A/N: Edit 11-14-11. There was the odd sentence that did not express what it should have. That is fixed now. ~VLU
Standard Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Kim Possible, the character, or any characters from the series. All is copyrighted by Disney, I'm writing this without express permission, but am not making a profit at all.
"Dinner, tonight? I kinda have plans already…"
"Please?" It was her honest opinion that a girl should not have to beg to have dinner with her boyfriend, especially not a boyfriend of an entire year already.
"Okay, anything for you." But, Ron was always like that, just by asking, he'd agree to put off anything to spend time with her.
It had been two hours since she'd called him for dinner, and, as was normal for the season, the sun was already dipping lower on the horizon. The sky was alight in reds, oranges, and purples, the ground was beginning to darken, and Kim, very much alone at the moment, was starting off on the walk home. She could have taken the car to the restaurant, but she'd been expecting a walk home where she could talk with Ron, tell him what was up and try to convince him not to hate her for it.
Instead, she found herself kicking the sidewalk idly outside the Stoppable residence. Now or never, she told herself, walking up to knock on the door.
After a few seconds it creaked open, and the ever-amiable Mister Stoppable looked up at her with a smile. He had a natural smile that was entirely unassuming, no one ever saw it as anything the next man wouldn't have, or the next man after that, but that was part of its charm. He was the American everyman, sweet, loving, charming, and entirely down to earth.
That was why Kim felt herself smiling when he answered the door for her. "Ah, Kim, come on in. You know you don't have to knock."
"Sorry, Mister Stoppable, force of habit." She replied, stepping inside the house that suddenly felt much more imposing and monolithic. It should have been a normal day; Hana, sitting where her father had been playing with her in the lounge, Mrs. Stoppable cooking dinner in the kitchen. A part of her insisted that it was normal, and nothing had changed. She just needed to make Ron understand that.
"You look lovely today, Kim." He said, remarking on her silky, black, button-down blouse and slacks. She smiled a bit wider, the man knew when to compliment too. "Going on a date?"
Kim nodded, but her smile pursed into a half-frown. "Yeah, with your son, an hour ago." The everyman swallowed uncomfortably, stepping off to the side to his daughter.
"I see… Well, last I heard he was upstairs preparing for his college courses. You can just let yourself up." Her glare followed him as he scurried off back to his daughter.
"Men…" She growled as she ascended the stairs to Ron's room. It was a far cry from Monique's house, closer to her own really, though that was to be expected when their mothers' got together on weekends to convince their fathers' to clean their respective houses.
Clean, sterile. She didn't really like clean and sterile. Kim liked being hectic, she liked not worrying about where her shoes were, and that was probably most surprising since she was so obsessive about everything else, like what people thought. What Ron thought…
Thinking of the boy, she slipped into his room without knocking, quietly as she could, to find out what he had been up to for the past two hours since she'd called him. She wasn't surprised to find his feet sticking up over his bed while his torso lay on the ground, a work-book held firmly above him. Adorning his head was a pair of headphones, linked to an old tape player, which she could guess was loaded up with more schoolwork from the casings lying around it.
"Rufus, give us a minute?" She asked the mole-rat that sat on the bed above Ron, munching away happily at the bag of chips between the two.
Chattering eagerly, Rufus nodded and hopped off the bed, bounding past Kim in a blur of pink nakedness before she shut the door behind herself. That left just the two of them, both equally unaware of the others presence.
Kim couldn't focus. Sure, she felt better than she had before her talk with Monique, which was surprising enough since she found out that her friend thought she was gay and had regaled her with a story that would probably shock the entire student body in Middleton. But she also felt so exhausted. This was the first time she'd been back to see her boyfriend since she'd told him she was married in the first place. It may have just been two days, but where was the feeling that every moment without him was agony? Where was the feeling of happiness from seeing her love's face after being countries apart, even?
Maybe I don't love him, she considered, slumping wearily against the door. There was no one watching her, no smiles she felt she would betray without returning, and she finally let herself feel as tired as she looked.
Why was it even bothering her? She considered why she didn't just bury it, say she was sorry, and never speak of it again. She should have done that, that's what she said she would do when she woke up in Canada. So, why was she here?
Shego…
Shego, I…
What are you doing? This isn't you, nothing's supposed to bring the great Kim Possible down. Everything you do, you do with everything you are; all your honor, all your soul. Man up to your mistakes, girl, or get out.
Briefly, before raising to her feet and subconsciously dusting herself off, Kim wondered why her conscience was starting to sound eerily like Monique. Not that she could complain, really, but over the past few months Monique had been making her question just what she was doing with Ron. Love was one thing, but driving yourself around in circles without anything to show for it…
Ron, for all his ninja skills, didn't even notice her in the room until she had idled above him, jabbing him sharply in the ribs with one of her shoes. He yelped, took a moment to figure out who was blocking his light, then launched to his feet in one fluid movement.
"KP!" He shouted, wrapping her in a tight hug and pressing his lips against hers. It was a kiss, she knew, and she returned it dutifully. But it was conscious thought that drove her lips, conscious effort, not blind instinct, and that drew her mind to the events of last night.
"Ron," She growled, pushing him back to arm's length with a firm grip on his shoulder blades.
It was just like him to mistake a threatening growl for a sultry one, and she could easily tell with his stupid grin. "Well, hello, sexy," Was his reply, though the charming attitude he attempted was lost on her.
"How long ago did I call you?" Kim asked, to which Ron shrugged.
"I'unno, a few minute-"
"Two hours, Ron." She growled.
"Oh…"
Kim nodded, as if to convey the proper sense of dread he should have been feeling. He had, sometime or another, noticed just how sharp her mint green eyes were, and how thin her gaze had become. Like a cat, a very dangerous, if not sexy, cat.
A year of dating and many, many years of friendship, had given him some insight into the female mind, and he was already expecting a thorough trouncing for losing track of time, especially so terribly. That made it all the more shocking when he found Kim smoothing out his collar instead, fixing the semi-wrinkled sweater he seemed to enjoy some much.
"How much work did you get done?" You're stalling, and sparing him. She motioned towards the schoolwork at their feet.
He didn't miss a beat, apparent fear melting into a laughably dorky grin. "I almost understand…" With a chuckle, he quieted nervously. "The first chapter." Then bounced right back into his normally peppy tone. "But after that, a-booyah! College will be smooth sailing."
"Uh-huh," She replied somewhat sarcastically. Kim dropped, picking up the book he had been reading for the past two hours, apparently. 'Introduction To College Life.' He wasn't stupid, not half as much as he put on, and she knew for a fact that whatever was playing through those headphones was probably difficult enough to stump her.
"Well, as long as you're getting there." She collapsed onto his bed with a sigh, all the wariness in her body pulling her into the soft mattress. "I called you so we could talk, Ron."
He swallowed, and for a second his face betrayed his suddenly nervous feelings. He offered her the bag of chips, she waved it off. "Good talk? Bad talk?"
"I- I don't know," The heroine- could she consider herself that anymore?- answered. She studied the textured paint of the roof while his brow furrowed. Something was bothering her, but what? "I want to talk about the last few days, about what happened in Italy, and… Canada."
"Okay. I was bummed when you didn't take me. How'd it go?" His worry was written in his eyes, but they were still clear and bright. He'd lost no sleep over any of this, not when she'd gotten married to, or when she'd gone on a date with, or even kissed, Shego. Maybe, in the great balance of right and wrong, nothing she'd done in the last few days did have any merit.
Her mouth opened, hung there, then closed. She considered how Ron was going to react, and knew well enough to sum it into two words, badly, and over.
"Ron, before I say anything, you need to promise to hear me out, and not take this the wrong way. Promise?" She pushed herself up to sit, meeting his gaze, as much as she'd have liked not to, and pleaded.
"Geeze, KP, it can't be that bad."
"Just promise, Ron," She repeated, trying her best not to give in to his casual dismissal.
"Okay, okay, fine." Ron relented. "Now that you've got me curious."
"Ron, I think we should take a break."
It took him a minute to understand the severity of her words, which were only evidenced by her near-quaking voice and the undertone of a girl sick to her stomach. After several minutes of scrunching his eyebrows, his eyes widened in understanding, and with the tone of a man in complete denial, asked; "What?"
Disappearing was simple, especially with just two days in town and a single bag. She doubted she'd ever use the Italian villa again, so a quick call ended the utilities, a plane was boarded, and that was where Wade started the search. Shego may have had more practice disappearing than he had tracking, but he could count on her to be distracted and careless, and he wasn't disappointed.
It wasn't Shego that made the mistake of using flagged credit cards and checks, but Wade didn't have to know that, only the source of where the tagged objects were used. The source was on a plane, heading into the American Midwest, while serving a tray of crackers to his disgruntled charge in the cockpit. "Anything else to drink, madam?"
"No, thank you. I'd like to be alone with my thoughts if you don't mind, Jarvis." Shego responded curtly.
"Of course, madam," His reply was much more kindly than hers, and with that, he slipped into the back of the plane and disappeared. Shego didn't know where he went when he wasn't doting on her, and she didn't care to find out. As far as she knew, he'd been serving super villains forever, she even heard that he'd catered to Moloch back in the early days.
Now he served her whenever she wasn't working, and probably would until the end of his days. "Jarvis," She asked the empty cockpit, "Was I wrong?"
His voice echoed back, alert, yet distant; "Madam, any person who passes judgment solely on their own point of view is wrong."
"Well, it's hopeless anyway," Shego mused. "She can't see me. She looks and sees a villain, a meta-human, no one to give her the kind of relationship she needs."
Seeds of doubt spread themselves through her mind, stemming from her failure earlier, when she'd gotten so worked up about maybe sweeping Princess of her feet. That whole thing had gone disastrously, in her mind. Absorbed in her thoughts, she switched on the autopilot, giving herself the opportunity to bury her face in her hands and rest her eyes. "I was a fool, too. I wanted her like a trophy, never thought about what she needed."
"Shall I assume, then, that you plan on giving up on Missus Possible and returning to work?" Jarvis called up.
She debated questioning how he could hear her from way back there. "Eh, not yet. I'll decide after a little vacation."
"May I suggest that you have some breakfast while you think, Madam," He suggested. It took Shego a moment to realize that he hadn't gone back to sit in the back, but instead was standing dutifully outside the cockpit door. She couldn't tell whether it was a blessing or a curse to have him waiting on her day and night. Sure, she wasn't alone, but she had to question, with all the ups and downs she'd been going through, whether she really wanted a 'good life'. It would be so much easier to just wallow in pity on a couch somewhere and waste away.
Friends, family, they were all overrated. If only she could really convince herself of that. "No, thanks. I'm not hungry."
"Forgive me, but I must insist."
Shego shifted in her seat, leaning back to look at the sky and the vortexes of wind and water swirling outside the jet's nose. Jarvis was quiet, the entire cockpit was quiet, save for her breathing, and it reminded her too much of the flight away from Canada in Drakken's hovercraft. It, like this, was a mix of inner turmoil, self doubt, and self pity, and if there was anything she hated, it was pity.
"Fine…" She growled after a long moment of oppressive silence, standing and shuffling out of the cockpit. "I swear, you're just trying to fatten me up so I can't fight…"
"Madam, you haven't gained an ounce sit I came into your service," Jarvis replied dutifully. She wasn't sure, but she felt that she should be wary of the matter-of-fact way he said that. Her mind was more easily drawn to the plate of food sitting on one of the tables he stood over, expertly arranged already.
"You mean I'm already too fat to fight?" She asked with a smirk, settling down at the table. Even as she cut into the first bite of food, raising the fork to her mouth, she asked the question that had been on her mind for some time now. "I wonder what Kim's doing right now?"
She bit, chewed, and swallowed, not tasting the food, eyes staring past the butler, past the plane. Then she laughed humorlessly, returning to eating. "Probably with her boyfriend right now."
"But, Ron! It-"I can't just say it doesn't mean anything, can I? "I just need time to sort this out. You mean so much more to me than she does!"
"More? And what's that on your finger then? Your ring finger!"
"It was a stupid mistake."
"Yes, I guess it was."
"Am I to assume that you have no faith in the young Missus Possible then?" Jarvis asked. With one hand he replaced a now-empty plate full of sweet rolls, the other holding a towel draped ornamentally over it, and proceeded to pour her a fresh glass of water.
"Doy, cause of course Kim has the bad-girl image going for her." Shego took a second to finish off another forkful of the hash browns she'd been digging into. "She's the hero, I'm the villain. She doesn't think of me like a relationship, she's made that clear, so she'll just go back to that doofus and I'll go back to… Hell..."
"I hear it's quite cold this time of year." With his never-changing weathered face, she couldn't tell quite what to make of his joke. Jarvis made his occasional quips, but they were all light, short, and forgettable. Pretty much the only thing that kept him from being the most hard-core butler in the world.
"Figure of speech. I've got nothing… Maybe some time back home will do me some good." Shego nodded, her eyes still holding the same look of introspection to them. It seemed to make sense, taking her mind of the girl. She'd already been rejected a handful of times in a matter of days, and even worse, the girl didn't look at her as anything but her chosen profession. "Meet some old friends, try to put this thing behind me like Kim is."
"Well, you obviously didn't think much about me when you were saying your vows."
"That's not fair! I can't even remember that."
"Exactly! It lowers your inhibitions, KP, it doesn't turn you into a different person!"
"No, but it turns you into a different person. I just want a bit of time to deal with everything, but I'm not going to stand in your way if you want to make everything more difficult."
"KP, if you walk out that door-"
"Beep-beep-beep."
The noise quickly followed the slamming door, and Kim fumbled vainly for her Kimmunicator, managing to nearly drop it once. She was back in the streets, and only half an hour had passed since she'd first greeted the Stoppables.
It was an excruciating half an hour though, and fresh tears burned their way down her cheeks, flowing like blood from an open wound. That was just what it felt like, too.
Ron wasn't like that, she knew he wasn't like that. She couldn't think of why he would turn it into as much a shouting match as it'd turned out; couldn't even stop to think that maybe he needed as much time as she did, what with her mind spinning as much as it was.
She finally worked up the will to answer the blinking device, covering her eyes with her palm and drawing in a shaky breath to calm herself as she walked. "Yeah?"
"Hey, KP… Have you been crying?"
"No, I'm fine. What is it?"
"I got a hit on Shego, thought you'd like to know where her jet is touching down right about now," the portly hacker happily informed her. It was the first decent news she'd heard in, what felt like, forever.
Maybe, if she could just face the devil herself, she could make it all up to her. Maybe even have some great epiphany on why everything was so twisted in her life right now. Everything may have seemed fine, but it was her; her, who was running in circles, her, who's brain churned a hundred thoughts out per second, her, who's every thought brought her closer and closer to what Monique had told her, and ultimately, to Shego.
"Thanks, Wade. Can you send me the coordinates and maybe some low-profile transportation?" She asked after another second to steady her breath and squeeze the tears back from spilling over her face.
"Done. Should I-"
"No. No Ron. I want to face her, alone."
They'd touched down two hours before, landing on the outskirts of one of the largest metropolitan areas on the great lakes area. Go City was a place as much alive at night as it was in the daytime, a place where the civilized retreated or regressed when the sun went down, allowing for all manners of shady activities with only a handful of vigilantes and police left in town to stem the tide of utter chaos.
The back alleys were more a home to Shego than the entirety of Go Tower out on the lake, or even the old house with the crater in back further out from the city. This was the place she'd made her living in the start, her first contacts, and the only scum that was dug in enough to come back to when the going got tough.
Shego wasn't sure anymore though. There was a big part of her that wanted this, wanted to return to crime and the life she'd made, what made her happy. But there was also a part of her, a small one that was quickly gaining power, that wanted her not to step out onto the streets, not to breath in the smell of corruption and taste the greed and avarice that flowed through Go City's alleys like veins from a heart.
She blamed Kim for that part. Or perhaps, she blamed that part for everything to do with Kim. She was going soft, and that redhead was going to be the death of her. Even her thoughts were making jokes now, she realized bitterly.
With her mind firmly set against such thoughts, she stepped out of the shower and dressed, relatively simple garbs for one so known for her cat-suit. Some jeans, a shirt and jacket, and a hat, with her hair tucked behind her ears, and she was ready to go out, ready to prove to herself that if Kim could move on, then she could move on.
"Couldn't sleep, Madam?" Jarvis asked, standing dutifully outside the bathroom. She thought she'd snuck in quietly enough not to wake him.
"Feel like I've been awake for three days, and I've still got another four in me." Shego growled, pushing her hair back into a quick ponytail.
"Madam, you have been."
"Watch the place for me while I'm out," She replied, ignoring his response. Sleep wasn't going to come easy for her as long as that hero was on her mind anyway.
"And if I need to get in touch with you?"
"Call Amber."
As she left the back-alley loft, he pursed his lips and obediently waited. Prime senses from waiting for over a dozen super villains told him that this would end badly, very badly, but he didn't have to have the experience he did to see that.
Amber, as Jarvis knew her, was a local. A druggie, a whore, most likely, and an old friend of Shego's. First or second girlfriend she'd ever had, from what he'd surmised, and a sexual contact for whenever she was in the area. Sure, she was a high-class yuppie as much as she was a druggie, but for Shego to see her so soon after Kim…
Jarvis could only frown and shake his head. He felt sorry for these youths, so young and willing to make bad decisions, just to prove themselves.
Jarvis was nowhere to be seen when Shego returned, her breath tinged with alcohol, and a slender girl perched over her arm. She giggled, and Shego tried her best to smile in return, more-so when her 'date' began to nibble on her ear and neck.
Shego, not nearly so drunk as she pretended to be, tried her best to welcome the advances that just two weeks ago, she'd have eagerly returned. But it was missing, the spark of danger and sexuality that came from a casual tryst and temporarily lit her ebbing soul.
Amber pushed her back, driving her up against a wall with a thump and a giggle, quickly clasping her mouth over the villainess'. The kiss was sloppy, and should have been halfway satisfying.
Not nearly as much as Kim's… Shego thought, followed quickly by an internal, damn it.
She couldn't get off her mind how flawed this person was, standing before her, lavishing her with nibbles, giggles, and quickly-discarded clothing. She was so thin, so lanky, with hair a scraggly brown color that stuck out in odd angles and a uniquely Asian-American face that should have been so appealing.
What was it that made Kim so perfect? Why was she so addicted to the taste of strawberry lip gloss and the hint of Italian food when this woman made her feel sick to her stomach? She felt like pulling out her hair, but something made her keep going.
She felt stuck, trapped. Like she was spiraling out of control with each rough bite and probing fingers. Her breath was becoming short, and not from pleasure but from some primal fear that she had lost herself and this was the furthest she could go without having to find her again. Her, herself, the words were almost interchangeable. Kim was there, at the back of her mind, and as much as she wanted to run, to be the villain Kim saw her as and do the things everyone expected of her, she couldn't get away.
Finally the mood was broken, like a hammer breaking through a window, the apartment was filled with the sounds of a gentle rapping on the door. It was timid and weak, but Shego's eyes darted to it like it was a sign from god.
"Aw…" Amber giggled drunkenly, wobbling and falling when Shego pushed her unceremoniously out of the way. She pulled her shirt back on, smoothing her hair down once, and thanked the maker that had decided to gift her with the perfect chance to run away and do something, anything, to keep her from losing her mind. How had this even turned out to be such a bad idea?
Shego hastily flung the door open, only to balk when she saw who was on the other side. The figure looked up, first timidly, only to balk when Amber perched herself drunkenly on Shego's shoulder, her drunken grin very much like that of a Cheshire Cat.