Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. This is only for entertainment purposes.
Shiver
Chapter XI
A/N: I am really really really sorry for updating so late! I was busy, my beta was busy, … OTL
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
[Almost Lover-A Fine Frenzy]
The alarm clock rang. The young boy rubbed his eyes lazily. He hadn't slept all night… His head felt so, so heavy. He straightened up while stretching and glanced at his watch from habit. Screwing up his eyes because of the light entering through the window, he sat on the edge of his bed. What day was it again?
Ah, yeah, right.
September 1st…
Brilliant.
A deep sigh that sounded more like a groan escaped his from lips as he ran his hands down his face. He would see him again… There was a part of him that was dying to see him, even if it was only for a few seconds and just from a distance, and another one that wished he didn't have to see him ever again. During those past two months, there hadn't been a single day he hadn't thought of him. Time wasn't healing quickly enough. Actually it wasn't healing at all. And now that they'd have to coexist anew, it would get even worse, the other boy's presence tirelessly reminding him of the past, of the moments they had shared together, which were only cherished memories now.
"Albus! Hurry up!" he heard his mother call from downstairs.
"'Coming!" the dark-haired boy shouted.
Albus was absently looking outside, leaning on the quarter window of the car. Soon, they'd arrive at the King's Cross station… Soon, his life would be turned upside down once again, because from the very moment he saw Scorpius' face, everything would feel like that awful day at the station two months ago…
He remembered that day as if it were yesterday, but at the same time, it felt like years had passed since then. Albus could never forget how lost and powerless he had felt, how his entire world had collapsed because of two simple words. It's over, Scorpius had said, and his life had lost all meaning. It had taken him some time for the information to sink in; he couldn't believe his ears. The shock had been so strong he hadn't been able to react in any way. One of the most precious things he had thought was his had been mercilessly taken away from him. And then, Scorpius had dared to kiss him as if he truly felt something, twisting the knife in the wound he had just inflicted.
It had been the worst summer of his life, constantly trying to assemble the broken remains of his heart, and simultaneously having to pretend everything was all right, to hide how lifeless he was feeling. Obviously, his family and friends had noticed it, and had attempted to make him talk, but when they realised their efforts were in vain, they stuck to doing their best to cheer him up. Albus was grateful, and he felt bad for worrying them and being a burden. But what saddened him the most was that - even though he was surrounded by people who loved him deeply - he felt incredibly lonely. The person he needed the most at the moment was the only one who didn't care about him in the slightest.
Albus had wondered countless times if he had ever crossed Scorpius' mind. Probably not even once… Or maybe just a few, only to laugh at how pitiful the Hufflepuff was, and even be satisfied with the damage he had caused.
The dark-haired boy made a promise to himself: he shouldn't let Scorpius see how affected he had been by their fling, and especially not by its end. It wouldn't be easy, but at least that way he could protect his pride.
"We arrived." his father announced cheerfully.
Albus jumped slightly; he hadn't even realised the car had stopped moving. His heart suddenly started beating wildly. He clenched his trembling hand on the door handle and closed his eyes while inhaling deeply through his nose, trying to compose himself. It wasn't the right moment to have a panic attack…
Gathering up his courage, Albus stepped outside of the car, chin up, determined to show Scorpius that he felt as indifferent about him as the blond did.
David ran up to Ethan as soon as he saw him. He hugged him excitedly and gave him a big kiss on the lips.
"It's so nice to see you again!" Ethan exclaimed, hugging the other boy tighter, lifting him up slightly.
"Yeah, it felt like ages…" David replied, then they snickered, because in fact, it was only two days they hadn't seen each other.
"Where is Scorpius?" David eventually asked.
"I don't know, he mustn't have come yet… Oh, wait! There he is." Ethan said and pointed his finger in his direction. Then he got on his tiptoes and waved at the blond. Scorpius waved back briefly.
As he approached them, Ethan noticed that Scorpius didn't look as good as usual. Well, he still looked better than most of the guys of the school, but that wasn't the problem. There was something about his expression, especially his gaze, that worried Ethan. It probably wasn't anything too obvious, and Scorpius was certainly trying to hide it, but to him who had known the blond for so long… His friend looked… exhausted. Even his gait was different; it lacked confidence, it lacked pride.
"Hey." Scorpius greeted them in a flat voice. Distant, cold…
"Hi." the two other boys greeted him back, with a bit more enthusiasm.
"'Had a nice holiday?" David asked.
"Yeah…" Scorpius answered with a shrug. He could have said it had been terrible and it would have sounded exactly the same, Ethan observed.
There was a moment of silence. Scorpius looked around anxiously. At some point, his eyes stopped on something. Ethan followed his gaze and saw the Weasleys. Potter's best friend was also with them. Potter himself was nowhere in sight though.
Scorpius cleared his throat. "Um, since we're all here, why don't we go find an empty compartment?" he proposed.
"Okay."
"Ah, here's one!" said a feminine voice.
Scorpius looked up to see who it was. A red-haired girl was standing in front of the door of the opposite compartment, her back turned to him. She was soon joined by a blond guy.
"At last. I thought we'd never find one." Scorpius heard him say. The boy had a slight French accent that reminded him of-
Wait a minute…
Scorpius froze, his eyes widening as he realised who they were.
Oh no no no no no
Fuck!
His heart began beating like crazy, because he knew perfectly well who the next person he'd see would be.
And there he was, his dark hair messy just as always, one of his shoelaces undone. The redhead slid the door open.
Since he was the last one to enter, it was Albus who closed it. So obviously, he glanced towards them. It was as if Scorpius could see his own expression mirrored on the other boy's face. He wanted to look away, away from the green eyes that had haunted him all summer, but it was simply impossible. His brain seemed to have completely stopped working. After what felt like an eternity, Albus finally closed his mouth and turned away. Scorpius's eyes started stinging, and he was suddenly overwhelmed by a need to curl up and cry his heart out, just like he had done many times those past two months.
It turned out that Sorpius wasn't as strong as he had thought… as he had hoped to be. His willpower hadn't been enough to forget the unforgettable. On the contrary, Scorpius had felt like his feelings for Albus had been growing stronger every day. The pain he had seen in Albus' eyes back then, the same as the one he had just seen a few moments ago, had been tormenting him, torturing him. Insufferable, that's what his holiday, his daily life, had been. However, Scorpius had come to a conclusion: he wouldn't make any move to get him back, but if, by some odd miracle, Albus made clear that he still wanted him, this time he wouldn't chicken out. Nothing else mattered anymore.
Scorpius eventually noticed that both of his friends were staring at him worriedly. They quickly looked away as soon as he saw them. Scorpius told himself he should try to smile and act more normally, because he was in no mood to have to explain himself, which was also the reason why he didn't ask them to change compartment.
A few hours had passed, and Albus still felt extremely uncomfortable knowing that Scorpius was only one or two meters away from him, that the blond could watch him, hear him… At that moment, Albus wanted to know more than ever what the other boy was thinking. Now that he had seen him again, did Scorpius regret anything? Would he had said something if they had been alone? Like, maybe finally give him an explanation? The explanation he owed him…
"I'm thirsty; I'll go buy something to drink. Do you want something too?" Albus asked, getting up.
"No, thanks."
Albus opened and then closed the door slowly, taking more time than needed, on purpose, making sure Scorpius would see him. He went in the next wagon and stopped in some empty corner. It was silly, Scorpius certainly wouldn't come, but even if he was well aware of it, Albus couldn't help but hope. So the dark-haired boy waited, and waited, making up excuses as for why Scorpius hadn't found him yet. But in the end, seeing that Scorpius wouldn't come any time soon, Albus had to give up.
-two weeks later-
Albus was pretending to pay attention to his Potions class. It was a good thing Scorpius was sat further back than he was in the classroom this year, because otherwise everyone would have realised how obsessed he was. He had completely failed at his attempt to act as if the other boy didn't exist, something said other boy had proved to be perfect at. Even though Scorpius had never given him the kind of attention Albus wanted, he had never truly ignored him as he did now. Not that Albus would have preferred Scorpius offending him whenever he had the opportunity to, but it would have still been something. It made Albus feel invisible and unimportant.
Suddenly, a few words the professor said caught his attention.
"-grouped in pairs. And since I want no whining, I'll make the groups. It will be one student from each house, in alphabetical order. I won't accept any change, and I won't tolerate any-"
Albus stopped listening. He didn't know the last name of every Slytherin in the room, but he had a really, really bad feeling about it.
The professor took a list out of his book and began calling the students' names.
"Lambert, with… Kelly." he said after a while.
Albus glanced at Henri who was next to him, and saw him grimace. Poor Henri… That Kelly guy was such a brute.
"Murray, with… Lewis."
Shit, I'm next!
"Potter, with…"
Albus held his breath.
"Malfoy."
"Fuck!" Albus cursed under his breath.
"Did you say something, Mr Potter?"
"No, n-nothing, sir."
Kill. Me. Now.
"Alright, class, there are less than ten minutes left, so I'll let you start working with your partner." the professor said at last.
Albus desperately wanted to find a way to escape this hell, but at the same time, he was unable to move. Students started moving around, some of them complaining in a low voice. Someone sat heavily next to him. Albus couldn't even find the strength to turn his head to see who it was. Actually, he knew who it was, that's why he couldn't look at him.
Scorpius sighed. "Listen, Potter, this is just as unpleasant for me as it is for you, so try to cooperate instead of complicating things."
Albus nodded almost imperceptibly, before hesitantly facing the blond. Scorpius' face was even paler than usual, which made Albus wonder how pale he was.
"So, which one do you prefer?" Scorpius asked.
"Huh?"
"Which subject do you prefer?"
"Er… What subject?"
"Didn't you listen to anything he said?"
Silence.
"Okay, look. There's a list, which I see you didn't take, with different themes." Scorpius explained, waving a sheet of paper in front of Albus' face. "We have to choose one and write an at least six-parchments-long assignment about it, plus, if needed, make one or several potions to prove your arguments."
"How… How much time do we have to do all that?"
"Two or three weeks, depending on the subject you choose."
Albus began to stress. They had a lot of work to do, but the worst part was the amount of time they'd have to spend together to do that work.
"I think the one about Acromantula venom would be a good choice. We probably won't even have to make a potion, just a quick experiment and we'll be set. But take a look at it too and tell me what you think." Scorpius said, giving him the list.
"No, no, whatever you say is fine." Albus replied hastily, placing the list on the desk.
"This is supposed to be group work, Potter." Scorpius said in a harsh tone. "If you're not planning on doing anything, just say so, I can do it on my own. But don't come and complain after if the result doesn't please you."
"No, of course I'll help!" Albus hurried to say, despite the fact that leaving Scorpius do everything was unbelievably tempting. "It's just that Potions aren't my forte, so I can't really judge…"
Scorpius' expression softened a little, and, to Albus' surprise, even a tiny smile appeared on his face.
"Then it's decided. Acromantula venom." he declared and circled the number of the respective subject on the list. "Since we've agreed, the sooner we start, the sooner we'll finish. What about tomorrow afternoon?"
"Um, yeah, sure."
"5 pm, at the library?"
"Mhm."
Thankfully, the class came to an end soon enough, before the awkward silence that had settled between them became too unbearable.