but by the time I made it down to the greenhouse it would be dark night. I thought of my promise to Snape and Dumbledore to remain in the castle but this couldn't wait, it wouldn't be fair to Neville, to snub him and as I walked I realized it wouldn't be fair to me either. I thought of my conversation with Snape today and bit my lip…If there was a destiny it sure was prickly to know whether you were following it correctly. I laughed to myself over what Snape would have said to that idea prior to his change: Miss Granger, destiny is not a subject you can receive an "O" in, it is your life, now go live it and leave me alone!