FF fucked up the formatting again, but it's here.

Enjoy!

"Gideon, I swear this is the last time I interrupt you, but before you say whatever you have to say... is it really necessary?"

"...was it necessary to go see your dad?"

That was the exact same tone the baker used when he talked to Charles; calm, neutral, almost bored… if he were speaking to someone who didn't know him as well as Nick thought he did, he could fool them into thinking nothing was wrong. But Nick was there, and he had been there before; he had learnt a couple of secrets about the plump vulpine, and he was sure whatever was coming next wouldn't be pleasant. Was Gideon even aware that he did that? It was… unnerving.

In fact, even that question… was it really necessary to go see Charles? Nick would say yes, because he needed to know the truth, because his heart told him so, because all that time he spent not knowing was pai-

Oh.

That was it. That's what Gideon wanted.

He didn't want to go through the same, he didn't want to spend his nights awake thinking about how uncertain his… their future was; he had doubts, and he saw a chance to solve them. But the truth... many times it isn't sweet, many times it's also painful and hard to accept; it's easier to live a lie, especially when your life revolves around it.

Nick's father wasn't a hero, after all...

But unlike that night, Gideon hadn't had two decades to think about what to say, he didn't have time to assimilate everything that was going on, he couldn't become tough enough as not to be affected by the outcome... only realization and the raw feelings of an apologetic, conformist, insecure fox that, for once, decided to stand up for himself by taking a stand against himself.

"Yes, Nick; it is."

Again, the officer's bed was the seat holding their weight; luckily, it was exclusively their physical one. They didn't face each other, either because they felt like they couldn't or because there was something oddly fascinating on the floor. But pants aren't that impressive.

Gideon… what are you doing, Gideon?

Gideon Grey had never been the mammal he wanted to be; he had always acted as he had been told, walking down a path someone else made for him.

What if I told you he reacted that way when Judy said she wanted to be a police officer because, back in the day, he wanted to be one himself and he saw competition in her? That he thought he wouldn't be able to make it because she would? Everybody knows bullies are insecure.

But that was in the past. From there on defining himself became a difficult task; he was told he couldn't be the one he had learnt to be, that he had to change, and it was for the best, right? He became the mammal he is today: polite, affable, with acquired hobbies, ways of thinking… reminders of everything he had to go through.

And for that, he hated himself. Not himself as an individual, in that sense he could be considered pretty decent; no, he hated the events that made the Gideon Grey he had grown up to be.

It could be worse: he could have gone down the road he was bound to at first, an unsupervised one, just like Nick did. The former con artist was lucky to say he was alive; knowing how Gideon used to be… probably he couldn't say anything at all.

Children are impressionable, and no matter how much you try to correct it afterwards, if their foundation is crooked from the very beginning it'll be that way forever.

For that same reason his greatest enemy was himself. He knew that being vulnerable is part of being a person, not a weakness, but after all this time he still had trouble accepting that fact when it applied to him.

Doing what he was about to do, more than anything, was an act of both strength and selfishness; going against what Gideon would do in behalf of what Gideon wanted to do.

Huh, maybe he should thank Nick for that, maybe he saved the baker's life; in the long run, repression can be really dangerous... but what would the officer know about that, right?

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You."

"Me?"

"And me… I want to talk about us."

This exchange of lifeless whispers made Nick's ears perk up; Gideon was a topic he'd like to talk about, but he couldn't say the same about himself.

"Is there something wrong with… us?"

Gideon took a deep breath and for a split second he almost looked at his partner, but the words that were tangling in his throat stiffed his neck and didn't let him turn his head around.

"…trust."

"…trust?"

What did he mean by that? Did he… did Nick do something that made him uncomfortable, that made him feel unsafe? Maybe… taking him to that godforsaken place was too much; Gideon didn't need to fight his battles, he-

"I… I think I trusted you too much from the beginning."

"…what?"

What did he mean by that…? He couldn't trust him?

"Gideon, I… I don't know what to say… I'm sorr-"

"No! No, no;" the baker stopped him before he could jump to any conclusions. In his eyes, Nick didn't do anything wrong, he didn't have to apologize for anything. Everything he did he did it willingly… but at least that got him to raise his voice. "It's not a bad thing… it's just that I…" Though that didn't make this any less difficult. "Look, I… needed someone, I really needed someone… and I found that someone in you."

…that was it? Well, it's certainly… something.

"That's what you wanted to tell me? That you were desperate?" This helped Nick realize something; he was dealing with Gideon here, his Gid.

He could ease off, the younger vulpine had no ill will. In fact, the officer had been acting in an unusual way as well, to say the least… maybe he could have seen this coming?

"But this… wh- whole thing, our relationship… it's not normal." Gideon couldn't even talk properly or swallow normally. What he was saying… what was he even saying?! Could words actually carry weight? Every syllable he pronounced was like vomiting a boulder…

He wasn't the cool, calm and collected fox that punched a junkie who believed was a genius less than twenty four hours ago.

No, now he was scared.

And Nick could see that.

Since the situation was so… tense, he resorted to his classic mechanisms.

"Because… we're both males?"

But that poor joke didn't make the baker laugh; he shook his hung head slowly.

"Because… m-maybe it was because ya were the first fox Ah eva' met… Ah-I don' usually cry right after meetin' someone new…"

Is that what worried him, his first impression? Come on, Nick cried too! And two days later he was sucking his dick! What the hell was he supposed to get out of this? That he regretted everything?!

And… god, why was Nick so angry? Who was he angry with?

He was… he was angry with himself. He was angry with himself because he could actually read between the lines, and he hated it, but fooling himself was pointless. He could imagine where all this was leading to… and in his mind he was the only one to blame…

His parents, his actions, his words… he hated he didn't control himself. He was being himself with Gideon, and what did that bring?

"Me neither, Gideon… me neither."

He was defeated.

But the baker didn't want that; he was trying to shed some light on their intentions.

"Ah… I had neva' open'd up to someone, and Ah… I relied too much on you. The other d-day, w-when we were in the train Ah-I had somethin' like a revelation."

It was happening again.

By now you could pin down what caused Gideon's accent and stutter.

Fear.

Breathe. Think; why are you doing this?

I'm doing this for him… for us.

"When I freaked out I thought about you; and it helped me calm down."

Just like now.

"And that's bad?"

"Depending on you as much as I did… as I still do… yes, I think it is."

"…you depend on me… and what should I do…?"

At that point, Nick wouldn't have said "no" to anything.

"Nothing! You're fine… what I mean is that I…" Gideon didn't want him to do anything for him; he didn't need that. "I love you, okay?"

All he needed was Nick, and he was scared of that necessity. Now that he was more calm (to the extent possible), he looked at him.

It wasn't a coincidence his eyes met his counterpart's. They reciprocated one another, and the first word that came to mind was sadness.

"I love you too."

Their tone didn't match the emotion their words conveyed.

There was a long pause. Nick didn't know if he should say anything and Gideon was struggling to find the right way to say what was in his mind.

Who knows how much time really passed, but after a short eternity the younger vulpine couldn't keep that staring contest up. He couldn't find the strength to say the following to Nick's face.

"But… maybe… this… this isn't healthy."

The officer was apparently unaffected, but in his head things were different; he was screaming, crying out "NO, NO, PLEASE, NO!"

"…"

And the lack of any reaction worried Gideon.

"Nick…"

He looked at the slender fox again, but he wasn't looking at him anymore; his pupils were fixated on the floor once again.

"…"

It's harder to hear it than to think about it.

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME.

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?

Things never play out the way you picture them.

But maybe…

…maybe…

"Nick… please, say-"

"Gideon… I need you too;"

Nick stood up just to kneel at the baker's feet.

"I don't care about that dependence shit… I opened up to you!"

In his scream, his voice cracked. He couldn't hide the fact he was a sentence away from crying, even less when his shiny eyes met Gideon's for the umpteenth time.

"I had never done anything like that… I needed someone too, and then I met you…"

One of his paws reached for the pudgy fox's lap, and the other for his face.

"And now, you…"

He carefully caressed his soft cheek.

"You are breaking up with me…?"

He wanted to shout, but he couldn't.

His expression said everything his throat wouldn't let him; no one had ever seen Nick Wilde make that face before.

He was broken.

Gideon hated it, and he hated himself for letting that happen. In other instances Nick's touch was delightful; now it was burning him.

He was… down there, looking at him… and he didn't know what to do. Even if the plump vulpine wanted, he couldn't move.

But he didn't… he didn't want to break up with him. That idea never crossed his mind.

He was afraid of what this could bring them, that's all… he never thought it could cause this.

"Nick, I love yo-!"

Why was this happening…?

"Shut up!"

Nick hated himself too; why wouldn't he? Who else could he blame for what was happening?

"No! Believe me, I do love you! I've gotten to know you and-!"

"Shut up, shut up!"

"But I need to be my own mammal!"

"…"

Is this what happens when you try to make sure you're doing the right thing?

"…"

I don't want this. I just want you.

"…"

I'm scared.

"…"

"…is that it? You can't rely on me? Why? Because… because I have problems too? Because of what happened with my parents?! Because of the money under my bed?! You want someone who-"

"N-no! Nick, Ah want y-you! Ah love you! Ah-I want to be with you… but Ah can't stop thinkin'… that if we continue like this… and one day we drift apart…"

"Why would that happen?!"

"Ah don' know!"

"…"

But it could happen.

"…"

Why can't we be… normal?

"…we said we wouldn't worry about that until the time came."

"…Ah know."

"…after what's happened to us, after what's happened between us… you fear one day you'll be alone?"

"…yeah."

"…and I won't be there for you…"

"…yeah."

"You're dumb."

"Nick…"

If it's that easy…

Why am I worrying so much?!

"No, now you listen to me; you think one day I'll forget about you? That I won't worry about you? That I won't be there for you if you need me?"

Gideon just nodded this time.

"I said I wouldn't lie to you, and I haven't; and I need you to believe when I say I will always be there for you. You, dumb fox, don't even know how much you mean to me!"

"…"

"You… I feel like I owe you so much… I barely recognize myself! I… you're better with words than me! I don't… I never had this feeling before! I've had butterflies in my stomach since I met you!"

"…"

"It's like… even if one day you don't want to kiss me anymore, even if you don't want me to touch you again… I will be there for you if you need me."

"…why?"

After all, Gideon was naïve too.

"Because I don't want to lose you either, because I don't… I can't…"

Be honest.

"I don't want to be alone, not again… I found you… I don't want to let you go, Gideon."

Because it goes beyond the initial infatuation, because it's not always passion, because everyone has their up and downs.

"I don't want to leave you, Nick."

And I understand that. And I know you do too.

"You don't have to! If… if you need me, I'll be there; if you are feeling down, I'll be there; if you're happy… I want to be there…

I love you, Gideon Grey.

And I will never, ever hurt you."

Gideon knew he wasn't lying.

He had no idea when he started crying… maybe when Nick did? But the officer stopped when he started talking. It must be then.

This time his tears didn't darken his fur with the same pain it did previous times because now he knew. He didn't have to imagine, he knew what Nick's intentions were; he finally knew he really had nothing to fear.

"I'm sorry… I… I love you too, Nick! I… I… this is so hard!"

"No, it's not; it's just you and me. I want to be with you…"

Nick had to be the calm and collected one this time; it's okay, he was used to that. Although now he wasn't pretending, it was how he felt. He was aware of the fact that one day Gideon would have to go back to Bunny Burrows, that maybe one day he'd tell him he wasn't in love with him, but he never thought they'd really drift apart; it was… a fox thing, that perhaps the pieces of a broken fox could fix another one and vice versa.

"And I wanna be with you! But… look at me, I'm crying because… I… god! I don't even know!"

"…because you've been alone, just like me."

Gideon got to him, and he didn't regret it.

"Yeah…"

"And just like you, I feared losing you."

Nick didn't regret getting to him, and he wanted to make sure he never would.

Why did he say anything?

Nick was right.

It was just them.

They went through a lot of hardships during the week he spent there.

It couldn't get worse.

And if it did, he'd have Nick, right?

He said so.

He worried too much.

But what if this wasn't healthy? What if one day everything changes again? What if I'm not ready? What if in the long run-?

Please, stop boycotting yourself!

...

Fuck it.

Gideon lifted Nick and hugged him as strongly as he possibly could, his arms wrapping the naked, slender torso of the older fox. That didn't help his injured ribs at all, but he felt no pain; all he felt was the warmth the other vulpine emanated.

None of them believed in auras, or chakras, or anything parapsychological, but they could feel it; they could feel the other beyond a physical level. They saw love when they looked at each other; safety when they touched. Everything they really wanted, that feeling of familiarity, of being home…

"You're not losing me, Nick! I… I'm dumb! I'm a dumb fox! I… I…"

I was wrong; I didn't trust you enough. You wouldn't hurt me.

"No, I'm dumb…"

I thought YOU were tired of me. Why do you think I was acting like a lunatic? I thought you'd like that, I thought you wanted to see me all chirpy and excited. I thought that way… I'd have your attention.

"…I'm dumber…"

I just want you the way you are; you don't have to change or do anything special for me. I don't hate needing you anymore… now I know I have a reason to do so, and you've made me believe I won't ever lose you.

"Can we say we're both dumb?"

"…okay."

Their caresses didn't burn anymore, their eyes were alive again.

"…are you leaving this dumb fox?"

I'm scared too, you know? You think I don't see how crazy this is?! You think I haven't thought we're just together because we're desperate?! I don't know shit about relationships, Gideon; I don't know what I'm doing! But isn't it about being happy? With each other? With what we have?

"No. I... I can't… I don't want to… I need you."

And if we weren't happy together… why would we be together?

"I need you too."

And that's okay.

It's true, we have no idea what we're doing.

We've talked a lot about love and happiness.

At this point you'd say those words wouldn't even mean anything

But they've never made more sense to me.

I love you.

I love loving you.

I need you.

Because you make me happy in a way I had never experienced before.

And I'm addicted.

And that's okay, because you've made my life so much better…

"God, Gid; we really have to stop doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"This! We've been crying almost every day… I didn't know I was so emotional."

"Me neither… but I guess it's over?"

"I hope so… do you still have doubts?"

"Not really… what about you?"

"No."

Who-knows-how-many minutes later they were completely calmed down, lying on their shared bed with their eyes closed and their paws intertwined. They really went through a lot, they deserved a break.

"So… does this mean we're not going to the beach?"

"Do you really want to go?"

"Not really… but you said you wanted to, so I thought you'd like it."

"I didn't mean it."

"Huh?"

"Yeah… you know that stuff you say but you haven't really thought through? You tell a lot of jokes, you have to know what I mean."

"Oh yeah! Like when someone annoys you and you say you want to kill them."

"That's it… with some exceptions."

"And what do you want to do?"

"What do I want to do… nothing especial, really. I feel like we've been doing so much lately… I just wanna relax. And you?"

"I just want to spend time with you."

"Aw, Nick."

"I mean it!"

He really did; Nick found in Gideon the father figure he always lacked. Since the pudgy fox ended up having to become his own, avoiding everything that defined his real father, the idea of him being the role model Nick needed appeared in his brain; Nick idolized him. "We already know the worst about each other, right?"

"Right."

"Now I want to… I don't know, have a good time! Lie on the couch and watch TV with you or something."

"I'd like that."

"Maybe fool around a little?"

"Maybe… will you ask me to pee on you again?"

"…"

All the time they spent on that bed made them realize something: they really needed to change the sheets. When Nick went to put them in his washing machine he found almost all of Gideon's clothes there, and also that he had no detergent.

"Hey Gid! Going shopping together is something couples do, right?"

"I guess so."

"Alright! The mall is still open."

When Gideon saw the officer crouching in front of the washing machine he figured out what his plans were.

"Don't tell me you want to buy me clothes…"

"Actually I just wanted to buy detergent… but sure! Let's be one of those annoying couples that wear matching sweaters and mate in public!"

"Sure! Let me just grab the lube!"

At this point it's almost certain that Nick's sense of humor is a disease and that Gideon got infected. Although… you could also say Nick's personality was stronger than the baker's; some of his most representative traits were the least defined in Gideon's persona, and since he saw a strong figure in the officer, someone to follow, he unconsciously adopted them.

It really is no secret that they admired each other.

"Don't! Did you know lube expires?"

They thought about writing a list with everything they'd get, but Nick opposed; it wasn't like they were on a budget, they could buy anything. Before Gideon could say something about not needing Nick's money and that that is what he meant when he said he wanted to be his own mammal, the slender vulpine came up with a new rule.

"No talking about money; it's not a problem, right? Let's not turn it into one."

And he was right, but Gideon wanted to keep the receipts. Nick understood he didn't want nor need his money, but he wouldn't turn down a present, would he? The plump vulpine said he'd only accept if in exchange he could cook for him. Nick would have settled for one of his pies, but the baker also knew how to use a pan… though they'd need to buy one first. The officer never was much of a chef, not that he had the chance to learn how to cook… or that he wanted to.

They left after Nick got dressed, called a cab, closed all the hotels and flying companies tabs he had open and Zoogled "do they sell dildos in malls" and "are the blueberries they sell in malls good."

"I didn't have the chance to ask you before… but you acted like you did with my dad because of me?"

"Well, I had my own issues… but yeah… I didn't like what I was seeing. Weren't you acting like a horny cartoon character because of me?"

The cabbie giggled at that; Nick wanted to tell him to focus on the road, but none of them were being specially hushed. At least now he had something to talk about with his peers.

"Yes… but you liked it, right? A tiny bit?"

"A tiny bit…"

The late afternoon sun lighted their faces up, revealing identical smirks adorning their faces; smirks that progressively turned into full blown smiles when they looked at each other and thought about their afternoon… they were alike in many aspects, and one of them was their silliness. But it wasn't their fault being that naïve when it came to relationships; movies aren't good learning material and the closest thing to that kind of affection they had experienced before was either lust or camaraderie… or pity.

At that moment, both of their phones rang. On Nick's screen appeared Judy's name, and on Gideon's her mom's.

"Cottontail, did you enjoy your nap?"

"Hi, Bonnie!"

"Yeah, yeah, we're okay."

"Oh… I don't know if I'll be back by Monday…"

"Oh, were you worrie-? Okay, okay! Don't yell!"

"Thank yo-oh? My accent? I didn't realize… maybe the capital is really rubbing off me."

"No, we're not going anywhere; the only free spots in the plane were- what? I sound happy?"

"Maybe he is, but don't worry, he treats me really well."

"Why wouldn't I be? Gid punched my dad."

"You're right, it's good to be able to be with another fox for a change."

"Yes he did! And he looked so cool…"

"Alrigh- yeah, sure, I can hear Danny asking for his dinne- Fine! And thank you for changing the sign on the store door!"

"Carrots, I gotta run now; call me later and I'll tell you how many teeth were on the floor. No. No! Carrots, please, we're not- we're at the mall, okay?! Go have breakfast, bye!"

"Tell everyone I said hi! Goodbye!"

Sighing was inevitable; those conversations were exhausting.

"Bunnies, am I right?"

Ohhhhhhh! Got ya, they didn't break up! But if you actually understood everything going on here, congratulations. It took me three hours after it was completely finished to make sure everything made the sense I wanted it to make, having to skim through the rest of chapters to really grasp what was happening.

Oh no, I'm rambling again.