Julie groaned as she stirred. Her entire body ached terribly. She swallowed hard, her mouth was parched and her throat sore. Julie knew that feeling all too well. A stormy wave of misery raced through her body and she groaned again. She opened her eyes and had an instant headache. It was Saturday morning and Julie blinked sleepily. She got up and staggered. Snape caught hold of her and gently pushed her back on the armchair.

"You have to be careful," he said quietly, as he looked at her intently.

She looked bad. He was glad that he had chosen the weekend. In this state, she could not possibly attend classes. Julie had time to recover until Monday morning. Snape himself had already taken a few potions this morning and felt much better now. Julie looked at him in silence and Snape noticed that she was blushing. She turned her gaze quickly from him and sighed heavily. Snape was surprised by her rather strange behavior.

"What's going on," he asked, his voice filled with mild curiosity.

"I am ashamed," she said hoarsely.

Snape frowned, "What are you ashamed of?"

His gaze was fixed on Julie while he waited for her response.

"I am ashamed of my weakness," she replied almost inaudibly.

Poppy went up to her and shook her head firmly as she knelt in front of Julie.

"You're not weak. Whoever says so is a fool," Poppy said.

Julie did not seem convinced.

"Poppy's right. You're brave and strong, no one can claim otherwise," said Snape, who now also knelt before her.

"This is for you," he said, while he gave her a glass.

Julie looked at Snape questioningly.

"What is it," she asked, eyeing the potion thoughtfully.

"It will help to heal your wounds from last night. Your bodily pain will subside and your emotional wounds will be more bearable."

Julie drank everything and was sure that her face had turned green.

"That tastes disgusting", she said and looked at Snape. "You seem to have a collection of potions in your office. Is that what you do in your spare time? You're brewing potions," Julie asked with honest curiosity.

Poppy chuckled, that was too funny. If Miss Abbott knew...

"Don't you know, that Severus was for many years Hogwarts potion master?"

Julie looked at Snape incredulously.

"Is that true," she asked in surprise and cleared her throat, which ached with every word she spoke.

Poppy nodded.

"Yes, he is one of the best potion masters of the present time."

Julie was ashamed of her ignorance.

"Oh, I did not know that," she said ashamed.

Snape stood up and walked over to his desk and Julie leaned back and began to feel the effect of the potion. She closed her eyes and soon fell into an exceptionally quiet sleep.

Julie awoke in the early afternoon. A rather strange smell was in the air and she wrinkled her nose.

"Do you feel better now," asked Poppy, who sat on a chair beside her.

Julie nodded

"Yes thanks, apparently here was in fact one of the best potion masters at work," she said with a smile on her lips.

Snape entered his office and looked at them.

"Severus," said Poppy and stood up, "I have to return to the hospital wing. If you should need me, call me and I'll come at once."

Snape nodded and approached Julie. He sat down on the armchair, which stood opposite her and looked at her in silence. She was very pale, but her cheeks were slightly rosy.

"I think that this is the most horrible and disgusting stench I have ever smelled," said Julie hesitantly.

Snape smirked, "That's your sleeping potion," he said.

Julie's expression was horrified.

"I do not think I can drink that stuff," she said gravely concerned.

Snape looked at her for some time without saying anything. Then he took a deep breath and leaned slightly forward.

"Do not worry, your potion will cook for three days. At the end it will not only smell different, but also taste different."

Julie looked at him in astonishment, "Three days," she asked.

Snape nodded and observed her expression.

Julie was speechless.

"Um, I do not know how to thank you, Professor Snape," she finally said.

Snape shook his head. He felt guilty because he would not care for another person like that. How could he accept her thanks? He was sure that Miss Abbott did not know what his motivation was.

Of course he liked her very much. But even if he could never be with her, he would still want to help her.

Julie looked at him thoughtfully. She understood now why he wanted to help her. He had experienced the same as she had done. Julie startled when her stomach suddenly rumbled.

"Are you hungry," Snape asked.

Julie nodded ashamed.

"I'll take care of it," he said, "What you like to eat?"

Julie shrugged her shoulders, "I do not know," she said softly.

Snape frowned, "You do not know what you like to eat," he asked in surprise.

Julie looked slightly perturbed to the floor.

Snape looked at her thoughtfully. The wrinkle between his eyebrows deepened as he realized the position in which Julie was. He had been there also. No, he was still there. But Miss Abbott helped him to escape this suffering. But how bad things were with Julie?

"Are there things that you enjoy doing," he asked tentatively.

Julie sighed and looked at him silently.

"Are you telling me that you do not know what you like? You do not know what you love to do?"

Her expression was sorrowful and he saw that her eyes welled up with tears.

"That's no problem. That's okay," he said reassuringly.

Julie looked at him doubtfully.

"Is that really okay," she asked hesitantly.

He nodded, "Yes, that's perfectly fine. I feel the same."

They looked at each other for some time in silence before Snape stood up.

"I will call a house elf. You need to eat something," said Snape.

Half an hour later Julie and Snape sat at his desk and ate. She sat in his favorite armchair, and he on his chair. Although she was very hungry, Julie ate relatively little. Snape was not worried because he had gone through the same.

"I'm full," said Julie and leaned back in the armchair.

"You can later eat more if you like," he said before he drank a little water.

When Snape looked back at Julie, she was already asleep. Her hand still clutching the fork with which she had eaten. Snape looked at her for a moment before he stood up. He walked around his desk and took the fork from her hand and placed it on his desk. With a flick of his wand, the armchair floated over to the fireplace. Snape went to Julie and looked at her thoughtfully. He pitied her because he knew what she was going through. Miss Abbott had a problem that was very complex and he wondered how he could help her best. A sleeping potion was certainly a good start, but it would not solve her problem. She needed someone who cared intensely about her but he could not do that because he was her teacher. Snape hoped that she would hold out until the end of the school year.

Julie felt like a lost soul. She was lost in a world which once meant everything to her and which suddenly appeared strange and cold. She rolled onto her side and pulled her legs tightly to her body. A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. She smelled on her pillow and felt worse. Julie sighed heavily while more tears began to run down her cheek. A deep loneliness crept into her soul while she wept in the dark. The pain had returned. Not the physical pain, but the emotional pain was the one that threatened to tear her apart. She was not sure whether she had heard correctly and opened her eyes. Professor Snape closed the door and came over to her. She lay motionless in her bed, alone her eyes followed him as he came closer. Snape sat down next to her bed and looked at her in silence. Julie sighed heavily and he took the corner of her blanket and wiped the tears from her face. Then Snape reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial. He opened the cork and implied her to drink.

Julie sat up and took the flask from his hand. She drank the potion and pulled a disgusted face.

"It will help you," said Snape.

Her shirt had slipped over her shoulder, which was now exposed. Snape swallowed hard and turned his glance reluctantly away from her. Julie lay down again and Snape waited until she was asleep. Then he turned off the light and sat in the dark. Julie's sleep was restless and she seemed to have nightmares.

It was midnight, then it was 1am, then 2am... when it was 3am, Snape stood up and knocked on Poppy's door. He had brought Julie in the evening to the hospital wing. It was better if she slept here. Snape did not want that there would be rumors among students. The door creaked open and Poppy stood before him, deeply concerned, with a lighted candle in her hand.

"Severus? Is everything ok," she asked anxiously, trying to make out Miss Abbott in the dark.

"I've been here for five hours. She was crying when I came," whispered Snape.

"Oh dear," Poppy said softly as she went to Julie's bed.

"Julie seemed to be fine when I left," said Poppy. "You came five hours ago? She should have been sleeping," said Poppy surprised. "Did she not drink her sleeping potion?"

Snape looked at Poppy confused.

"You have not given her the sleeping potion," he asked, slightly reproachfully.

Poppy gave him an apologetic look and shook her head, "She said she wanted to drink it later."

Snape pulled out his wand, "Lumos".

He lifted her blanket cautiously, looking for the flask. Nothing. His hand slid gently under her pillow. Snape pulled out the small flask with the sleeping potion and held it out to Poppy.

"Don't do that again," he said gravely.

"But why didn't she drink the potion," Poppy asked thoughtfully.

Snape looked at Julie and sighed.

"Because she did not want it. She felt lonely, that's why she wept. She wanted to feel lonely," Snape said bitterly.

"Severus," Poppy said softly, "Why do you think that Miss Abbott wants to feel lonely? That makes no sense to me."

Snape looked at Poppy with a pained expression.

"It makes sense to me. I know whereof I speak. Loneliness is cruel and I think Julie thus punishes herself", he said worriedly. "I must go and get some sleep. I woke you up to ask if you can stay with her."

Poppy looked at Severus in surprise.

"Will you not wake her and give her the sleeping potion now?"

"No. Then I would have to ask her why she did not drink it. I do not want to confront her now."

Poppy nodded, "Alright, I'll stay with her."

Severus nodded and turned away from her.

"Nox," Snape said softly, before leaving the hospital wing.

It was cold in the corridors of Hogwarts, but Snape did not notice it. He walked quickly back to his office and locked the door. The silence of the night was exactly what he needed. He sank into his favorite armchair and stared into the darkness. He felt overwhelmed by the situation. Dumbledore inquired regularly about Miss Abbott's progress, but there was none. The situation was the same, maybe even worse. And the longer Snape watched and cared about Julie, the more he saw that it would be a difficult venture, to get her through the practical exam.

Snape growled and buried his face in his hands. It could not go on like this. His own situation and that of Miss Abbott were very similar. But he had found a way out of his misery. He had, even if it was only temporary, her. But Miss Abbott had no way out. Snape leaned back and clasped the armrests with his hands. He did not care whether she would pass the exam. His concern was what would she do after that? Had Albus not persuaded him to continue to teach at Hogwarts, Snape would be somewhere else today, or more likely nowhere. There was something in his life, with which he could carry on, something that at least had a meaning. But Miss Abbott was so young. What did she have? No matter how he looked at the situation, it became clear to him that it would take a lot of time for Miss Abbott to go back to normal.

He had seen many of her memories. Not only the bad, but also joyful memories. Nevertheless, he did not know much about her. There was so much what he would like to ask her, but he could not do it. To be her teacher, had its limitations. He could not show too much interest in her private life. But as head of Slytherin, he could justify that he cared for her, since she was his student and he was responsible for her. As her teacher it was in his interest that she successfully completed this school year. Therefore he had to make sure, that she would pass her exam successfully. But his personal interest was her well-being. Snape decided to do the opposite of what he thought he had to do. In the next few weeks he would not give her tutoring lessons.

Snape fiddled with his wand and thought about Poppy's words. They had caused much turmoil in him. He could not deny that her words had been true. The initially threatening feeling which had enveloped his heart at that moment was gone. He had already known it, but to hear it from someone else, had a liberating effect. It made it easier to accept the fact. Snape stood up and went to his bedroom. It was not worth to go to sleep, but nevertheless he dropped to his bed. He wanted to try for a moment not to think about Miss Abbott. The oppressive feeling in his chest made him doubt if she would ever reciprocate his feelings. Before his hateful inner voice could begin to mock him, Snape fell asleep. But even his dreams were not what they once were. Soon Snape began to stir in his sleep. However, it were no nightmares that plagued him.

A/N:

I have to apologize. When I named this chapter, I have found that I have made a mistake in the eighth chapter. There I wrote of Occlumency, but I meant Legilimency. The error has been corrected.