Serendipity

by LittleSwanLover

What if two people who came from broken were both trying to figure out how good could come from that only to find family and healing in each other? Or where Regina is a lonely doctor with a dark past that left a little serendipity on her doorstep one night when she least expected it. Child Emma. This is that story. A/U – No magic.

11. The Beginning

A/N - And this is how they began... Picks up right where other chapter left off. Memories in italics.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Chapter 11 – The Beginning

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The gold knob felt sharply cold against Emma's skin as it twisted beneath her palm. Twisting and twisting, but that movement did not make the door open. The white swirling pattern of the metal security door met her gaze. Quickly she looked about the foyer. She spotted the silver prize peeking out from an open zipper pocket of a Coach purse on a table by the door. Emma reached hurriedly, fumbling and dropping the keys with a loud clatter to the floor. Bending to pick them up she shifted through them trying to remember the one for the gate. Her ears registered feet on the stairs.

A soft voice pleaded. "Emma, let's go back upstairs and talk about this."

But Emma shook her head; her long curls blew back from the breeze that stirred the hot air outside; as hot as she was feeling inside. Her Mom had a security gate put on a few weeks back when the house's security system had been updated. It locked automatically when closed and there was a safety latch at the very top on the inside that when pressed undid the lock mechanism, but Emma could not jump that high. She dropped the keys again in her hurry; they spun on the tile away from her and towards the base of the staircase that was directly across from the front entryway. The girl kicked the gate with her socked foot as she leaned against it, pushing with all of her might willing the metal to give just a little.

"Emma?"

"Go away!" She felt trapped in her confusion over the form and between the door and her Mom she could not face right now. Emma hated that closed off feeling more than anything else. It made her feel out of control and upset, she needed to get away from that feeling before that feeling took her over.

Regina took a deep breath. "I know you are upset with me and that's okay. But angry with me or not, you will not raise your voice to me. That's not how we talk to each other about how we feel."

Reminding and coming down the rest of the staircase. Closer Regina could finally take in the scene for what it was and Emma's fidgeting, but ridged body language. Recognizing the start of a fit—no a trigger, she self corrected as she stood about fifteen feet away. It felt like miles of un-crossable desert just then; a feeling that she was well acquainted with. This feeling stemmed in origin from their first several months of living together; before she had any tools for helping redirect and calm Emma. Before Dr. Hopper or their systems for handling Emma's emotions when they spiraled.

Emma turned around and leaned against the gate as Regina bent down to pick up the keys. Finding her words as she focused on her breath like her Mom had taught her. "You always tell me to tell you how I feel. I don't want to be around you right now. I want… I…" Her throat got tight as panic rose.

Squeezing the metal in hand, Regina ran a finger hard over the various cut edges of the keys as those words cut her. "That paper is not what you think baby—"

"Stop calling me that." Emma protested, stomping her foot. Then quieter as she caught a look of hurt she recognized flash across her parent's features. "I'm not your baby."

Those words stung like nothing Regina had ever felt. Silently she crossed the distance between them undoing a single key from the key ring as she moved. She stood near Emma but not touching with her hand open in offering.

Emma took it, hugging it to her chest as she eyed Regina in question.

"I don't want you to ever feel trapped by me like I know you did just a moment ago." Regina explained quietly. Her daughter needed to regain a feeling of control and she would not stand in the way of that. She tried to trust her gut and remain rooted as Emma unlatched the door.

Wide open, Emma took off down the stone path toward the edge of the front yard. She stopped at the sandstone and wrought iron fence at the far end of the path. That was also locked, but she knew the gate code by heart; could press the numbers to run even further away. She stood staring at it for several minutes as her surroundings fully registered. That open space helped and that knowledge began to further calm the itch to run as her lungs slowed, throat loosened, and her eyes relaxed into the warm release of salt pushing to spill past her lashes.

The edge was off. The trigger turning to a mere simmer. Because of a choice. Her Mom had given her a choice. Always a choice and it hit Emma then that she had no one who knew her like the one she was running from. All she had and had ever had in this crazy world was Regina. She needed her Mom and her Mom needed her. That was a known promise between them and at that reminder and where it came from in their past she turned to look back. Regina stood in the doorway, arms crossed in a hugging fashion. Watching her and waiting.

And then that open space away from her Mom when she felt so out of sorts inside, it was too much. She needed her Mom's hug and kiss, but she was also too mad to accept them yet. Emma hugged her stomach in her manner of self soothing and shifted from foot to foot in confliction before her feet decided for her and moved. She headed back up the walkway blurry eyed, and then faster past Regina up the stairs to her room.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The laminated copy of her adoption certificate that had once symbolized so much now only made Emma's brow scrunch with a ton of questions she was not sure she wanted the answers to. She set it aside on her desk next to her unfinished homework and art supplies as she thought about the past.

The adoption had been finalized when she had been eight and she remembered wanting the certificate the judge had given her new parent. When she learned the certificate was going to be put up for safe keeping in her Mom's safe Emma had not understood why it had to go away in a metal box that locked. Had tried to ask why as they stood in line at the record counter a few days after the judge said she was now Emma Mills. But the woman standing in line behind them that day as they waited kept bumping into Emma.

Too close and Emma had already been upset and did not like to be touched by strange things or strangers. In the year at the time she had lived with Regina her parent had come to understand that. But too late she had been swept away in a fit in the middle of the crowded room when that happened. Sinking to the floor and kicking her feet, she had begun shrieking. Not because of the misunderstanding about the certificate though that had not helped, but because she had been triggered. But at the time she had no way of explaining that. No way to say or show what was wrong in a way she could be understood for she did not even understand herself.

That was all different now. The routines and structures she had developed with her Mom and doctors had given her a voice she had not had before the day she was left by her mother on the porch. Two words; Mom and mother that held a world of difference for what they meant to her. That thought made her mouth turn down in a thoughtful frown as her mind drifted again.

Been told to shut up the first part of her life, being asked to do the opposite of that had been jarring. Regina had expected her to try to communicate how she felt and with support and plenty of patience she more than tried to meet those expectations. That expectation different and scary in the newness at first, but slowly it turned a comfort she had come to count on always being there. Count on like she had come to count on her Mom.

But that form in the vanity drawer made her wonder.

And still, even when things had been hard for them in their tumble of a beginning or even the last six months when her Ma dropping in on their life had sent them into a tailspin, Emma had never once felt unwanted. Quite the opposite, but she had no way of saying she understood that when she had been seven and had showed so the only way her mind and body allowed. Now she could say something and wanted to, but was trying to figure out just what that was.

Her 'fits' as they used to be called were now treated differently. Now they were called triggers. When she had been taken to the car that day after having one at the records counter and it was quiet and she was being held in those arms she loved she had calmed down enough for Regina to explain. Emma learned how the real copy of her adoption certificate had to go in the safe at home, but that a copy of the original would be made on heavy paper complete with a large gold star sticker. While that had not been the issue that had caused her to lose control, that gift of belonging had given her such a sense of grounding that day. After that, whenever she was really upset she revisited the paper and that feeling it gave her.

That feeling was still there, but ever so much stronger as she gazed at the certificate.

In the beginning, Emma would sleep with it under her pillow; look at and touch it every day just to be sure it was all real. She had delighted in telling her teacher that she was no longer Emma West, but Emma Mills. She had a parent who cared what her favorite color was, if she ate too much sugar or if she was upset about something. Emma felt like a somebody now that she belonged. Or she had thought so at the time. Now she especially did since she had decided to call Regina Mom. A soft knock on her open door interrupted her thoughts. Emma closed her eyes, listening as a voice urged her response.

"Emma, may I come in?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to say yes. And in her indecision Emma said nothing and shook her head instead. That minimum was expected. She knew it. Her Mom it. And that was how it worked between them.

"Will you at least come out and eat something? You've been in there all day."

Still Emma did not say anything despite the rumbling of her stomach. She shrugged instead.

Resting her head against the door jamb, Regina's eyes closed. Torn between wanting to go in and hug her daughter and knowing she needed to respect where Emma was at right now. "I will make up a tray for you then. Try to eat something please and we can try again in a little while." She insisted and went back downstairs to prepare lunch. Ten minutes later she left it outside Emma's doorway.

A few hours later the bare minimum she expected Emma to eat at each meal had been attempted when she had come back for it. As she picked up the tray, Regina felt conflicted. While sharing their feelings was difficult for both of them, it was not in her nature to hang onto anger and to hide away from issues that needed to be dealt with unlike Emma who often ran, hid, and stewed in it all for a while before being ready to talk.

Their opposite natures complemented each other most of the time in other ways and in this way too; Regina learned to be more patient of her child's need to process anger differently and Emma learned that sometimes running and hiding were unnecessary. Over time a balance had been created, but lately the scale had tipped too far to Emma's side. Though things were significantly better between them since her sister's suicide, they had been on uneven ground, constantly sliding and slipping into each other with misunderstandings. Regina stared at the back of her daughter's head for a moment longer before going with her gut to leave Emma be for a little while longer.

She went downstairs and into the cellar off of the kitchen, checking the drying herbs bundled overhead she had cut a few days ago in the garden. After a few minutes Regina selected a bottle of white wine and returned to the kitchen to pour herself a small glass. It tasted of summer sun soaked fruit; the fresh bright taste lifted her spirits slightly.

Making her way out front and leaving the security door wide open in case Emma came looking for her, she seated herself on the white washed swinging bench near a huge potted eternity plant by the front door. She curled her legs underneath her as she swung gently back and forth, taking in the orange and pink colors of the sun beginning to dip in the distance. Her eyes drifted to the door mat and a memory flashed. Regina went with it to drift back to that unforgettable first night with Emma three and a half years ago.

She had just started up her practice. She was well learned, traveled, and accomplished. Her life up until that point had revolved around her crazy work load, her own schedule and needs, and she answered to no one, but herself. Life was ordered neatly in a digital calendar just as Regina preferred, with colored coded sections for every part of her day. Her whole life she had always been where she was supposed to be, always doing exactly what she was supposed to be scheduled doing until that night when everything changed…

Fresh from a workout Regina was wearing a red tank top and a pair of fitted black yoga pants as she swept her hair was up in a high twist atop her head with a clip. She was in the kitchen and about to start making herself dinner when she heard the doorbell ring. Taking a long drink from her water bottle and wondering who could be ringing this late she hurried toward the front door. A quick peek through the peephole revealed a dark figure running down her walkway to a car parked on the street. Puzzled at why someone would ring her bell and run off suddenly, Regina opened the front door. And immediately stepped back, startled.

A little girl with a tangle of curls sat huddled on the mat at her feet. The child was wearing a long T-shirt and leggings while hugging knees with two scrawny arms. Next to a pair of dirty sneakers tapping in a mismatched rhythm was a backpack that had something peeking out of it. Both left on the porch as if packages to be so. Two big eyes stared up at her, or rather at her mouth it seemed. She knew those eyes. They were her sister's eyes. Or almost. And that meant…

Regina knelt down. The girl jerked backwards at her sudden movement. Hesitating for that response, she spoke softly. "Emma? Where's your mother—" That last question followed a sick, sinking feeling as she recalled the figure running away down the walk. Her eyes zipped back and forth from Emma to the car speeding away. "Why did …" Regina stopped short yet again when her words caused a grunt in return and rocking to start. Emma just stared at her mouth seeming to wait for something. There was no answer for what her sister had just done and certainly not one this child could answer.

The girl's condition became her first concern as Regina reached out a hand palm up. Emma scooted back even further away from it, but stood up, shifting on feet. Guessing her niece did not want to be touched, she moved to pick up the backpack instead just to have something to do. Naturally, as a physician, she took quiet stock of the girl's physical state. She knew her niece was seven, but appeared no bigger than a five year old; small for her age, seemingly malnourished by the color of skin and dullness to eyes and hair.

And apparently terrified. Or angry. Or confused. Or was it something else? She could not tell by the mixed and changing features in front of her moment to moment.

So Regina beckoned with a small fluid gesture to inside. After a minute Emma stepped wide around her and into the house. Both inside Regina shut the door. That movement sent little sneakers bolting into the kitchen and she followed to find the girl curled up underneath the overhang of the island counter with the bar stools as a barrier between them. Little one had yet to say one word and for a moment Regina wondered if Emma could speak at all. Then lost that thought remembering having heard a few words from that mouth the one time she had seen Emma with Zelena ages ago.

"Do you know who I am?" Regina asked coming closer, but still giving space. The child shook a head, rubbing an eye with a balled fist. "I wouldn't think you would remember me. I am your mother's sister, your Aunt Regina." Pausing a moment to give Emma a chance to respond to that. When nothing was forthcoming she scrambled to give a reference point of some kind. She had sent packages to her sister's sporadic addresses over the years, but never knew if any had been received. After a long thick moment of silence she had one. "I sent you a stuffed bear for Christmas a few years ago. Did you ever—"

"Henry Bear." That voice was a mere squeak.

Regina squatted down to be on the girl's level. Emma pointed to the backpack in her hand. Looking down, Regina saw a hint of a plaid bow tie amongst the matted fur. "So you did get it. I had always wondered." She paused again, and then set the backpack down. The girl eyed it and so she scooted it towards Emma. Little hands snatched it up and put it on. They simply looked at each other for a while or rather Regina did as Emma looked anywhere but at her. Taking it as shyness and fear of a new place Regina focused instead on what to do and overwhelmed her mind began spinning.

Before her was a child she had only ever seen once, when the girl had been nearly five and Zelena had paid a visit of which ended badly. Regina had asked about an odd shaped mark on Emma's leg and Zelena had spun a story as if it were nothing. Emma had seemed indifferent to it, ignoring them entirely in favor of staring at the TV. Grateful to see her sister after a decade of silence and in a sober state with her little niece Regina had apologized. She had not listened to her gut then, but now thought maybe she should have.

"Are you hungry?" Regina asked for lack of a better question. "You must be." Guilt swept over her as her thoughts began to race. 'How could I have let Zelena walk out that day with Emma?'

Her eyes once again took in the girl's skinny arms and big eyes that seemed to see everything and yet nothing at the same time before standing. She needed to call the police and file a report. She needed answers. She needed to do a lot of things right now. But first she needed to try and connect with this little girl hiding under her kitchen counter. Then the obvious hit her as Emma's fingers stoked the bear's fur.

"Is Henry Bear hungry?"

A nod.

Going to the fridge, she made up a turkey and cheese sandwich with a large glass of milk. She set both on the table of the breakfast nook and patted a chair.

"Will you come out and sit here with him to have something to eat too?"

Emma's head shook no, but a tongue licked pink lips in want. Getting an idea Regina moved the dish and glass to the floor, setting it close to Emma and moving back. The child stared at it.

"Something wrong?"

Emma's lips tightened and she pointed to the plate.

"Do you not like turkey?"

Emma grunted and pointed again more insistently. Regina picked it up and removed the turkey to the side of the plate and put the bread back on the cheese. Trying again she set the plate down, but Emma pointed again. More than curious now Regina repeated this pattern with the cheese until everything on the plate was not touching. Only then did Emma begin to eat and did so quickly. Halfway through Emma seemed to remember her bear and pulled his head far enough out of the backpack and held up a piece of bread to his mouth.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Emma shrugged wiping the many crumbs from her mouth before draining the last of the milk in the glass. That look seemed sad or was it scared that it was now empty?

"More?"

The question came out as a small whine much like a newborn kitten that couldn't find its mom; and that had been more telling. Regina shook her head, and crouching down again too quickly to seemed, Emma hunkered back. Making a mental note to move more slowly she held out her hand for the glass. After a minute of staring Emma handed it to her, their fingers brushing seemed to startle. Then Emma came at her, small hand grabbing her index finger. More specifically the cameo ring she wore there. Still as stone least she break this willing contact Regina let Emma turn her hand this way and that as green eyes examined the ring. Finally Emma's lips pulled back to show teeth. Regina thought the girl was grimacing, but the child's words did not match the expression shown.

"Pretty." Emma looked from the ring to a red mouth. "Like you."

Regina smiled softly letting out a breath she had not been aware of holding. "I think you are very pretty too." And the child was certainly even under the layer of grime on pale skin. With those words Emma seemed to begin to relax. Slowly still Regina stood up expecting Emma to bolt again, but that little hand only clung tighter to her finger.

"More?" Pointing again to the empty glass.

Going to the sink with Emma in her shadow, Regina set the cup inside as she spoke, "Soon, but not just yet. You'll get sick if you keep eating and drinking so fast." Out of the corner of her eye she caught a wide mouth yawn. Glancing to the clock she noted the late hour. "You must be getting sleepy. Let's get you cleaned up and into a warm bed. Then I'll get you some more milk. Does that sound okay?"

Emma seemed to think about that offer and nodded after a minute. Regina had wanted to add, 'and tomorrow we'll figure everything out,' but she choked on those words. One moment at a time was all she could handle right now. She suspected Emma was feeling the same way too. That small commonality was oddly comforting.

She led her niece upstairs and into her bathroom. As the girl let her finger go and looked about the room, Regina set about running a shallow warm bath in the large tub and seated herself on the step there as it filled. Emma seemed distracted until she beckoned again. Then she was met with a look of utter panic.

"It's just water, see?" Regina explained, lifting a handful of water and letting the droplets seep through her fingers back down into the tub.

"No bath."

That voice sounded adamant and in the underlying plea there Regina drained the tub, but not before wetting a few washcloths and wringing them out. "Then how about we just clean your face and hands. Would that be okay?"

The girl licked lips before stepping backward, but reached a hand out as if wanting help to move. These mixed signals she was struggling to interpret and so she decided to help. Regina leaned forward, offering her finger. Emma slowly took it and slowly those feet came closer. She smiled with genuine affection that began to well within her heart.

"It's alright, Emma." Regina's full lips formed the name, taking in each syllable and sweet curve her mouth made. Gently and slowly she wiped at pale cheeks. "When we are done I have a sleep shirt you can put on afterwards." The clothes Emma was wearing looked like they had been worn for days on end.

A bath was needed really, but could wait until tomorrow. Done with face and hands Emma let her slip the backpack down and off as well as untie shoes. Emma let her remove those ad socks before the fidgeting began. Deciding to be done, Regina reached for one of her night shirts on the hook by the tub and held it out to Emma. When the child did nothing she hesitated before draping it across her lap. "Do you want help changing?"

Emma nodded, but stepped back when hands reached for the hem of her shirt. Regina paused and dropped them to her lap. Again hesitant on what Emma really wanted. "I can go if you want to be by yourself to—"

"No!" A shout as Emma lunged forward and grabbed her by the knees. The suddenness of it startled Regina.

"Okay, okay, I'll stay right here with you." Pacifying the pinched look she thought might be panic in the eyes in front of her. Gently Regina held up the clean shirt on her lap. "May I help you take off your shirt so we can put a new one on?" She felt like she was speaking to a three year old rather than a child of seven, as she would her littlest patients who were often scared during their first visit to her office.

At that professional lens she thought she might know what to do after all more than she had been thinking. Relying on what she knew worked with them she began to explain each step of what she was going to be doing before she did it. "I am going to lift the hem of your shirt up over your head, okay?" Emma nodded and let her.

Off she dropped the T-shirt to the floor as the little girl's arms crossed and Emma began running fingers up and down each rib. The motion was odd and not at the same time, but before Regina could give it anymore attention she automatically began assessing again. Half naked save a pair of leggings the girl was even skinnier than she thought. Regina's stomach turned inside out. Needing a better look to further evaluate, she explained what she was doing as she gently and slowly rested her hands on Emma's shoulders guiding the girl as she continued. "Will you turn all the way around for me please?"

Emma did and Regina grew sicker. A bruise tender in forming on the upper back shoulder and wrapping under the right arm came into view. Regina was able to recognize the shape for what it was. A hand. "Oh Emma." Her voice broke and she quickly regained her composure when little eyes peeked over a shoulder at her. Oh so gently she touched below the mark feeling for damage to the joint, it looked that sore. Emma hissed at the contact. Red lips tightened as she had Emma make a few specific movements just to be sure it was not more than a bruise. Regina adjusted her expression once again before Emma came back around to face her.

"Hurts."

And that word busted her heart wide open. Regina swallowed, forcing a reassuring smile. "I am going to get something that will help with that." Standing she opened the medicine cabinet by the sink, finding the Arnica gel she used for aches and bruises she sat back down and showed the tube to Emma. "This will feel a bit cold and sticky, but it will help with the pain." It was all she had at the moment and thought she needed to call her neighbor Granny Lucas to see if any Children's Tylenol could be brought over. The thought left for the moment as she explained her next step before carefully turning Emma and dabbing the green tinted gel onto the bruise.

Taking her time to make sure she did not cause any more pain than necessary. Regina knew from experience just how much one of those types of marks hurt. Skin and muscle healed, but the intent of the one who made the bruise left a mark no medicine or therapy could erase. Time helped to dull the emotional ache, but it never truly went away. Another thing they had in common she suspected when those green eyes so full met her own briefly before looking away again to the floor. Then she gave another explanation of her actions before she tugged on the clean gray silk shirt. It fell past the girl's knees in a makeshift nightgown.

"Yours?"

"My shirt, I hope that's okay." She got a grimace from Emma, then teeth. A smile then, not a grimace after all. Then needing to be sure Emma was not hurt else where she coaxed the leggings down and off. Satisfied there were no other marks and with nausea still boiling in her stomach Regina swallowed to keep it down and she asked a hard question. "How did you get that mark Emma?"

A shrug, but pink lips parted as if wanting to speak.

Then more specifically Regina asked. "Did someone grab you?"

Emma's brows went tight as if the obvious were upsetting to say. "Ma's boyfriend Robin was mad." A shrug. "And then we were in the car forever and she said I had to stay here."

It was the most said and the least telling in a few different ways. Regina had her suspicions on who Emma's father was when Zelena had been pregnant, but if Emma did not know she was not going to bring it up now. Best leave that as water under the bridge for the moment. But who had made that mark and why Zelena left Emma here were what she wanted to know.

Her other suspicion of abuse confirmed however, Regina rubbed Emma's arms gently in a soothing fashion as those green eyes looked like they wanted to begin leaking. Something hard there kept the tears from falling. She didn't know what to say to that. To any of this and so she opened her arms instead. Emma stared at them and then her for a long moment before stepping closer, as if a thing like hugging was a foreign language. In a way it was for both of them. Careful of the bruise and somewhat awkwardly for never having done so Regina wrapped her arms around Emma. Little one let out a sigh, warm and telling against her neck that this was what was needed.

"Ma said I was bad."

Regina shook her head, damning Zelena in her head. "Look at me, okay?" Waiting as the girl did so and saying the words she wished someone would have said to her so long ago. "You are not bad. Never, ever. Your Ma is wrong." That last statement a loaded one in more ways than one it seemed.

Emma looked confused at that idea, but again said nothing and tucked up tighter against her neck for a moment before pulling away entirely. She watched as Emma found fascination with her ring again as her mind ran away with all the questions she had no one to ask but herself.

And that feeling of doubt in herself and what to do returned tenfold…

"Good evening Regina!"

The happy greeting called from across the street woke Regina from her thoughts. She forced a smile and gave a wave to Granny who was power walking in a pair of rose colored sweats complete with a matching sweat band above the ever present spectacles as Ruby rode ahead on a bike. Settling back against the swinging bench after her neighbor passed she followed her thoughts to a pivotal conversation she had had with Granny at one point…

"I don't know what to do. At first everything was fine, now Emma is out of control." Regina explained, near exasperated as she bent to pick up the last of the stuffing from one of her couch pillows.

Emma had torn the living room apart not a half hour ago. A common occurrence the last few months, along with fits, phone calls every week from Emma's teacher on similar events at school. When she had come down stairs to investigate the noise she had promptly taken up the child in her arms. Emma fought her, but eventually calmed. Emotionally spent after and with nothing she had been trying to do in the parenting books she had been glued to working, it had been too much. She had coaxed Emma outside so she could collect herself for a moment.

Then the phone had rang and Granny's inquiring voice as to her wellbeing brought the wall she was struggling to hold up down.

Regina paced with her hand on her hip, long red lacy skirt flowing out behind her. "I've never had any real experience with children outside of my practice. This whole guardianship thing has me scared out of my mind. I'm a Doctor, not a parent. I never had real parents myself and I don't know the first thing about raising a child, especially this child." Regina sighed heavily as she peeked out the wooden blinds of the large window that offered a clear view of the front lawn.

Emma was outside drawing with Henry Bear under the shade of a tree oblivious to the conversation going on.

"Regina, you need to take a step back and look at the situation from another angle." Granny's sure words held a deep comfort that soothed like a balm on her tense shoulders. "From what you're saying, it sounds like you're really worried about you. Emma needs you to be strong and there for her. Who else does she have? Certainly not her mother. You can do this."

Those words were sobering and Regina rubbed her temple before she pulled a piece of folded paper from her skirt pocket, fingering the soft edges from her many times of fingering it throughout the day. "You're right. I know you are I'm just so..."

"Tired?"

"Exhausted." She sank onto the ottoman in front of the fireplace. Shoulders dropped needing to admit her fault to someone she trusted. "Yesterday, I went through the packet of papers the judge gave me at guardianship hearing earlier this week and there's a Release of Guardianship Authorization form in there." Her chin trembled as her voice cracked. "I briefly thought about signing it and I have been sick with myself for even thinking that." As sure as she felt of those words, doubt of her abilities still lay around her heart. Emma deserved better than her.

"This path you are on together is not going to be easy for you, or for Emma. But you'll figure it out Regina as you go along. You have to." Granny's voice held strength and understanding. "That's what it means to be a parent. Especially when things are tough."

"What would you do if Ruby was acting up, like I explained Emma was?" She had told Granny of the fits several times and they had talked through many different strategies she had been trying with Emma.

"I'd explain what she's done wrong and depending on the situation give her a time out or maybe a swat. Or sometimes a spanking sets her right. Helps her get some of those feelings out with a good cry. Again it depends. Sometimes it takes a little, sometimes a little more, but there is always a shift that comes with it."

Humoring the moment, Regina asked. "But what if this shift doesn't come? What do I do then?"

"The shift always comes, Regina. Trust your instincts and you'll feel it right when she does."

Explained so simply and matter of fact that Regina wondered if maybe it just might work. It also was preached against the modern books she had been reading on parenting, but when she had read about the research behind certain theories on discipline she had not found enough evidence either way to sway her opinion. As a child she herself had not been spanked. Slapped and beaten, but not spanked. There was a distinct difference in her mind between the two from what she had read about along with what Granny was describing.

Then she tried to explain again her torn feelings over the idea. "Nothing I have tried works with her. I've tried time outs, no TV, no outside time, early bedtime, no dessert, taking toys away, sending her to her room. Nothing stops or hinders her behavior." Regina dropped her head in her hand and sighed, feeling at a loss as she admitted her deepest fear. "You know her history and some of mine. I just don't want to traumatize or hurt Emma like her mother did."

"First off you are not your sister and I know you don't have a violent bone in your body. Spanking is different. If you do it when you're calm and clear headed, you can use it on occasion as an effective tool."

"I'm worried she'll resent me after the fact."

Granny chuckled. "Children want and need structure Regina. Structure and discipline are the foundations of parenting. She needs you to set the expectation and follow through with what you say you are going to do. She won't resent you, quite the opposite. How many times have you tried putting her in time out only for her to step right out of it?"

"Too many." Admitting such, Regina felt a blush warm her cheeks.

"Or taking something away only to give it back when she screams for it?"

"I've done that too and tried something else."

"Exactly my point. Pick a strategy and stick with it every time. Emma will respond to that predictability and follow through."

Regina thought about that idea. Emma was very set in certain ways. Needing certain things to be just right. Regina had begun to note patterns in some behaviors over the last few months, especially with food. Her niece would not eat anything on a plate that had food touching. Nor much of anything at breakfast unless it was covered in apple butter. Or drink out of anything with a straw. And too with clothing and basic routines like brushing teeth and washing hands. The girl seemed to find comfort in the certainty she had been providing with those patterns. Maybe Granny had a point.

Granny sighed. "But try it and see. Every child is different. You have to find what works for Emma and once you do, that along with plenty of patience and love will begin to work and make a difference."

"You sound so sure." When Regina still felt anything but that. Though talking out her feelings certainly helped. She needed to start doing more of that with Emma too, she realized.

There was a pause from the other end of the phone before Granny responded. "I raised my daughter Anita and made some mistakes. You will make mistakes too with Emma at some point and that's okay. It's what you do with those mistakes after the fact that makes the difference. I learned from mine the hard way. I have a feeling you won't have to as much. Ruby is my second chance to get things right."

Regina chewed on her inner cheek. "But what if she hates me for it?"

"You're the parent now and you're not wrong for disciplining her. Especially, if she is going to be living with you from now on. You both need some structure and stability."

They talked for a few more minutes as Regina's mind settled. Upon hanging up, she put the paper back in her pocket and went over the front door to put on her sandals. She had promised Emma they would stop and look at paint today during their errands. Mind more than full from their talk and the rest of the day ahead she opened the door and called to her niece.

::::::::::::::::::

The many rows of rainbow colors seemed to have the child captivated. Regina watched as Emma took great joy in running small fingers over the many vivid cards in the paint aisle of Home-Depot. Eyes that had grown bright in their time together studied the different shades of purple, trying to decide. The two that had Emma's focus now looked exactly the same to Regina, but somehow to Emma they were vastly different.

"This one?" The little girl plucked the palest purple card from the shelf and held it possessively to her chest while hopping up and down.

Regina smiled and adjusted her purse as she nodded approvingly. "That's a great choice." She encouraged remembering what the parenting book had said about praise and validation as she held out her hand for the card. At this movement Emma stopped.

"Wait? Maybe not? I mean, maybe I want this one instead?" Emma bit her lip, once again undecided.

Regina sighed, running a hand through her hair scattering loose curls into waves. They had already been on this aisle for an hour. She was trying her best to be patient, knowing that this was a big choice for a seven year old to make; what color to paint her bedroom.

"Do they have wallpaper here? Where I used to live had paint, maybe I want wallpaper?"

Every statement sounded like a question to Regina. The child had no idea what she wanted. 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea,' Regina thought.

But all the books she had been reading about parenting had stressed the importance of a child having a sense of control through choices. For the most part this tactic seemed to work with Emma, but not all the time. Something was missing she had yet to figure out. It had been nearly four months since the girl had been left on her doorstep and they had both come a long way since that first night together. DPS and the police had been contacted the following morning and with the limited information Regina was able to give them, they were in an active search for the child's mother. Regina, as a blood relative, was made the girl's temporary legal guardian.

Nothing had been turned up yet though on Zelena and as time went on Regina began to doubt there would be unless her sister wanted to be found. Zelena was as hard to pin down as the wind.

Meantime, Regina had made huge adjustments to her life. She thought about them now as she watched Emma go through the paint cards for the tenth time. She had taken a great deal of time off, rearranged her work schedule, routines and attitude about this new situation. Every day when the least little bit of doubt entered her mind over her ability to be the stand in parent needed, Emma would do or say something to send that feeling into hiding for a little while. But it was still there eating away at her heart. Still, overall the child was a delightful brilliance that filled her life. Everything felt different, so wonderfully different that Regina had not even realized a lot of things; mostly how lonely she had been and the monotony of her routine until it had changed.

There was a constant supervision needed that Regina had never even thought about before, having only herself to worry about in the past. Her evening news was replaced with cartoons, her breakfast of coffee was swapped with apple juice and apple butter on everything. Toys were littered through every available room in her once immaculate home. There was homework and bed time to worry about. And if little teeth were brushed and hair combed before bed.

She was learning a lot too. Like how to do voices for the various characters in the comics she learned Emma liked. How Emma's favorite color was a tie between yellow and purple, but red was a close third. Also, how different Emma seemed to be from other children she worked with, but she attributed that to the life Emma had before. Slowly more and more of that mystery was being revealed in small moments of sharing between them. Regina's whole world shifted and yet it felt more complete now than it had before.

She was more complete.

And in that completeness and the little face scrunched in thought next to her Regina felt the need to do everything right. Emma deserved that from her, but lately she felt like she was failing. Nearly every day and sometimes multiple times a day Emma had a fit of some kind. There was no pattern or reason to them she had been able to pinpoint directly, but she was learning the signs of one starting. They seemed like tantrums though not at the same time and she had no idea what to do when they happened. She had certainly tried everything the books had suggested, but nothing worked.

"I don't know what to pick? Do I pick this purple, or this purple or purple wallpaper?" Emma rattled off the list on her fingers in a whisper.

And Regina looked at her watch. "We can come back another day if you need more time to think about it Emma. We can bring the cards with us too so you have them to consider. Besides, it's getting late and we still have more errands to run." She reminded gently.

Emma's face contorted. "But I don't know yet."

And Regina realized she said the wrong thing. Yet again.

"I have to know first." Emma stated. "You said this first, then other stores." Hands hugged the paint cards to a chest as cheeks began to turn pink.

There it was again, the start of a fit and Regina tried to soothe right away. "It's better for you not to be rushed into choosing something you may later be unhappy with. Now we really should go Emma. We will come back later this week. I promise." She explained, now reaching out her hand for the child to take.

Emma's head shook and the girl took a step backwards, hugging her middle tighter. "I don't WANT to go now. I have to pick first!" She was whining more loudly now. When Regina shook her head, Emma's foot stomped. Red lips pursed as the white sandal made another loud thump on the concrete as the protest approached tantrum level.

Leaning down, Regina cupped a chin as she tried to validate and redirect just like the book said. "I see that this idea upsets you a lot. We will come back later, but now we need to leave." She stated, taking the child's hand and leading away from the paint samples.

Emma pulled back on her hand knocking back into a display of paintbrushes sending several to fall to the floor. Regina bent to pick them up as Emma whined shrilly. Ignoring the tone despite the stares from other shoppers the child was beginning to attract, Regina moved toward the front of the store. This and eyes on them only seemed to upset Emma more. Half of her wanted to give in. The other half heard Granny's words not to on loop in her mind.

Regina blushed at not being able to control a seven year old. `Emma should be obeying me.' She thought, and dark hair shook about her shoulders again for the plaguing voice from the past in her head not her own. Emma was upset and showing her so, and while that was okay, how it was being shown is what she needed to remedy.

Regina stopped near the exit door when Emma went to her knees on the floor nearly tripping a passing woman with arms full of bags. Emma refused to move when prompted and Regina watched for a moment as the child continued the fit. More eyes turned on them and louder and louder Emma became. Wanting to get her niece to the car so she could begin to help the girl calm down she tried to lift Emma up, but the girl flopped like a wet fish back to the ground. Small but scrappy Emma continued to curl and shriek in a repetitive manner that Regina would have found odd had she not been right in the middle of trying to soothe it. And in that moment she realized she was going about it all wrong. Soothing is not what Emma needed this moment. Emma needed her to take back control when the girl was so clearly out of it.

Taking a deep breath and checking in with herself, Regina made a decision. She carefully pulled Emma up close about the waist. Cupping her palm, she gave one firm pat to the seat of the girl's pants. Emma stopped the shrill shrieking immediately as if woken from a trance.

Their eyes met.

Then tears welled in those two green eyes looking up at her and then they overflowed. Tears first time present on those two cheeks Regina had yet to see and her niece went still, leaning heavily against her. And then Emma reached up to be held. Regina closed her eyes for a moment. This was different than she had been expecting. To her surprise she didn't feel any aversion over her action. With more confidence Regina said nothing as she bent down and lifted the subdued child to her hip and headed out towards the car.

Once at the Mercedes Regina got her sniffling niece settled into the back seat right on her lap. Door closed and in the quiet small space she began to explain her action. "When I tell you to do something I need for you to listen. Having a fit in the middle of the store because you are not getting your way is not the way I expect you to behave."

A hiccup sounded as Emma snuggled in closer. "But I didn't mean to."

"Oh?"

Blonde curls shook. "I didn't Aun' Regina."

Those words seemed sincere; however they did not match the level of upset displayed. Regina was torn in what to believe. Emma was seven; should long have outgrown such fits especially over something like this. But the strained and tired look on that little face said something else. She hesitated in further scolding, thinking she may need to do some research and inquires with colleagues in Emma's emotional development. Doubt knocked against her temples and took her mind for a walk.

The trance like state Emma had been in and the snap out of it at her redirection registered. Still, it had seemed to work. Emma was calm and sitting in her lap talking about what had happened. That had not happened before with anything else she had tried. This closeness too was new for both of them. Emma was not what one would consider an affectionate child, but in rare moments, ones Regina found herself wanting more of Emma allowed a cuddle or a hug. The tears were new too. She had never known a child to be so tightly controlled with them. Emma had not cried yet. At all. All children cried though, or so she thought, but not Emma and not easily it seemed. Newness in a few things today made her mind run laps since her action and Regina wondered over them.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." Regina added, realizing she had missed a step she needed to fix now.

Her niece's head popped up. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry because I should have explained why before." Regina corrected and continued when Emma's brows scrunched in confusion. "I gave you a swat to your bottom with my palm to get your attention that you needed to listen to me. You were having a tantrum and that is not acceptable behavior to show me you want or do not want to do something." She lifted Emma's chin up. "You and I will talk about the things we are feeling going forward. We will talk about the things we want and do not want with words. Not with yelling or stomping our feet. Do you understand that?"

"Yes Aunt Regina." Emma seemed to calm further with that expectation before hugging her tighter.

And she wondered if Granny had been on to something after all. "I'm glad you do, because I want us to be able to get along and for that to happen there are some rules you have to follow."

"What rules?"

"A few basic ones we have talked some about already, but we will sit down and list them together when we get home and what will happen if they do not get followed. That way you know what to expect. We can put a copy in your room and on the fridge down stairs to help you remember. How does that sound?"

"Good." Emma rubbed an eye. "But sometimes words are hard." There was kind of relief in that voice and Regina thought she had said the right thing.

"They can be." Regina agreed. "But words also have power. When used to explain how we are thinking or feeling they have a power that helps the other person understand us better." She repeated the words she had read in her father's journal. Ones she had come to hold as her belief, especially when she had been in the early part of her healing journey and talking in therapy had been less than easy. Regina imagined his voice; a deep velvet husk saying them in her mind and like always she longed to know the man she had never met, but felt she knew through his written word better than she knew herself sometimes.

"Powers like superhero powers?"

Remembering Emma's love for comics, Regina nodded getting an idea. "Exactly like that. In fact, how about we make that our superpower. Using our words together, even if it's hard to do. Will you try for me?"

"You'll try too?"

"I will try too." Promising as Emma nodded under her chin. Regina held tighter with a kiss to the crown of a head. This was a first for them and turning out better than she had hoped. Clear expectations and follow through had gotten them this close moment of understanding. Granny had been right after all. Lingering there in affection Regina rested her cheek against Emma's head. "I love you Emma, just don't fight me so hard on that one alright?"

Suddenly Emma turned around in her lap so they were sitting heart to heart. Teeth found a pink lower lip to bite in a look Regina now recognized as a habit whenever Emma had hard question to ask. They were so close to each other in that moment. Regina reached out a hand and smoothed back the girl's hair from damp cheeks, noticing that this was the first time that action had not caused Emma to pull away. At this gentle affection Emma wrapped arms tight around her neck.

"Promise?"

"What exactly do you want me to promise you, sweetheart?" Regina asked.

"Promise you won't leave me like Ma did. You can't now no matter what cause' you love me. Ma didn't say that, but you did, so now you have to keep me. Like in our book."

That solemn voice held so much need and trust in those words that Regina was amazed they were coming from such a tiny little girl. They had read The Little Prince cover to cover so many times Emma could quote long parts of it from memory. A talent for memorization Emma seemed to have with some focused support had helped the catch up process in school. Emma was still a year behind her peers in most subjects, but had shown significant growth that Regina knew the girl would catch up sooner rather than later as she had originally worried.

"Like what the fox said about that word that means ties—tamed." Emma seemed to think about that for a moment. "He said you become responsible for whatever you have tamed. Like the Little Prince and the fox. They need each other."

"And maybe I need you." Regina said hoping Emma would be able to make the connection. "Have you thought about that? The idea that maybe we need each other in that same way?" Emma responded by burrowing into her neck and Regina pulled her close, kissing the top of a head again. She surprised herself with the easy affection happening right now between them. Emma did that to her. Made it easy to feel these new feelings taking over her heart. "I promise. You don't have to ever worry or be afraid about that. I will never leave you. Not ever on purpose." The doubt she had been battling with began to dissolve. Maybe she was enough for Emma after all.

Emma shifted on her lap causing the paper in her pocket to crinkle. That folded paper a reminder of her momentary weakness. One she knew she would not forgive herself for so easily, but in its own way had been necessary to show her that she did have it in her to be the parent Emma needed her to be. She hoped one day, maybe one special day, Emma would see her as more than Aunt Regina…

A quick movement jolted Regina from memory. A sandy colored rabbit caught her eye as it made a mad dash across the open front yard to safety under a shrub. She took another shallow sip of her wine, allowing the rich flavors to tease her tongue before swallowing. Another noise caused Regina to startle suddenly as her mind cleared that distant memory away. The golden liquid in her long stemmed glass sloshed around inside of its enclosure nearly spilling out over the rim as her mind returned fully to the present. Emma stood in the front doorway to her left, leaning against the frame with arms crossed. Green eyes studied the floor. She watched her daughter slowly extended a foot out in front and traced an unknown pattern on the porch with a big toe. She set her wine on the table nearby and waited.

Emma lifted her chin gazing out over the yard and finally she turned her head, eyes coming to rest on her Mom's face. A ringed hand patted the empty space on the swing. Wordlessly, she walked over from the mere expectation and slipped into the spot on the bench next to Regina. A comforting arm came around her shoulders.

Regina gently pulled the child closer afraid for just a moment the girl would pull away from her touch, but Emma leaned in to take her finger where her cameo ring was to hold and even rested a head near her heart. They sat in silence for a long time, each deep in their own thoughts. Emma was the first to break the stillness.

"I'm sorry about your pearls." Beginning to share the words she had spent the afternoon searching for. "I was just so mad at you and confused."

"You have every right to be upset with me Emma. I'm mad at me too." Regina began the conversation she had been preparing for, ignoring the pearl issue entirely. "I need you to try and understand something and this is hard for me to say because it reminds me of things about myself, how I used to be, that I'd rather forget." With Emma's willingness to listen she continued. "I was a different person back when you first came to live with me. I was used to my life being a certain way and I really struggled to make sure I was doing right by you. I didn't know how to be a parent and I made some mistakes I am not proud of." She turned her head so she could read Emma's face as she continued. "That form came in a pack of paper I had gotten from the judge at your guardianship hearing. One I am still sick with myself over having even thought about back then. It was before my promise to never leave you."

"Why did you promise if you were thinking that then?"

Taking a hand in hers Regina made sure she had Emma's eyes before speaking. "Because it was exactly that; a thought in a weak moment. It was not and is not what I feel. I promised because I love you. You are everything in this world to me. Back then, I was so scared I wouldn't be able to raise you the way you deserved to be Emma. You deserve everything good and perfect in this world. You already know that your mother and I didn't have the best upbringing. I wanted to be nothing like my Mother and stepfather and that is why I ran away when I was young and have had no contact with them. They did not know how to love very well."

"Like Ma?"

"Somewhat like your Ma, yes baby." Regina squeezed that hand and was grateful Emma squeezed right back. "I was afraid for a time that I would somehow end up like them; not knowing how to love very well and I have spent a good part of my life making sure I did not repeat their mistakes." Three years ago, she had not been proud of herself and she had punished herself mentally for a long time afterward. That's was why she kept that form locked up under a hideaway shelf in her vanity. It served as a silent reminder to be strong in times of doubt and trial.

Emma had not thought about that. Any of it, but hearing those fears from her Mom suddenly helped some things make sense. This was the most her Mom had ever shared about a past she longed to better understand. Every time Emma asked the conversation was shut down or shifted. She focused on her Mom's eyes then. Amber ones were red at the edges, like her own were red from crying earlier. That meant this was hard for her Mom to talk about, just like it was hard for her to talk about her past too. That somehow made this hard thing they were talking about together easier.

"I like how you love me." Simple and exactly what Emma felt.

But she was still a little confused. Her Mom was Superwoman. Never seemed to be afraid of anything. Always strong and so sure about everything that Emma wasn't sure what she felt about this revel. But then she remembered back to that particular promise made one afternoon in the back seat of the car when she had been told she was loved. Then she remembered her actions that day and the talk they had about the power of words. Her Mom really was Superwoman, she decided, back then and now. Better than any hero in her comic books. And suddenly Emma felt… the word would not come, but other ones around it did.

"You had to change a lot of stuff. You gave up so much for me."

Regina shook her head, as she gave Emma's shoulder a gentle squeeze along with a kiss to a temple. "No, I gained so much because of you baby and let's get one other matter clear; no matter what you say about it, you are my baby." Remembering back to Emma's earlier comment.

A nose wrinkled. "Even when I'm fifty."

"Especially when you're fifty." A chuckle. "You and I are in this together for life. We tamed each other and that's how it works."

"Will you read me that chapter tonight? I want to hear it again."

"Tonight and every night as long as you'll let me." Regina smiled softly. "And I wouldn't change anything about us finding each other. I only wish it could have been under better circumstances." Now frowning thoughtfully as she remembered that first day all over again. Then asking. "Will you forgive me for the form?"

"I already did Mom." And Emma had the moment she stepped out on the porch and the love in these eyes found hers. "I just needed to understand why."

They were quiet for awhile. The only sounds were the faint creaking of the bench swing as they continued to rock and from the crickets beginning to sing. As darkness began to settle in Emma spoke again.

"Am I in trouble for breaking your pearls?" Asked in a teasing fashion she was learning to do and yawning as she snuggled closer into those strong arms.

The corner of Regina's mouth turned up, using her free hand to tickle the Emma's ribs until the child erupted in a fit of giggles. "I suppose that this one time it can be overlooked." Laughing as she teased right back, she reached over in jest and gave the girl's bottom a playful tap before they lost themselves in an all out tickle war. They laughed together till their sides ached for relief and they had happy tears blooming their lower lashes.

Regina leaned forward and kissed the top of her daughter's head as Emma settled back into her arms again and they watched the street lights come on in the distance. A few playing children scurried into the house up the road at their mother's insistence as the rim of the sun said good night by tucking below the horizon. It was under the first twinkle of those stars in the early night that all was as it should be for a moment, and that moment tying them together as mother and daughter is all that mattered.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A/N – So *much* I wanted to convey in this chapter from both of them and I hope it came through. Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Next time – Emma learns just how big her Mom's heart is. Regina goes on a date and Emma tags along.